It’s always a little bit satisfying to see a big ego get squashed in this game, isn’t it? Marty’s hard playing and his weird Jane fixation helped get him gone last week; this week, Brenda gets the same treatment. Smugness is never a good thing in this game, but it is fun to see the self-important get taken down a notch. I’m sure the cameramen on the island were upset, however: their favorite scenery - Brenda’s behind - was taken away from them. And for this, I’m thankful.
Burning Down the House
Back from tribal council, Brenda is chock full of smug after Marty’s boot. Thinking everyone sees her and Sash as the “king and queen” of this game, she proclaims that she’s more of the king while Sash is the queen. He’s going to love that one when he sees it on tv. Though I can’t disagree with her. I just wish they’d make Sash wear a shirt. Always.
Holly isn’t blind to what’s going on, and gives Jane an earful in creepy night vision, warning about how Brenda and Sash have too much power in the game and they’ll end up taking each one of them out, one by one. They must do something! Jane is totally on board. I thought Holly was a little loopy at the start of this season, but she’s turned into a real player. Excellent. What do I have to lose?” comments Holly. “Something has to change, and it has to change soon.” She pitches her plan to Benry, and he says he’s all for it. While Holly works on Benry, Jane talks to NaOnka, who is all too happy to toss her “friend” under the bus in the name of winning. Chase? Not so much. Holly tries to convince him, but he’s stuck on getting rid of Benry, who doesn’t have nearly as cute a behind as Brenda does.
Morning dawns, and it’s raining. “This rain is bad, man. The elements out here can really get you,” says Fabio. The tribe is afraid of losing their toasty fire to the incoming rain. So what do they do? Surround it. With wooden chests. And they top those with sticks of bamboo and more chunks of wood. And then? They use the tarp to block it off a little more.
And then they leave.
A five year old would know better than that, but then again, this isn’t the brightest tribe we’ve ever seen. Off to the reward challenge they go, fire blazing away underneath a pile of flammable stuff. Brilliance.
Fun As Crap!
The challenge consists of a few barrels, rope and boards - the two teams must make it across a length of beach using said barrels and boards without touching the ground. Winner gets a trip to a local active volcano where they will enjoy volcano boarding (never heard of it!). Oh, and they’ll be consuming copius amounts of pizza, soda, brownies, and various other goodies. You can almost see the drool after Jeff’s announcement.
It’s Chase, Kelly, Jane, NaOnka and Fabio (blue team) versus Sash, Holly, Brenda, Useless Dan, and Benry (yellow team). The yellow team flounders from the start, and Jeff is in rare form, slinging the snark left and right: “Yellow team looks like they’re in pain!” “Brenda trying to roll on one of the barrels. That’ll work. For a minute.” “If this were life and death, you’d be dead.” And when the blue team easily slaughters the yellow, Benry flips off his barrel and Jeff announces that it was his “ceremonial loser dismount.” Hee! Blue team happily heads to the helicopter to claim their reward.
Fabio proclaims the ride to the volcano awesome, while Jane compares walking on the steaming volcano to walking on the moon. Apparently, volcano boarding is pretty much sledding down the side, crunchy lava rock flying everywhere. At least they were given goggles and a jumpsuit to keep most of their skin intact. Jane says it was “fun as crap!” Her sentiments are shared by all, as is the food, which is heartily inhaled. They’re gonna wish they had some Rolaids in a bit. When game talk starts, NaOnka rudely pulls Fabio away from everyone at the table and tosses her buddy Brenda under the bus. Fabio agrees with the Boot Brenda plan while Chase tells Kelly that she doesn’t talk a lot. “I know, it’s funny,” she replies. Funny?
While the losers make their way back, camp is burning. When they arrive and catch sight of the ashes and charred remains of their stuff, jaws drop and about 30 “Oh my God!”’s are exclaimed. Some food got vaporized, flip flops, the handles of machetes - it even got hot enough to melt some of the glass jugs. All they have left is a little rice. Fortunately for the boneheads, the entire shelter didn’t burn, and part of the tarp is useable. Benry is flipping out, but Holly tells them all they can do is clean up and deal with it.
Once everyone is back at camp, Chase wastes no time in telling Brenda about the plan to overthrow her. She’s thoroughly unimpressed with the plan, thinking it’s not much to worry about. Chase then goes to NaOnka, thinking he can trust her and wanting Benry gone. Then! NaOnka shares that little tidbit with a pissed off Benry, who thinks Chase is getting played by Brenda and that he needs to “grow a pair”. NaOnka makes the rounds, telling Jane and Holly all about the Brenda Must Go plan. After hearing it, Jane is a bit disgusted with Chase’s loyalty to Brenda, thinking he just wants to get in her pants. And that might very well be so.
Immunity challenge time! Everyone must hold onto a knotted rope, leaning backwards over a pool of water. Purple Kelly and Sash are out in no time flat, followed by Holly. One by one they drop, leaving Chase, Benry, and....Jane! There’s no love lost between Benry and Chase, and they growl at each other as Jane makes it look easy. After they move to a lower knot, Benry bites it and falls into the pool. Just when I think Chase has it made (Jane’s fingers are numb and she almost lets go, but Jeff pushes her on), Chase fiddles around with his grip and falls. Jane wins! Woohoo for her, that’s one tough old lady. Jeff helps her up and they go back to camp to begin the obligatory plotting.
Clueless Chase tells Sash of his eagerness to get rid of Benry, but Chase’s constant nattering and paranoia is grating on the other’s nerves. “He pissed me off to the highest point of pisstivity,” NaOnka tells Sash. She then shares that they’d love to get rid of Brenda, and offers to help Sash make that big power move. He’s a little shocked, but sees the writing on the wall - it might be a good time to jettison Brenda and get off a sinking ship. I’m just glad he has a shirt on. Even Chase starts to realize that saving Brenda might be a hopeless cause, and tells her that NaOnka is “the one that screwed it up”. She’s annoyed, but refuses to scramble, thinking a show of confidence would be a better strategy. Yes, she can confidently walk through that graveyard in a little while...
Tribal council, and Jeff is still full of snark. Jury members Alina and Grandmaster Marty are ushered in, and Alina very much enjoys the drama. Marty still looks like a goober. At Jeff’s prompting, Brenda admits that she didn’t want to vote for Marty last time, but did it as a way to gain trust from certain people. Marty looks pleased at this. As Brenda talks about trust, NaOnka looks slightly pained. When Brenda flat out says that NaOnka jumped ship on her, NaOnka claims that she didn’t start the campaign to boot Brenda, earning a laugh from Jeff. Really, didn’t Holly start it? Jeff then asks Purple Kelly for her “20 years of wisdom,” but nothing of consequence comes out of her mouth. When asked why she dislikes the term “scrambling,” Brenda replies that there are better options. Jeff wonders if she thinks it’s beneath her, while Alina whispers that Brenda is “so irritating” while she explains her strategy to stay.
Alas, that strategy didn’t work worth a damn, as Brenda is voted out by everyone but Purple Kelly, who is completely out in left field and voted for Benry. One last doe-eyed glance at Sash didn’t earn Brenda a hoped-for immunity idol and she takes the walk of shame, murmuring “ouch” as Jeffy puts out her torch. As a parting shot, Brenda drew an immunity idol on her vote for NaOnka, but who knows if these dingbats will put two and two together.
Next week: NaOnka is up to her old tricks again, pissing off the entire tribe. She’s stolen, lied, and started fights - what could she possibly do now?