Temptation Island 9/4/03: It's All About the First Dates

[LG.]

Temptation Island 9/4 Episode

It’s All About First Dates

Welcome back to Temptation Island. Once again this week LG and Bill_in_PDX are your recapping team. Bill has claimed the italics again this week, so LG will be the plain text. We could use colored text to differentiate, but John the Admin is color-blind and we don't want him thinking that Bill is making a play for Mark Wahlberg.

Previously we were introduced to our four couples, and the 28 singles brought in to tempt them. Tension started early for Jason, who began what I am sure will be a long running conflict with Jeff, who himself can’t seem to make up his mind on the whole perplexing issue of sideburns. Yes Jeff, they are a pain aren’t they? LG here, and oh, thanks for letting me know those are supposed to be sideburns, Bill, as I wasn’t sure. I thought Jeff was trying to put a frame around his face because it’s so durn purty. Just like they used to tell me when I was a kid and had to wear my new glasses to school: “Your eyes are like beautiful paintings and they deserve frames.” Well, that was complete and utter bullshit because my eyes didn’t look any better behind those hideous Sophia Loren frames than my first pair of glasses did squashed under a stack of heavy books in my desk at school. Jeff, stick with the teeth whitening (which he certainly has appeared to master, by the way) and don’t mess with facial hair.

Last week was also a little tame by Temptation Island standards, so Fox immediately tosses out a parental warning at the beginning of the show, promising us… er… warning us, that sexual content is discussed on this show. I am sure that Fox must realize that is the only reason anyone watches this show. They need to start with the sex early, and keep it going. The purpose sure as heck isn’t to keep track of what Mark Wahlberg is wearing.

Oh, were you talking to me, Bill? I wasn’t listening as I was checking out Mark’s short sleeve blue shirt and khaki shorts combo. Wow, his calves are quite muscular, and what a nice tan. You can come tempt me anytime, Mark. Oohh, the parental warning, sorry Bill, I beg to differ. Unlike Paradise Hotel, which is just about hooking up and silly drinking parties (which, as we all know, leads to more hooking up), Temptation Island addresses serious issues about fidelity, relationships, the enduring or passing nature of love, a journey of self-discovery for 8 people poised at the edge of a relationship which may well change the rest of their lives, and . . . oh forget it, I can’t even believe that crap, yeah Bill, it is all about the sex. But leave my Marky alone.

Day 3 – Night

Bill here again, and it is time to pick up from where we left off last week, that being the four guys learning that they are screwed, and that four guys they thought were leaving the resort, will instead be dating their girlfriends the very next day.

Mark lets them suffer for a bit before the four tempters walk away, and are replaced by their four dates for the following day. Anthony smiles a devious grin. Michael looks scared, as if to say, “oh no, I might have to back up some of that bragging I did today”, and Jason is depressed. There is nothing that can cheer Jason up. First he got one upped earlier in the day, and then he had to sit quietly while Jeff chuckled at him. He is losing the battle of studs and he knows it. His best response is to sit and pout.

The men head back to their rooms, so I wonder what is going on with the Ladies?

Thanks Bill. Well, on the other side of the resort, the coupled ladies are equally shocked to find out that their “forbidden fruit” that they thought were evicted are actually the first dates. Will these twists and turns never end? It’s pretty risky to shake up people like this after providing them with unlimited alcohol for days on end. I wonder if Mark has to mop up puke himself or if they’ve got production assistants for that. Ok, I’m sure they’ve got fulltime staff for this show cleaning up a wide variety of substances that at one time were part of a human body, but I prefer to picture Mark doing it in some tight fitting maintenance engineer outfit. Maybe sporting a tool belt too. Ahhhhhhh.

Day 4 – First Dates

We start with the show’s first featured “star” Jeff, who starts in on his mission to tempt Kara just to annoy Jason even though he’s not particularly interested in her. We’ve seen more face time for Jeff than all three Ryans combined, so he’s definitely a Fox darling for this series. Jeff goes and picks a flower for his date with Kara, who says she thinks he’s a really good guy. They go for a catamaran ride and drink beer. She’s wearing some goofy monkey shirt. She later states that he’s “crazy” and Jeff asks if it is a good or bad way.

Jeff, according to himself, gives better massages than massage therapist Jason. We see Kara receiving a massage from Jeff. She’s not recoiling in horror, but also not auditioning for an Herbal Essence Shampoo ad (you know, the organic experience in the shower ads, I know you know what I’m talking about, YES, YES, YES *slams hand down on keyboard really hard* YES, you do), so I’m guessing it’s a passable massage, but not the be-all end-all massage Jeff thinks it is.

Hmmm, Kara seemed to like Jeff. I am no expert on these things, but I am guessing Jason isn’t going to enjoy hearing about that. No matter though, as he has his chance to grab some fun himself on a long hike with Amy, the 23 year old substitute teacher. They travel through some incredible scenery, and eventually arrived at a picturesque waterfall.

You would think that this would lead to at least a friendly day of getting to know each other, and who knows what else may happen. Well, you aren’t Jason. He is totally focused on Kara still, and pretty much ignoring Amy. I am starting to believe that coming to Temptation Island was likely Kara’s idea.

The date ends with lunch, and a brilliant exchange regarding the presence, or lack thereof, of mayonnaise on Jason’s sandwich, and his perception that his water smells fishy. He looks like he is going to turn into the Hulk over this issue.

Jason: Don’t put mayo on my sandwich. You wouldn’t like me when I am mad.

Jason, we don’t like you much when you’re not mad. Lighten up, dude! You’re on a tropical island with a babe who is here to tempt you, for crying out loud, have a beer, toss the fishy smelling water, and take a chill pill (which are better with beer, by the way).

Back to Kara and Jeff, we find out that Jeff is multi-lingual as he speaks Spanish in his quest to woo her. Kara’s very disappointed to learn that multi-lingual is not the same as cunnilingual, but I digress.

Meanwhile Anthony had met his date, Tiffany, 23, from Boca Raton. They have a very cool date activity, that being white water rafting. Afterward they sit and talk. Anthony is mostly talking about his girlfriend Stephanie though, and making cracks about Derrick’s perceived intelligence. After seeing Anthony in action though, I am not sure he wouldn’t be going to his lifelines quite early in any quiz he encounters.

Now, normally a gal would run from such talk about a different woman, but Tiffany is patient. As she notes, Stephanie is with “the hottest guy here.” She is confident she will get her shot at Anthony soon enough.

Given Derrick’s surfer boy looks, I figured his first date would have to involve surfing. I was wrong.

You were close, though Bill, as Stephanie and Derrick get to ride jet-skis, which is like surfing for people who like to sit on their asses while splashing around the water and who don’t mind the really annoying whine of the motor. It’s almost the same as braving the ocean with only a piece of fiberglass and ridiculously long swim trunks to ride the waves in harmony with nature like surfers. Oh wait, Bill likes to jet-ski. It’s a manly hobby, Bill, really. *Quick LG, change the topic.*

I’m still wondering what criteria Tiffany used when she characterized Derrick as the hottest guy here. Maybe he’s got the flu and is running a temperature. Good grief, someone get that boy an ice pack, he’s 102 and burning up. Ok, Derrick isn’t too tempting for me (and I’m sure the fact that I’m more than a decade older than him has nothing to do with that), but Stephanie seems to have a rather good time. She opens up and starts dishing to Derrick, who sits and looks clueless. I wonder if that’s a "deer in the headlights" look he learned in model school?

Kristin’s first date is with one of the Ryans. I think it’s Ryan M, but who can tell, as only Jeff is getting air-time among the single guys. Kristin and Ryan go swimming with the dolphins. I guess that’s a decent date, sure as heck beats “sleeps with the fishes” like Luka Brazzi from the Godfather movie. Kristin confides in Ryan that she prefers being in a relationship to dating “the field” so I predict that she will be coupled up with one of the tempters by the end of next week, just like Nikkole and Tommy New York last season. Good idea to go on this show, then, Kristin, as it’s all about the dating. Kristin remarks that Ryan reminds her of Eric. Ryan must be “her type” so if she can remember which of the three Ryans she was with, her new cuddle-bunny could be him.

Eric and Maria meet for their date. They seem pretty comfortable with each other, but more like friends. Maria notes this, saying that she wasn’t sure if there was a sexual thing going on, but that she is used to making men fall in love with her. She is confident that soon Eric will be yet another unwitting victim in her web of Maria love. LG here, sorry to interrupt Bill, but I’m yet another unwitting victim of Maria’s huge ego induced nausea. Puuleeze. Back to you.

They go snorkeling and Eric tries to remain the protective gentleman. He cautions her about all kinds of dangers in the area, and it is good thing he did, because even though the cove they swam at looked safer than a wading pool, you never know where the next threat is coming from. Just ask Jason.

Maria tells us on the side that Kristin should be worried.

Melissa isn’t worried, though, because she’s on her date with Ian. It’s a spa date, perfect for beauty queen Melissa. Melissa is all about getting a massage from Ian, who claims it was his “first time.” She asks him if he’s ever dated an “older girl” as he’s 23 and she’s 29. Ian admits that he has never dated an “older woman” and can’t even come up with a comment to lessen that blow, which leads me to believe he must cruise high school graduation parties for dates. Don’t make the same mistake that former Green Bay Packer Mark Chumura did with that, Ian. Melissa talks about Michael, how exciting for Ian. The staff let Ian have a drink, so he must have brought his ID, or the staff thought it was ok because he was with his mom. Ok, that’s just mean.

Finally, we come to Michael, the early going man-slut, hooking up with Tanaya. They go for a tube ride out off the coast.

Thanks to a gratuitous camera shot (and who would have thought that would happen on this show?) we know that Tanaya had an excellent bikini wax before heading to the island. They have a lot of fun together, and Michael is not holding back on the flirting. However, he thinks that Tanaya is being a little “coy”. How he comes to this conclusion, I don’t know. When asked why she is here, Tanaya says “for the boys”. Yeah, she is a conservative one for certain.

Michael is not known for his subtlety, and he tells Tanaya that he is ready for her to be totally open and wild. Gosh, whatever could you be implying there Michael? Then, he continues to have drinks brought to the table. When Tanaya says that she is easier if she hasn’t been drinking, Michael orders the drinks taken away.

Tanaya notes this behavior and confesses to us that there was even more flirting than she expected. If the producers offered a bounty to the singles for seducing the couples, you can bet that Tanaya would be counting her reward.

Later that night, the guys return to their hotel, and a party ensues. Lots of liquor and drunken dancing, but no one seems to get too out of hand. Jason continues to pout, and he is desperate to know what is going on with Kara.

Speaking of which, what is going on over there LG?

It’s a party over here, Bill. According to one of our coupled ladies, the guys at the resort went “tribal” by the pool. Much drinking and flirting. And chicken fights in the pool. Nothing says party like drunken chicken fights. Let’s just hope that Mark Wahlberg locked up the lawn jarts, as that would be just a bad idea at this point.

Kara and Jeff wander off onto the beach for some private time, and end up in Kara’s cabin. He says “you look cute, is that a good enough reason?” Jeff starts speaking Spanish again, and Fox is kind enough to translate his Spanish phrase of “te quiero siempre” to mean “I love you, always.” As a former exchange student who lived in Mexico years ago, I can hardly remember how to conjugate verbs, but I can certainly remember that “querer” has two English translations. One translation of “te queiro” is “I love you” and the other is “I want you”. If you really, really love someone, you say “te amo” not “te quiero” as that describes a more physical attraction than the deeply emotional love of “amor.” I’d say Jeff has it right, but Fox is giving him the benefit of the doubt. Not quite sure how that evening ends. Time to clean off those night vision camera lenses, Mark.

Day 5 – Ladies Vote

We get our first glimpse real glimpse of Mark Wahlberg tonight. Damn, he looks hot, and not in a feverish way like Derrick. The women take turns whereby each woman gets to "save" one guy until there are two left (because we're narrowing from 14 to 12 here, folks), and those two will get the boot. In the first round, the ladies pick three of their dates (but not Ryan M, what’s up with that, Kristin?), so Jeff, Derrick, and Ian are “safe” as is Kristin’s choice of Guiles. I guess maybe Kristin wants to look for a different “type” while on the show. The next round the ladies save John, Ryan, Chris, Michael. I know, I’m the recapper, I should know all of these guys, but they’re pretty much all still “not-Jeff” at this point. In the final round the first three ladies spare Jerome, Sterling, and Keith, leaving Melissa with the final pick between two Ryans and a Scott. Pick Scott. Pick Scott. Make my day, I can’t handle all these Ryans and we could be down to just one if Melissa would only pick Scott. Dammit, here was their chance to get down to just one Ryan and make my life easier, but no way, Melissa picks a Ryan.

That leaves two men out. Ryan, the marketing associate, and Scott, the Police Academy / SWAT dude pack their bags. They’re not bitter. Really. They still get their vacation on Fox, with less opportunity to publicly humiliate themselves and their entire families.

The ladies are surprised to learn that now they need to pick one more guy to go. Mark is sneaky that way. The ladies caucus. There is rather loud whispering and someone agrees with the boot choice just a little too enthusiastically for comfort. Stephanie is given the task to deliver the “bad” news to Keith, the 28 year old construction worker. As the oldest damn person on the island (save luscious Mark Wahlberg), 29 year old Melissa should have tried harder to keep someone else who went to high school in the same decade she did around. Nope, Keith gets sent packing. Eleven guys remain, and now only two of them are named Ryan.

Bonfire Meeting

Mark brings the ladies to the bonfire for their first video meeting. I have to believe he is gunning for Jeff Probst’s job as he does his best “fire is life” speech, while encouraging the ladies to feel like they can spill all their inner most secrets here just between friends… and all those cameras.

The ladies look radiant in the flickering light, as does Mark. Oh Mark, you’re too damn sexy, I think Melissa is going after you. You’d have to admit that Mark is sexier than Jeff “yeah I wear the same shirt everyday” Probst, especially now in the light of the bonfire wearing a blue and white long sleeved button down Brooks Brothers shirt. You the man, Mark.

Kara is the first to have to decide whether or not to watch video of Jason from the other side of the island. She’s going to see lots of moping and whining and perhaps some shots of him playing with his beverage on the world’s most boring date with Amy. Kara doesn’t want to watch it, so she declines. Mark seems rather peeved with her answer, as he LIVES for showing these folks videotape.

Melissa, however, is all to eager to see how Michael, the guy who got no bracelets from the temptresses last week, is fairing. She’s a little surprised as she gets some footage of Michael’s date with Tanaya and later possibly smooching her in the pool in some grainy video from a really poor angle. She’s upset, but not as upset as I am with that camera work. Come on, is that the best video that they come up with for a bonfire video session? Mark, you tease.

Stephanie elects to watch and gets trash talking from Anthony's date, but there isn’t much dirt on Anthony, so Fox had to manufactures some drama by having his date talk about him. Stephanie knows that she’s only seeing trash talk because there isn’t any real dirt to show from Anthony’s date or other “adventures” so she’s confident and happy that she watched the tape.

Kristin flat out declines to watch, and no-one really tries to convince her otherwise. In sharp contrast, we're not back to Kara, who was much more wishy-washy about her denial earlier. Mark goes back to her and gives Kara the hard sell, because he’s just DYING to be able to show video of Kara’s date with Jeff to Jason and Mark can’t do it if Kara doesn’t watch Jason’s videotape. Kara succumbs to the pressure and they get a shot of worst date ever, fiddling with his water and saying that it smells like fish. She’s happy she watched it, proclaims it is the funniest thing she’s seen all day. It’s exactly the Jason she hoped would grow and mature. Yeah, complaining about your food while on a date is really mature.

Tonight was ladies choice, so the three guys whose girlfriends watched videotapes will have tapes of their girlfriends played at bonfire, but Eric will not given Kristin’s refusal.

The ladies having finished, it is time to bring on the men. Fortunately we don’t have to suffer through another bonfire speech.

Oh Bill, you loved Mark’s little homage to fire and you know it. How else would we know that this is where all secrets will be revealed? Well, other than the fact that Mark shows up with a small video monitor and videotapes, and this is how they’ve done it for 2 other seasons of the show, but at least he isn’t “redundant man” saying “the videotape has spoken” as he snuffs out each of the guys’ egos week after week.

On to Anthony, who is first up. The guys gather around, and watch as Stephanie jet skis and frolics in the pool with her date. Anthony is upset, as after all, it looked like Stephanie was having fun, and we can’t have that.

He starts babbling something about “the Stephanie he knows wouldn’t do something like that.” Uhm, do you think they brought in a stunt Stephanie or something?

Finally, he resigns himself to reality, and notes that he asked for this. That is the smartest thing he has said since arrival. He is so shaken that he declines the opportunity to watch Michael’s video.

Michael is up next, and he watches as his girlfriend, Melissa lies face down on the table, and the other guys quickly note that she is topless. That gets Anthony’s attention, and he races over to watch alongside everyone as she gets her massage. Michael says he is okay with what he saw, but his lips are quivering as he does so. I am glad to see that he didn’t make a big deal out of it, given that he was ready to head off to happy land with Tanaya just a few hours earlier.

Eric learns that Kristin declined to watch her video, so he will be denied that as well. It comes out that they had both agreed to not watch each other while they are at the island. I give that deal an over / under of about two episodes before it falls apart. The only question is, who will give in first? oooh, I want in on this, Bill, and I’ll take Kristin as the first to crack. If she gets a glimpse of Eric even approaching fun in the backgrounf of any of the other girls’ videotapes of their boyfriends in the pool or whatnot, she’ll be wanting to see the extended version of Eric’s Big Adventure. And tears will fall. You don’t have to be Carnac or Miss Cleo to predict that.

Saving the best for last, we come to Jealous Jason. Now, the biggest question to me was, why did Kara watch her movie, when it would force Jason to see her enjoying herself with Jeff? That is pretty selfish really. Yeah, and Mark didn’t lean on her hard at all to watch it, eh Bill? And to think people say he does nothing as a host. He brought the drama here tonight. And the heat. Oh yeah. Oooops, little tangent there, sorry, back to you Bill.

As expected, Jason almost goes ballistic seeing Kara cozying up to Jeff, and the Spanish “I love you” is the final straw. The guys are laughing as they watch, but Jason quickly yells at them to shut up. The video ends and he sits in stunned silence. He is sure that Kara knew he hated Jeff, and as he says, it is clear “she doesn’t have a problem with him.”

The guys return to their hotel, and the videos have had the desired effect. Both Anthony and Jason are inconsolable. Anthony vows to open up and be himself. Watch out everyone! Anthony is going to be himself! Let’s hope everyone around him has safety glasses.

Anthony is what I’d consider a “fast learner” as it’s obvious he’s never seen the show before or he would have had more of an idea what to expect, but now, as career FOX Reality TV chow contestant Toni Ferrari would say, it’s “game on!” and that is exactly what FOX is hoping for.

Next Week

The guys are treated to a provocative party. Michael continues to be a man-ho. The single men get into heated arguments over the ladies. Until then, we wish you a great week. Your comments are welcome, email: lurkinggirl@fansofrealitytv.co m or bill_in_pdx@fansofrealitytv.co m .

[Google]

 

[hollywoodbarbie]

Very well done.

[Bill]

Thanks for posting this LG. I promise not to comment on Mark again this season... okay, maybe I can't keep that promise

[LG.]

promises we can't keep . . . I think that's completely within the spirit of this show Bill.

[buttercup]

Brilliant recap. Can't wait for tonight's episode.