Welcome to the 8th edition of ďStanding in the ShadowsĒ for Guatemala: The Maya Empire! For those readers unfamiliar with it, each season our writers and mods ďstand in the shadowĒ of a Survivor until their torch is snuffed. You get to read what we believe is really going on in the mind of each player. Without further ado. . . .
Geezums, but that Jamie gets my goat. Itís not enough for him to try to outshine me in the dark-haired-southern-boy-hottie category; itís not enough for him to chow down on barbecue while Iím stuck balancing a pot on my head like a gol-dang model; he has to get all smug and brag about what a great lead he and his tribe have. *spitting* Sure, I know Iím in the hot spot by being a strong competitor, but for him to sit there and talk about how his six are gonna whip our four is just damn annoying. Heís lucky I didnít bean him with my pot just to shut him up. I just donít think his little fairy tale is going to play out the way he wants it. Itís a shame I didnít win immunity, but Stephenie must have pulled a few strings to get Brandon out over me. I thought I had them convinced that Brandon deserved to stay, but these people are sheep. Theyíre not going to chance losing one of their number at this point. Iíd best get going. If you need me, Iíll be in the jungle. Iíve got to find that Idol.
1-2-3 TEAM!!! Yeah, I gotta stick by my team, but this game just became an individual game, and I really just have to look out for myself. Weíre goiní in with a 2 tribe member deficit, and the target is square on my back. You saw how good I am at all those challenges. Iím a young buck, and yeah, theyíre right to look out for me. Iím going to give it my all, because heck, thereís a million bucks at stake. Hell yeah Iíll stand with a jug on top of my head for an hour for that. If only Jamie would shut his mouth. I ainít like Bobby Jon, thoughÖI wonít let him know heís getting to me. Iíll just do my best to win this immunity and/or even find the mini idol hidden in the jungle. I need somethiní. Maybe the others will decide to vote Jamie out, I donít know. Bobby Jon seems pretty convinced it could happen, and when I heard that, I nearly pooped myself. Iíll be prepared if they send me home though. 21 days out here is a pretty darn big accomplishment. And I did get to show off my great taste in hats.
Xhakum! Oh, excuse me, I sneezed! *cackles* Doesn't our new tribe name sound like a sneeze or something you hack up when you cough? I had ideas for the name, like the "Windsong" and "Gentle Breeze" but everyone said they weren't "Mayan" enough. Whatever. So Jeffy introduced this little personal challenge, find the hidden immunity idol. I tried my best, and being a wilderness guide and all, I really thought I had a great shot at it, although I stink at finding things. Well, I DID find something, a nest of hornets! Luckily they didn't sting me in any important parts. This whole merge thing has me in such a tizzy, no wonder I was stumbling around like that in the jungle. I mean, it's just not FAIR for it to be us against them. What happened to one love, one tribe, unity, peace and understanding? It's so cutthroat out here! I really hope I find that immunity idol, I have such a soft spot for cute knick-knacks.
Man, you think I run off at the mouth? Check out your boy Jamie there, man. Boy can't shut up to save his life -- or his skin. Do I like being in a position where the person in my alliance, who I want to keep, is practically begging to be snuffed, man? No, I do not. I'm here to win a million dollars, not to keep rednecks from knocking each other's teeth out. That's why I did the "balance the pot thing on your head" challenge. I ain't out to "protect the alliance" or whatever bullcrap Jamie was spouting. No, I was protecting JUDD. You think I didn't want a damn chicken wing? I wanted it bad, man. And I'd lay money I saw wine over there. But I ain't starving to death, like those skeletons the other tribe brought over. I mean, Danni and Gary look like they were raised from the grave by some kind of Maya voodoo. It's like, dude, fry you up a howler monkey or something. If you can wrest them away from Cindy's clutches, that is.
Anyway, I figure, to win, you gotta play, not sit on a bench eatin' carbs, man. But you know what, this works out ok for me, man. We still got rid of Brandon, and Jamie just drew a target on his back for later. That means me and Steph can run this show. Final two is gonna be so sweet, man.
Yeah, Iím confident with a capital C. I figure I donít need to start sweating it until the final four. And only then am I sweating it because I have to get Lydia there with me. Iím gonna drag that cute little munchkin all the way to the final two and then kick the sand in her eyes. Did you like how I played mediator at the immunity challenge? I was busting a gut inside at some of the stuff Jamie was saying but I had to play the game. Poor Jamie and Bobby Jon donít know how to. I kept my promise to Bobby Jon, however. I may even keep him around another week just so it looks like I dig him.
Never has there been a Survivor player that has flown under the radar as well as me. Iíll bet you canít even remember my name! *stomps foot* Iím Lydia! LI Ė DEE - AH! All the children get the airtime, you know Ė Jamie and Bobby Jon and that overgrown lout Judd. Not a one of them knows how to behave, so the whole show is focused on them. Camera hogs. Iím sick of it. Sometimes I think they even forget Iím here! Thatís how I knew I was safe during the immunity challenge. Just forget all about little old Lydia. I stuffed my face while those beanpoles stood there with pots on their heads. Lickiní my fingers real slow, making yummy noisesÖIíll bet you didnít see me making faces at Jamie behind his back. OF COURSE NOT, IíM INVISIBLE! *sob* I want some camera time. I NEED it!
Neener neener NEENER! I am so on top of this game. When I'm back at home with a million dollars in my mattress, I'm gonna look back and smile at the memory of sucking on those chicken bones while that other chicken Bobby Jon watched. I told Brandon and him that Brandon was our number one target. Do you see any Brandon around here? That's what I thought! I've been telling the truth this whole game, and that's exactly what I'm gonna keep doin'. Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. And the truth right now is that I'm the King of Xhakum, even if that is the stupidest name ever.
Once we got rid of Blake and Brian, Yaxha was our own little utopia where the last five lived in harmony and worked together as a team. On our way down the road to what was to become Xhakum, Amyís spirit tried to warn me that things would be vastly different by tweaking my ankle. Sure enough, when we got to the camp, we walked into a caste system where we are the Untouchables and Jamie, Judd and Stephenie consider themselves the Brahman. I consider Jamie to be more like Terrell Owens; a cancer that needs to be removed for the good of the team. Iím not sure and I donít think they are either where Cindy, Rafe, and Lydia fit other than that they are clearly above us and below the Brahman. I was pissed when the Nakumians showed us no respect and ate all the rewards we won without even asking. Donít even get me started on Lydia spelling my name wrong on the new tribe flag. The only fun we had was when the four of us went fishing by ourselves. I knew I wouldnít win the immunity challenge because of the shape of my head, but I felt it was important to stick with my team. My goal now is to avenge the booting of my Kansas brother Brandon. It may be fourth and long for Gary, Bobby Jon, and me, but we are going to try to come up with a play to get us that first down. Too bad Gary was a second rate quarterback. We could really use a coaching genius like Hank Stram.
What, you think I enjoy standing here with a pot on my head? You think I'm not hungry??? Heck yeah, I'm hungry. In fact, I could easily eat nineteen chicken legs and a case of Twinkies right now - but there is no way I am sitting there on my assbones, stuffing my face while my fate is in the hands of Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber. I didn't apply to Survivor four times for nuthin', ya know. Besides, I've been munching on some special leaves that help you see at night. They've been coming in handy when I sneak off to search for the for the immunity idol with the help of the jungle critters. I just wish Rafe hadn't stumbled into that hornet-trap I set - it was meant for Judd, damnit! That idol will be mine, I know it. And then I can sleep easy, under the stars with Bobby Jon and the howler monkeys - won't that be romantic?
It looks like I'm safe for a while due to old tribe loyalties, but you never know in this game. Luckily, I won immunity this week thanks to my spiffy pot balancing skills. Back when I was in the NFL we used to balance lots of pot...oh wait, we were rolling it...hyuck hyuck. If I can get Cindy to cross over to our side by pretending to be interested in her animals, Danni and I can go pretty far. You know what they say..."A way to a zoowoman's heart is through her howler monkeys." I just won't tell her about the endangered frogs I have been licking to get a buzz.
We would like to thank the following writers for contributing to this article: Burntcrow, Dinahann, Hepcat, Lucy, Mariner, mrdobolina, oneTVslave, Speedbump, Suncat7, and Totoro.