Chelsea

[Debb70]

I realize they have needs like anyone else, but none of them are stable mentally, emotionally, or financially at this point and they do not have the time or capacity in their lives for a man. When you choose to have unprotected sex at 16, those are the things you are risking giving up if you get pregnant. They have to give up dating for the sake of bettering theirs and their children's lives. That's what being a mother is...sacrificing things you want for your children.

I agree. It is ironic how many parents will say that they love their child so much that they would do ANYTHING for them, but in reality won't even do simple things like give up drugs, date only sane people, not yell and argue around the child, set a good example by getting an education, etc. These are things the parent could do for the child, but they chose not to. There is no need for drama, you don't have to lay down your life or walk over hot coals, just act like a mature person and set a good example for the kid.

[MamaAmyG]

Okay, I'll give it a shot. I think it's a bit much to claim that because sex feels good that the need for it becomes a constant, insatiable craving that must be satisfied, no matter what, if one goes too long without it. If that were true, I guess it would excuse teenagers--and adults--from engaging in all kinds of stupid hook-ups that might be physically or emotionally damaging. They could just whimper, "Oh, but I just hadn't had sex in so long that I couldn't think of anything else. The urge was uncontrollable and I just had to have it, no matter the consequences."

It's not like human beings are the equivalent of animals in heat. There are plenty of people who go without sex for extended periods of time without becoming so fixated on the need for it that they can't function or lead fulfilling lives. Perhaps because I attended a Catholic college, my first thought was that I had many fine teachers who were nuns who were funny, insightful, altogether human females who seemed to function just fine--and though people don't realize it, an awful lot of contemporary nuns are joining the convent after living adult lives prior to becoming nuns, which means they're not all dewy-eyed sixteen year old virgins anymore. In fact, that's a huge exception to the rule. For that matter, I know women who have been widowed or divorced who have waited quite a while to date, much less have sex, without having some kind of major emotional meltdown that required them to have sex, no matter what. Heck, women who have just hit a run of bad luck in terms of finding a relationship don't always just throw caution to the wind and jump into bed with the first guys who'll have them, because they haven't had sex in a while.

As has been pointed out elsewhere, lots of things feel good. You can have cravings for lots of things. That doesn't mean you have to indulge those cravings or go nuts from depriving yourself. I guess you might if you were addicted, but most people aren't addicted to sex. I'd be willing to agree that young people often have less self-control than more mature adults, but once these teenagers have become parents, it's time for them to grow up. If they want to have sex, the very least they could do is practice some birth control and understand, before they choose their method, exactly how reliable it is and exactly how vigilant they have to be about following the rules for using it prior to having sex again. I noticed that at Leah's bridal shower, when she was kidded about how fast she got that condom on that banana, she laughed and said that she was going to make darn sure she didn't end up with another surprise pregnancy on her hands. Of course, no method of birth control is 100% effective, but at least she'd gotten the message, loud and clear, that you better do your best to use some method if you don't want to get pregnant again. So, yeah, I think it's hyperbole to assert that young women--or women of any age--are going to have sex because they simply haven't any other biological choice. They do. And some choose to exercise it. That doesn't make them prudes or psychologically suspect. It just means they've made a different choice than those who decide that how good having sex feels is a biological mandate that outweighs the possible consequences of having sex.

Very well articulated.

The ability to delay gratification is a sign of maturity, and IMO is an increasing cultural problem. Being responsible for another human being means that one should be responsible, and be willing to delay that gratification, or at very absolute least, be fully cognizant of the risks that come with their choices.

If you have sex, you risk pregnancy - period. You can make the risk small, and you can terminate a pregnancy if you choose, but the risk is there. (same for STDs) Are you willing to pay the price for any risks that become reality?

[candor]

I just want to know how old is too old to whine like a teenager? Chelsea is a young adult going on 13.

[Tilden]

I don't know that whining is ever a pleasant sound coming from anyone at any age. I was going to say infants, of course, have the right to whine, because they don't know any better, but I'm not sure infants really do whine, per se. They cry and they fuss, but they don't make that really annoying whining sound until they're toddlers, when they start recognizing that it's annoying but that it does get attention.

I think that's the problem. If Chelsea stopped getting what she wants--or at least getting attention, positive or negative--for whining, she might stop doing it. I noticed in the finale episode that when she wanted sushi and her mother told her she could make her some soup (a more sensible choice for someone with a cold), she whined that she wanted sushi. Her mother wasn't moved by the whining, so she called Daddy, and he brought her sushi to her house--where her mother wouldn't see it. I know she said she was going to her house to get diapers, but she deliberately called her dad and asked him to meet her at her house with the sushi. She's like a little kid playing one parent against another--and she whines to Daddy when her whining doesn't have the desired effect on Mommy.

[Tilden]

Very well articulated.

The ability to delay gratification is a sign of maturity, and IMO is an increasing cultural problem. Being responsible for another human being means that one should be responsible, and be willing to delay that gratification, or at very absolute least, be fully cognizant of the risks that come with their choices.

If you have sex, you risk pregnancy - period. You can make the risk small, and you can terminate a pregnancy if you choose, but the risk is there. (same for STDs) Are you willing to pay the price for any risks that become reality?

I agree about delayed gratification being a seemingly lost art. I have an excellent credit rating, because I was raised to believe that you did not live beyond your means. Even as a kid, I understood that there were things we, as a family, didn't do because we simply couldn't afford them. Doesn't mean I was deprived of every desire, but that I understood that just because I wanted or liked something didn't mean that I had to have it. I found it vastly amusing that when I recently refinanced my mortgage to get a better rate, my bank was ever so anxious to offer me an additional loan ("Isn't there something you might like to upgrade around the house? Isn't there a trip you'd like to take?"), because of my lack of debt. Heck, the reason I lack significant debt, beyond my mortgage, is because I don't take out loans for things I don't necessarily need. That way, if I have an actual emergency, I'm not caught short of cash.

I have a friend whose eleven year old desperately wanted an I-pod. He said fine, if you earn it yourself. He helped him work out a savings plan with his allowance and offered him extra jobs around the house that he could do to supplement his allowance. He also helped him comparison shop for the best price on what he wanted. His kid takes extremely good care of that I-pod, because he earned it, and he knows if he loses it, he's going to have to replace it himself. The lessons he learned--delayed gratification, earning what you want, comparison shopping--are so much more important than the I-pod is, even if he doesn't really understand that yet.

And yeah, I realize all that has to do with money, not sex, but the principle of delaying gratification because of larger goals remains the same. These young parents are having to delay, or forego, college and many other valuable experiences most people their age get to have because they didn't handle their sex lives responsibly.

[princessleslie]

I think that's the problem. If Chelsea stopped getting what she wants--or at least getting attention, positive or negative--for whining, she might stop doing it. I noticed in the finale episode that when she wanted sushi and her mother told her she could make her some soup (a more sensible choice for someone with a cold), she whined that she wanted sushi. Her mother wasn't moved by the whining, so she called Daddy, and he brought her sushi to her house--where her mother wouldn't see it. I know she said she was going to her house to get diapers, but she deliberately called her dad and asked him to meet her at her house with the sushi. She's like a little kid playing one parent against another--and she whines to Daddy when her whining doesn't have the desired effect on Mommy.

I noticed that too. I can't remember, but she said in her 16 and pregnant episode, when her parents got divorced and when she moved in with daddy. I think if she stayed with mommy she might have been forced to get off her butt a little more and give up a lot of the perks she hasn't earned.

[princessleslie]

So I just found out chelsea works at a tanning salon...shocking right?

[Tilden]

So I just found out chelsea works at a tanning salon...shocking right?

Didn't Amber work at a tanning salon for a while too? You know, before it got too hard, and she had to quit.

[princessleslie]

Didn't Amber work at a tanning salon for a while too? You know, before it got too hard, and she had to quit.

I think it was a salon...i can't remember to be honest. I'm quite surprised Chelsea hasn't gotten fired yet. Definitely explains why she is always so tan...despite the fact that she lives in the north and half the show was filmed in the dead of winter.

[Tilden]

I think it was a salon...i can't remember to be honest. I'm quite surprised Chelsea hasn't gotten fired yet. Definitely explains why she is always so tan...despite the fact that she lives in the north and half the show was filmed in the dead of winter.

I live in the same city as Chelsea, and there's no way those scenes were taped in the dead of winter. Besides, it couldn't have been more than fall in the last episode, when Corey and Leah got married, and they showed other scenes that were on July 4.

Trust me, Chelsea doesn't have the wherewithal to deal with winter up here. She probably hides under a hideous pink and leopard blankie, whining for Daddy to bring her hot chocolate for the whole month of January.