As the final foray into Top Chef 5, Andy Cohen reassembled the contestants and judges, put them on the spot, and asked questions. That’s pretty much Andy’s gig at Bravo, not always to the most entertaining result. Once again, Andy’s hosting was lack-luster and makes me wonder who, exactly, at Bravo he has the dirt on. Nevertheless, a few kernels of new information were gleaned during this sit-down and I will attempt to summarize the high points.
So, without further delay, here are the top twenty-five things learned from the reunion special.
1. Hosea is going to use his one-hundred grand in new business ventures, none of which will involve The Hair Club For Men.
2. During the finale, Hosea’s food was the strongest, but everyone did a great job.
3. Stefan is happy he didn’t win the title. Maybe that’s true, maybe that’s just his giant ego talking.
4. Jeff can still shoot a look of death at will. Don’t piss that dude off!
5. Fabio likes to kiss Stefan’s bald head. A lot.
6. Carla, and it pains me to say this since I like her so much, cannot sing, but does it a lot.
7. Carla also gets a lot of “hootie hoos” but they turn into “hootie who?” nowadays.
8. Do not go on Top Chef if your birthday is during the filming. Daniel, Eugene, Radhika, and Leah all got eliminated on or near their birthdays. This fact makes me nervous about my upcoming birthday, and I’m not even on the show.
9. Jeff certainly loves a busy plate and cannot make anything with fewer than ten ingredients, even cinnamon toast.
10. Tom saved a chocking victim!
11. Gail thinks Toby is nice guy! I’m not so sure I take her word for it, but I’ll suspend disbelief for a while.
12. According to Toby, food critics are tough on chefs because they want the chefs to do well and it is not, at all, about how wankery the critics want to be.
13. Leah and Hosea both broke up with their significant others after taping, but Stefan thinks that’s crazy because everyone *bleeps* around.
14. Hosea may move from Colorado to New York, but not just because Leah is there. Or so he says.
15. In the Stew Room, the chefs (a) made beds and pillows out of Glad products; (b) played volleyball; (c) played basketball; (d) danced like idiots; and (e) got really, really wasted.
16. Leah and Jamie were seriously drunk at a Judges’ Table, when they were in the top four. They cracked everyone up, and Tom is shocked the level of drunkeness hasn’t happened before.
17. As a shock to no one, Ariane was the biggest crier of the season.
18. Another shock to no one, Stefan is totally a lady’s man. Pass the Courvoisier, please.
19. Jamie has a great rack…of lamb.
20. Nicknames abound on Top Chef. Patrick was called “pocket chef” by Richard. Richard called himself “Big Gay Rich”. Jeff was “Don Sorbet Johnson” by Stefan. Loads of people called Hoseah “OT” (as in Old Testament). Leah was “ho fo sho” and Ariane was “Cougar” or just “Coogs”.
21. Radhika’s take on Indian food was not, in her estimation, traditional.
22. Jamie was considered a whiner by everyone in the group, not just by the viewing public.
23. Jeff was misquoted when he said Tom’s food was boring. And, he wasn’t naked all the time—or so he says.
24. Bald is the new faux-hawk.
25. According to Richard, Tom is as cute in person as he is on teevee. Which makes him on-par with Uncle Fester in the looks department, per my viewing.
26. Fabio is the fan favorite and he’s going to use the money in his restaurant renovations.
At the end of the reunion special, Fabio says his mother is doing okay and Hosea says his father is still struggling with his cancer. I hate to get serious on y’all, but as an issue near and dear to me and a lot of folks here, please do check out The American Cancer Society’s web presence (American Cancer Society :: Information and Resources for Cancer: Breast, Colon, Prostate, Lung and Other Forms) and, if you aren’t too badly hit by these bad financial times, please consider donating.