Welcome to another edition of ďStanding in the ShadowsĒ for Survivor: Cook Islands! For those readers unfamiliar with it, each season our writers and mods ďstand in the shadowĒ of a Survivor until their torch is snuffed. You get to read what we believe is really going on in the mind of each player. Without further ado. . . .
I scream, you scream, we all scream for Ice Cream! My belly is so full of ice cream I am glad the Immunity Challenge was mental and not physical. The ice cream would really have slowed me down where my brain just slowed me down in this challenge. After all that ice cream, I was just dragging around camp. I still managed to collect firewood, catch fish, and whittle a deluxe bed for myself for the night. I still know that I am the best player in this game but I am going to play a little under the radar game now, although itís a little hard with the size my hair has been reaching lately. I plan to win this game and when I do, I will purchase my very own ice cream machine. $420 worth of soft serve ice cream was like a naughty little dream and worth every penny.
Ugh, Jonathan is such a RAT! Heís a cancer on the face of this beautiful tropical paradise, a selfish loser who doesnít care about anyone else but himself! Heís a pimple on the ass end of this island. His selfishness is sucking the life out of me. I canít believe heís playing the game for himself. I was so pissed when I looked out the tent flap and saw everyone eating out by the fire. HOW DARE THEY? I know he put them up to it! Adam and I were just talking about our love for each other and trying to spend a little quality time together since I was torn away from him and sent to Exile Island. Again. Surely THAT was more important than catching a few measly fish and cleaning them and cooking them. Not that Iíve ever had to do that. I mean címon Ė there are pretty girls and then there are girls who have to make themselves useful. Iím looking at you, Becky. *giggle* Anyway, help me quickly, my beautiful Adam. Letís make a baby! I mean, one of us is going to win that money. From the looks of it, it wonít be me, but you can do it for both of us, my strong-but-silent Manboy. My natural superiority shouldíve seen me through, but Jonathan has caused us to be ripped apart. See how I smile so bravely! Kiss-kiss my darling, and try to
kill Jonathan if you can catch him alonetalk the others into voting Jonathan off next. Evil, selfish man! God, Iím so much better than him. Heís just a nobody, and Iím almost a DOCTOR. Jerk. His true colors are coming out at last.
Ever since my daddy took me to my first circus when I just a little boy, Iíve been fascinated by it. Iíve always loved the big tent, the three rings, and the clowns. But as much as I loved the clowns, I idolized the ringleader and used to dress up in a red jacket, long black boots, and I even had a whip. Aaah, the whiiiiiiiip. *closes eyes enjoying the moment* What a great feeling of control I used to get holding that piece of leather in my hand, knowing that with one little c-r-a-c-k of my whip, everyone would do exactly what I wanted, exactly how I wanted them to do it. Well, it just so happens Iím surrounded by clowns on this little island of ours, and so far theyíve done everything exactly the way Iíve wanted them to. That is until today when Candice got out of control and stirred up a little trouble -- so unfortunately for her, she had to go. But my King Kwon Master Plan is still coming along nicely, and during the TC tonight, it was fun putting on the greatest show on earth for Jeff and all our fans at home. Ta-da!
Being on Survivor is a pretty easy job. All I do is follow whatever Yul says. He says, ďjumpĒ, I say, ďhow high and for how long.Ē Itís really a great alliance that we have worked out. He does all the thinking and I just blend in. I am also lucky because I think I have the cutest alliance partner ever. Candice may be gaga over Adam but he is not nearly as studly as Yul. The look he gets on his face when he is thinking makes me want to just rip his shirt off and well, you know. **giggle, giggle** The only problem with that plan is the camera would focus on me and I donít want that to happen. I really need to keep laying low and following instructions so I can make it as far as Yul wants me to go. I guess after I win the million and I am at the reunion I can finally make my move on him. The question is, can I wait that long?
This just sucks. We all had it made, but that stupid Jonathan had to go and ruin everything. Itís all his fault, that slimy, back-stabbing rat. Who does he think he is, anyway? He made me roll my eyes so much, now I have a headache! I just wanted to throw up all over him, andÖandÖfart in his face and do mean stuff. He thinks heís sooo mature. Well, Iím twice as mature as he is, that stinky-head. *stomps feet* So what if the three of us wanted to stay in the shelter all day and cuddle? Heís just jealous. Where is it written down that I have to help catch and clean those nasty fish? I do my share around here. Does he think itís easy to lie around in a bikini and look cute all day? And, like, somebody has to keep the blankets in the shelter warm. Hmph. Well, the only good thing is now that Candice is gone, I get Adam all to myself. Itís a good thing I got to take that bathÖ
Isnít it interesting that Iím still in this competition, but yet I havenít actually done anything noteworthy or particularly spectacular at all? I think I was lucky to get hooked up with a winning tribe and alliance, because I sure of heck couldnít have gotten here on my own. I decided at the beginning that my strategy would be to lay low, not make any waves and be utterly forgettable, and you know what? It worked! I am totally going to make it to the Final 2, and the jury wonít really know who I am, or what Iím doing there, and will probably vote for me out of sheer confusion! I even kept to my philosophy of ďall bore, all the time,Ē during the auction when I won a jar of sea cucumber. Sea cucumber! How not- interesting is that? Tonight I think Iíll bury myself in the sand, avoid all eye contact with Tribemates, and not utter a single word until the next challenge.
Adam still god of all Island. Aitu send Adam woman away. But Adam no need woman more. Candice boring Adam. Adam have Pobartee. Adam have necklace! Adam keep. Adam be safe all days! Me see Rat man be lucky. Me act like Rat on water, wiggle over water, drop flag! Win challenge! Ooh ahh ahh! Adam smart. Adam not need blond woman. Pobartee better. Adam Pobartee smartest on Island. We stay til end! Oohh ooh ugh. Adam find powder Cao Boi forgot. Magic powder. Adam be anything! Adam shape shift, win many challenge! Rat, snake...eagle. Adam wait Aitu serve hot food. Adam Island god! Win all game. You see!
*belch* Iím a rat, huh? Okay. I choose to think of myself as a rat of NIMH. I turned. What choice did I really have what with Yul having the immunity idol and strong arming me? At least Candice seemed to understand intellectually why I joined with Aitu. Of course, I didnít tell her that I really did it to save Pavarti from herself. Not only could Ms. I Want to Throw Up in your face not handle the truth, she sure as shooting couldnít handle a million dollars. *belch* My only regret about the auction is that I spilled some of the beer that came with the hot dog and fries. I had so much fun rubbing all I got to eat in the faces of everyone else. I mean there was that big lug Adam who ended up with squat while I got a whole pizza and some mouthwash on top of my hot dog, fries, and beer. I tried to make everyone feel sorry for me when we got back to camp by explaining how Iíd saved them from being as thirsty as I was. I even shared my pain by belching in Beckyís face. *burp* Iíve been working so hard around camp that I just know Yul will choose to take me to the end with him. How could he not? That immunity challenge? Bah. Iím a writer not a mathematician. Besides I write fiction so I donít have to remember real events. Still, I made the final three. Iím glad Candice is gone. I never did like that girl. Plus, she gave me indigestion getting all up in my face while I was trying to eat fish with my buds. *belch*
We would like to thank the following writers for contributing to this article: Dinahann, mrdobolina, Brandy, Mariner, Yardgnome, AJane, waywyrd, Lucy, SueEllenMishke, speedbump, suncat7, roseskid and totoro.