Last time on Survivor, Gregg won a reward challenge that cost him the game. Ian promised that if he won a reward, he would share it with Katie and Caryn feared for her safety in the game. Shady Lady Katie could’ve easily shifted from Ian & Tom’s alliance to Gregg & Jenn’s, but decided not to. It’s the final episode before the finale so let’s see what’s going down in Palau.
Before I start, let me ask you this question. Do you ever find yourselves “talking” to your television? I was guilty of just that on Thursday night. Someone might have heard me say “what a bunch of idiots” or “Oh no she did not!” Please tell me I’m not alone in participating fruitlessly in transmitting messages to the little people in the box.
Oh Gregg, Where Art Thou?
We begin the show at camp, where Jenn gets a decent amount of airtime. I immediately sense that this episode will be full of surprises. She says that she had no idea Gregg was being voted out and that it’s tough without him being there at night. In a matter of seconds, she starts channeling Toni from Paradise Hotel fame and says that she understands that it’s Game On from that point on. Ian points out that Jenn must be fuming inside but that she’s a smooth operator.
Ian then talks about where people are situated in the different alliances. He says Caryn is loyal to Tom and that Katie is loyal to him. The worst-case scenario would be that the 3 amigas would vote out the men. Ian, we all know that will never happen, since this is Survivor and there’s this unwritten law that no women alliance ever makes it ‘till the end. If he can avoid that, he’s money. Just like Donald Trump money.
Scheming Good, Breaking Promises, Very Bad
Tom and Caryn are having one of their daily strategy talks and wonder who should be going next. In the meantime, Jenn asks Ian and Katie if it would be possible to go after Tom. Picking up where her sweetie left off, good for her! Ian says he doesn’t know if he could. Jenn seems appalled at his indecision and I’m just waiting for her to exclaim, in her high-pitched baby-like voice “Say what, biatch?” Ian says he has to stick to his word no matter what. Jenn, stealing the spotlight a little too often this episode, says that 1 million dollars may be worth considering. Caryn then thinks she may be getting played by Tom and that’s she’s guardedly optimistic about her chances of going further in the game.
It’s now time for one of the weekly Survivor poems. This time however, you get a revised version.
If up to Dawson’s Creek you go,
A paddle could help you out
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Far from home, no doubt
Use your will to be rich and alone
And by the time you’re through
You’ll enjoy the great tastes of home
And Palau’s most amazing BBQ!
Ian and Tom ASSume that they will win the reward, so they discuss who would be the best companion for the reward between Katie and Caryn. Tom points out that they have to be careful with how they handle the female lawyer, since she could become a loose cannon. Kapow! (Man, I loved those Batman cartoons.)
Wanna know what you’re playing for? I would laugh my booty off if one of those days one of the contestants just said “no, Jeff, I couldn’t care less about this reward.” The Kororians are playing for a brand new, red Chevy Corvette…convertible! What a sweet ride.
The players must go across a lagoon using traditional Palauan rafts. They have to get to a pontoon and retrieve 5 bags in total. Then, after getting one, they go back to shore each time and put the bags in a box. When all 5 are retrieved, they can empty them and get the mileage markers inside. They have to associate the correct distance from Palau to each of 5 major cities. The winner drives up with the car to a mansion for a barbecue.
Jeff barely has the time to do his trademark arm-switch that Ian and Tom are off on their rafts. Katie, Caryn and Jenn are a bit behind but they are still trying. It pretty much goes like every other physical challenge, a competition between AquaStickBoy and SteelTom. If I was one of the girls, seeing that I’m so far behind, I would probably stay close to shore and just make them fall off their raft. Just for my own evil amusement. Tom tries to save some time by throwing a bag when he’s far away from the box but fails miserably. Ian comes back, solves the puzzle on his first try (editing?) and wins! He says he promised Katie that if he won any reward, he would take her but that’s not what happens! If the reward involved a car, he would take Tom. Little did Ian know he was riding on the highway to hell.
Save The Drama For Your Mama
While the boyz are off enjoying the view, Katie is fu-ri-ous. Ian made a promise to her! Her closest ally is gone! The three girls talk about strategy and forming an all-girl alliance (hahaha!) Caryn is not entirely in on it however, which makes it a 2-girl alliance and a floater. Who knows, maybe none of them are truly in on it at this point.
The second I&T are back, Caryn runs up to them and asks Ian what’s going on. She wonders if the alliance is him, her and Tom or him, Tom and Katie? Ian can’t give a straight-out answer and he mumbles something that resembles Caryn being in the alliance of three. Nice save, buddy. Except not. Ian’s debacle continues on. “I…I…I… can’t make a decision until tonight…I…promised Katie from day one….I… Tom scolds him like a little puppy. He’s afraid he has lost Caryn’s vote. Bad Ian, bad!
Welcome to Maury! We are in our Palau studios, right on the beach. On today’s show, we have Ian & Katie, former best friends. They have unresolved issues and seek our help to get things back on track *Applause*
Ian, do you have anything to say? “Katie, we need to talk.”
“Actually, that’s the last thing I’d like to do right now”
“This is like classic girl trouble back home. Katie, I have always said that no vote would go against you!”
“I feel like I have lost my best friend! You totally went against your word. You lied to me, I felt like an idiot!”
“Katie, I’m sorry. Friends 4ever?”
“Ok, friends forever. Now give me your keys!" *whip *
Well folks, we’ll be back after these messages!
When All Else Fails, Use Intimidation
The scheming continues as Caryn says that Katie is a good actress. Perhaps she will be offered a contract for her own sitcom. The premise of the show could be a woman who befriended a, let's say, monkey trainer and their friendship must face ups and downs. Hey, it could happen! In another moment of extreme comedy, Caryn thinks the girls hold all the power in the game. How I wish that was true. Tom asks her who had the idea for the female alliance. She answers that she doesn’t remember. Me at my TV: “No, bad move! Blame it on Katie!”
Welcome back to Maury! Say, Katie, I heard you had problems with another man in your life?
“Yes, Maury, Tom sucked today! He was being mean and I didn’t like it.”
“Katie, you know your whole game is with us. You have no choice if you want to make it to the final 3. Do as I say and your life will be spared.”
“Hmpf!” *Katie runs off stage *
Audience member: “Maury, I just wanna say, girl, you better stop fooling around with those men and start thinking about the game, knowhatI’msayin’?”
Tom then states to Ian the obvious; Katie is playing him. This trio is really messed up, I can tell you that. Ian starts debating on whom to vote off. Tom or Caryn? It’s Survivor, not a game of Parcheesi. Thanks for the reminder, here I was thinking it was a new game called Kindergarten Re-enactment.
The immunity challenge consists of making your way across a wobbly bridge. Then, you walk on some pontoons and finally, a rope bridge. There, the survivors will find a puzzle that they must remember. They make their way back to the start to put the images in the correct order to duplicate the puzzle. Simple enough?
Everyone starts off but Katie gets stuck (really, she does!) in the first obstacle and Caryn falls off of it. Ian, Tom and Jenn are doing just fine on their first trip. On the way back, Tom stumbles in the bridge and I wonder if he broke a bone. The challenge goes on and Ian raises his hand to declare he believes he has correctly solved it. Wrong! While he goes back, Tom tries to have the correct answer but he also fails. In the meantime, Jenn had memorized all of her board at once but doesn’t even try to verify it with Jeff. Ian tries to solve it and oops! he did it (wrong) again. Finally, after falling a couple of times really hard on the course, Tom gets the immunity.
Back home, he admits he got lucky by winning this challenge. He’s wondering about the 3-girl alliance and if Ian is safe. Katie wanted Caryn out at first but it seems she’s still pissed at Ian. Caryn, never one to be fooled, says that Katie is holding all the cards. Jenn has nothing to say on the matter except her trademark silent stare. That girl has some serious skills.
Letting Ian Out Of The Bag
The time we’re all looking forward to has arrived; it’s finally Tribal Council. Coby, Janu and Steph make their way in the jury seats and Gregg also enters. The editors make sure to show a close-up of Jen smiling at him and him rubbing his chin as he sees her. That’s hawt. (Forgive me, no more Paris quoting, I swear on Tinkerbell!) Five bucks they are dating as we speak.
Katie (who was the recipient of many futile comments directed at my T.V. tonight) says that the other day was her darkest one yet. She’s still bitter about the broken promise and repeats she has to rethink everything. She *almost* makes me want to cry.
Ian, in a lame attempt to reassure her, says that he made the biggest mistake ever, not only game-wise but also, from a friendship standpoint. If people made fun of Gregg for asking Jenn permission last episode, Ian is as pitiful this time around! While we’re at it, maybe I could recommend my personal edited version of a famous book, now re-named “She’s Just Not That Into You” for this special relationship. Wow.
Jeff then directs the conversation into a goldmine. He asks Caryn about the “tiff” between some players. It was a revelation for her, it appears. She lets it all out and it was worth it just to watch Coby’s reactions. Let’s see if I can remember every fact/lie. She says that while Gregg and his ladies were on the reward, Ian said they had to vote out Gregg, Jenn and Katie and promised Caryn final 3. She also talks about the part where Katie was revealing her alliance with Ian and Tom. Ian rolls his eyes and Caryn continues.
She says that she’s had it up to there (readers, put either your left or right hand about an inch above your head for full-effect) and she felt the need to expose everything so that the jury can know what’s really been going on. Ian’s eyes are popping out like never before. His stress level must not be pretty! He states that he only planned to vote out Gregg, not the other two. “Baloney!” Caryn exclaims. (I'm partial to ham myself.)Tom, who had been entirely too quiet up until now, says that Caryn told him that Gregg and his precious Katie wanted to vote him off. “Liar! I will not tolerate those slanderous lies! Objection, Jeff.” Ok, so I might have added some words, but she was mad.
They now bring up the issue of telling Katie about Gregg’s ouster only five minutes before voting. Katie seems hurt again and it just goes from bad to worse. Jeff finally asks Katie who she’s going to vote for and she says she has no idea. Phew, what a show!
Ian is up first and his eyes seem to have gone back into his orbits. He writes down his gal pal Caryn’s name down and says that he can’t wait for her to go home. Caryn votes for Ian, and the others vote secretly.
Jeff reads out the first vote and we recognize Caryn’s handwriting for Ian. The next one is Ian’s vote against Caryn. The third vote is for Caryn. The fourth vote, announcing the newest juror, is against her again. Goodbye Caryn and thank you for a very entertaining Tribal Council.
When watching the credits, it’s shown that even Jennifer voted for Caryn! The poor woman had no chance. Speaking of women, what happened to that alliance? *sigh *
This Sunday is the finale I’m looking forward to this as these guys really have some issues to work out. Bring it on!
Seriously, poor Ian. Dude has girl troubles on a show with millions of viewers. You'd think he signed up for The Bachelor. Send relationship advice and free Corvettes to