+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Standing in the Shadows - Episode 5

  1. #1
    Wolf
    Guest

    Standing in the Shadows - Episode 5

    Welcome to the fifth edition of ďStanding in the ShadowsĒ for Palau! Each season our writers and mods ďstand in the shadowĒ of a Survivor until their torch is snuffed. You get to read what we believe is really going on in the mind of each player. Enjoy!

    Ibrehem
    Have I mentioned how much I LOVE swimming challenges? The deeper the water, the better, as that gives me more opportunities to wear the world's dorkiest goggles. OK, I suck at swimming challenges. It's not like you swim a whole lot to get by in Alabama. Now if we had a "undo your partner's bra while facing her while blindfolded" contest I could really shine, but this swimming is getting tired. Luckily for me, Koror decided that I was worth keeping around. I think it was Janu and Caryn lobbying for me as a future potential snuggling-mate. Hey ladies, I've got a strangely spelled name too. We have so much in common already. I can't wait for the merge. Just as long as we don't have to swim to get there.

    Willard
    What a shocker that was. Eliminated by a Mark Burnett twist. My plan was working to perfection. I was in complete control of the game, and even had hammock rights. I was a hard worker around camp, always took my turn for camp fire watch, I mean sure, I used my own method to watch the fire, that being if it got cold, the fire probably went out, but that is a lot more productive than sitting there staring at the darn thing. Plus, you cannot deny our success rate anytime I was in a challenge. I am sure it was that backstabber Coby who did me in, even after I offered him my pants. It couldnít have been Tom or Ian. They love me, and told me so everyday. Oh well, I walk away with my head held high, my chest sagged out, and finally I will get a good nightís sleep.

    Stephenie
    It is almost complete. All I need now is one of Jeff Probstís hairs to make his voodoo doll functional. Iíve had it with his endless needling. ďSo how does losing feel this week? Donít you just want to cry? Youíd love some of this tasty stew wouldnít you? Have you considered mass suicide as a way out of the humiliation? Wow, Iím so glad Iím not you!Ē I swear heís the one holding up this merge, just to enjoy our degradation. Well, weíll see how he likes it when his legs spontaneously burst into flames! To add insult to injury, Probst let stupid Koror keep us from booting off Mr. Incredibly Useless Underwater. Me and Angie were like sisters. The kind that have nothing in common and never do anything together, but sisters all the same. She will be avenged. Next reward challenge, watch for me sneaking up behind Probst to get the necessary hair. His misery will soon equal that of Ulong!

    Bobby Jon
    It was a rainin' and here we were wanderin' around in the dark lookin fer some cave. Even I know that's stupid. I told that Steph to quit gettin down mah throat about it. I'm gettin tired of losin every one of them challenges. I figured it was only fittin that Ibrehem got snuffed fer doin us in this time. Me and James figured that we were gonna merge or somethin and brough our whole camp ta tribal council. Jeff just laughed at us and told us to watch the others eat that meal. That boy is gittin on mah nerves. Some others figured Angie should go and Ibrehim should be safe, but I think that's stupid since shes' twice the man Ibrehem is. They almost sent me off instead fer gosh sake. ME !! Haven't these folks noticed how hard the two of us work? I think James is the only one I can trust. Course they ain't too many of us left neither. At least the other team had ta snuff one too. I'm gonna put that snuffer over Probst's mouth if he doesn't quit chewin at us. It ain't manly.

    Janu
    With me wasting away from lack of food, my camouflage is getting better and better. Now when I lay my skinny ass down, itís impossible to distinguish the difference between me and the sticks that litter our campsite. Thank God I was able to use a piece of rope to hold my shorts upÖI donít want to be following in Hatchís naked footprints. As good as my bony structure is for camouflage in the game, itís a potential problem diving in the water. Fortunately I didnít have to participate in the challenge, because Iím afraid if a shark saw me diving in the water, he just might think Iím one of those sea snakes and make a meal out of me. Jeff is making us snuff someoneís torch tonight, but I donít have a thing to worry about because my team doesnít even know Iím here. I just hope the rats donít carry me off in the middle of the night, because Iím not sure Iíd even be missed.

    James:
    I tell you what, that tribal council was just a dang olí crime, is what it was. Here we was all set to get rid of olí Ibrehem and his useless muscles, and that sneaky Probst changed things up on us, man. I told you the first day he was a sumbitch, and dang if he ainít proved it. Lettiní Koror give someone immunity, man, that ainít right. Thatís like, if you was in the middle of a game of eight-ball pool, and all of a sudden someone hollers, ďHey, we playiní nine-ball now!Ē Say what? You just canít be changiní the rules in the middle of the game like that, man. But hell, you know what? Olí James can roll with the punches, man. Faced with avirsity adverisity bad stuff, I just roll on up just like an olí porc-u-pine and wait it out. So when them Korors took out Ibrehem, I hunkered down and looked around real quick-like at my options. And I lit on Angie. Nice girl, but damn Ė she couldnít even wander around in the jungle for 20 minutes without whininí and cryiní. Girl, I was tryiní to keep your tattooed ass dry, you could at least act halfway grateful. But no, she had to question my woodcraftiní skills. No one questions my skills in the woods. Last November I snuck up on an eight-point buck 'fore it even smelled me. (Trick is, you roll around in the mud a while first). He is now gracin' the wall of my livin' room. So, sorry, Angie, but you're out. Now go shave your underarms like a proper woman.

    Katie
    I was excited to hear about the food reward for todayís challenge, but couldnít believe it when Jeff said both teams would be going to tribal council. Iím just glad crabby, bitter old Willard has been so blatant about slacking off lately, because according to Tom, weíre sending him home tonight. How does Tom know this? He knows everythingÖheís like our father figure. Besides, Iím so busy spreading my love around, I donít have time to plot and scheme. I figure Iím Tomís toady favorite girl, so I have nothing to worry about. I know heís going to be taking me all the way to the end.

    Jennifer
    Blast! Willard is gone and I canít use him as a raincoat anymore. Discomfort is not good. Iíll just have to find something else. Now, let me gloat for a moment; I may just be the first winner in all history to achieve a perfect game. Alliances? Check. One handsome guy or, as I prefer to call him, personal puppet? Check. Absolute invisibility in terms of name, location, confessionals, number of pets and favorite band of the 80ís? Check again! I think Iíve fallen for Gregg. I promised myself before leaving that I would stay strong and stick to the master plan, but it is now too late. His good looks and manly 5 words sentences were just too good to be true. As I was discussing with Katie which nail polish would look fabulous with the color of our Koror buffs, party pooper Ian joined in our conversation. I was * this * close to use my super-powers on him yet again, but I remembered something my master once told meÖ "He who is taller than you cannot be poked." Words to live by, really.

    Angie
    Ulong? How about U-lose, that would be a more appropriate name for this tribe. It seems like all we can do is lose, lose, lose. After losing our gazillionth challenge, we managed to lose our way in the woods in the middle of the night as well. I bet if we were trying to find our way to Tribal Council instead of that cave, we could have made it there blindfolded with our hands tied behind our backs Ė I mean, God knows weíve been there enough times. Life is miserable at camp, our morale sucks, and I was so cold today that I had to resort to putting my clothes on, much to my chagrin. I couldnít believe Ibreallycantswimhem single-handedly lost that reward for us. I would have loved to have scarfed down that beef stew and showed stinky Koror a mouthful of chewed-up goodness at tribal council. Bleh! But no, thanks to Mark Burnettís stupid immunity twist, I knew I was a goner right away. I thought ditching olí Ibby was a done deal or I wouldnít have run off at the mouth. Oh well. At least Steph and I showed them that girls rock! And, I am going home with a wicked tan. The first thing Iím going to do when I get home is shave. Oh, who am I kidding?

    Ian
    When you haven't had much food and you're as skinny as I am to begin with, even the slightest bit of champagne can yield surprising results. That is to say...I'm still a bit giggly at the moment. Hee! *hic* However, the good thing about a loss of inhibition is that it helps you realize that you possess skills you never even knew you had. For example...did I know a week ago that I am a superb baritone soloist? No. But I am! Now, the rest of the tribe, even though they all got to hear my debut aria, "We're Not Eating Clam Tonight", does not yet realize my amazing talent...but they will, once they see Survivor: The Off-Broadway Musical. Wanda and I will be the leads, of course, Janu can be a dancer, and Coby can be in charge of hair and make-up. I've got it all figured out, man! Oh, even though we smooshed Ulong in the challenge once again, we had to vote out one of our members as well. Now, this is a tribe full of winners, but let's face it--Willard is the oldest, most invisible winner around. Ahem...I think I feel a song coming on: Farewell, old Willard, with your wizened fu manchu; we'll miss you, sure, but at least we got beef stew!

    Coby
    It was hard to say goodbye to Willard tonight at Tribal Council Ė he was a good friend. After all, he even offered to let me into his pants, I think! Thanks buddy, but Iím not that desperate. I didnít raise much of a stink and voted with the tribe, because it is best to lay low for now. I canít lay too low, being the social butterfly that I am. Look, I gotta be me. If it comes back to bite me in the butt, so be it. Thereís worse things than being bitten in the butt, you know. When Gregg approached me to be in a secret Final Four alliance with him, I canít say I was surprised. Heís had his eye on me since the beginning, and I noticed he kept bumping up against me in the reward challenge. I knew my performance at the last immunity challenge would turn some heads. Gregg just wanted to be sure he got to me first and I donít blame him. Oh yeah, Jen and Janu are part of the alliance as well. I love that the game is starting to get good, and I canít wait to see Tom and Ian go down in flames. Let the scheming begin! Buwahahaha!

    Tom
    I believe in backing my people even if it might cost me my life. In return, I expect them to do their jobs. Thatís why I was so disappointed in Willard. All I asked was that he keep the fire stoked through out the night. Because he failed to carry out his duty, I had to get up in the middle of the night and do it. I was disappointed at the reward challenge to learn that no matter how superbly we performed, both tribes would be going to tribal council. Iím not a sushi kind of guy but I recognize a sake bottle when I see one. Thatís why I was able to complete my turn at the challenge so fast. Pulling everyone back in was just like a day on shift. After we got back and celebrated at the beach, I made sure my rock solid alliance was all on board with the plan to vote out Willard. I considered it akin to a mercy killing. Next to Ian, I trust Gregg the most. After the vote went just as I planned, we got to enjoy our reward. The stew was almost as good as the stew Pappy serves up back at the firehouse. I miss the guys almost as much as I miss my family. Itís so nice to have a surrogate son like Ian here.

    Caryn
    Iím beginning to wonder why I havenít been privy to any alliance forming meetings. All I hear are whispers, and theyíre not the whisper in your ear, get you hot and bothered for thirty more days until you see your husband kind of whispers either. Well, if Tom whispers in my ear I suppose I could hatchet off a few days of waiting. For now Iím relegated to spend my days with Willard who suddenly seems to be looking at me and talking to me differently. I mean, heís actually talking. It must be that hammock. I definitely have to get me some of that love swinghammock, preferably after Tom has slept in it so I can smell his garlicky body odor in the morning. Speaking of Willard: somehow Gregg has assumed that Willard and I are old college chums. Ha! No way. Iím booting his ass as soon as can and I need to get my way in to some sort of an alliance. I think the younger girls are jealous of my mature, yet firm and petite figure. Bitches! So, itíll be off to the guys to squirm my way in. I can always bring up my unusually boy-looking haircut and ask them how they are able to keep their hair so healthy and shiny-looking in this sun. Tribal Council was pretty cool. I loved getting to vote for immunityÖbut that stew made my taste buds melt. I swear my tongue was doing back flips, all the while pretending to act humble in front of Ulong. What can I say? Iím that good.

    Gregg

    This survivor gig isn't that bad. I flex my muscles during the challenges, and then lay low for the rest of the time. This strategy has been working great for me, but Jeff put a spotlight on me at the tribal council when he brought up that Jen and I were getty cuddly with each other. I tried to play it off, by pointing out that Ian and Tom have been pretty close themselves. That brings me to another dilemma. Those two are getting to be pretty tight. That's not good for me. It's time to put my plan in motion, and get a secret alliance going on the side. Coby has been making googly eyes at me since we got here, so it was easy convincing him to join my alliance. When the time comes, my secret alliance I will take out Ian and Tom. Ha!...I'm such a genius! Those two guys are nice and all, but there's only room for one cute couple in this island.

    We would like to thank the following writers for contributing to this article: Bill, Cali, Eny, Feifer, Ilikai, John, LG., Lucy, Mantenna, Mariner, Miss Filangi, oneTVslave, Phat32, Roseskid, Shazzer, Silverstar, Spegs, Speedbump, Texicana, and Wolf

  2. #2
    eternal optimist Shazzer's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    greener pastures
    Age
    46
    Posts
    1,619
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf

    Ibrehem
    The deeper the water, the better, as that gives me more opportunities to wear the world's dorkiest goggles.

    Now if we had a "undo your partner's bra while facing her while blindfolded" contest I could really shine, but this swimming is getting tired.

    Willard
    I mean sure, I used my own method to watch the fire, that being if it got cold, the fire probably went out, but that is a lot more productive than sitting there staring at the darn thing.

    Stephenie
    Have you considered mass suicide as a way out of the humiliation?
    Well, weíll see how he likes it when his legs spontaneously burst into flames! Me and Angie were like sisters. The kind that have nothing in common and never do anything together, but sisters all the same.

    Bobby Jon
    Some others figured Angie should go and Ibrehim should be safe, but I think that's stupid since shes' twice the man Ibrehem is.
    I'm gonna put that snuffer over Probst's mouth if he doesn't quit chewin at us. It ain't manly.

    Janu
    Thank God I was able to use a piece of rope to hold my shorts upÖI donít want to be following in Hatchís naked footprints.

    James:
    Thatís like, if you was in the middle of a game of eight-ball pool, and all of a sudden someone hollers, ďHey, we playiní nine-ball now!Ē Say what?
    Last November I snuck up on an eight-point buck 'fore it even smelled me. (Trick is, you roll around in the mud a while first).

    Katie
    I figure Iím Tomís toady favorite girl, so I have nothing to worry about. I know heís going to be taking me all the way to the end.

    Jennifer
    Willard is gone and I canít use him as a raincoat anymore.
    One handsome guy or, as I prefer to call him, personal puppet? Check. Absolute invisibility in terms of name, location, confessionals, number of pets and favorite band of the 80ís? Check again! His good looks and manly 5 words sentences were just too good to be true.

    Angie
    Ulong? How about U-lose,
    and I was so cold today that I had to resort to putting my clothes on, much to my chagrin. I couldnít believe Ibreallycantswimhem single-handedly lost that reward for us.

    Ian
    That is to say...I'm still a bit giggly at the moment. Hee! *hic*
    Now, the rest of the tribe, even though they all got to hear my debut aria, "We're Not Eating Clam Tonight", does not yet realize my amazing talent...but they will, once they see Survivor: The Off-Broadway Musical.
    Farewell, old Willard, with your wizened fu manchu; we'll miss you, sure, but at least we got beef stew!

    Coby
    After all, he even offered to let me into his pants, I think! Thanks buddy, but Iím not that desperate.

    Tom
    Iím not a sushi kind of guy but I recognize a sake bottle when I see one. I considered it akin to a mercy killing.
    The stew was almost as good as the stew Pappy serves up back at the firehouse.

    Caryn
    All I hear are whispers, and theyíre not the whisper in your ear, get you hot and bothered for thirty more days until you see your husband kind of whispers either. Well, if Tom whispers in my ear I suppose I could hatchet off a few days of waiting.
    I definitely have to get me some of that love swinghammock,
    I can always bring up my unusually boy-looking haircut and ask them how they are able to keep their hair so healthy and shiny-looking in this sun.

    Gregg

    Ha!...I'm such a genius! Those two guys are nice and all, but there's only room for one cute couple in this island.
    I'm about to say something really trite, but said it must be. <---in Yoda-lingo. Okay: I could have quoted the whole thing! Yet whenever said, that's actually all true! I mean, it just is. Own it! I was trying to nibble out bits of each shadow to post, and they were each such perfectly wound little packages of funny, that it was hard to single out phrases, when the whole is so cohesive and succulent! Where to start and stop? TrŤs bon.

    Anyhow, absolutely delightful. So much fun. Yay!
    "If you're like me, you have a 'been there, done that' attitude when it comes to paleolithic paleontology." - Jon Stewart

    "I swear, you are the ho-ho ho." - OTS

  3. #3
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    salt lake city ut
    Age
    46
    Posts
    18,865
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf
    Faced with avirsity adverisity bad stuff,

    So, sorry, Angie, but you're out. Now go shave your underarms like a proper woman.

    Ibreallycantswimhem


    Love the shadows.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    #oldmanbeatdown - Donny BB16

  4. #4
    Qboots
    Guest
    Willard
    I mean sure, I used my own method to watch the fire, that being if it got cold, the fire probably went out,
    Angie
    The first thing Iím going to do when I get home is shave. Oh, who am I kidding?
    These two were gems, but the whole thing is a masterpiece. As usual, I enjoyed Boomhauer James the most.

  5. #5
    Horror of Horrors emjoi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    1,023
    Poor Willard, all Coby was after was to get in his pants.

  6. #6
    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    In Seclusion
    Posts
    1,064
    Thanks for another entertaining shadows. If it wasn't for you I would know that some of the contestants were still on the show. Fortunately their cloak of invisibility does not prevent you from reading their minds.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.