August 16, 2005 --
"Tommy Lee Goes To College"
Tonight at 9 on NBC/Ch. 4
NO more reality. Or at least, please God, no more reality TV.
It's a prime-time idea that's way past its prime and is now nothing more than the junkyard for has-beens, wannabe's and almost gones.
Enter Tommy Lee, a hot guy rushing headlong into cold oblivion because he's so relentlessly self-promoting that he makes talentless Trista Rehn look shy.
Tonight, he premieres in "Tommy Lee Goes To College" and it's about as real as his former wife/current girlfriend, Pamela Anderson's second set of breasts.
The phoniness begins when Tommy kisses his mother goodbye (why?) before he heads off to the University of Nebraska.
The voiceover by someone with a British upper-class accent intrudes to tells us that this university is where "the academic elite of America" go to school. Not for nuthin' but what in hell does somebody who sounds like Prince Charles' butler have to do with a show about the University of Nebraska? For sure he doesn't call the football games onweekends.
Anyway, even though this is supposed to be reality, Tommy is personally greeted by the dean (right!), who tells him that "this is a serious academic institution!" Yeah. And you have allowed a cheesy reality show onto your serious academic institution's campus for — what? — enhanced academic excellence?
Or as one of the academic elite gushes, "Never in my life did I think I'd get a chance to meet Tommy Lee! And he just hugged me!"
Right off, Tommy must find a dorm room, and so goes looking for roommates. The producers (or maybe the university itself) pre-picked the nerdiest, most unlikely guys for Lee to interview. Why? So they can make dopey "boing!" noises to show you just how dorky these guys are?
Shame on the school for stooping this low. I'm sure these kids' parents will be very pleased to see their kids being made fun of on national TV.
We watch Tommy flounder in class, and watch as he's given a tutor, who is clearly the best-looking sorority girl they could find. In a scene so fake it's embarrassing, he gets rid of his roommate on the night that Natalie the tutor is supposed to come by. Instead a fat girl shows up in her place. Hahaha. Won't her parents be thrilled?
Tommy's classes include organic chemistry and, yes, criminal law.
And then of course, there's band.
This lame show is so phony — and did I mention boring? — that you'd have to be a grade "A" numbskull to sit through it let alone to like it.
To paraphrase Pink Floyd, "Hey, Tommy! Leave those kids alone!"