Yoffy lifts a finger...
Standing In The Shadows : A Collaboration - Week 11
Wow, what an amazing last three days I have had.
First of all, I should point out that I hate Rob for backstabbing Alex, and our alliance. Alex was so dreamy, even though he was a little chubby from all the manioc he was eating. Oh sure, Jenna liked him, and so did whatshername, you know the one with an afro; but he hadnít been given the full Heidi treatment. I am sure he would have picked me. Now we will never know, because of that jerk Rob. Doesnít he realize that finishing fourth behind us beautiful people would have been a great honor for someone like him? I hate Rob.
I sure do like Rob. Jenna and I thought we were in trouble once Alex went. He came to us with a great plan to get rid of Christy. How could we not trust him, he has been honest with us the whole game as far as I can recall. Besides, Christy really needed to go, she was so rude. Jenna and I tried to approach her with an alliance plan, and she acted like we were ugly people. Gosh, some folks just get so jealous of beauty, but that is my burden to bear in this life.
Even with this plan in place, I was nervous prior to tribal council. You never know what could happen there, and that Jeff sure does ask a lot of suspicious questions. Who the heck does he think he is? But what made me almost cry again was when Jenna gave me immunity. It was the biggest thing ever to happen to me since my special surgery. That sure was nice of her to do. See how we pretty girls stick together? If only we could teach the rest of the world to be so caring.
Iíve been walking this wire for Tribal Council after Tribal Council and the wire is getting thinner and thinner. If I were Dave Iím sure I could come up with examples of wire thickness. Alas, I am not Dave. All I know is it's getting trickier and trickier to keep everything straight.
I talked with everyone briefly before the Reward Challenge and Iím feeling OK.
We met up with Jeff on the beach for the Challenge. We would be playing for the opportunity to see a loved one. My right hand is here, so I donít know whom they could have brought. It didnít matter, I wanted to see someone who loved me. It was really only between Me and Matt. He took an early lead in the boat. Of course, there seems to be nothing he canít do. Itís beginning to piss me off. Matt beat me, but not by much. Perhaps I shouldnít have tried to row the boat while half of it was still on the beach.
Matt gave up his visit so we could all have one instead. Everyone thought this was so great, but Whatever! All of us would have done the same thing. I got to see my Mom. I was so happy to be able to tell someone how bad I have been. She laughed and said she wasnít at all surprised. I bet she would have been surprised if sheíd stuck around.
We all got drunk while Matt, who did get a LONG visit with his Mom, was away. I decided since Butch was the only other guy around Iíd walk around in my Speedoís and sing. Everyone loved me, they were all laughing. I wouldnít be surprised if I get calls to model swimwear with Jenna after I win the million.
Jenna shocked me. I went to her so we could vote off Christy. Christy wonít commit to voting Heidi and I canít take the chance of a tie. I told her Iíd take her to the final two. I guess I shouldnít have said it was because I thought I could beat her. She seemed upset about that. Then BAM!! She tells everyone in camp the plan I had cooked up. Talk about doing some spinning!
Going to the Immunity Challenge was nerve racking. Jeff started to approach me to get the necklace back. Sensing he was going to rip it off my neck I quickly took it off and gave it to him. The Challenge was lame. We had to use this stupid Dennis The Menace Slingshot to break plates with our names on them. Blah blahÖ I wound up losing so I donít give a crap. The important thing is to make sure I control the vote.
I spoke with everyone. Christy will go this evening. Sorry Charlie, but you just should have agreed to vote my way. I am the puppet master. I have a plan, a backup plan and backup plan to the backup plan that even Matt doesn't know about. I will win. Then Dave, Alex and hell, even Matt will wish they were me. I canít wait.
Now that Alex is gone, Iím really the only one left with the brute strength to win any kind of physically demanding challenge. I feel pretty good about that. I also managed to stay out of the way of the sh*t-storm called Jenna. I feel pretty good about that too. I made sure to tell Jenna and Heidi that I wonít be causing any friction around camp just because they voted for me. That leaves them plenty of time to focus all of their ire towards my little buddy, Rob. Yessiree, this is working out quite nicely. Christy hates the other two girls, Jenna and Heidi hate Rob and Christy, and Rob hates Jenna and Heidi, (not to say that he wouldnít still pay good money to see them naked). They all seem to have targets on their backs and thatís fine by me.
When it came time for the reward challenge, Jeff told us we would be playing to see one of our loved ones. I thought about throwing the challenge just because, hey, Iím a grown manÖI only see my family a couple times a year anyway. They are used to me traveling around the world on great adventures, and the game is almost over. Whatís the big deal, right? Then I remembered Jenna and Heidiís reaction when Christy won her letter from home. How could I possibly pass up an opportunity to make those self-righteous girls cry?!?! Besides, it would have been nearly impossible to throw the challenge anyway. Did you see the way everyone just flopped into the water because they couldnít get their boats to work? Pathetic. Truly pathetic. SoÖI won. Jeff threw a curveball though. He asked me if I would give up my visit so that every other member of the tribe could have one. Well, the girls were already crying their beady little eyes out, so mission accomplished. That, (and the fact that I could otherwise write-off every single one of their votes when I make the final 2), is what made me give up my reward. Everyone was so busy chatting with their visitors that I managed to drink a little more than my fair share of the wine. Thatís when Jeff told me that HE believed it is better to give than receive too, and he had a boatman deliver my mother to me. ďHI mom, Iím drunk!Ē was all I could really think to say.
I had planned on a nice romantic evening with mother, but then I saw the fried chicken and all bets were off. I had a fried chicken celebration the likes of which has never been seen. That curveball of Jeffís worked out to my best advantage afterall. I got to play God. And not just any God. God with fried chicken!
Too bad mother couldnít have stuck around for the immunity challenge. Mumsy loves a good game of shuffleboard. I didnít really have much enthusiasm for it, myself. I figured there were 4 people with targets on their backs and I wasnít one of them, so why draw unnecessary attention to myself by winning two challenges in a row? Rob and I had a plan and a backup plan, (and knowing him, there was probably a backup plan to the backup plan). Anyway, Christy is gone now. Thatís one less pleasant personality Iíll have to compete against come final 2 time.
Oooooh, my head! That was not a good three days for the Butchinator. I'm still confused. Why am I always confused? I'm starting to think people don't tell me everything I need to know to be successful in this game. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I need to think! How did I get to this spot?
I remember working on that new clothing shelter with Matt. I gave the group plenty of warning when the storm clouds started to roll in. Very proud of that. You don't want to be taken off-guard by one of those ferocious Amazon squalls. They can kill you.
After that, we had the big Reward Challenge. I pretended not to find the oar for my boat right at the beginning. I've really been working the whole "I'm so horrible at Challenges" strategy from the beginning. I'll bet everybody thinks I'm completely worthless at winning Challenges. Wait till they see me unveil what the kids call my "mad skills" when the chips are really down. Maybe one or two more Challenges, and I'll reveal my true strength.
Anyway, thanks to Matthew, I was able to see my wife. It was great. She and I got completely lit, just like in the old days. I was nervous about the kids at the school seeing me get all liquored up, but not nervous enough to keep pounding the vino back at the shack. I thought I was doing pretty well there for a while, but I wound up getting a teensy bit ill and painting the camp, if you know what I mean, before finally passing out. After that, I don't remember very much. That's perfect, though. I can show that to the kids as sort of a cautionary tale. "Don't let this happen to you!" That kind of thing.
I guess I still must have been pretty hung over after that because I coulda swore I had an alliance in place going into Tribal Council. But, like so many times before in this crazy game, somebody I thought was in my alliance wound up marching out of the game. I don't understand these people. Don't they realize we have an alliance?! Why are they leaving the game? It just doesn't make sense.
Oh, well. The Chain works in mysterious ways. I still Believe.
Words can not describe how pissed off I was at Rob after he turned on our alliance. That weasel even tried to make things right with me by offering to take me to the Final 2.
Who does he think he is dealing with? Unlike him, I pride myself on my high moral values. Keep in mind that stripping off my clothes in front of everyone just to get chocolate and peanut butter doesnít count. The point is that I donít backstab my friends, so I wasnít about to go along with his plan.
His treachery was not going to go unpunished, so I decided to unveil the puppet masterís plan to everyone. I let that dorky virgin boy have it, and not in the way he had fantasized about. He was squirming like the worm that he is. I even told him that I would be unfriendly towards him and make his life a living hell. Pretty much what Iíve been doing with Christy but with more venom.
Amidst all my frustration, there was one good thing that happened to me after the RC. The winner, Matt, was given the option of letting us have a visit from our loved ones if he gave up his visit from his mom. That was my cue, and I gave my award-winning sobbing performance. It worked like a charm. Matt felt bad for me and Heidi, and gave up his visit from his Mom. I was able to get to hug and talk to my dad. I gave that creepazoid, Matt, a hug because his actions pleased me. See! That's another example of my high moral values at work.
It was do or die time before Tribal Council. Heidi and I were not about to go out without a fight, so Heidi approached Christy about switching alliances. She is so beneath me that I didn't even want to look at her ugly ass, much less talk to her. Good thing that Heidi worked out a deal with the weasel Rob, because I couldn't stomach sharing the same camp with that Christy another minute. Iíll take a backstabbing weasel anytime over an Ugly Nobody.
I can't believe what has happened. This entire time out here I have tried to play the game, and to keep my dignity. Never once have I been cruel to someone. I can't believe I got voted out tonight. I worked hard the entire time I was honest and never hateful.
I thought for sure we had it going, that now that Rob had come to us we would go on and be the top four. Then I couldn't believe it when Heidi came to me for my vote. Sure, now she needs me, she couldn't stoop to be even polite just once but now hey we want to take you to the top three so you can go out at number three. Unbelievable! Even then, Jenna couldn't look at me or just be nice for a second to ask for my vote.
Then there is Rob, what a snake in the grass, just never know what he is doing.
Well, I read that wrong, and I didn't deserve to be gone tonight! I may not have deserved to be the last one standing but I definately should have been there longer than those two witches.
I so hope they are not the last two standing, ugghhh what will I do? I pray it is Matt or Butch in there somewhere. I don't think I can cast a vote for either of those two wicked step sisters! I am sooo upset and I could kick myself for not talking more to Matt and Butch! What was I thinking!
Well, now I will just have to work on the other members of the jury and I am making it my personal quest to make sure that if either of those girls gets to the final two that they don't win. They really showed their true colors after Robs actions last week and how dispicable they thought he was they STILL decided to go with him! What a joke! Well, there is no honor among thieves so hopefully they will do each other in and maybe Butch will pull through!
With thanks to everyone who contributed.
Wonderful work everyone - you've got them all nailed.
Great job all! This was hilarious!
Jumpin' on the Clay Train
All were good, but Heidi was the best! Thanks for the laughs.
Fantastic shadows! Great job everyone!
nice read and funny. Definately got them all pegged
I am surprised he has made it this far.....
I do hope he is going to wake up after Christy getting the boot.
I'm curious as to what Matt says to him (or has said) with voting Christy off.
I thought these 2 were tight and I think Butch thought that too.
What a good show this is.
Again, good job all of you!!
(I printed this out for a few computer illiterate people) they loved it too.
The race is back!
Thanks for the great article
I realize it takes a lot of work and coordination, but I hope all the fan-mail makes it worthwhile
30 days so far and look what they've learned
I loved it all!
Heidi -- "It was the biggest thing ever to happen to me since my special surgery. That sure was nice of her to do. See how we pretty girls stick together? If only we could teach the rest of the world to be so caring." You silly goongirl, you really do think that way, don't you?
Rob -- "My right hand is here, so I donít know whom they could have brought." It's amazing how you always think best with your brain in your hand.
Matt -- "I got to play God. And not just any God. God with fried chicken!" Throwing that immunity challenge was brilliant. I just can't think of any advantage, but I'm sure you can.
Butch -- "I'm starting to think people don't tell me everything I need to know to be successful in this game." You are a credit to principals everywhere!
Jenna -- "I let that dorky virgin boy have it, and not in the way he had fantasized about." Spoken like a true Zeta Queen. We do love your depth and inner strength.
Christy -- "What a joke! Well, there is no honor among thieves so hopefully they will do each other in and maybe Butch will pull through!" No, Christy not Butch! Didn't you see him with his arm around Heidi while you were swimming for your life, I mean the reward challenge? You don't want him to win, right?
This was great! Everyone has these people totally and completely nailed! here are some of my favorite lines:
Heidi-Gosh, some folks just get so jealous of beauty, but that is my burden to bear in this life. (look in a mirror, please, Heidi)
Rob-If I were Dave Iím sure I could come up with examples of wire thickness. Alas, I am not Dave. All I know is it's getting trickier and trickier to keep everything straight. (it doesn't change that he still wishes that he could be)
My right hand is here, so I donít know whom they could have brought.(Oh this is just hilarious!)
I wouldnít be surprised if I get calls to model swimwear with Jenna after I win the million(how gross, *shudders at the thought)
I have a plan, a backup plan and backup plan to the backup plan that even Matt doesn't know about. I will win. Then Dave, Alex and hell, even Matt will wish they were me. I canít wait.(I wonder what other plans he could possibly have. I still don't think those 3 guys would ever want to be such a dork like he is.)
Matt-ďHI mom, Iím drunk!Ē was all I could really think to say. (nice thing to say to your mom when you haven't seen her for 28 days)
Butch-I don't understand these people. Don't they realize we have an alliance?! Why are they leaving the game? It just doesn't make sense. (you just don't get it, do you Butch?)
Jenna-I let that dorky virgin boy have it, and not in the way he had fantasized about. (He definitely didn't get it the way he wanted to!)
Christy-Well, there is no honor among thieves so hopefully they will do each other in and maybe Butch will pull through! (yes, hopefully, although I'd rather see Matt win!)
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