Standing in the Shadows, Week 2
We are falling apart. Falling apart! We can't even seem to win a stupid reward challenge, much less immunity. I don't want to be the bad guy here, but I think it's pretty obvious what our problem is. That's right, crappy leadership. Jeff even mentioned something about how certain tribes sacrifice their leaders when they're doing poorly. Yeah, baby. I'm all sorts of poised for a massive coup d'etat. I've noticed that when Jeff says my name, it comes out as "rhino". Well let me tell you something, people. Rhinos are almost as supremely awesome as I am. They, like me, have strength. They, like me, have a certain quiet dignity. And they, like me, have been overshadowed by certain "kings of the jungle". But Andrew is no lion. No sirree Bob. You mess with the rhino, you get the...horn? Well, whatever. No analogy is universally applicable. But apply this - I'm ready. I'm ready to lead Morgan to a stunning comeback victory, the likes of which have never been seen.
Oh damn, gotta go. Andrew's calling. He doesn't like it when I dawdle.
The nights have been so incredibly cold here. I wish we had been allowed to bring more clothes. What makes it even worse is we lost our reward challenge. Consequently, Drake got to pillage our tarp. They didn’t even do it nicely. The girl came over all sweet at first but then immediately started looking through our stuff and commenting on how little we had. She ruined our whole shelter just to take a tarp they don’t need. Bitch.
We tried really hard at the immunity challenge though, but sadly we lost. This week we said sayonara to Skinny Ryan, thankfully. Although, I did notice there was a girl at tribal council by the name of Dawn or Darrah. I have no idea. She just seems to show up for tribal council and vote people off. I guess she’s a part of our tribe. I’m going to watch out for her.
Can You say misery? At least we don't have to see Rupert's tighty whiteys thanks to the bottom half of my dress. I've made fast friends with that Jon dude, I figure if anyone can make a score on the island, it will be him. Why are you all laughing? Blonde hair and blue eyed dudes are the only kind I like. I do talk to Sandra, I mean Spanish is sometimes neccessary for a score too. I hugged both of them close at the reward challenge. I didn't have a clue what that Probst guy was going on and on about, so I just grabbed the biggest thing I could see and put it into the chest. When the others were diving, I thought I'd count 1-2-3 for encouragement. I was really happy when I was picked to sit out the Immunity challenge. I'm kind of keeping a low profile y'know.
The game is going really well for us. We bought so much stuff in town that the last few days have been more like a siesta than a survival challenge. Speaking of siestas…I got to be the one who sat out at the RC. I had a relaxing and enjoyable afternoon watching my tribemates swim circles around the other tribe. Our reward was to pillage an item from Morgan’s camp. Since I have a reputation for gettin’ the goods, I wasn’t at all surprised when Shawn suggested I handle the job. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I got to the Morgan camp. They had next to nothing! And when I say next to nothing, I mean less than the clothes on their backs! It was almost surreal. I was going to take their water jug, but they didn’t have one. (Jeeze people, did you think the cabana boy would be stopping by each day with fruity umbrella drinks and 9 layer dip?!?) After searching their camp, the only thing I could find worth taking was a tarp. I thought I was pretty nice about it even after they started flappin’ their jaws trying to cause me grief. (I guess they thought I should just take a handful of their sand as a souvenir. Or maybe they wanted me to take their saggy shorts so they could run around naked scaring the animals 24/7. Who knows.)
I’m so glad to be a part of the Drake tribe. The Morgan’s managed to live through the first few days, but I expect to see a fleet of medevac choppers swooping down to rescue them before the week is out.
While I'm glad we've continued our winnin' ways, I'm a wee bit concerned about how loyal my crew is to me. When we sent Sandra to raid Morgan's camp, I was clear that we didn't need to hurt them by takin' their tarp; Sandra promptly returned with their only tarp. 'Course, it sounds like her only choice was to take their tarp or their palm fronds, so I can't say's I blame 'er.
I also warned the crew about keeping my spear safe; Shawn promptly went out and lost the tip. 'Course, I'm willin' ta take partial responsibility for that one. It coulda been miscommunication - when I was sayin' "my spear", everyone's eyes seemed to steer uncomfortably clear of my crotch.
Lucky for the crew, I've spent a fair amount of time playin' Battleship with troubled teens - the grid pattern never let me down when I was lookin' fer those punks' PT boat, and it served me well in findin' my spear tip. What? Why are you shiftin' yer eyes like that?
Can someone tell me just what it is about Hagrid and that damned fishing spear? I mean, so Shawn lost the tip of the spear. So what? You would have thought that Rupert had lost an arm or something, the way he reacted. I mean, here he was screaming and cussing like a sailor…all because the tip of the spear had been lost! Boy, I bet he sure felt foolish when he found it later. I mean, we are on an inlet, so the tip was not going to go anywhere. All Rupert had to do was find it. Oh well, enough about that. How about that Reward Challenge, huh? WHO went out into the ocean twice for his team and put items in that treasure chest? Why, I did, thankyouverymuch! I just hope that my other tribe mates remember that if we ever make it to Tribal Council. Of course, at this rate, we may never get there. WE ROCK!
Man, am I spent. I'm going to finish building this shelter, then play some coconut football on the beach, then maybe grab a couple of gallons of water, but then I'm resting. I swear it. I just can't lift another finger. Of course, that finger could whoop Skinny Ryan's butt with it's knuckle tied behind its back, even as tired as I am. I really just want everyone to vote for me. I definitely don't want to get blood in my lungs, and that can happen SO fast out here, when you've done your best to help the tribe by selling all your clothes, and then built a shelter right on the beach without any protection. I can barely even find the energy to finish this shadow report, I'm just soooo tired.
Oh, wait, it's my turn to play coconut football, I'll finish this up later!
I got a chance to walk the beach and talk to Rupert. He is loving it here and has a positive attitude which is making him a good cheerleader so far. The reward challenge was a huge undertaking. It was so exiting watching our tribe get item after item in the chest while Morgan struggled. Once we had all the items in the chest it so difficult to drag it ashore and put it up on it’s own little stage. Teamwork goes a long way. We won a third of our treasure map and a shovel as well as a chance to loot one item from Morgan’s camp. I got to read the map instructions out loud to the whole tribe. At the Immunity challenge I was a prisoner along with Rupert and Michelle. Michelle and I kicked our feet attempting to keep Morgan from pulling us far out into the water. Rupert did a great job getting us untied, but Morgan was way ahead. We did not give up and as Morgan fumbled with their coordinates we gained on them. Working well together paid off again as Drake won. I am so glad that none of us are going home tonight.
Three more days on the Pearl Islands. We won both of the challenges this week so I got to show off my clumsy, yet athletic side. Ha, I thought Sandra was pretty brave to go be the pirate to the other tribre. I wouldn't have considered doing that--I didn't want the Morgan tribe to hate my guts from the start. I was so happy that we didn't have to go to tribal council...that may have required me to talk and strategize. I had planned to use my humor as a strategy out here, but most of these people are so....NOT funny....that I seem hilarious without even having to speak. It's my new official under-the-radar strategy....sit back, relax, and watch the others make idiots of themselves. See you in the final two.
I rule. Everything is going so well over at Drake, in large part thanks to my awesomeness. Rupert did get really mad at me when I lost the spearhead, but I wasn’t too worried. I figured that if we got in trouble, I could just attract the fish with my pheromones. Rupert, jealous naturally, went off and looked for the spearhead himself. He let out this piercing scream and I thought for a moment that someone must have gotten all up in him the night before. Then I realized this was Rupert, so he probably just found it. I was right, of course, and paradise on Drake continues.
I see dead people. Oh hey sorry, y'all. That's someone else's gig. Or is it? As Andrew said, the sleep-deprivation has caused us all to hallucinate. See, I do nap during the day, like my pal Vlad. And I've had enough sleep to fry a genie. But, Andrew requested we show some team unity by hallucinating as a group. Yesterday night, just before the sun blazed more orange than an embalmer's botch job, I stalked out silently and hid among the palm fronds. There I felt a cold wind. I shivered and looked up. I cursed myself for sampling all those chemicals in mortician school. Floating in the air was the Ghost of Christmas Future. He pointed to a freshly dug grave, his skeletal metacarpel gleaming brighter than Wonder Bread. Tell you the truth, I was as frightened as a polecat in a dog kennel. "It's just a hallucination. It's just a hallucination," I repeated, beads of sweat forming on my brow.
"No. It's me Sandra," said the hallucination. I gasped and then the looming figure removed its hooded garment. The Ghost was really Sandra, and she was wearing the stolen tarp! What I thought was the Ghost's skeletal hand was, in truth, the edge of a small shovel. She had missed her boat to her camp. Though she was really snatchy about that tarp, love of humanity reared its ugly head. I explained that there'd be production crew members searching for her. We rounded the island and found the crew. Sandra was more out of sorts than a frilly debutante wearing the wrong lipstick. But when she boarded the boat with her tarpy booty, I had to ask about the fresh graves.
"What graves?" she replied.
Our troop, I mean tribe, is really struggling. We lost our tent, um tarp, after the reward challenge and had to rebuild the shelter. One of the boys is getting homesick, but I think he just got his feelings hurt because we didn't win the competition against Troop 670, I mean Drake. But otherwise, we are doing great. We were this || close to winning our challenges. All we need is to catch some fish, and have a good meal around the campfire. I know some campfire songs that are sure to boost the morale of the troop, um, .. tribe. Kumbayah m'lord, Kumbayah....
We are in trouble—big trouble—and we just cannot seem to get a break. First, we screw up on the Reward Challenge. I mean, we all did poorly, but Skinny Ryan was spending too much time worrying with his damned mask and not enough time trying to put something in the treasure chest. Then, when he finally did grab an item, what did he do? Did he put it in the treasure chest? No…he brought it back to shore! So, because we lost the Reward Challenge, we had to give up our tarp to that smug Sandra from the other tribe. Then, out of nowhere, Osten starts moaning and groaning about how he has had enough and wants to go home. Man, for a big, strong guy, he sure is a crybaby! I had us ahead in the Immunity Challenge by a wide margin, but my tribe mates couldn't get the damned bamboo tube untied. Come on, people…this is not rocket science! As a result, we had to go to Tribal Council once again and vote someone off. Maybe, now that Skinny Ryan is gone, our luck will start to turn around. If it doesn't, I don't know what I'll do. I cannot be expected to carry this team all on my own…
After making the tribe so comfortable the first three days, and keeping them laughing the entire time, I decided it was time to lay low. I’m a lot smarter than some people back home think I am. It will be fun to watch this episode with my friend, and watch his reaction to my brilliance. I didn’t do a lot in the reward challenge, but it was great to be part of the win any way. I sat back as Rupert went on and on about “his” spear and think he may be self-destructing. I’m working on some jokes about “Blackbeard, his spear, fish, and the grid pattern” I’m sure it will be great when it comes together, and I know I’ll have Sandra laughing out loud over the next few days. We of course won immunity again, and the next few days should be full of fun.
Well, that was quick. One minute I'm hunched over on the edge of the shelter, trying to catch even a few minutes of shut-eye, and the next minute, I'm out the door. I knew I was in everyone else's crosshairs after last week's Immunity Challenge so I really wanted to perform brilliantly this time. Unfortunately for me, the Reward Challenge was a highly physical swimming challenge. What happened to all the grocery-bagging challenges I'd crammed for? Things started out OK in the Reward Challenge, but all those riptides and updrafts and such prevented me from getting my goblet down into the treasure chest. Those lucky Drakes must not have had the same water disturbances we had.
Oh, you think it was easier than I made it look? Well, try this little experiment at home and get back to me: take a potato chip and try to push it to the bottom of a swirling hot tub with one finger. Maybe then you can see what I was up against.
The frustrating thing is I still had a chance to stay in when Osten wimped out and begged me to vote him off. The rest of the tribe apparently decided a half-hearted, pnemonia-ridden Osten was more valuable than me. Well, best of luck to 'em. They'll never know all the incredible Survivor gameplay I was getting ready to uncork on their underwear-sagging asses. They'll be sorry soon.
"Standing in the Shadows" is a weekly collaborative effort. Thanks to: AmandaG, Bill_in_PDX, Bumpkin, Cali, Eny, Feifer, Greenie, John, KylieGrant, Lobeck, Miss Filangi, Paulie, Shayla, Wayner, and Zhora!