Unan1mous Finale Recap – My Prayers Have Been Answered
Ok, this isn’t going to be a very long recap because, well, just like the last few episodes, not much really happened. Did they give the money away? Or did the money run down to zero? It’s now or never for the bunker heads…they can either squabble to nary a cent is left, or they can do what they were brought into the bunker to do…unanimously award one of themselves a prize.
How Did We Get Here?
When last we left the bunker, the cast had a cavernous divide between them. On one hand you had Adam, Jonathan, and Richard—each one believing in their own minds that they had played the best game. Legends in their own minds. On the other hand you had Jameson, Tarah, Steve, and Vanessa. These four seemed like they really wanted to give the money away…but not to Jonathan or Adam. Or Richard. As we re-join the cast in the bunker, dramatic voiceover guy gives us viewers a run down of everything that has happened in the bunker thus far. Yeah, as if anyone who is watching now hasn’t been watching from the beginning and just wants to see this show to it’s final death rattle. Whatever. From Jonathan changing his vote for Steve to Tarah putting herself back up for eligibility, he covers it all. My favorite moment? When Jonathan melts down in the kitchen after he realizes he has let everyone know that he lives a lavish lifestyle. That’s some classic rage.
J.D.’s Big Head
As far as anyone can tell, this prize is going to zero. There are only four players eligible for the money—Richard(no way), Jonathan(bigger no way), Jameson, and Tarah—and none of them could carry more than 3 votes. J.D. joins everyone in the Inner Circle via his monstrous video panel and makes an announcement…the players will not be in the bunker much longer. Based on how much money is left and the rate of loss, the prize will be down to zero before the next day is out. They bunkermates will have one final vote, and since J.D. is feeling generous(read: FOX loosened their grip on the checkbook), he is going to stop the countdown until the final vote. $382,193 is left in the pot for someone to claim. Or not.
Steve seems to be the only person in the bunker who remembers what the goal that they were all originally given was. That goal? To unanimously vote to award someone the money. Not “to play the game”, not “to make friends”…only to unanimously agree on something. Which is hard even when you are a group of two. How many times have I been the one that demands Chinese food when my fiancé wants pizza? I suck sometimes. Steve has rationalized the task down to it’s basic elements. He has a big problem with Jonathan winning the prize because of his lavish lifestyle. The problem with Richard is that he is irresponsible, and will piss the money away on a get rich quick scheme involving beautiful beachfront property in Kansas. Jameson has a partner, thus they have 2 incomes, and don’t need the money as badly as Tarah, who supports herself. Ah! The “Old Maid” offensive. Beautiful. Of course, Tarah agrees with Steve…but not the old maid claim.
Anyway, in the other corner, Adam is still melting down about the fact that Tarah “dogged him out” 3 times (supposedly). What does “dogged me out” mean again? I guess I’m just to square to understand cool kids these days. Even Jonathan is working on Adam on Tarah’s behalf. What the hell is up with that? The producers seem to be clearly controlling Jonathan to get their way. Someone said something. So it seems that Adam is the only person that might not vote for Tarah. He has the power to let his dogged opponent take the cash, or leave like the rest of the cast with nothing in her pockets. What will he do?
The Final Vote
J.D. calls everyone into the Inner Circle for the final vote of the game. He then instructs everyone to grab the sphere with their name on it. This is their last chance to do the right thing and award this money to someone. Each player locks in their vote and gets ready to send it down the tube to J.D. When J.D. asks them to lock it and send it, Adam hesitates for a second, and tells everyone to hold on. He unlocks his sphere again and starts turning the dial. He’s changing his vote! What a drama queen. Who knows…it seems to me like he did it for dramatic effect. Is he changing his vote to Tarah? Or from Tarah? Or is he just playing with everyone and isn’t really changing his vote at all. We’ll soon find out, as he smiles insanely and drops his locked in vote into the tube with the other players.
J.D. has the votes. It’s time to find out if someone is going to have a little spending money, or if they are all heading outside with nothing. J.D. reads the first vote…and it is for Tarah. She only needs 5 more votes to head home with nearly $400,000. 2nd vote…Tarah. 3rd, 4th and fifth votes, Tarah. The 6th vote is for Jameson. This could have been Tarah’s vote, so she is still alive, but since everyone has been in this situation before, and Adam played his little mind game, no one knows for sure if Tarah is going to get her hands on this money. You could cut the tension with a knife. J.D. announces that, if this last vote is for Tarah, she wins the money. The final vote is….
What’s In The Box?
Just as J.D. says he is going to read the final vote, the safe box pops out of the head of the table. If the last vote is for Tarah, the vote is unanimous, and the box will have a check in it. If the vote is not for Tarah, the box will be empty. Tarah is instructed to pick up the box and bring it back to her seat. She does, and J.D. prepares her, and gives her the combination. She slowly opens the box, looks inside, and buries her face in her hands, tears streaming down her face. Did she win? Is there anything in the box? Is she crying from joy or disappointment?
Finally, a camera gives us a glimpse inside the safe…and there is a check in there! Tarah has won nearly $400,000. Adam must have felt generous in this endgame. She jumps up in happiness, and everyone gives her a round of applause and hugs go around the Inner Circle. She is very excited to have the money, and everyone else is feeling the pride of doing something nice for another human being. I’m wondering if Jonathan has ever had this feeling before? J.D. boils it down…these seven people have shown that generosity can be greater than greed. Who thinks that it wasn’t generosity that drove this vote, but moreso the FOX producers telling everyone “Dammit, you better give us the happy ending that Americans demand”?
J.D. asks everyone if they are ready to get back to the real world, and you know that they are. And as he announces that it is time to leave the bunker, a bottle of champagne and 7 flutes rise out of the voting table. Instead of heading upstairs into the fresh air and sunshine of the real world, everyone chooses to have one last drink and show the world that they really don’t hate each other. And as they leave the bunker, Tarah takes one last lingering look over their common milieu and smiles. Of course she is happy…she is $382,000 in the black.
Where’s my prize for enduring this catastrophe? I accept checks. email@example.com