Temptation Island 9/25/03: It’s All About Being Misunderstood.
Hi Temptation Island Fans, yes, we know that there are several of you out there despite the lack of any real temptation occurring on this series thus far. It’s LG and Bill, back for another week of tag-team recapping. LG once again claims the plain text and Bill gets the italics because he thinks it makes him look exotic.
Hey, if a cheesy Tommy Bahama shirt and a fondness for episodes of The Family Guy make me exotic, then call me guilty! Wait. The Italics? Well I lost the coin toss for that.
So, as we first re-join our cadre of vacationers, I think we get a recap of the action (or lack thereof) here to date this season. I’m not quite positive because with the 2 hour episode starting at 7 pm Central time I didn’t quite make it home from work in time to catch the first 5 minutes. I rushed in the door and turned on my TV to catch Stephanie telling us about her concerns with Anthony’s apparent closeness to one particular temptress. Stef tells us that every clip of Anthony is with her, and when they’re lying in the hammock he looks happy and at peace, so she’s rather nervous about that.
Meanwhile at Chez LG, my dog Corky is pacing around, wondering why the hell I’m standing in the middle of my kitchen taking notes while watching TV instead of taking her outside for “walkies” as don’t I know Corky has been stuck inside for 12 hours now and if I don’t take her out soon she’ll make me a present. Sorry Corky, can’t miss this part. I’m sure we’ll be to a commercial or the guys’ side of the island soon enough. Wait, don’t go under the table like that. *LG feeds the dog as a distraction.*
Now we see Melissa’s feelings about the video she saw of Michael at the last bonfire, as she wasn’t sure if he was whispering in her ear or kissing her neck, but he was definitely putting his hands on one of the temptresses. Melissa isn’t sure what is going on in Michael’s head. I’m pretty sure it’s hormones, Mel.
The single guys had been drinking and partying while the coupled ladies were at bonfire, and welcome their return with a pool party. Melissa cuddles with Jerome in the pool, declares that Jerome is “misunderstood” and then they go back to her cabin “to retaliate a little.” I guess that’s what the kids are calling it these days. Meanwhile Stephanie and Jeff go for a walk on the beach to exchange deep thoughts, most of the thoughts being Jeff’s desire to convince Stephanie that Stef and Jeff sounds better than StephaNEE and AnthoNEE. Jeff has a “moment that will last forever” in his mind. Yeah, right up until his next opportunity to date someone with a boyfriend presents itself, eh Jeff.
Jeff may be a little… drifty… but it is Jason on the guys side who is absolutely sure of most things in his life. Tonight is no exception. He hears through Michael that it was Sandra who said on a video to Kara that Jason took off his necklace. Jason is already uptight, but this wrong is too much to bear. But how to handle it? Well, in the Jason handbook, there is only one option, and that would be the scorched earth policy.
At dinner, he bawls out… and I was very careful to check my wording there… the entire dinner party, and then zeros in on Sandra, shouting, pointing, glaring, and flexing. She is told in no uncertain terms that she had best pack now, for the boat out of town soon awaits her.
Sandra is shocked. Or, more accurately, she puts on that “I am shocked and innocent” look that women seem to master at a young age.
Sandra claims she doesn’t know what the hell Jason is talking about, and I have to say I agree most of the time. Jason is a standup guy though, so he calls on Michael the Man-ho, the source of this information, to confirm it. Michael says “I hear things” and keeps that maniacal grin on his face. No doubt the voices in Michael’s head cause him to hear many things.
The scene ends with Sandra sobbing, and mumbling, “I don’t remember, I don’t remember, I just talk!”
Thanks Bill, that sounds like so much fun. I want to go on a reality TV show. NOT. Fortunately for my carpeting, I seized on that little break in the action on the coupled ladies’ side of the island to take Corky out for a short walk, but made it back without missing a thing. Oh who am I kidding, I could have been gone for half an hour and not really missed anything with this show. But Corky was relieved. Good Doggy.
Back at the coupled ladies’ side of the island, Jeff is gushing about the wonderful time he is having with Stef, how they have so much in common that he just couldn’t hold back his feelings, and then he “overwhelmed” Stef with his feelings so she ran away. Nicely done, Jeff. Scare them off. Kara (Jeff’s first victim, er, object of his attention) pipes in that “Jeff doesn’t know what he wants.” Jeff is now talking to Kristin about his feelings for Stef and how he never really felt anything for Kara. Classy. It is now official the “Jeff Show” on this side of the island. I need a remote control, as I’m sick of watching Jeff TV. If you don’t believe me, check out my avatar.
Bill, can you tell us about the aftershocks from Jason’s tirade at Sandra?
Well, it was pretty quiet at the dinner table that night. Kaileen was upset, and felt Jason was way out of line. Erryn, who wins the weirdest spelling of a common name award for this show, tends to side with Jason, saying Sandra should have kept her mouth shut.
The next morning, Michael is at breakfast, and grinning as always. Why shouldn’t he? He didn’t have the bawls to boot Sandra himself, but he sure did get Jason fired up for it. Oh, and I spelled it like that on purpose… because I am exotic!
Mark calls them all together on the beach, and everyone expects this to be Sandra’s going away party. But no! Instead, the ladies will get 30 seconds with each guy to compliment them. I like the idea of this game. In fact, I think I every guy should be treated like that everyday. A little 30 second compliment break.
Most of the conversations are lame during the talk. Tiffany practically offers her chastity, or what little is left of it, to Michael. Then she tells Jason that she thinks he is sexy because he is scary. Yet more proof that being a nice guy is STOOPID. Finally Sandra makes her way to Michael and proceeds to whine a lot about the situation, and she says that she “did like” him. Ooooh Michael, I guess you aren’t going to prom with her. Eventually Jason and Sandra meet up, and the resulting conversations sounded a lot like the recent debate between the California recall gubernatorial candidates. Phrases such as “Very ungentlemanly” “Disrespectful” “Don’t intimidate me” and of course “I’ll be back!” were common.
The guys pick their dates. The Manho takes Ida, which makes Tiffany uncomfortable. Get used to it Tiff, you only need to look over at Sandra to see what your fate will be. Anthony picks Ashley, who brags that she will give 100%! Wow, not sure what that means, but I think Anthony is getting to second base at least. Jason chooses Eve. Eric… you remember Eric right? Well, Eric asks Kaileen.
Michael and Ida go snorkeling and have lunch. He is flirting as always, and she says, “Something in his personality captures me.” I suppose it is the same quality that Charles Manson had with the ladies. They drink, they talk, but nothing happens.
Eric and Kaileen bike ride. Well, sort of. In fact, it appears that you really can forget how to ride a bike, or at least she did. In the end, it was more of a bike push. They drink, they talk, but nothing happens.
Jason and Eve get windsurfing lessons. After that, they go shopping, for Kara. They drink, they talk, but nothing happens.
Anthony and Ashley head out for a banana boat ride. Noooooo, you dirty minded people, not that kind of banana boat. Though Ashley does say “he makes me feel really good”, so maybe I am wrong. Anthony says this feels the same as when he met Stephanie. They drink, they talk, and nothing happens, but I am not so sure it will not later on.
What does a group of gals stranded at a resort with a bunch of hot guys there solely to tempt them do for fun? Why, let’s play dress up. It’s little black dress night! Yippee! Everyone’s got one. I own several. I rummage through my closet and put on a little black dress so that I could get into the full Temptation Island experience while watching this special 2 hour episode. Corky eyes me up like I’ve gone mental, but not like Jason in a scary way, just like someone paying entirely too much attention to a crappy reality TV show.
How do you like my dress, Bill?
Uhm… nice dress LG. I know you love Mark and all, but you do realize he can’t see you through the TV right?
Mark interrupts the guy’s dinner, and says now is the time for someone to leave. The choice is swift, and Sandra is sent on her way. She leaves with a little dignity left, as opposed to the folks remaining. The moment kind of ruins the light dinner atmosphere for the second night in a row. Michael knows just what to say though: “Be happy you are here!” Yup, I expect his career in motivational speaking to kick off any day now. How is dinner at the ladies camp LG?
Ok then, we’re all dressed for dinner, except the single guys are a little, um, scruffy. Jeff leaves to get rid of his silly hat, something I’m all in favor of personally, and then he proceeds to rip on Guiles regarding his choice of headwear. After dinner Jeff and Stef head for the pool to resume their dissertation on Deep Thoughts. Jack Handey is hiding in the palm trees with a notebook, as he’s always looking for new material. Stef asks Jeff to back off a little, reminding him that she has a boyfriend. Jeff doesn’t see her point, as that was his whole reason for going after her in the first place. Stef has finally figured out that Jeff isn’t really thinking about things from her perspective, but hasn’t seen his inner lizard yet. She will. Just ask Kara. Just like those alien dudes from V, Jeff’s got cold, clammy reptilian skin under his ludicrous sideburns.
Meanwhile Kara is getting over being ditched by Jeff in favor of Stef and she’s having “silly fun” with cutie Ian. Good move, Kara, Ian seems like much more fun, and is better eye candy to boot.
Melissa and Jerome continue to exist and talk to each other, much to the disappointment and rage of Kristin, who doesn’t think Jerome should be there or that Melissa should have the right to pick who she spends her time with. After all, this is all about Kristin, right? Oh, there are 4 couples there, and they’re all there for the same reason? Hmmm, well then maybe Kristin’s self-important rant to Melissa about how it was unfair of Melissa to “keep” Jerome, the main guy that Melissa is interested in, was unfair to Kristin and the other 2 girls. Melissa understandably says “I need to get away from you before I strangle you” and Kristin says that she feels scared, and could get a restraining order against Melissa. Sorry Krissy, the court deciding that restraining order would have access to the whole tape, not just that one sentence, and actually order Melissa to strangle you in open court as the only equitable solution given that drama queen’s power move on Melissa for no apparent reason other than to feed her inner princess. Melissa tells us again that Jerome is “misunderstood” and she calls Kristin a “frigid” something that rhymes with witch, while Kristin rips on Melissa because she lives with her mother. Very mature stuff, ladies.
Ian reports about the catfight, and Melissa orders a t-shirt for Kristin with the words “Drama Queen” emblazoned across the chest. Yup, things are slightly more interesting, but not because of any romance, as we’ve stooped to watching a catfight for entertainment here on this side of the island. Any thoughts Bill?
Well, the fight would have been better if they had stripped down into Victoria’s Secret lingered and used down filled pillows… ahhhh, now that I would tune into watch. I guess we all have our little fantasies.
The guys have migrated to the bar. Eric seems more relaxed lately, and is talking with Ida. Not doing anything untoward mind you, but talking at least. Ida has really opened up too, offering her opinion on Jason “he is closed minded, but is learning”, Anthony “he is learning the most”, and Mike, who she thinks will cheat with Tiffany. Well, thank you Dr. Ida.
Meanwhile Michael continues to regale Tiffany with tales of sex that even this show has to bleep out. Plus, we get a gratuitous hand gesture fogging. You sure do love Melissa don’t you Michael?
The ladies now need to vote off a single guy. Much to luscious Mark Wahlberg’s surprise, the ladies are all in agreement and send 21 year old model Derrick packing. What Mark didn’t realize is that Derrick, who had initially been spending time with Stephanie, was miffed about Jeff moving in on his turf and asked to be booted, and the ladies were all too willing to make it so. Derrick works really hard to construct two sentences and says “he doesn’t like those feelings in his head.” What feelings are those, Derrick, thoughts? Yeah, thoughts can be pesky. No-one wants a Gloomy Gus around, so see ya Derrick.
The ladies now need to pick their next dates, which will be the last selection before their final dates. The final dates and the final reunion bonfire will all be shown next week Monday, starting at 8 Eastern, so be sure to catch that different date and time, just in case this show had actually accumulated a viewer or two in it’s month on the air.
Stephanie decided to let Jeff cool his jets and asks Michael. They go on zip lines through the jungle, which includes some really weird shots of Stephanie hanging upside-down with her crotch in Michael’s face, but he doesn’t seem to mind.
Kristin picks Guiles and they go deep sea fishing. I know that because they said that they were fishing, but I did not see a single fish. Heck, I didn’t even see any chum. They looked like they were having fun though, unlike poor Derrick’s date with Kristin where she wouldn’t shut up about herself. Get this, fans of irony, Guiles says that Kristin is misunderstood. Aren’t we all?
Kara asks Ian, and they go scuba diving. Ian says that he’s Aquaman. They saw neat fish and decided not to tell the others that the both chickened out over going to the lowest depth. Kara says they talked the whole date, which seems difficult given the fact they had scuba gear on for a big chunk of it, but whatever, they were having fun.
Melissa wants to explore her feeling for Jerome, and she just doesn’t care what other people think. You go, girl. Melissa and Jerome are first shown taking a long walk on a short pier. It looks like Kristin was picking their date activities. Then we see they get to go sailing, and Jerome enjoys steering the boat while they relax away from the rest of the folks from their resort.
Meanwhile, Michael is spending time confessing how much he loves Melissa. He is worried about how she is behaving. After all, he is strong, while she may not be able to withstand the forceful guys she is dating. It should be noted that Michael had to take a break from his incessant flirting with anything female to share those thoughts.
Jason missed Kara still. No change there.
Ashley stops by Anthony’s room to wake him up. She is wearing here “angel” sweatpants. I am guessing that is false advertising.
In a rather sneaky transition, we shift from Michael talking about Melissa and what she’s up to on her side of the island to a glimpse of Melissa talking to Jerome about Michael, and how the behavior she’s seen of his clips is nothing like the Michael she knows. Michael is such a prince, in fact, that he never calls her a bitch. Michael is a god among men, to be sure, but Melissa is feeling “very compatible” with Jerome, begging the question of whether or not they have checked to make sure they have compatible parts. You know mixing Mac and PC users just doesn’t work.
Kara is feeling very “independent” and while she wants to be with Jason, she isn’t sure if she should be in a long term relationship right now and wonders if she shouldn’t spend some time alone before they “stand together as a couple” for the rest of their lives. Maybe Mark Wahlberg was right when he said this year (as he does every year) that this show is about “exploring their relationships and their commitment” and it’s not just about sex. Well, if it is just about sex, then we’re certainly not getting our moneys’ worth, but we are getting a full serving of mental angst this week. Yippee! That’s about it from this side of the island, but aren’t the guys heading to bonfire now, Bill?
You are right LG. Bonfire.
Tonight, Mark is fed up with this choice thing when it comes to the video. This one is a must watch.
Eric is up first. He turns away, and does not allow the other guys to see his video either. Had he watched, he would have seen nothing of interest, which is ironic given this show…
Michael invites everyone to watch. Melissa is getting chummy with Jerome in the hammock and the pool. Then we see clips of the big fight with the other ladies over keeping Jerome around. Michael handles it well, after all, he is the Ice Man. He says again, he is ready for “forever”.
Jason sees Ian and Kara dancing. A little hug. Then the scene where she is getting her nails done, and says she wants to be with Jason, but is unsure if she should be. Jason says this is why they are here. Why you are here? To get Kara’s nails done?
Anthony brings up the rear, and we see Stephanie dancing, walking the beach in a towel, and hugging her boy toy. He says that she is flirting, but that is okay, he is as well. He loves Stephanie, but admits to being very attracted to Ashley.
Mark leaves them with the advice that they should choose their final dates wisely.
The ladies bonfire is also a “must watch” and Mark doesn’t explicitly give them the option to “close their eyes” as he plops the video tape player on smug lap. I’m sure her lap is smug, because it’s so special just by being close to her smug grin and her smug bum. Ok, I don’t know what I’m talking about here, just ignore me.
Kristin watches the video and it’s Eric sitting 5 feet away from a woman on a couch, drinking a beer. Well thank goodness he’s not SMOKING or anything unsavory like that. Kristin gloats because the video clearly shows that she’s dating a eunuch. Good for you, Kristin. Lord that over the other girls, please.
Kara is next, and she sees Jason bitching out Sandra, as that is must see TV, and now we’ve seen it three times just this episode. Kara wonders what Jason was doing and why was he such a jerk to that girl. She wonders about Jason’s maturity level in that he would bully a woman like that, and questions whether she wants to “give her life” to him. Here’s a tip, Kara: “Don’t GIVE your life to anyone.” Please don’t, and I’m serious about this. If that is how Kara feels a long-term relationship with Jason would be, she should put on her Reeboks and run like hell right now.
Stephanie gets some recycled clips of Anthony in the hammock with his same squeeze, stroking her hair and smooching behind a pillow, and in another scene putting his arm around her waist. Uber-bitch Kristin is hanging over Stef’s shoulder for a bird’s eye view of the pigs that are her competitions’ boyfriends. I’m beginning to think that Kristin’s only reason for coming on the show is to feel superior to the other three ladies, as she’s really not connecting with anyone, but loves to gloat. Mark asks Stephanie to talk about it, and then brilliantly surmises “you don’t want to talk about it” but they can both agree that Stephanie is “going to be alright” so with that insightful exchange we move on to the grand finale.
Melissa gets to go last, as the clips of Michael are always the juiciest. So provocative, in fact, that they can’t play the audio on TV and decide to not even share it with Kristin and the other coupled ladies. I’ll bet that really frosts her muffins. Melissa dons headphones and gets an earful of Mike-ho talking dirty to his lady-friend Tiffany. Tiffany looks just oh so very pleased to share with the camera that Melissa wouldn’t be thrilled to hear how dirty Michael talks to her. It looks like Tiffany went to the Kristin school of feeling superior and rubbing it in . We don’t get to hear the audio, but Melissa starts blinking really fast. Not sure if that means she’s upset or if she’s really a computer and she’s accessing her internal dictionary to see what the words he’s using mean, because according to Melissa, Michael has never talked to her like that. Yup, he’s a potty mouth. Next week’s highlights will include Melissa washing out his mouth with a bar of soap. That’s what passes for drama on this series: How sad. Melissa feels foolish because she’s realizing her boyfriend is an idiot and it’s embarrassing to see how he acts.
Mark reminds them that their next dates will be the final, overnight dates, and that their time at Temptation Island is almost over. Planting the seeds of carpe diem, Mark hopes that the ladies “seize the booty” and make the most of their remaining time, yet somehow I have my doubts. Only one more episode, Bill. We’re almost there. Heck, it’s on Monday, so we are almost there. Oh, why do we bother?
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