11/03 recap: "Of Strudels and Stairmasters"

[LG.]

if I had any technical skills whatsoever I'd post a funky chicken picture here, but this will have to suffice. <---- *neither chicken nor funky*

your gym stories are STILL cracking me up, Lucy.

[dagwood]

I want to believe that someday the producers will be standing in some family’s backyard in Sedona and look at each other and say, “Hey, we already swapped a Buddhist transsexual vegan polygamist wife with an asexual Baptist drill-sergeant wife who hunts and kills all her family’s food. It’s all been done. Pack it up, boys, we’re off the air.”

she wakes up Shane, the kid, proving that she has never met a normal teenage boy, or she would know that you don’t try to talk to them before noon, and even then you probably won’t like what they’re going to say.

Keith is an Ass

Recap was better than the show.

And, BTW, you had me over the funky chicken in water aerobics.

[lambikins]

This was a pretty dull show. Thankfully, the recap wasn't. Good job, Lucy.

[Mantenna]

Mmm, curly fries!

Fantastic recap, Lucy! I forgive you for any hunger you've caused, because your hilarious, snarky writing and outrageous gym stories (The Funky Chicken!?!?) made my evening. You rock!

Next week:
A strict disciplinarian versus an anti-disciplinarian. Gee, how exciting that sounds. Good thing I kept some gym stories in reserve. Wait, where are you going?

[mom2]

In Which I Get Bored and Start Telling Personal Stories
...I’m mildly fit and Dena and her routine scare me. Then again, I am a total klutz on gym equipment. I once fell OFF a treadmill because I had turned my head and was talking to a friend on the next machine, and accidentally stepped on a part that wasn’t moving, and the rest of me quickly moved off the back of the treadmill. My friend had to stop her own treadmill because she was laughing, and perfect strangers came by to ask if I was ok. The lesson here is that those belts are mighty narrow if you’re not paying attention.
The Incident of the Funky Chicken
I’m sorry. These people have all been pretty boring, and thus this recap has been boring. To make up for that, I will now relate another gym-related incident from my past. When I said “mildly fit” earlier, I meant, “lazy.” I’m not so opposed to working out, I just don’t like to sweat or to be out of breath. So I thought I found the perfect solution – water aerobics. Not too hard, and all that nice cool water. Perfect.

I hadn’t banked on the instructor. Here we are, nine or ten people bobbing happily in the shallow end, and along comes this tiny, wizened, old woman. She looked so innocent, but she flogged us along like a drill sergeant. She would count down how long we had to keep doing jumping jacks or whatever, and would stick on one number, yelling, “FIVE! FOUR! THREE! THREE! THREE! OH, I LOVE ME SOME THREE!” Then, she made us do the funky chicken. In the water. As an exercise. And she was not satisfied with any half-hearted efforts at funk. No, she wanted the full funk. The full chicken. We’re flapping our arms as best one can in four feet of water, and this woman is yelling, “C’MON! FUNKY CHICKEN! GET FUNKY! FUUUUNKY!! OH, Y’ALL GETTING IT! YA’LL GETTING FUNKY! Y’ALL MAKING ME HUNGRY! Y’ALL MAKING ME WANT SOME CHICKEN!! FUNKY CHICKEN! FUNKY CHIIIIICCCKKKEEN!!!”

I swear, it was exhausting just listening to her.

Next week:
A strict disciplinarian versus an anti-disciplinarian. Gee, how exciting that sounds. Good thing I kept some gym stories in reserve. Wait, where are you going?

I'm going to pull up a chair ... I want more stories!!! I was at these, and am ready or more!

[Jewelsy]

Woo-Hoo Lucy-Lou. A most excellent recap.