Aaah, the game of Survivor -- it is so much like the game of life. Here on the island, weíve got users and takers. Weíve got those who are nurturing, and those who are grating. But thereís always one person, in life or in Survivor, who is more powerful than all the others, and that folks, would be me. Heck, Iím so in control of this game with my Formidable Compass Necklace that you might as well call me Yul Corleone. Iíve become close to some of my fellow survivors, especially Becky and Ozzy, and we Italians (Öwhat?) know how important family is. As my Godfather once said, ďa man that doesnít spend time with his family can never be a real man.Ē The way I look at it, since I spend all my time with these numbskulls, that makes me the real man, and as a real man, I must keep my calm demeanor, keep that smile plastered on my face, and continue to slyly manipulate everyone else. Then when the time comes *pow* Iíll take them out just like a hit man, and make the others an offer they canít refuse. Bwwwuuuaaahhhh.
Ok, I am really the best player out there. I know I always say that but I think I proved it at the Immunity Challenge. Could they make the challenges any easier? The swimming and balancing was so easy because I decided to tame down the fluff of my hair and make it slicked back to give me the least wind resistance. It totally helped me. I could have walked through that challenge and still beat everyone. I hope next weeks challenge is tree climbing because I would even be willing to give everyone a 10 minute head start before I humiliate them again. I am kind of glad we booted Jonathon because now I have no competition when it comes to fishing. I will continue to swim in the water and entrap fish in my hair, itís like a homemade net, or my secret weapon. Never deny the power of my hair!
Adam no protect Pobartee, Pobartee hurt self. Pobartee no smart like Adam. Adam no look, blood make Adam feel weak in head. Oohh Ugh. Adam strong from coconut. All tribe member give Adam many food, Adam win everything on island. Jeff bring many people to Adam Island, many kiss, many hug. Adam see George, George Adam friend. Adam go cave with people, dance, eat much, lay in sunshine. Adam see other women. All for Adam, all lay eggs, have many babies for Adam. OOG! Adam happy. Adam bring back food to others. Adam give food, hide some for self. Adam no want go home, no want Pobartee go home. Evil talk-talk man try stay, send Adam away. Adam say NO, YOU GO! Adam see blonde woman, she look at Adam and Pobartee, make Adam head hurt. Talk-talk man go. Everybody go, leave Adam on island with Pobartee and many children. URRRGH! Oorgh. Maybe someone else stay to cook.
See? This is why I don't do, like, menial labor. That's the last time I try to chop open a coconut. Let the others do that kind of stuff, I'm just too cute to be ruining my manicure like that. And so much for my big, strong man, Adam - that wuss couldn't even watch me get stitches! I was only doing some work to shut that rat Jonathan up, anyway. But now I won't have to hear him and his burping face anymore. Ol' Jonathan got called for jury duty, thanks to Adam and me. Hee! I loved sending him to Exile, it was like, poetic justice and stuff. And when we brought that cold, nasty corn on the cob back to the others they acted like it was the greatest thing. They had no idea what Adam and I did to that food before we got back. Ever see the movie Waiting? Ha. Who knew that a little bit of leftover food could bring us back into the game?
Uh, oh. I think Iíve messed up my whole strategy to remain invisible throughout the rest of this competition. Yeah, I didnít do anything spectacular during the Immunity Challenge or Tribal Council, but the Reward Challenge was a completely different story. I was all set to just skate through without winning or doing anything noticeable at all, when they brought out my Achilles Heel- my sweet Mama. My Mama who I havenít seen in over 31 days! I lost it with all the crying and the hugging, and refusing to let go until Jeff made me, (what a bastard- he probably gets to see his Mama any time he wants!). I totally forgot about all my well-laid plans and brought attention to myself! I canít believe it. Mama helped me get back on track a little when we didnít win Reward, but then Parvatiís Dad picked us to go along on the picnic, and I was back in the spotlight again. I was so happy to see my Mama and spend time with her, and it was nice to get to know Parvati a little better. You know, sheís not really the evil bitch-whore everyone makes her out to be. I think she thinks weíre friends now. Well, hopefully she doesnít think anything about me at all, and has completely forgotten about me. Oh, and it was sad to say goodbye to Jonathan. Not really- Iím only sad that Iíll have to see his smarmy face in the Jury during every Tribal Council from now on.
Liars, liars pants on fire. Youíd think those
immature little bratskids would be better liars than that. I mean, really. Becky is a lawyer for crying out loud. She couldnít flee fast enough when I was following her and Sundra to get some reassurance that we were still voting out that lazy, simpering ass Adam. Hell, she couldnít even look me in the eye. Iím really going to miss being called a rat and a cancer. Personally, I like to think of myself more as a snake. Thatís why I tried to slither across the barrels during the immunity challenge. At least I lasted long enough that I got to see Stacy. *sniff* We were so darn close to winning the reward challenge. If only weíd pulled it out, I could have sent Adam skipping back to Exile Island. That might have allowed me to stay in the game. And, if Jeff thought I was going to wait for his permission to hug and kiss my wife before getting banished again, heís even more stupid than Adam. This bad guy is going to head off to Loser Lodge for a shower, a shave, and a whole lot of rest. Oh, and Iím also going to work on my smirk for when Adam gets the boot at the next Tribal Council.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? I do get a little lonely sometimes, what with nobody appearing to notice that I am actually alive and breathing, but I have to say I can almost taste the million dollars at this point. Nine days left of blending in, not making waves, and stepping up to accept that oversized check. And the extra bonus is: NO MORE pepperoni breath Jonathon! Woo! I've had to scale back on my blatant adoration of Yul ever since it was pointed out at tribal council, but he's been making it easy. It's hard to respect a man like Yul once he has revealed his secret power so recklessly. I don't know, it MIGHT have worked since no one has said a peep about it since he held it up and lovingly described it to all and sundry. But still... how tacky. And now he's got this chip on his shoulder like he's on the the freaking Untouchables or something. Whatever, I've got my game face on, and we can sort that all out once I'm safely home with the loot and he's met my parents. Just remind me to put something in the prenup about delusions of grandeur.