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Thread: 9/29 recap: "A Tale of Four Nannies and one Woodpile"

  1. #31
    FORT Fogey lambikins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexa
    Why bother having kids if you aren't going to spend any time with them.
    I couldn't agree with you more, Alexa, but the problem isn't restricted to the Uber-Wealthy. At least they have the $$$ to provide quality care for their kids through nannies.

    All it takes is watching a couple of episodes of Judge Mathis and The Larry Elder show to see the vast amount of young mothers (usually minorities) that are out "having fun, partying, etc.", and leaving their multiple-fathered children with THEIR mom.

    Is it any different?

    Usually on these two court shows, some older sibling is dragging the irresponsible "mother" to court, saying how their "43 or 68 year old mother" has to take care of all the "granbabies" while the moms are out...prowling. And these erstwhile moms aren't working and getting G.E.D.'s with their spare time; they're goofing off and ignoring responsibilities that good parents fulfill.

    So, bad parenting comes from everywhere and it's a miracle, at all, that we have sane and loving kids come out of the mix.
    Still crazy, after all these shears

    "lambikins, put the crack pipe down and back away from the keyboard." Unklescott

    "lambikins... I have come to the conclusion that you are the Jedi Master of the Kitchen on FORT!" SuperBrat

  2. #32
    FORT Fogey sugarlady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lambikins
    All it takes is watching a couple of episodes of Judge Mathis and The Larry Elder show to see the vast amount of young mothers (usually minorities) that are out "having fun, partying, etc.", and leaving their multiple-fathered children with THEIR mom.
    I have seen a totally different majority of neglectful mothers on talk shows. Jerry Springer and Maury have had many women that are not minorities who are bad mothers are their shows.

  3. #33
    FORT Fogey lambikins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sugarlady
    I have seen a totally different majority of neglectful mothers on talk shows. Jerry Springer and Maury have had many women that are not minorities who are bad mothers are their shows.
    Thanks for making my point clearer, sugarlady! (There's what you "post" and what you THINK you've posted! Obviously, I didn't make myself clear with my thoughts.)

    Yes, you are 100% correct that bad mothers come in all colors. What I was attempting to say, since all the characters on Wife Swap were Caucasian, was that bad mothering isn't restricted to "Tree Huggers" or "Rich Bitches", both people who should know better.

    If any poster has ever had pets who have had puppies/kittens, even in the animal world, there are moms, who once they 'drop' the kids, can turn away from them with no regret. Maybe, this is some ancient genetic thing; that in the wild (or less money) bad moms genetics wouldn't be passed onto their kids, perpetuating the cycle of neglect.

    Oh, who knows! I haven't even had my morning tea yet and suddenly NONE of this makes sense!

    "Call your Moms! Tell them you love them! There; I've done my Public Service Announcement."
    Still crazy, after all these shears

    "lambikins, put the crack pipe down and back away from the keyboard." Unklescott

    "lambikins... I have come to the conclusion that you are the Jedi Master of the Kitchen on FORT!" SuperBrat

  4. #34
    FORT Fogey sugarlady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lambikins
    "Call your Moms! Tell them you love them! There; I've done my Public Service Announcement."
    I took my mother to a Sunday brunch yesterday to celebrate her birthday. A very nice band sang happy birthday to her.

  5. #35
    FORT Fogey sugarlady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexa
    These two families were on Oprah right before this show aired. I caught a brief moment again on Oxygen channel where Oprah has that "after the show" show. She asked the Spolansky kids what they liked best about their new mom and they said that she was home when they got home and that she spent time with them. You could see the parents cringing as they were hoping they would say something different. In fact the dad was trying to coax them into saying something different.
    The oldest son did smile and look at his father when Mrs. Bradley said that his father needed to spend more time with them. He also comforted Mrs. Bradley and said she was a good mother. I was not very critical of the Spolansky's because their children were really adorable. The boys were much more well behaved than many young boys their age.

    I was surprised that the Spolanskys are not more involved in their children's school work, social, or athletic activities.

  6. #36
    FORT Fogey lambikins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sugarlady
    I took my mother to a Sunday brunch yesterday to celebrate her birthday. A very nice band sang happy birthday to her.

    sugarlady: you made me smile, today! Here's an AttaGrrrl for you: and thanks for listening to me PSA. I'm sure that your Mom loved her birthday but loved being with YOU, more!
    Still crazy, after all these shears

    "lambikins, put the crack pipe down and back away from the keyboard." Unklescott

    "lambikins... I have come to the conclusion that you are the Jedi Master of the Kitchen on FORT!" SuperBrat

  7. #37
    Loving the FORT! 2boysmom's Avatar
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    The Spolansky's were on Oprah again yesterday. Mr. S. did make good on his promise to cut wood for a day for Mrs. B. He seemed pretty worn out. Also, Mrs. S. took a challenge from Oprah to spend 3 days without any of the nannies, cooks, or drivers. Poor thing.

  8. #38
    Caged Mah Jongg Solitaire Champion, Archery Champion Maveno's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2boysmom
    The Spolansky's were on Oprah again yesterday. Mr. S. did make good on his promise to cut wood for a day for Mrs. B. He seemed pretty worn out. Also, Mrs. S. took a challenge from Oprah to spend 3 days without any of the nannies, cooks, or drivers. Poor thing.
    I saw that too..by chance while flipping through stations.

    My impression of what he did (splitting wood, writing letter, etc) was more of a publicity-clean-up-job. IMO, his co-workers/friends or whomever else probably told him what a jerk he came off as, and he agreed to do something for the general consensus to change from "He's an arsehole" to "Wow! He's a sweetheart now!".
    I just don't see him as trying to rectify the 'relationship' with the other family on his own.

    It was good to see his wife spending time with the kids, if anything..that was the major change that was learned from this whole experience. Good for her!
    The "me time" is now "their (kids) time"..
    All things beautiful do not have to be full of color to be noticed; in
    life that which is unnoticed has the most power.

  9. #39
    FORT Fogey sugarlady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2boysmom
    The Spolansky's were on Oprah again yesterday. Mr. S. did make good on his promise to cut wood for a day for Mrs. B. He seemed pretty worn out. Also, Mrs. S. took a challenge from Oprah to spend 3 days without any of the nannies, cooks, or drivers. Poor thing.
    The Spolanskys must really enjoy being on TV to keep putting themselves through this for no money. No amount of bad press or bad attitude on camera would cause me to repent by spending a day chopping wood in the woods for the Bradleys.

    It's nice the kids can enjoy having more mom time but just give them another 10 or 15 years and they won't be interested or have time for her either.

  10. #40
    FORT Fogey lambikins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sugarlady
    It's nice the kids can enjoy having more mom time but just give them another 10 or 15 years and they won't be interested or have time for her either.
    I would politely like to disagree with your opinion, sugarlady, as I have first hand experience with the "Spolansky's" of the world, since I've worked with them for 15 years.

    I don't think that it matters so much to kids WHERE they get the love from, just that they get consistent love.

    One of my client's, whom I've worked for for the full 15 years has also become a very close, personal friend. She's in her 60's and comes from money so old it has moss growing on it. When she was born, along with her siblings, they had EACH, a several million dollar trust fund set up for them. At least 4 generations of her family have been raised by nannies, cooks and au pairs, and she's just as mentally healthy as someone raised by a stay-at-home mom. Both of her parents (from the 1920's) were involved in Chicago High Society, which left very little actual time for the kids, but to talk to my friend, she only has very loving memories of her parents.

    My friend, Lynn, has 4 kids of her own, and when it's Mother's Day, Thanksgiving or Hanukkah, she either flies to see them or she flies them to the family compound in Rhode Island, which has been in the family since the 1800's. A family gathering can mean 60+ people: her children, their spouses, the kids, the grandkids and friends. I've spent many, many wonderful times at one of their FOUR family homes in Rhode Island (they were all built next to each other in the late 1800's) and seen first hand the warmth and love that everyone has for each other.

    Now, HER kids, which are in their 40's, were ALL raised by cooks, nannies and au pairs, as are THEIR kids, in their 20's and THEIR kids. The staff follows with the parents to the vacation spots and there's respect and love for all.

    None of these people are in therapy, most of them work only because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to, and they are repeating the cycle of having others predominantly care for their kids.

    They don't know any other lifestyle.

    Regardless if your parents are middle class, poor or wealthy, it's the QUALITY of the time that parents spend with the children that matters. A stressed out "desperate housewife" that is home 24/7 is NOT going to be a good mother, just as a snobby, chronically gone wealthy mom is not.

    As always, it boils down to "quality time" vs. "quantity time."
    Still crazy, after all these shears

    "lambikins, put the crack pipe down and back away from the keyboard." Unklescott

    "lambikins... I have come to the conclusion that you are the Jedi Master of the Kitchen on FORT!" SuperBrat

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