Hey there! Welcome back to the show that, and I think I speak for everyone here, is true to its title in that we all unanimously think it has worn out its welcome. I’m upset that this show went longer than the 2 episodes it should have gone. I mean, really, Steve is the only one in that bunker that deserves to win the money. He is the best of a sorry lot.
Anyway, when last we left these losers, Vanessa held the power to choose who should remain eligible for the prize, and who would become an outcast between Jameson and Tarah. Vanessa hems and haws while she thinks about her weighty decision, and finally pipes up that she thinks the person that she selects to remain in the game truly deserves the cash, and will do good things with it. She picks Jameson to continue to play the game, which means that Tarah is the newest outcast. And J.D. gives her the outfit to go along with her new status.
Crazy Is As Crazy Does
So there are only 3 players still eligible for the prize: Jameson, Jonathan, and Richard. Crazy Richard. Yeah, his elevator just doesn’t seem to go all the way to the top floor. Since there are only 3 left, the outcasts want to hear everyone’s spiel as to why they deserve the money. Jameson goes first, and simply states that he played the game, and he could use the money. Jonathan goes next, and he wants to buy the house he grew up in so his family can always call it their house. Hm, simple enough. At least he didn’t say that he would blow it all by getting Van Halen to play his birthday party (Where are you when you’re needed, Spicoli?) Next, Richard starts a long-ass rant about why he deserves the money. He grew up poor (in fact, his check for his senior yearbook bounced!), he has always worked hard, and now he’s a 42 year old living in his mom’s basement, and having to ask her for money from time to time. Something always comes up, he screams, and it’s his turn now. He gets so worked up in his speech that he has to leave the room to go cry by himself. Poor nutjob.
True Colors, Shining Through
Later in the living room, Jonathan seems to forget where he’s at and starts telling Jameson about his life outside the house. Apparently he could be making $200,000 a year if he weren’t in the bunker right now, and he just bought a new Mercedes Benz. Jameson’s eyes light up like the Rockefeller Center Holiday tree when he hears this, but he feigns like he is really just interested in hearing about his friend’s life. Really, Jameson can’t wait to expose Jonathan’s plush life to the others, so they can realize that he is the last person in the bunker that needs the money. Jonathan, you are one brilliant gamer. Way to completely undo your previous lies in one conversation. When the rest of the crew is gathered around the kitchen table, Jameson sneakily brings up his earlier conversation with Jon and gets everyone else to start in on Jonathan’s wealthy state of affairs. Steve absolutely grills his former ally about his Benz and how he is paying for it, etc. Jonathan quickly comes unwound at all of the questions being tossed his way, and is trying to justify his owning a Mercedes by telling everyone that you have to have a nice car in California or else people will think you drive a crappy car. Yeah, that’s gonna fly. At one point, Jonathan gets so worked up he threatens to throw things and hit people if they keep grilling him. I heard similar threats from my neighbor’s 5 year old when he didn’t get the candy bar he wanted. Anyway, Steve finally calls Jonathan out in a confessional—he’s a greedy dude, and he will never get Steve’s vote.
In order to further help speed things along, J.D. has gathered all of the players in the Inner Circle for an activity. First things first, he make Tarah the new group discussion leader. Now, to hopefully help break the deadlock, J.D. has an anonymous survey for the players to fill out. Tarah hands out the surveys, and everyone fills them out right there in the Inner Circle. Once they are done, J.D. quickly tally’s the results, and sends Tarah a data sheet with all of the “winners”. There are some great questions here: The person who no one would give the money to? Jonathan! Ha! The person who people think would be the least responsible with the money? Richard. Yeah, I can actually see that—suddenly he’d have a ton of money and he’d just go nuts(pun intended) buying stuff for himself and his mom. Who is the biggest liar in the bunker? Jameson! Who deserves the money the most? Also Jameson. So, what did we learn here? Well, basically that no one wants Jonathan to have the dough, Jameson has lied a lot, but that he deserves the money the most, which means he has played the game the best. Considering there are only 3 people still eligible, and no one wants Jon to have the money, you’d think they could all vote right now, and Jameson would win it.
Do Us All A Favor And End It Already
After the Inner Circle session, the players all scatter around the bunker and start to discuss what they are going to do and who is going to get the money. Tarah approaches Jameson a little later and tells him that she is pretty sure they can end this thing at the next vote and send him home a lot wealthier if he can do his thing and get the other two eligible players to vote for him. So Jameson approaches Jonathan first, and explains that he wants the money to go to someone who has been playing the game like himself. I wonder if Jon has admitted that his testicular cancer story was a ruse, since we haven’t heard anything about it, and that’s the only real game play we have seen out of Jon other than changing his vote from Steve to Adam at the beginning. Anyway, Jameson gets Jonathan to swear on his mother that he is going to vote for Jameson, and Jameson will vote for Jon. Next Jameson heads into the sleeping area where Richard is fast asleep dreaming that he really isn’t insane. He wakes him up, and proposes the exact same voting scheme to Richard—you vote for me, and I’ll vote for you. Jameson also threatens Rich saying that if he sees him talking to Jonathan, he will make doubly sure Richard never sees a dime of the money. It’s brilliant, really…approach Richard while he is half asleep and he’ll agree to anything.
Soon, it is time to vote again. J.D. gathers everyone in the Inner Circle and has them grab their voting spheres. They place their votes and send them to J.D., where he gets ready to read them. The first vote is for……….
That’s it. We’ll have to wait until the next episode to find out if they have a unanimous vote. Which I am thinking is not the case. I mean, really, if it is unanimous and Jameson is the winner, what are they going to do with the other 20 minutes of the show? Show us a montage of the bunkers greatest hits? Yeah, and then what do you do with the other 19 minutes 30 seconds?
I motion that FOX unanimously cancels this show: email@example.com