OK, so let me see if I've got this right. There's this Chain. And if you're part of The Chain, you get to hear stuff from other people. And you get a number, I think. Like seven, which is me. But the longer you stay in the game, the shorter The Chain gets until something happens and you get to latch on to another part of The Chain. I'm pretty sure that's what Matt said. I'm not sure what happens to break The Chain or how you do the latching part, but I've got my eyes peeled. Matt's in charge of the entire game right now, and I'm his right-hand man so I'll know right away what I'm supposed to do. This is so very exciting!
Meantime, it's all about fishing. Matt and I just sit out in the boat and gather fish. If Matt feels like it, we strategize. All the other sorry saps who don't understand how The Chain works waste their time back in camp while Matt plots the course of the game. My job is to nod excitedly and repeat my instructions back to him. Occasionally, one of us catches a fish. And, by the way, let me point out at this juncture that those fish will kill you. They might even be worse than the machetes. I had a completely dead piranha attack me just the other day! It was horrifying. I hope the kids at home learn from my mistakes and stop playing with piranha during school hours. They might not be as lucky as me.
Anyway, it's exciting to really be playing the game for the first time. Heck, I thought I was out of it until Matt came riding in on his white horse to rescue me. The Chain. It's my ticket to the top. Just gotta keep on believin' for twelve more days.
It has been an eventful last few days for me. First of all, I was bitten by some kind of wild unwashed creature in the rainforest. At first I figured it was Rob, but everyone tells me it was some kind of spider. I am not so sure. Regardless, I enjoyed allowing Alex to carry me around. I was scared though as I watched my knee swell up. What if it stays that big permanently? People will start calling me Tripod.
The reward challenge was fun. I thought I would be a natural at some of the events, like the blow darts... what with my sense of balance and all. Sadly, I was at a disadvantage here as well, for only the people with high body fat percentages could muster up enough force behind the dart.
While Alex and Jenna enjoyed the reward, I hung out with Denna. She pointed out that Alex needs to go soon, because he was a physical threat. Well, I sat there for a long time trying to figure out what that meant. Then, after much thought, it came to meÖ Denna wanted to boot Alex! Hey, wait a second; I have an alliance with Alex! Well it sure was obvious that booting off Alex would screw my chances of winning the game, but gosh, Deenaís logic was powerful. I decided I had better discuss this with Jenna.
At immunity challenge, I knew that my knee would keep me from eating those high fat grasshoppers. Jenna agreed and we both bailed early. Let the bloated ones in the tribe chow down yet again. Some of these people will need a fat farm once we get out of here, including that smart-alek Jeff, who was so flirting with me with his little tease about my intelligence, I hope Dave didnít get jealous.
It's good to be king. I have my dutiful subjects, my harem of cute girls and of course, my court jester. All that's missing is my queen. :sniff:
All is right with the world, except Deena. Well she's not the boss of me! I don't need no babysitter. I'm the alpha-male there is no one that can even come close to my awesomeness. Well, Matt did rock that Reward Challenge, but everyone gets lucky once in awhile.. except Rob. And I ultimately won, so no one can dispute that I'm the best! And taking Jenna with me to the reward was all strategy......... and mainly because she doesn't eat much so that leaves more for me.
But Deena was trying to get me out. What a backstabber! What a liar! How DARE she try to win.. that's my job. Everyone knows that I am the king and I am supposed to win. Her punishment is to be banished from my kingdom. And to be trapped at loser lodge with Dave. That's punishment enough for any traitor.
Alex is so dreamy! You should've seen him during the RC. His athletic abilities were incredible. I bet he's very good at other things, if you know what I mean. There was no doubt in my mind that he would beat that creepy guy...whatever his name is. It was a given that Alex would pick me to join him at the Coffee bar, being that Iím the prettiest and all. But I was still excited when he called my name. We had a totally awesome evening eating pastries and drinking cup after cup of coffee.
At our return to camp, my happiness turned to anger when Heidi informed me that Deena had changed the plans and was conspiring to take out Alex next. Um..No she didn't! How dare she turn on one of us, and target the crush of my life at that? She had agreed to stick to the plan of getting rid of all the losers first! We should not deviate from the plan, unless Alex says so of course. I was so pissed off at Deena!!! Nobody betrays the King and Queen of the Amazon. Thatís me and Alex in case you didnít know!
At TC, we showed Deena what happens to those that betray the beautiful people plus Rob. Hey, Deena! I never liked you anyway, so why don't you go stuff your face at Loser Lodge!
Iím starting to feel like a spy. Iíve even got my own little secret agent theme song that plays in my head every time I have a top secret conversation. Dun da da dun da daÖI wish you could hear it, itís really cool. Rob pulled me aside while everyone was sleeping and told me that the girls are starting to resent Deena, and may even consider targeting her. He also told me that Deena wants to get rid of me because Iím such a strong competitor. Duh! Iíve known that since day two! Rob said weíre back to our original plan of voting off the girls and he wants me to get Butch on board. He made me pinkie-swear not to tell anyone we talked, then we performed a classic misdirection move and came back to camp on different paths. Weíre so sneaky.
Iím getting good at this spy gig. I threw a bunch of secret agent lingo at Butch while we were out fishing and it worked like a charm. He really seemed to grasp the concept of The Chain. I could tell he understood perfectly by the way he repeated everything I said. Butch and I are linked together now and I am his lifeline. Now Iím just waiting for my next mission from Rob. Maybe heís got one of those spiffy message things that self-destruct after they are read. That would be really neat.
Since Deena is starting to feel threatened by my strength, I decided I better throw the Reward Challenge so I could slip back under her radar. I didnít realize how poorly everyone would do with the blowdarts, so my 10 point bullseye stood out a little more than I anticipated. I intentionally missed the bullseye with the spear in round two, but not by as much as was needed to avoid the third round with Alex. I was worried he might miss the target altogether, leaving me the winner. Jeeze, whatís a guy got to do to lose around hereÖthrow like Heidi?
The Immunity Challenge was pretty easy this time. All we had to do was eat. I was going to throw this one too, until Deena made it to the final round with me. I figured everyone would get mad if I let Deena win immunity, so I swallowed that live grub whole. It felt like a funny little tickle running down my insides. I know my stomach juices would have killed the little fella eventually, but I pounded my chest a few times to give him a quicker and more humane death. Everyone was really supportive of me and my win. They all stood up and cheered for me and it felt great to receive such positive attention. I am obviously well liked around here and my secret alliance with Rob is really starting to pay off.
This experience just keeps getting better and better and changing,who knows what will happen next! I feel like I am playing well in the game and I am anticipating going pretty far!
I really wanted immunity just to get it but those bugs just wouldn't go down, protein ha! There was no way they were going to stay down, I wretched and wretched, then I saw that Matt was going to probably win and I wretched even more because he just creeps me out! Always sharpening his machete and looking at us! I bet he wonders what we taste like!
At Tribal Council it was a little of a surprise and I am just a little nervous, it appears a lot of people turned on Deena, and I was pretty tight with her. No one approached me with the plan to turn so I don't know what will happen next! I am pretty strong except in the stomach! And so I will just have to align myself with some of the skinny chicks or make sure I get that immunity! I have been close a number of times and I figure if I know I really need it I can do it!
Rob gets on my nerves and I wouldn't be sad to see him go. I am glad I did stick with Deena and if I can keep going and she is on the jury then I know she will be in my favor. You never know just what will happen. Remains to be seen I guess!
It amazes me how incredibly stupid everyone really is. Stupid and gullible. I am loviní life out here.
Talking to Matt makes me feel superior, not at all like talking to Dave, who I really want to be. Oh, back to Matt, I have him by the balls, and unfortunately I like it that way.
Deena thinks that she is the leader, and so does Alex. I really need to be careful to play this right. As long as enough people wind up on the jury thinking I was always on their side, Iíll be all right. Itís not like they will talk at loser lodge.
Getting the supplies for the reward challenge left me with another chance to talk to Matt in my oh-so-condescending way.
I thought I had him convinced to throw the challenge. Then the bonehead goes and gets all jungle on me by pulling a Robin Hood and hitting the bullís eye. God, what was he thinking?
Whatever, Iím out of the challenge after round one. Not that it matters; I wouldnít want anyone thinking I was a threat. Matt actually moved on to round 3, how the hell is that not looking like a threat? Moron.
So Alex wins it and takes Jenna of all people. Damn it I wish I was Alex. While they were away Deena started in trying to control everything. Luckily I can sit back with my mouth shut and watch her self-destruct. I run and tell Jenna everything, letting her tell Alex that heís next. Again, I stay out of the loop. I am Survivor God. Bow down to me for I shall win this whole thing. Thatís how good I am. Going with the flow to oust Deena was really my only choice. Once again Jeff helps me by not finishing the reading of the votes. Deena will go away sure that I voted for Alex. The next three days will be so easy.
Well, it looks like I made a little miscalculation there and overplayed my hand. Ooops, that's embarrassing. Now the other deputy district attorneys are going to tease me around the water cooler about how I got outsmarted by a brat-pack. Here I am, on my way to Jury Loser Lodge, just because Matthew swallowed that damn bug. I swear, he's one of the aliens from V, as he looked absolutely reptilian when we downed that huge grub without a blink of an eye.
Rob thinks that I don't know he voted for me. That twerp, I've been able to read him since the very first challenge. I bet he's thinking right now that because the final vote wasn't shown that he was still behind me. Oh well, I won't hold it against Rob as I have bigger fish to fry come voting time, or rather, scrawnier, bitchier fish to fry. I hope Christy or Butch can make it to the finals.
All is not lost. I'll be on the jury so I'll get to interrogate the finalists during the finale. I'm on my way to a nice resort to spend three days with Dave before anyone else joins us with no camera crews in our faces. We'll see if its true what they say about putting lawyers and areospace engineers together - as there just may be fireworks, and, um, latin phrases. See you on Judgment Day.
With thanks to : John, lurkinggirl, Paulie, Wayner, Miss F, firegirl, Kylie, Jodaar, Bill_in_PDX, cali, Bravofan, Wolf, Zhora, Ilikai.