…It’s Time for Some Feedback!!!!
Excelsior, true believers! Welcome to the final episode of “Who Wants To Be A Superhero! It’s gut check time for the two remaining heroes—Feedback and Fat Momma. Who will win Stan Lee’s biggest commendation and achieve immortality through comics? We’ll know by episode’s end…
Stan opened the show by taking over every TV set and every channel in the country via some weird electrical special effect. I may be getting old and my memory failing me, but I sure don’t remember that ever happening. For sure I would remember if a frail old man had popped onto my television to tell me the next great superhero was about to be crowned. I watch a lot of TV, and when I’m not actually watching it, I’m TiVoing it.
Fat Momma has impressed Stan Lee from the first time he saw her in auditions. When asked if she had a special battle cry that she uses to intimidate her adversaries, she sang her theme song to him. I thought only Batman from the ‘60’s TV serial talked more before kicking a criminal’s ass. Now we’ve got Fat Momma singing an entire theme song to them. She also wowed Stan with her determination and ingenuity during the dog challenge, and tugged at his heart a little when she inspired young school kids to be themselves and never be ashamed.
Feedback has always said that actually becoming a superhero would be the culmination of everything he has ever believed and done in his life. Stan liked the way that Feedback took being discrete when changing into his superhero outfit to heart, and he also admired his pluck and determination when facing down two snarling attack dogs. An additional bonus was seeing Feedbacks eyes light up like a little boy who got everything he asked for at Christmas when he got his Stan Lee makeover. Finally, Feedback really made an effort to connect with the “convict” in the “hug a convict today” challenge. Feedback really does have all of the inner qualities of a hero.
Learning To Fly
In the morning, Stan beams into the lair’s kitchen to speak with his final 2 heroes. He is sending them on their final mission…but this time, there really isn’t a winner, just a couple of heroes learning how to fly. They’re both winners! Stan sends them to an average looking house in the suburbs where Feedback and Fat Momma meet up with Stan’s friend John Moyo, the stunt coordinator for Spider-Man and Spider-Man II. When Feedback hears about John’s credentials, he nearly pees in his costume with glee.
Stan really wants to see how his 2 heroes will look on film, so John Moyo is going to train them at his backyard stunt school. They’re going to get on trampolines, learn how to throw and take a punch, do some wire work, and possibly even some work in front of a green screen. As I was watching this, I was getting a little worried for Fat Momma…she might not be so cut out for this stuff. Feedback starts out with a little stretching before he gets all stuntman on the crew. He does the splits by some stairs, causing me to wince in pain and look away quickly. No man should do that so easily. Fat Momma gets some stretching in, too…forcibly and with the help of John Moyo. Soon, Feedback is up on the trampoline strutting his stuff. He goes above and beyond what the stunt trainers are telling him, and is doing front flips and back flips. Fat Momma is looking really worried as she takes the spotlight, and for good reason. She’s a 42 year old overweight woman wearing a corset…trampolines aren’t really for her. But she still gets up there and gets her jump on. She does alright, for a beginner. Plus, she did everything without losing one single donut.
How To Fake A Fight And A Flight
Soon John convinces both heroes to take off their costumes and put on their workout clothes…it’s time to learn how to movie fight! It’s OK…Stan said to never take off your costume…unless it’s one of his buddies telling you to do it so he can teach you to fight for the camera. After teaching both heroes a couple of moves and how to pull your punches and kicks, Feedback and Fat Momma face off against each other as if the other was The Dark Enforcer. They each throw a couple of punches, but Fat Momma won the fake fight with a fake kick to the groin. Oh, how that must fake hurt!
Next, it’s time to take to the air…in front of a green screen! John has this really cool swing contraption in his back yard, and he’s got it set up right off to the side of a giant green screen, probably so he can add whatever cool effects he wants after he does some wacky aerials in front of it. Feedback mounts up on the swing first—it’s the type of swing where two people stand and pump the swing to get it going, and then one of them jumps off at the apex of the swing in an attempt to get some serious airtime. Obviously, Feedback takes advantage of his youthful advantage over Fat Momma, and he is flying through the air with the greatest of ease, doing back flips and front flips, but often landing on his back. Yeah, there were pads on the ground, but still, that’s gotta hurt! Ouch. When it’s Fat Mommas turn, she gets up on the swing with a tentative smile on her face. She’s scared! As she stood on the swing, a lot of thoughts must have gone through her head…but the strongest one was the thought of self preservation. She has kids at home to take care of and she doesn’t need to get injured trying to keep up with Feedback’s antics. She takes the safe route and gets off of the swing before she does something stupid like break her neck. What kind of a motherly role model would she be if she ended up doing the exact thing she always chastised her boys about?
Fat Momma got to fly anyway. After the swing, the stunt crew decided to get some other flying footage in front of the green screen, and soon both heroes were posing like Superman with their tummys on top of a pedestal, arms out, and a wind machine blowing through their hair. Throw some special effects in the place of the green screen, and Fat Momma’s flying over downtown, waving to her biggest fans—her kids. Feedback got some airtime too, trying hard to impress Stan Lee.
Back at the lair after a stuntabulous debut, Stan wants to speak to each of the remaining candidates individually. First, Feedback sits down in Stan’s den, and Stan surrounds him on three television screens. He breaks down barriers by finally calling Feedback by his alter ego’s first name, Matthew. Stan asks Matthew if he really wants to win. Of course he does, Stan…otherwise he wouldn’t still be playing superhero dress up. Matthew tells Stan that he has learned so much about what it actually means to be a hero during this competition. He feels he can truly be the hero he has always wanted to be now. Stan next asks Matthew who his hero is. Choking back tears, Matthew answers “You are, sir.” Stan can’t understand how a guy like him who writes comics for a living could be his hero. Matthew explains that, after his father committed suicide, he read “Spider-Man” comics religiously, and felt that Stan was writing the comics specifically for him. Spidey was a role model for him, and therefore the man that created Spidey was his hero. Stan is really touched by Feedbacks admiration.
After his interview with Stan, Feedback sends Fat Momma in to talk with Stan. Stan asks Nell what her most significant moment on the show was. She tells him that the night she was on the roof for elimination and Stan told her how proud he was of her was a moment that really touched her. It touched Stan, too. He asks her next who her hero is. Nell replies that to her, her father is a hero. He is getting really old now, but he has always been a good role model for her. He was always a strong man, and since he is aging, she really appreciates him every day for his strength as a man. Stan tells her that he is sure that her father knows how much she loves him.
After the interviews, Stan beams back into the kitchen to tell the two heroes what the next step is. It will be nearly impossible for him to choose the final hero, but he has to make a decision. And a decision like this is not one fit for a rooftop in the middle of the city…it deserves to be shouted from the rooftops in a much more crowded place, like the Universal Citywalk. The heroes will meet him there!
A Heroes Welcome
At Universal Citywalk, Stan beams himself onto the big screen TV in the middle of the square to let everyone gathered there know exactly what is going on. It’s time for Stan to crown the winner of the contest, and that winner will not only achieve immortality via a comic book and have a Sci Fi Channel movie starring their character, but they will also win a vacation to Universal City Florida, and be featured in a Superhero parade there.
Now, it’s time to introduce the two heroes to the crowd, and Stan shows the crowd just what each hero might look like in action. Taking some of the footage shot during their stunt school antics, Stan first introduces Fat Momma via a short, cheesy looking video. A narrator booms about her powers, and she flies around the city, the countryside, and the desert fighting giant chicken chicks, a strange looking griffen-like creature, and The Dark Enforcer, who spits millions of bugs out of his mouth at her. She repels each evil with ease, and with her trademark donut powers. Next, Feedback takes to the screen with the narrator telling his tale to the masses. Feedback’s video is just as hammy as Fat Momma’s, but this time they even integrated footage of Feedback helping to place the American flag on the moon. Like he could talk in outer space! Next, Feedback saves a woman from an asteroid hurling Dark Enforcer, and then he saves Mt. Rushmore from The Dark Enforcer too. Finally, when The Dark Enforcer tries to destroy the classic statue of David, Feedback catches the cannon ball, exclaiming “Don’t worry, these jewels are safe!” Feedback is in the house!
It’s finally time. The show has boiled down to this final decision of Stan’s. Stan hasn’t been looking forward to this moment for a long time. It’s the most difficult decision he has had to make. The last person that must turn in their costume is….Fat Momma. Feedback is the winner!
Fat Momma goes out with the class she is known for. She tells Feedback how great it has been competing with him and getting to know him as a friend. Feedback, on the other hand, is speechless. He can’t believe that his dreams are coming true. He watches as Fat Momma places her removable costume pieces in the trash, and they incinerate with a flash. As he starts to address the crowd, his wife surprises him on his balcony, and then the rest of the superheroes that were all eliminated before him. Feedback tells the crowd that “These are the real heroes” as fireworks go off around the block. Soon, Stan’s TV monitor goes black with static and a loud bang. No one knows what’s going on until Stan shows up to give Feedback a big hug and a hearty congratulations. Well, at least we know that Stan hasn’t really been coming to us from some alternate, ethereal reality.
Congratulations to Feedback! I can’t wait to see his movie. Hopefully it will have some of the other heroes in it too.
Enough writing…It’s time for some Remote Control. I mean, it’s time to change the channel., this show is over! firstname.lastname@example.org