I just slid on my mauve colored tights, fastened the straps to my leather breastplate and as I adjust my codpiece, I slither into my bean bag, tossing aside the open centerfold from Marvel Comics Super Hotties.
Mantenna is off doing superhero-y things so it is I, Speedbump the Bobcat Defender (inside joke- you have to have the decoder ring and be in the “club”), joining the fracas. If you missed last weeks episode, you should teleport yourself here and read all about it.
Defusing The Mindset
How could you miss that cute little puppy? What, with it being about six inches tall and tucked off in a corner and all. Either way, Stan was mighty PO’d that Muffy went left unattended to. The superheroes were pretty bummed themselves which kicked off the nights post-elimination chit chat.
Braid was shorn of her locks and the gang wanted to know how Limelight felt about being one of the bottom three. “It was scary”, she said. For a superhero she sure is scared of her shadow. The Defuser notices this. In fact, he notices a lot of things about her: her silvery hair, those pouty lips, the bronze tanner, the way her tears flow liquid gold… oops, better get back on track.
In an effort to boost her self esteem and put himself in his own limelight, he
forcesasks her to make a bond with him. For 24 hours she can not utter “I’m scared” or “I’m afraid”. In between her self-conscious giggling and handshaking she agrees to the challenge.
Not wanting to be left out, Mindset tries to offer his pearls of wisdom. He doesn’t think Limelight is dumb and it’s a part she’s playing. Slow down slugger. How did we get from being scared to playing dumb? This leads to an emotional onslaught of tears from Limelight about how her whole life she has been accused of playing dumb or being fake. The way I see it, it got you onto a tv show. Roll with it.
Honey Doesn’t Feel So Good Down There
But wait! There is trouble in fantasy land and the action screen rumbles to life. I get a hoot out of it because as soon as the superheroes see the screen come alive, they instantly strike their pose. There’s breaking news. The villain-ess Bee Sting is on the loose from the county lockup. She’s heading for the old abandoned schoolhouse and it looks like trouble is brewing.
The gang all piles into their Super Hoopty’s (re: sweet pimped out Nissan’s) and zoom on down to the school house. Mindset takes a few seconds to splash some Aqua Velvet on his noggin because “I hear she’s hot” and after all, chicks with taught tummy‘s and legs up to their shoulders dig dudes with beer bellies, three chins and room in their mom‘s basement. After wafting through the halls they find nothing until they are exiting the school when out of nowhere a net falls from above and tangles them all up. Since when do bees drop nets? She should’ve dropped a giant honeycomb on their asses.
In comic book-like fashion, we see the superheroes suddenly trapped in two glass phone booth looking cages. Team 1 has: Limelight, Basura, Parthenon and The Defuser. Team two consits of Mr. Mitzvah, Mindset, Whip-Snap, Hyper-Strike and Hygena. Another action screen appears with Bee Sting cackling at the caged warriors. She welcomes them to her spelling bee. The first team to correctly spell three words will win the release of both teams.
The first word is: besieged. The Defuser, on team 1, steps up to the challenge. B…e…s… wrong! Everyone looks confused and even Parthenon is worried that she can’t even spell the words. That is until they figure out the game. All the words that begin with B followed by E will be spelled B-e-e regardless. Oh ho ho ho. She’s a tricky one.
The next word is Bee-rate. Mindset hit’s the buzzer and says “B..e..r..a…t..e.., I will not play your stupid game” to which Bee Sting tells him he’s wrong.
Can we pause for a moment? Is it me or does Mindset look like a cross between a Conhead twin and Dr. Evil wearing a shiny phallic symbol?
Of course Mindset remembers that Mr. Lee is watching every move so he’s angling for the whole ‘I have morals’ kind of thing. Instead, his team gets 1,000 bees poured into his cage. Way to go moron.
And so it goes. One misspelled word after another. With each word spelled wrong, thousands more bees are dumped into their cages. At one point there are ten thousand bees in team two’s cage. Limelight ties the score to 2-2 with Bee-zail. Basura clinches the win for her team with Bee-mire. You don’t think that they’re just gonna walk out of their cages do you? Oh no. Not so fast. Like all good archenemies, Bee Sting leaves her calling card in the form of gallons of honey being poured down into the cages and making the superheroes all gooey and sticky. Toss a little whipped cream in there and I’d say that’s a normal run of the mill Saturday night for me.
The heroes got it good with that honey dump. Mindset entertained the idea of licking the sweet sugary substance of off Basura’s body until he realized that even the most space aged polymer armor wouldn’t stop her from kicking his dweebie little ass.
Can I Get some Matza Ball Soup With That Superpower?
Mr. Lee tells all the superheroes he wants to see them in the game room and tells them he wants to meet with them individually and learn their characters origins, powers and catchphrases.
Limelight is the first to go and through some magical editing, she stammers and shuffles in place without knowing what her superpower is. Huh? You create a costume, go through auditions and miraculously you don’t even know what your superpower is? Limelight tells us in confessional that she had a hard time explaining it but she knew what it was. Stan helps her out and gives her some help. Her superpower is all the powers from film and television heroes and he also has special night vision from sitting in movie theaters. Sounds good to me! Her catchphrase is Lights! Camera! Action!
Others follow. Mr. Mitzva- A Bruce Wayne-esque philanthropic type who uses his wealth to fight crime using his Star of David paddle. Catchphrase: L’Chaim!
Parthenon- Uses his three stones of power on his gauntlet (sonic power, protective shell and illusion). Catchphrase: Blings My Thing!
Hyper-Strike- Took the frustration of being an overweight kid and sculpted a buff body and uses his strength to fight for the underdogs. Catchphrase: I Am Hyperstrike!
The Defuser- A loner and a wound up spring. Catchphrase: Evil’s Around…Defuser’s Gonna Take ‘Em Down!
Mindset- A highly evolved mind with the power of telekinesis. Catchphrase: For The Future!
Hygena- Dainty housemaid. Catchphrase: Fighting Crime and Grime!
Basura- Controls the insect kingdom. Catchphrase: Is The Trash Gonna Have To Take You Out?!?
Whip-Snap- Her street smarts give her a sixth sense that alerts her to trouble. Catchphrase: I’ll Whip You Into Unconsciousness…And Snap You Back Into reality!
Does This Skin Tight Leotard Make My Ass Look Fat?
Since the superheroes costumes were ruined, it made all the more sense for Stan Lee to give them a makeover, comic book style. Stan has redesigned their costumes and it’s time to walk the runway, yo! Fo-shizzle.
A little extra money in the budget does wonders for the new costumes. A little lace here, some 6 inch heels there and the addition of self propelled yabbo tassles makes all the difference in the world.
Limelight goes from a street walker on Sunset Boulevard to a Mariah Carey diva. In other words, she still looks like a street walker but this time from Rodeo Drive.
Hyper-Strike goes hyper ballistic when he gets his new look. He went from his martial arts costume to a full body red leotard with a Rorschach looking splotch of white. He hates it and lets Stan know it. Stan politely tells him to go suck an egg and deal with it.
Others follow suit. Whip-Snap and Basura get a makeover from Kinky Kandy’s House of Leather that show a bit more midrift. Mindset gets a solid black suit with white shoulder boulders straight out of Gene Simmons concert wardrobe. The Defuser‘s costume barely changes. Hygena gets a little more cloth added. Parthenon goes shimmery and Mr. Mitzva looks like a Mel Brooks stand-in from Spaceballs. He’s decked out in a gold motorcycle jacket and combat boots.
With makeovers complete, Mr. Lee decides it’s time to send another superhero home. He could’ve saved a few hundred bucks if he eliminated and then dressed them up but I digress.
Dude, You Just Don’t Get it
With the superheroes assembled on the roof, Stan calls out the three who had the most trouble and asks them to step forward. They are Mr. Mitzvah, Mindset and Limelight.
Mr. Mitzvah needs to act part of the team. He seems too distant.
Limelight has no clue as to whom she really is. She tells Stan that she has overcome her fears in the bee chamber and she just lost her focus when she tried to explain her superpower. With a giggle and a flip of her bangs, she promises to try harder next time.
Mindset is a smart man but not wise. He disregards his teammates feelings and put his team in jeopardy during the spelling bee. Mindset tries to validate his reasoning for not being a team player in the spelling bee. For him to purposely misspell a word is not morally right. If that means he is wrong then he would rather be wrong than right.
And with that *poof* Mindset is leaving the lair. After putting his costume on the Super Incinerator, he transforms back into the video gaming geek who shouts up from the basement asking mom when the frozen pizza will be ready.
With Mindset gone, the gang celebrate by getting new equipment. They all get video communicator wristbands. Sweet!
Next week: Bee Sting calls her cronies up to cause more trouble. Could a mole exist amongst the superheroes? Stay tuned and stay super!
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