To quickly recap: During a (thankfully) filk-free hour clique-Ulong, lead by their Freak-In-Residence Angie, creamed the still fireless clique-Koror on the obstacle course winning both fishing equipment and fire. That afternoon Ian leveraged his unnaturally-tall frame to retrieve Koror's box of fire from its watery grave. Clique-Koror then spanked (figuratively -- unfortunately) Ulong in the immunity challenge sending them to the polls for a second time in as many episodes. At the Rose Ceremony Kim dodged a bullet when Ashley annouced that she was too much of a wimp to continue and tendered her resignation.
"We can't lose anymore people. We, and by 'we' I mean 'I', look bad going to tribal council each week. How am I supposed to leverage my Survivor appearance into a career in the entertainment industry if you people keep making me look bad?"
"When Jeff questioned Kim and I about being a couple I had to totally lie and deflect the questioning. They're just spreading rumors, they have no proof of anything. It's not like they have night-vision cameras".
"Oh sure they're just cuddling now, but soon they'll be sucking face or something really gross like holding hands. Jeff better watch it, he's getting girl-germs on him and if he's not really careful he's gonna get cooties".
"I'm keeping an eye on them. I've got ears like a bat, a nose like a pig and feet like a beaver. My knees are like an elephant's and my butt is like a mongoose. I don't know what any of that has to do with anything but momma says it's what makes me so special".
They's got a spear gun, why aren't they out catching those fish!
"Oh man, it's raining again!"
"[sniff, sniff] I don't think that's rain..."
"Damn you Steve Fossett! Couldn't you hold it another twelve hours?"
Where's screen-fuzz guy when you really need him!
"Someone needs to collect more bamboo, someone needs to collect more fronds, someone needs to climb up in this tree, someone needs to get more vines, someone needs to fetch fresh water, someone needs to start the fire, someone needs to catch some fish, someone needs to dig a new toilet, someone needs to scratch my nose, someone needs to tell Angie she needs a better bra, someone has to pick up these old coconut shells, someone needs to..."
"And what will you be doing while someone is doing all this?"
"I'll be figuring out what needs to be done".
"Katie is... I don't know what the word is. Wait, yes I do. It's 'bitch'".
"What are you going to do with those?"
"If you don't shut up I'm going to roll 'em up and shove... Oww!!!"
"I bit my tongue!"
"I was just sitting on the boat not doing anything while everyone else was working and Caryn came up and started telling me that my [expletive deleted] stinks. My [expletive deleted] doesn't stink. I told her to talk to the hand".
"Katie retaliated after I told her off. First she tried stamping her feet but everyone ignored her. Then she tried holding her breath but everyone laughed when she turned blue. So now she's not talking to me except to tell me that she's not talking to me every five seconds".
"Here's the catch. Aside from punching you can do what ever you need to do to win".
"So drowning is OK?"
"Eye gouging is fine".
"No, sorry I meant to mention that. Name calling is out, there will be no punching or name calling".
"So, you wanna know what you're playing for?"
"It's! A BRAND NEW CAR!!!"
Tom remained blissfully unaware that to the nearby sharks he now looked like the soft chewy center of a tootsie pop.
"Oop, a little splashing going on, it's turning into a real cat-fight, Jen's trying to dunk Steph. Alright! It's hot girl-on-girl action!"
"OK guys, we're down by two, one more and Ulong wins. We should send Ian, he's our best swimmer".
"No, we need to keep him in reserve, he's our secret weapon. If we win the next two we're going to need him to win the final ring".
"Ulong wins! Koror, not much to say except, you suck!".
"We could use these as fishing hooks and we can use that as fishing line. Then we can use the spear as a fishing pole and maybe catch us something that weighs more than a large bumble bee".
"It's not much but there are fewer of us now so there should be lots to go around".
"This being leaderless and everyone just doing what they want is great. I get to lay here and veg-out because that's what I want to do and Bobby Jon gets to work his ass off because that's what he wants to do".
"Man, this watching you work is exhausting, I'm gonna go take a nap. Can you could keep the noise down? Thanks".
"I wonder if I can drop this log on her head and make it look like an accident?"
"We found a couple of banded sea snakes, they are very venomous. So of course, being guys, we starting poking at them".
"You know they might be smelling the blood from the snakes in the water".
And as the new Master of Understatement, Ian says:
"Hunting sharks with a point-head stick might be slightly dangerous".
"We saw these sharks and started feeding our snakes to them because we figured if we can makes friends with them maybe we can train them to catch fish for us."
"I was walking down the beach and stubbed my toe on a half-eaten coconut we'd just left laying around".
"Binky's favor is back up for grabs!"
"Wait wait, I'm too much of a wimp to do this. Let me hold you up while I fumble around trying to unclip myself".
"It's very hot out, heat really taking its toll. The contestants are really wishing there was some water nearby they could splash on themselves to cool off with."
"Guys slow down. When I said I like being on a leash this isn't what I meant".
"James, give me one of those bags. Tom's making me look bad by carrying three bags whle I'm only carrying two".
How long do you think it's going to take for Koror to realize that they win every challenge that Willard is part of?
"Everyone except me worked their heart out there today. With my toe like it is I know I'm just going to keep letting everyone down so you should vote me out tonight".
"Don't you think it will get better?"
"No, look at it, the nail is already starting to turn black".
"Jeff, you can't leave. You're my little snuggle-bunny".
"Ooo. Watch this, watch, watch".
"Damn, he missed her. Oh wait, he was swinging at a coconut, never-mind".
"It's right before tribal, and everyone is over there whispering. I know some of them don't want to vote Jeff off. If I wasn't so incredibly narcissistic I would be worried that they might decide to vote for me".
"So Imbrehem, what's the thinking now. Are you at the point where you start to vote off the lazy jerks on you team who don't do anything, or are you still keeping Kim around for eye-candy?"
"So Kim, your thoughts".
"It's hard being on this team and losing all the time. We've got these big strong men who should be able to win the competition for me but they keep failing. Now we have to vote someone else off and if wasn't for Jeff being hurt I might be at risk because for some unfathomable reason other people aren't willing to vote Angie off just for being such a freak!"
"Kim. You are a waste of space!"