Standing in the Shadows: Finale
Here is the last edition of “Standing in the Shadows” for Palau. Each season our excellent staff has stood in the shadows of the Survivors just so you can find out what is really going on behind the scenes. This is also the time of the big reveal. Let's find out who was shadowing each player. Thank you for reading this season's edition and we'll see you next time!
All I have to say is it’s better to rely on yourself than to count on others. In my job, you have to trust your co-workers completely which isn’t easy. The second someone indicates that they might be wavering it’s time to cut ‘em loose. All for one and one for all or go find yourself another job. One moment’s hesitation can cost you your life and the life of someone else. That’s not acceptable.
It felt great to get a breakfast complete with mimosas after having to do nothing for it. It was especially good because given all the noise the women folk were making I thought I was going to have to rescue them from a saltwater crocodile. In fact, I have to give myself an attaboy for running the challenge table. The guys at the firehouse understand what I mean. When we got back from the final four immunity challenge, I was feeling so good. I told Jenn that I had to stay loyal to my boy Ian. Then I learned that Ian was going to stab me in the back. I can’t tell you how hurt I felt. I would have done anything for him and then he goes and tells the girls he was going to cut me loose. I had to vote to eliminate him. At least Jenn was honest with me.
By the way, that tribal council was brutal. Jeff started off by asking why we were so late getting there. It pretty much went downhill from there. All of my wounded feelings came out. Ian won the burn off which was okay, but I was still upset.
There was no way I was giving up at the final immunity challenge. I may not have been able to feel my feet but I wasn’t going to jump. Forty eight hours? Fine. Let’s do it. I assumed my Jedi firefighter squat position and let my mind drift off. I kept trying to convince Ian to jump off and let the two of us duke it out like men at the final tribal council. I couldn’t believe he told me to take Katie instead. I gave the boy what he wanted, and he gained back my respect.
Final tribal council wasn’t fun but in the end I think my honesty won out. I’m sorry if I hurt people’s feelings and if they thought they were being strong-armed. I was loyal to my alliance through out, and I have the million dollars to prove it. I never meant to be so far out in the open as a strong player. I guess the gray hair worked after all.
You know, people talk about how tough Survivor is, but I’ve got to be honest here, this was like a five star resort for me. Sure, the beds could have been a little softer, and I could have used a good waxing, but I thought it was going to be a lot harder than it was. Let’s face it, what exactly did I do during those 39 days? Hmmmmm…let’s see…not a damn thing. I didn’t do anything around camp, hell, I didn’t even pretend to participate in the challenges. I just strolled through them, and let the others knock themselves out trying to come in first. The way I looked at it, why expend all that energy, when I could do as little as possible and still enjoy myself.
I decided a long time ago, my strategy was going to be to guilt people into doing what I want. Some folks were easier to manage than others, and Ian was my favorite pet since day one. I just loved yanking his chain. *snicker* By the way, who said I couldn’t build a fire? With Tom mad at Ian, all I had to do was stoke those little flames between the two of them, then sit back and watch that little flicker turn into a full-on roaring fire…that kept our good ol’ fire captain and his Little Buddy busy. All that was missing was a bag of marshmallows. They were both so involved in their feud, they had forgotten I was even there. I was going to ease right on through between the two of them, to be the sole Survivor. Heheheh.
But Survivor is a game for sore losers, and they sure grilled Tom and me at the end. I tried to win them over with my winning smile, but when you’re a loser, I guess you don’t like anything that has to do with winning. Man, I was definitely in the hot seat when Janu confronted me, but I showed her…I refused to play her little game of name three things. I’ve gotten as far as I have by not doing things, why would I start now? Silly, silly Janu. She’s bothersome like a little gnat, but Gregg and Caryn really skewered me, with their hurtful comments. Sheesh, they called me “lazy, pathetic, cruel, mean…” Don’t they know this is all part of my charm? This was how I kept everyone entertained, and they loved it. They forced me to basically beg for the money at the end, but going up against Tom was tough. It’s hard to look good next to a man who’s athletic, hard-working, loyal, and well-spoken. Damn. I would have loved to have had Janu sitting next to me, or Caryn, but things didn’t work out that way for me. Oh well, I got to be on television for over a month, and got a great tan to boot, not to mention the second-place prize money. So much for that saying, “you’ve got to work hard for the money.” I accomplished all this, without even breaking a sweat. Now to go hawk my macrame...yoo hoo, HSN!
So there I was. Just standin' there. Hangin' around, you might say. When you're trying to hold onto a buoy for eleven hours, it gives you lots of time to ponder your life. How did I get here? Where have I been? Where am I going? Well, I guess the best way to explain it is that I freaked out. I was scared! I was in the top four, and I came to win this thing. I wasn't sure if I could defeat my hero, Tom, in the final challenge, so I considered booting him and just being done with it. A perfectly logical move, right? Sure. But there's something beating here inside my body, and it's called a heart. My heart told me it was wrong, and unlike Celine Dion's heart, it did not look like I was going to go on. I was a fallen hero. My friend and mentor lost all faith and respect for me and tried to vote me out. My bestest friend Katie also jumped on me out of nowhere during Tribal Council, calling me a liar, a backstabber, and not a very nice person. *sniff* My friends . . . what happened? It's me, Ian! Can't you see? (Wait . . . dayum! Katie always seems to have an annoying habit of doing that to me!) So as my hero spat upon me as a cheating Judas, and my best friend denounced me as a doubting Thomas, Jenn was grinning like a smug Jezebel, ready to finish me off once and for all. I couldn't let it happen; I had to bring out the ol' Ian magic. . . . One. More. Time.
Jenn is a lot more clever and ingenious than you might think, and the tiebreaker challenge was really quite close. Well, okay, maybe not. I made my fire with better skill and ease than Ugha from the old NES classic, "Caveman Games," and it was an easy victory. Bigmouth strikes again! For my passionate victory, I won another night of belittling and condemnation from my two ex-best friends. Whoopee. So, that brings us to the crossroads . . . the sun had set, Katie had given up half a day ago, and Jeff had fallen asleep. It was the final immunity challenge, and it was between Tom and me--the master versus his apprentice. Neither one of us was backing down, and I wouldn't hear of his taunts or deals, so I retreated into the sanctuary of my own mind. What if I did win? What if I faced the jury? Oh, good Lord . . . they would destroy me. I mean, I can't even lie convincingly to Caryn, the woman that committed TC suicide! And w--when I get flustered, I s-s-s-start t-to s-stamm-mmer. What a nightmare! I couldn't go through with it, and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving this game without my dignity and respect from my two best friends. That's why I did it . . . I stepped down. Knowingly, willingly, sacrificing myself for a higher love.
Now, I feel as though I've found a new life. I have my friends, I have my honor, and I have my Corvette, which ain't bad. Really, in the end, friendship and integrity were just more valuable to me than a million dollars. And that's okay, because I can wear this same sporty jacket for the rest of my life.
Rigged! This show is rigged! I had this game won, the check was already signed and had my name on it and I had bought 10 dolphins for my new aquatic facility. I had convinced Tommy Incredible that his “Buddy” Ian was the villain behind all the plans that ever existed against him. I went behind the shelter, cut some onions and then came back to talk with Tom the tears flowing down. I call that “Jenn’s special touch.”
Came Tribal Council time, I just had to smile and rub my hands as what I had predicted came true. They were destroying each other! The only thing I forgot to make my plan the best ever was to win the immunity. Oh well, if you had the chance to wash your hair and make it look extra-shiny or win the single biggest immunity of the whole game, what would you have done? I thought so too, so I went with the shampoo. As my plan had to change a little bit, it came to a showdown between StickBoy and me. We had to start a fire? Whose brilliant idea was that? We all know that Survivor’s true challenge is knowing how to cook coconuts. I would’ve kicked his small behind on that task, you can bet on it. Jeff told me that the tribe had spoken. Excuse me? Katie may have voted against me but last time I checked, the crappy matches I used did not have the ability to talk! I didn't get voted out, nor did I quit, I was simply a victim of my own superior strategic mind.
At final TC, I gave Tom a hard time, oh yes I did. He talked down to me all that time, except the last day. Well, mister, be glad I still voted for you because my vote was the most important. I told Jeff that Gregg and I were just good friends. Little does he know is that I didn’t want to upstage Rob and Amber on their famous finale engagement. Robb, I mean, Gregg (I get confused with all those double-letters) and I will live happily ever after and our kids will have their names written with only the strict minimum amount of letters.
Many thanks to everyone who contributed to the Shadows this season. May I get a drum roll, please?
The Big Reveal!
Angie - oneTVslave
Ashlee - Miss Filangi
Bobby Jon - eny
Caryn - speedbump
Coby - oneTVslave
Gregg - Wolf
Ian - Manny
Ibrehem - LG.
James - Lucy
Janu - Roseskid
Jeff - Cali
Jennifer - Silverstar
Jolanda - phat32
Jonathan - Ilikai
Katie - Feifer, Roseskid
Kim - Shazzer
Stephenie - Spegs
Tom - Mariner
Wanda - John
Willard - Bill
A complete list of everyone who contributed: Bill, Cali, Eny, Feifer, Ilikai, John, LG., Lucy, Mantenna, Mariner, Miss Filangi, oneTVslave, Phat32, Roseskid, Shazzer, Silverstar, Spegs, Speedbump, Texicana, and Wolf.
Last edited by Mantenna; 05-17-2005 at 10:22 PM.
When I'm 64
A fittingly hilarious final chapter.
Jeff told me that the tribe had spoken. Excuse me? Katie may have voted against me but last time I checked, the crappy matches I used did not have the ability to talk!
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