Welcome to another edition of “Standing in the Shadows” for Panama: Exile Island! For those readers unfamiliar with it, each season our writers and mods “stand in the shadow” of a Survivor until their torch is snuffed. You get to read what we believe is really going on in the mind of each player. Without further ado. . . .
You know what happens when Cirie tries to catch a fish for the first time ever? She catches one. And you know what's gonna happen when Cirie has to make fire with a machete and a chunk of flint? She's gonna make the biggest damn fire since Chicago, circa 1871. Uh-huh, don't you doubt it for a second. I may have spent the first 35 years of my life on a couch, but I have cable. Discovery Channel, PBS, and whatever network MacGuyver was on back in the day - they all taught Cirie a little bit about what to do when push comes to shove and all you have is a thumbtack and an empty Pepsi can. All I need to do is get in the final two, and that million dollars is in the bag! Did you see the jury tearing up when I was talking during tribal council? They love me! Not only am I gonna buy a pretty new couch with a leaf pattern, but I'm upgrading to the full digital channel line-up, too. And nothing better get in my way.
*Sigh* I really need Trish here to help me with the strategy part of this game. I just couldn’t help gloating that a 46 year old guy got a little something, something while a 24 year old punk ass kid didn’t even get to spend time with his mommy. I think what tipped Aras over the edge was when I wouldn’t stop singing “Sexual Healing” for the entire day after Shane and I got back from the villa. I understand competitive because it is my middle name. Still, Aras really chapped my ass when he accused me of saying something bad about women. I am always respectful of the
stewardessesflight attendants. Hell, anyone who saw Trish knows that I don’t wear the pants in the family. I really wish I hadn’t awakened yoga boy’s fire though. And, yes he is just a boy. My other mistake was taking out my frustration over Shane’s ouster on Cirie. She almost single-handedly kept me from winning that reward challenge by blocking me at every opportunity. Well, that and the fact that I didn’t understand Jeff’s instructions. If I’d had that five course meal on the yacht, I would have had those puzzles solved in two snaps. Oh well, I didn’t really need that immunity challenge. Still, I really missed wearing my bling at tribal council. Now, I just hope the crash course in Fire Building 101 I gave Danielle works out.
Well, what kind of friggin' alliance is this if Terry won't even give me that immunity idol when I need it? If he had, Cirie would be gone and I wouldn't be suspended in time here, waiting to finish building my fire Sunday night. Cirie doesn't deserve to be here, she couldn't win a physical challenge if you spotted her two triathletes to do the work. I deserve to be here. I sat around saving up my energy for challenges every day. I deserve the final two. And I'm going to prove it. I'm going to burn that rope and raise that flag. Of course I can make a fire, just because no one's ever seen me do it before means nothing. I'll show Cirie who's final-three material. And then I'm going to push Terry and that immunity doll he's hoarding off a cliff.
Outside, the world is cold and dark, but inside, I burn. Here Me Now! *lightning fills the sky* Anyone who does NOT believe in the Almighty Power of One, Amazing, Technicolor YOYO can answer to MY TORCH! *more lightning* The first one to answer the call was the Simian-sized Terry, whom had the nerve to challenge me and call me "young". I spit at your "young"! He was riding my Cirie about her own torch activities when I felt a whisper at my neck, telling me to step in and attack him by any means (and to fantasize about pies). So I did. After I casually inferred that he might be a sexist pig, I managed to slip a mollusk into his shorts as well. Success! The nearly invisible mollusk tampered with his game play (among OTHER things), causing him to lose not one, but TWO challenges! Ah ha ha ha ha HA! *lightning* Once secure with a victory, I immediately calmed down. And apologized. (But I had my fingers crossed behind my back.) I can afford to be generous. I'm about to bring Yoyo a million!
We would like to thank the following writers for contributing to this article: Critical, Dinahann, hepcat, Lucy, Mariner, mrdobolina, Shazzer, speedbump, SueEllenMishke, Suncat7, totoro, waywyrd and Yardgnome77.