Last week: Jeffy switched up the tribes, sending some of the youngsters over to Espada and some of the old timers to La Flor. Knowing he was a target, Marty held onto his immunity idol during tribal in a ballsy move as both Yve and Kelly B were voted out instead, leaving Useless Dan to hang around like a fungus that just won’t go away. This week: Jane enjoys a secret cookout, Espada impresses by actually winning things, and Jud pees in the challenge pool. Oh, yes he does.
Lucky Number Thirteen
Thirteen of these people are left, and I find that I only like about three of them. Sad. After the double boot, the tribes tromp back to camp - Espada immediately begins conspiring to get rid of newly friendless Alina, who has soul-piercing eyes, according to NaOnka. I don’t think NaOnka has much of a soul to be pierced, so she needn’t worry. Useless Dan, happy to make it through yet another Tribal, dubs himself Teflon Dan, since these dolts seem intent on keeping his sorry behind for reasons beyond me.
Over at La Flor, Marty is incredibly impressed with himself and the size of his cajones for keeping the idol and not getting voted off. It would be one thing if he boasted about this privately in a confessional; but no, Marty blabs this to his tribemates! He then goes on a rant about how he knows Jane voted for him to go, and how very desperate she is. He does his best to paint a target on her back, yet sidles up to her later, confronting her about her vote. She admits nothing of the sort, but laughs at Marty, pats him on the back, and walks off. Jane rocks, by the way. Marty, steaming, returns to camp and rants anew about Jane, mimicking her laugh as she blew him off. I think the others have learned to ignore him. I need to acquire that skill.
Jill - remember her? Boring player in the awful grass green swimsuit? - is still stuck like white on rice to Marty’s behind. That’s about all I can say about Jill, who does a whole lot of nothing in the background.
Putting the P in Pool
Reward challenge! A small pool is set up, with a net on one end, a sloping platform on the other, and a pedestal in the middle. Tribes must take turns trying to get a ball past the opposing team’s “defender” and into the net. Jud and Chase are chosen as defenders, and the game starts. They’re supposed to leap off the platform, then throw the ball. But then there’s Dan, who feebly tosses the ball so softly it doesn’t get past Jud at all, then he does a little hop into the water as his tribe shakes their collective heads in disgust. “He can’t even jump right,” they murmur. Hey, you idiots kept him over Kelly B. Marty takes out some of that rage of his on Chase’s family jewels, nailing him square with the ball as Jeff laughs. I'm sure it was an accident. *snort*
Then, Jud decides to take a pee break in the middle of the game. Right there in the pool. As he lingered in the water for a while, Jeff asked him what he was doing. Silly boy proudly announced what he was doing, much to the eww of the others. As he explained how a full bladder would affect his game skills, a bemused Jeff asked the others if they pee in pools, too. Not one of them copped to it, all shaking their heads in disgust. I actually looked up one poll: of 1000 people asked, one in five admitted to pool peeing. So there you go.
The one good thing to come of this? NaOnka had to jump in the pool immediately following Jud’s addition to the water. Karma, baby. And: Espada wins reward after Benry’s last throw! For their troubles, they get to visit a farm, milk cows, ride horses, and chow down on a fresh breakfast.
One For Me and None For You
A downtrodden La Flor drags back to camp. Jane, no dummy to what’s going on, does her best to stay in the good graces of the young’uns. She works hard around camp and fishes for them while bums like Sash lay around and sleep. Sash, who is now on my Do Not Like list, freely admits that he has no problem with letting someone else do all the work and feed him, the lazy ass. And if his attitude wasn’t bad enough, his nipples creep me out. Seriously. They look like little shifty eyes, following me around the room. Pay attention next week and see what I mean.
While Jane does her best to stay tight with her tribe, she’s not about to be a doormat. As she checks out the nifty trotline she’s set out, she happily sees a decent sized catfish hooked. Grinning, she takes her catch to the woods to cook and eat, away from her lazy tribemates. And I don’t blame her one bit.
Over at the farm, Chase is very much enjoying his horseback ride, as it reminds him of his dad. When it comes time to milk some cows, NaOnka looks like she’s rather be anywhere but there. She’s not thrilled to be “touching cow’s nipples”. I’m sure they’re not thrilled with you touching them either, hon. And of course, Useless Dan can’t do this right, either, squirting milk all over his leg. Once the breakfast feast is brought out, Holly starts to shake at the sight of it. Food, glorious food. She gets all emotional and chatty and sappy, leading to Alina breaking out in tears, also. NaOnka isn’t buying it, of course, thinking Alina is doing it just to be devious. Just eat and enjoy, people.
Jeff Hates Tiles
Immunity challenge time, and it involves breaking more tiles by using a contraption of ropes, platforms, and chutes. While people pull on ropes to aim the chutes, two others choose from various sized balls to launch and hopefully break tiles. Sash’s lazy ass sits this one out, and - can you believe it? - Espada win this one, too. Amazing. Oh, wait. That means both Useless Dan and NaOnka will be around another week. Damn.
La Flor wastes no time in plotting against Marty and Jill. Jane included, as she wants them gone for treating her like they do/did. Knowing that Marty has the immunity idol, Sash deviously comes up with the idea to get it from him in exchange for his safety. Brenda one ups him, saying that why not take the idol AND vote him out? It’s not like Jill can come after them. But can they be mean enough to do it, she wonders...
Sash slithers up to Marty and presents his idea. Marty knows that he’s screwed either way: he can keep it and be forced to use it at Tribal, or he can give it up and hope they keep their word. He’s powerless, and this makes for an unhappy Marty. He hands the idol over to Sash, and they head to Tribal.
Jane and Marty trade a few jabs, but it’s nothing too nasty. He calls her a flipper, saying she’ll do anything to save herself. Brenda jumps to Jane’s defense, countering that Jane is a genuine person and has really tried to make an effort. Knowing that Jane bashing won’t get him anywhere, Marty changes subjects and admits to Jeff that he gave the idol to Sash. Jiffy asks Sash about this, and he admits that he has it in his pocket. When Jeff asks Sash if he’d be willing to let one of his tribemates “hold” it for safekeeping, Sash squirms and says that would serve no purpose right now. I half expect him to drop to the ground and start hissing My Precioussss.....Sash continues: “But if there’s a time when I lose trust in them - OOPS, I’m sorry, if there’s a time when they lose trust in me, then I’ll have to turn it over.” Jeff jumps all over his Freudian slip, but Sash insists it was just a slip of the tongue. Jud, who actually knows what a Freudian slip is, gives his two cents on the subject in a shockingly coherent reply. Playing dumb? Could be.
Everyone goes to vote and Marty sweats it out. No need, as they kept their word: 2 votes for Jane, two for Marty, and 3 for Jill, who takes her atrocious green swimsuit far away from my tv screen, making the cemetery walk to become the 8th boot. I had hoped some zombies would crawl out from behind the tombstones in honor of Halloween this week, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be.
Join us next week as BritLit recaps all the merge fun, and NaOnka steals food from the tribe’s stash. What a winner she is.