Temptation Island 3
It’s All About the Journey
Welcome back to Temptation Island. Once again LG and Bill_in_PDX are your recapping team this week, and Bill is stuck in italics because I failed to pay my font bill on time. We look forward this week to wrapping up the trials and tribulations of our four couples. Tonight, they will face the bonfire together, discuss what they have learned on their journey, and chart a course to the future… ugh… I can’t do it. I try to talk like Mark does, but I just can’t say it without laughing.
You’re no Mark Wahlberg, Bill, but I do like it when you talk Temptation Island to me. You look quite fetching in that Hawaiian shirt, by the way.
Um, thanks LG, I guess. Not sure that I’m comfortable being compared to Mark, but moving on, let’s face reality folks. Tonight, Michael and Anthony will have to decide if they want to go ahead and close the deal, and Mikey ought to consider that option in detail because he probably has no relationship with Melissa when he leaves the island. Meanwhile Stephanie and Melissa have the same choices, and the bad boys they hang out with would be all too happy to help them with that heart wrenching decision.
In the end, I think we all tune in just to see what happens to the Man-ho. Otherwise the only thing that will shock me is if Eric and Kristin break up, or more likely, I see a Midwestern Attorney in a little black dress race across the beach and tackle Mark… remind you of anyone LG?
Oh, that much excitement isn’t allowed on this season of Temptation Island, Bill. Besides, I wouldn’t need to tackle Mark while sporting my little black dress. He’d be too busy tripping over tripping over himself, offering to refresh my drink.
Previously we saw a bunch of parental warnings, but little if anything to justify them. Let’s jump right in. It is 10 minutes after the ladies latest bonfire. What are they up to LG?
The latest bonfire has sent SHOCKWAVES through the coupled ladies resort. Ok, maybe it’s not the as traumatic as Great Tsunami that engulfed Tokyo, but Stephanie and Melissa are both miffed about the videos of their respective boyfriends. Melissa feels like she’s watching a stranger. I was wondering if it was “feels like” or “wishes” Michael on the tape was a stranger, as it could go either way. Stephanie is pretty bummed too, as she sees that Anthony is acting like he did when they fell in love, but that thrill has been gone for quite some time. Cue up the B. B. King records, because someone will definitely be singing the blues by the end of this episode.
Back to the guys. It is Day 14, and that means it is time to select final dates.
Michael tells us that the final date selection is pretty important. He has a tough call to make between “two girls”. So I am thinking that it must be a tough call between his girlfriend Melissa and his latest favorite toy, Tiffany. But no, this is Michael. Instead, his dilemma is between Tiffany and Ida, and he will let his heart be his guide. Funny, I kind of thought it would be some other body part.
The guys gather for the final date picks, and Mark mentions in passing that Eve was booted previously. Why or when, I am not sure.
Eric is up first; he goes to Ida and asks her to accompany him on the date. In a shocking twist, Ida says no. She feels that he would not be asking her for “the right reasons”. Those reasons being to cheat on Kristin. She thinks she made a close connection to someone else, and wants to wait for that person to pick.
Eric is embarrassed, but he really doesn’t seem to care. Instead he sits back down to wait for the fallout from the next three picks. In private, Ida says that Eric made them “feel like they were not good enough.”.
And who says these Temptresses are perceptive, because that’s exactly how Eric feels about them. Geeze Mark, I can’t imagine why Ida isn’t jumping at the chance to go on a date with him, even a really nifty one involving flying in some deathtrap small aircraft to a snazzy resort where nothing even remotely romantic will happen. Sorry Bill, back to you.
Jason is next, and he, like Eric has decided to stay true to his girlfriend. He picks Amy for his date. You might recall that Amy had the joy of spending time with Jason on their first date when he was pretty much inconsolable. He feels this will be a way to make it up to her. So…. No fireworks here folks. Anthony steps up, and with little fanfare or surprise, he asks Ashley to join him.
We come to the moment of truth. Michael has to choose. Ida or Tiffany? Fox throws in a commercial break, because really, this is the only tension of the show. When we return, we see that Michael goes with Ida. He was impressed with her turning down Eric for a shot at him. Oh Michael, you are so predictable.
Tiffany is crushed. She, like Sandra before her, felt that Michael’s choice is “absolutely ridiculous.” Further, she feels that Michael wants to cheat, but is afraid to let go and, to use the catch phrase of this show, “be true to his feelings”. Yup, we can be sure that Tiffany will not be sending Christmas cards to Mike’s house this year.
Finally, we return to once spurned Eric. He quickly decides to take Kaileen on the trip, and she looks very happy about it. Besides, she deserved a reward for organizing the lingerie party during the first week.
The guys are excited about their dates, or getting this over with, one or the other. Who did the ladies pick LG?
Mark arrives at the coupled ladies’ resort for final date selections. Mark is looking so fine, I can’t even remember if there were 8 single men or 7 at this point, and who cares, frankly as none of those guys could hold a candle to Mark. Yeah, I can see why I’ll never be allowed to participate in the show (other than the obvious, “this is the final season of Temptation Island because the show was so boring and the ratings are crap” reason). Mark urges the ladies to pick someone who will allow them to “follow their heart” hoping that they also confuse it for another body part as Bill mentioned.
Kara picks Ian. Melissa thanks all of the guys for a fun time and picks Jerome. Stephanie asks Jeff (after avoiding him the last round of dates). Mark is nearly beside himself he’s so giddy with this choice. Kristin picks the Last Ryan Standing, but no-one cares. Not very exciting stuff. How are things going on the guys’ dates, Bill?
Later than evening, the dates kickoff with a romantic dinner at the resort. They learn what their destinations will be the next morning. Ashley assures us that she is willing to “give it her all”. That is the second time now that she has offered herself up to Anthony, would he take advantage of it?
The ladies have dinner at their resort too, but we don’t even get to see the big “good-bye” for all the remaining single guys besides the final date 4, and no one even notices because Fox didn’t bother to develop the characters or assign any plot to any of these guys. Who were they again? I dunno. This was much more dramatic last year when Catherine gave Rossi the boot when she went on her finale date with that Brian Bloom look-alike. Heck, everything was more dramatic last year.
The next morning, everyone departs. I have to admit, these look like they would be fun trips. Perhaps if these couples had gone on these trips together, instead of seeking their destiny though a personal journey, blah, blah, blah, they would have enjoyed it.
Michael is all talk this morning. He says he will take this experience to the fullest! I am motivated just listening to him.
First date on the agenda is Anthony and Ashley, who go to Antigua, Guatemala. It looks just like this old palace turned into a hotel I stayed in once just outside of Manila. It is a very cool place. They enjoy walking the grounds on arrival, and Anthony is back to comparing his time with Ashley as to when he first met Stephanie.
Stephanie and Kristin get ready for their dates with some apprehension, while Kristin just can’t wait to get it over with so she can reunite with Eric. Kara is confused and not sure what she’s going to say to Jason. Good grief, what could be more boring to watch than this. Maybe we could watch them, um, discuss poetry or something like that. Let’s get dating.
Eric and Kaileen are shipped off to Copan, Honduras, where some remarkable ruins are located. Kaileen knows that Eric is “counting the minutes” until he is reunited with Kristin. She admires that in him, and thinks that he and Kristin will go far together. Kaileen also learned that those high heel hiking boots she brought along for the trip were probably not the best choice. These two are celebrating their friendship, so in other words… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Jason! Help me out buddy, please? He and Amy go scuba diving off of Guavaja, Honduras. Jason says that spending time with Amy is fun because it is “like hanging out with one of the guys.” Uh oh… He adds that whatever guy lands Amy down the road is going to be a very lucky guy indeed. Well, that is all nice and complimentary Jason, but all that means that these two are also in the friend zone. So, say it with me: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzz.
Kara and Ian head to Belize and stay and the snazzy Chan Chich Lodge. There is no romance going on though, because Kara like Ian for a friend. Say it with me, Biz Marque: Ooooh baby you, you got what I need, but you say “he’s just a friend” yeah you say “he’s just a friend. Oooooh baby you, you got what I need . . . . Kara’s thinking round the clock about what to say to Jason. Ian is looking at his watch, hoping to be evacuated from this deadly dull date.
Checking in with Michael and Ida, we find them in Pico Bonito, Honduras. They go white water rafting. They laugh and have a great time. Ida looks happy, and says that this is a good start to a potential relationship. Michael feels that Ida is the type of woman you could take home to the parents. That is interesting.
Melissa and Jerome are at a jungle resort in Belize (the show must have got some group discount, huh) and they had mud massages which resulted in Jerome getting painted up like a tiger or someone who had escaped from a local production of Cats. Not very manly for the usually punk-ass Jerome, but all he needs are striped tights and he could be prancing around with a stage full of other felines. Memories . . . of when this show didn’t suck . . .
Back to Michael and Ida, they have a great dinner. The man-ho is up to his usual standards of flirting, immediately getting to the questionnaire about kissing. Apparently Ida’s style is very fast… you know, some of this you just can’t make up. At the end of dinner, Michael says that they really got to know each other.
To the hotel room they go. Ida appears willing to at least play a little baseball, but Michael backs off. He starts talking about Melissa. There is not going to be any happy time shared tonight. Ida is disappointed, and it seems that Tiffany is proven right.
Eric and Kaileen. They show them on camera, so I suppose it is my duty to report they are still friends. LG, take me away from the pain!
Melissa and Jerome at least look like they’re trying to have fun, as they’re doing shots of something out of a bottle that has a dead snake in it. Soaking in the local culture. That’s the spirit, Melissa. Not sure where this date will end up, as with enough alcohol, many things are possible.
Jason and Amy are at dinner, and he continues to talk about how much he loves Kara and misses her. You know, despite the free trip and all, this kind of date has to be pretty tough on the tempter. It is not like your ego gets a boost when these folks are babbling on about how much they love their girlfriend. Again I say, if you love each other so much, what the hell are you doing here on this show?
But does Kara still feel the same about Jason? Hmmm…
Kara’s being toasted by Ian, but she’s thinking only about Jason. The things she is thinking are not how much she misses him and wants to leap into his tattooed arms to never leave his side again. She’s torn. And while this all makes for a very agitated Kara, it’s lousy television. Unless you could get a really tiny camera and show what is going on in her head. Ok, that would be very interesting either, as Herman’s Head was a total flop for Fox back in the 80s in the earliest days of Fox network. It was no 21 Jump Street. Ummm, Johnny Depp. Yummy. Oh, right, the recap, back to it.
Kristin’s date is going well (on the Kristin scale of date-interestingness) as she talks about herself the whole time. Kristin, begging for more conversation about herself, asks Ryan “If I didn’t have a boyfriend, would you chase me?” Like many cornered animals, Ryan sees the hopelessness of his situation and gives in and says “hell yes” without a modicum of enthusiasm. Ryan wisely doesn’t take her question as a flirty invitation for him to pursue her anyway (as the name of this show is Temptation Island, not Be Faithful to Your Boyfriend Island), as he knows that Kristin isn’t really flirting, she’s instead turning the conversation back to herself. Then she shoots us a smug smile.
Stephanie and Jeff are having dinner in some bat filled cave. Ummm, guano makes for a tasty sauce.
Is it just me, or does Jeff look like a cast member from Starsky and Hutch? Oh, sorry LG!
I’ll have to defer to you on that one, Bill, as I don’t recall what those actors looked like. All I can remember about that show is that they’d change direction in car chases by throwing the car into reverse and my older brother and his friends tried to duplicate that move with their Big Wheels in the basement. By the way, dear readers, Bill’s birthday is next Monday, and he’s . . . well . . . old enough to remember Starsky and Hutch, and young enough to still remember it. Need I be more specific? I think not. Just kidding, Bill. If Starsky had goofy side burns and ludicrous sunglasses, then I’d tend to agree with you.
Anthony and Ashley have dinner on a table filled with rose petals. Ashley is confident of her chances of being the lady who gets Anthony in the end. Meanwhile, Anthony confides with the camera that he had been holding back, but now he is ready to open up.
They go back to her room, and whisper. Then kiss. Then whisper. Then kiss. Basically Ashley says they kissed a lot. Further, she is falling in love with Anthony.
The next morning, they share breakfast together. I suppose there might be some symbolism in the editing here, but I think on this show, with this network, if they had actually gotten to know each other in the biblical sense, it would have been shown. This isn’t to say breakfast was boring. Anthony says, in reference to his time with Ashley, “Now it is over.” Dr. Freud, let me introduce you to Anthony.
The “morning after” back on the coupled ladies side of the island, Melissa proclaims that she’d “hardly thought about Michael when spending time with Jerome.” Not a good sign for Michael after his declaration that he’s just a flirt and had no intention of backing up all of his dirty talk to the ladies. Ha, I just about mis-typed “ladies” as “laidies” but that is obviously not the case on this season of Temptation Island.
Stephanie’s thoughts the next morning where that her time with Jeff was “sometimes torture, and sometimes heaven.” Sounds perfect, if Steph is the Marquis de Sade. Torture, hmmm, I don’t remember seeing Jeff’s name on the list of human rights violators, but the last time I’d check the list was before this series aired, so maybe it has been updated to include him and his cheesy moves of multiple coupled ladies on this show.
We return to Ida and Michael. He knows he has a big bonfire coming up, so it is time to make things right with Melissa. He spends the entire morning telling Ida how much he loves his girlfriend.
Michael, you get the award for biggest tease in reality TV.
Kara’s sounding very profound in that the whole experience has changed her and other people around her so dramatically, she’s nervous to see how it has affected Jason. Is she afraid that he’s not a hot-head anymore? It’s only been two weeks, people, get a grip.
Jason and Amy wrap up their date, and we get the now familiar comment that the guy loves his girlfriend. It appears the final bonfire could be very anti-climatic. Or will it? LG, how are the preps going for the women?
The ladies are preparing for final bonfire and need to say goodbye to the final dates. Last season Tommy New York left on horseback while Nikkole cried on the beach. This season, Melissa and Jerome have their hands all over each other while everyone else listens to Mark’s sappy dialogue. The head out to the beach and Kristin watches the other ladies and snarks about how attached they all are. Poor long-suffering Ryan remarks “I’m right here” as Kristin completely ignored his own departure. Be glad that you’re out of there Ryan. Steph and Jeff are hugging, as Steph thanks Jeff for “respecting her” confirming what we already knew: Nobody got lucky this season. Jeff proclaims his certainty that Steph and Anthony will leave the island as “just friends.” Is this foreshadowing or just a really bad case of 5:00 Shadowing from Jeff’s bizarre facial hair.
Speaking of weird facial hair, our parting shot is of Jerome and Melissa, with Melissa confiding that she’d rather stay with Jerome than go confront Michael. Well then, maybe the bonfire will be interesting after all. We’ll find out soon enough, as the ladies are ready for final bonfire. How are the guys doing, Bill?
The guys are making final preps for the big fire too, only they get together just before the ceremony. Mark asks for final thoughts. Jason says he now knows he needed to change, and plans to do so.
Eric speaks! Eric speaks! Okay it is still Kristin love jibberish. Never mind.
Mike and Ida get together for goodbyes. They hug. Michael says that he realizes that a relationship with Ida could not replace what he has with Melissa. Are you sure you still have that Michael?
Anthony and Ashley deal with an emotional separation. She is crying. He admits that he is unsure of his feelings now. I suppose that gives Ashley some hope. They kiss goodbye.
So was that kiss between Ashley and Anthony goodbye forever, or until we meet again? We’ll find out soon enough, but I doubt that Anthony and Stephanie will be one of the first couples they show because there are guaranteed fireworks and we all know how Mark likes to end the series with his pretty face basking in the glow of some relationship fireworks.
First up, we have Kara and Jason. Jason is wearing ridiculous overalls without a shirt, so the forum member who declared Jason to be “Lil Abner” was right on target. Fashion mis-steps aside, Jason appears rather uncharacteristically in control of himself, talking about how he needs to learn more anger management skills. Either that or he wants to rent the Adam Sandler / Jack Nicholason movie Anger Management but Blockbuster was out, and that’s making him really ANGRY. Just kidding, Jason is cool and in control, and ready to resume his happy life with Kara. Jason declares: “You are everything to me.”
Kara has other thoughts. Kara really missed Jason, but she is thinking about some of the video clips from previous bonfires, the way that Jason yelled at Sandra, and thinks they should spend some time apart to think about things. Campfires aren’t particularly kind to Kara either, as the flickering light casts a shadow from her nose that covers half her face. Kara has learned that she loves Jason very much, but that she still need independence and needs a “breather”. Anyone else thinking of the scene from Airplane where the actor who played Tattoo on Fantasy Island (Herve Villachez?) was featured as “A Little Breather”? Ok, Bill’s not the only one tormented by obscure pop culture references that are over 20 years old. Sorry, back the final bonfire.
As Kara talks, Jason is really quiet, but you can almost hear the blood rushing through the vein throbbing on his forehead. He keeps his cool, though, and even though Jason has “the total opposite view” he agrees to give her time apart and they’ll talk more later. As for now, Kara is “taking a break” so Jason has her permission to “pull a Ross Geller” and go bag some waitress. Ok, maybe not, as that didn’t really pan out on Friends and wouldn’t further Jason in his quest to convince Kara that he’s grown more mature through this experience. Speaking of immaturity, I think I see Michael heading towards Mark.
You’re right, LG, next up is Michael and Melissa. Now the good odds were on Melissa grabbing a smoldering ember from the fire, and jamming it directly into his eye socket, but before we could get to that fun, we need our usual Markie time.
Michael is nervous, and anxious to know what Melissa feels. He has now decided that he wants to get engaged. He says he does everything for Melissa and he hopes that she realizes “what she had” with him. Oh, I think she realizes now.
Melissa talks to Mark alone, and says she is overwhelmed. She is certain that she loves Michael, but “love is not enough”. She has a lot of questions about his behavior on tape.
They join together.
The usual uncomfortable silence ensues, and eventually Melissa looks to Mark for that reassuring nod. Having received it, she launches into her speech. She feels the experience was more real than expected. She found his video clips shocking. He doesn’t respond, and here is some free advice Michael, if you were going to save yourself, you needed to jump in here.
Instead, Melissa continues on, and the hurt begins. She says she let her guard down and met someone. She needs to follow her heart.
Michael wants details about who she met. She doesn’t want to talk about it, and instead brings up the video again. Michael finally responds on that topic, then he adds that he realized she is the one for him. It is too little, too late.
Melissa dumps him. He is furious. They could have used his face for the Incredible Hulk angry scenes. I never thought I could feel bad for Michael, as after all he brought most of this on himself (and no, I don’t buy this whole Melissa-blame-her-time-with-Jerome-on-him line of reasoning), but I do. That has to hurt getting burned like that on national TV. I guess that’s why it is a bonfire.
Melissa offers to discuss it further with Michael later on, but he wants none of that, and storms off, telling Mark he has nothing else to say. Melissa tells Mark it hurts now, but really the look on her face says otherwise. It appears to me to be relief.
Eric and Kristen are next on the hot seat. Let me save us all time. They love each other. They never even hinted at taking advantage of the temptations available to them. While I am glad for them, and it was a refreshing change to see them compared to the other couples, there is no way these two should have came on this show. Eric absolutely did not participate in the process, and Kristin only did long enough to stir up trouble with the other ladies. So good luck to both of them, but not much point in recapping what they said.
Tell us about Anthony and Stephanie LG!
Anthony and Stephanie are the grand finale. With two breakups already tonight, it’s almost a certainty that they kept a really emotional reunion for the last one to air. Anthony tells Mark that he has no regrets. I’m contemplating whether I have any regrets for taking this recapping gig, but even though the show has been less than stellar, it’s been fun collaborating with my pal Bill and having feedback from our growing contingent of fans at the forum. So Mark, no regrets here either, and if you should happen to host another show, well, I’m a Mark Wahlberg groupie so I’m sure I’ll be recapping that too.
Anthony says that he’s “not torn” between 2 girls (Ashley and Stephanie) because he cannot compare 2 weeks to 3 years. Duration is no reason to stay in a kid-less, non-marriage relationship, Tony. Just my little piece of advice, which is coming months to late as this was filmed long ago.
Stephanie isn’t sure what to say to Anthony. When they re-unite, she’s crying and looking away, which indicates that she’s not itching to jump back in to their relationship. Stephanie tells Anthony that seeing him with Ashley reminded her of when they first got together, he looked so happy and peaceful, and that they haven’t been like that in a long time. All Steph wants is for Anthony to be happy. Hint to Stephanie, you should want more for you life than just someone else’s happiness. Again, this advice, way to late to help Steph in this situation. Hmmm, maybe it is advice for our dear readers. Anthony trots out “soulmates” but urges Stephanie to be honest with herself. Cheesy soap opera music is pulsing in the background while they cry and hug, she’s holding his head and he cries on her chest. Mark declares that the tear quota has finally been met and brings their sob-fest to an end, mercifully. Their “journey” is over, as is their 3 year relationship.
The credits get ready to roll, closing out another season of Temptation. For hardly anything going on, it is remarkable that three of the couples broke up initially. We get the updates on each couple:
Jason and Kara got back together a few weeks after the show. I have to say this doesn’t surprise me. They’re still living in Vegas, so if they feel that more temptation would benefit their relationship, they shouldn’t have to travel to far or be on a reality TV show again.
Michael and Melissa are still friends, despite their ugly parting. Melissa has plans to visit Jerome. I’m sure that was Jerome’s idea, as Melissa lives with her mom, and that’s no guy’s idea of a good “first real date.”
Stephanie and Anthony remain split. That is a good thing too, because she has already moved in with Jeff. Meanwhile, Anthony is taking it slow with Ashley. I guess these two had some issues before they even got to the island, as they sure did have no trouble moving on.
Eric and Kristin are still together, and have no plans yet to marry. Sounds like somebody’s ultimatum landed on deaf ears, but they realized that no-one else on the planet is good enough for either of them, so neither is in a hurry to split up as trading up wouldn’t be easy.
So that wraps up the show. It has been my honor to share recapping duties with the very talented LG. Sometimes all I had to look forward to for my time enduring the episodes was waiting to see what she had to say about it, for it definitely was going to be more entertaining than the show itself.
*Blushes* Why, it has been my privilege, Bill. You’re a joy to recap with. Thanks to all of our regular readers (even those who don’t post at the forum), we can see you lurking. If anyone from the show wants to join us for an interview, you can contact us at Bill_at_PDX@fansofrealitytv.co m or email@example.com m .