Unan1mous 04/05/06 Recap – Countdown to Selfishness
Welcome back to You-nan-one-mous. The show where a group of 9 people must all decide unanimously to reward one in their midst with a pot that is dwindling down from $1.5 million. When we last we saw the bunker hos, Steve had just been teased with the cash, missing out on it by one vote. Yep, Jonathan, the self described womanizer(read egotistical meathead) decided to withhold his promised vote for Steve to see if maybe, just maybe, he could work his bunkermates some more and further his giant, despicable lie of having testicular cancer. And since he kept up with his charade of lying about the vote, Kelly the minister no longer wants to stay in the bunker. For once I actually admire Kelly—at least she has something resembling a moral compass. J.D. has the group in the Inner Circle, and Kelly is ready to give us her answer…will she stay or will she go?
Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead
Adam is pleading with Kelly to just stay another 24 hours until the next vote. He can’t believe that Kelly would be so selfish as to walk out and take half of Steve’s money with her. Again, it’s not Steve’s money yet. Until the vote is unanimous, it is just as likely Adam’s money, or Tarah’s money. J.D. puts the question to Kelly once more for her final answer: Stay or go? Kelly has decided that she just can’t stay in here with someone who is a liar. She’s outta there like a roach when the lights turn on. Instantly the cash prize is cut in half, and no one is happy about that. Well, except for Jameson, who is exuberant that his anti-gay arch nemesis is gone. (Why is it that when I say that, I can totally picture Kelly twirling the end of her mustache?) The Inner Circle session is not yet over, since J.D. is still talking. He rules that since an eligible player has left, they need to replace her. Richard is reinstated as an eligible nut case, I mean player. For some reason, he’s upset about that! He curses, because now everyone is going to believe even more that he was the one that voted against Steve. And he’s right. Tarah insists that Richard is the one that lied about his vote. And over in the corner, Jonathan smiles smugly at the fact that he is such an accomplished liar. Here he is ladies!! Come and get him! A self described womanizer who is such an accomplished liar that he’s comfortable lying about having a disease that involves the possibility of having your balls removed! Man, I can’t even type that without feeling uncomfortable down there. The only way I could forgive that is if he’s a FOX plant…which I honestly still think is a possibility.
The Sick And The Lying
It must be the next morning, because Big Sister announces that “Sleep time has expired.” Everyone starts to stir from their slumber…except for Jamie. Jamie is so stressed by bunker life, that she is feeling ill…headaches, puking, body aches, the whole nine yards. Eventually she is able to join the rest of the crew in the Inner Circle, where J.D., Mr. obvious, points out that the game is really starting to take a toll on them all. They need to give this money away so they can all just go home. Since Vanessa’s reign as group leader was such a shambles, J.D. is going to revoke her position, and hand that duty to someone else. Adam is now the discussion leader, and he needs to get everyone talking about the criteria for handing out the prize.
As Adam tries to get everyone to discuss and agree on a winner, Jamie heads back to her bed to try and get well. She needs her beauty sleep and how! The rest of the group sits around the couch and each person makes their plea for why they deserve the money. Richard, the crazy craphouse rat that he is, keeps chiming in while others are talking to point out more and more reasons why he deserves the money. He’s poor, he works hard, he’s always been poor, he’s always worked hard, he has psyche ward bills to pay, he’s poor…yadda yadda yadda, he wants the money.
It Gets Worse
Once again, J.D. gathers the players in the Inner Circle since it is time to vote once again. I’d think FOX would stop the countdown timer the second they are all inside the circle, but being the greedy network that they are, they let J.D. talk for awhile before he finally stops the cash countdown. I think they saved, like, $25!! That’s enough to pay that homeless guy Rupert Murdoch talked to on the street for his idea about FOX’s next great reality show Panhandling With The Celebrity D-List (featuring Toni from Paradise Hotel!)! Anyway, everyone dials in their vote, and drops their balls into the twisty tubes to J.D.’s place. He reads the votes for everyone, with Steve getting the first vote. The second vote is for Adam. It could have been Steve’s vote, so we read on. Vote number three? Vanessa. The vote is not unanimous. No one is going home, and we are subjected to another episode of this rapidly tiring show. J.D. reads the rest of the votes, and we learn that just about everyone had at least one vote. Everyone, except for Richard. Poor, poor Richard.
As always with a non-unanimous vote, there are consequences that J.D. will hand down with extreme prejudice. Again, someone is going to be outcast from the vote. They will not be able to claim the prize. This time, however, the group will simply vote on who they don’t want to win the cash…and it doesn’t have to be unanimous. First, some discussion. Richard immediately nominates himself to be outcast again. Poor, poor Richard. He figures since no one voted for him in this last vote, there is no way he is going to win, so he might as well be outcast. Adam sends him into the voting booth first, so the rest of them can discuss this. Somehow, the group thinks that maybe Richard nominated himself for outcasting so that he could get back at someone else. Where is the logic there? How does Richard get back at someone by making himself outcast? No, no one believes Richard, so they are not going to vote to outcast him. Meanwhile, in the booth, Richard is arguing with J.D. about whether or not he can vote for himself. Man, this guy really does belong in the loony bin. Why he didn’t just leave when he was first outcast is beyond me. Eventually, every one has their turn in the booth, and J.D. statics back onto the monitor to announce the next outcast….
Tune in next week to find out who is going to be outcast. And in a twist so shocking that only FOX is brave enough to do it…there is a twist!!! Ooooohhhhh!! Yawn
Wake me when the money runs out: firstname.lastname@example.org