Welcome back to Survivor, where they are dropping like FLIES, y’all. Seriously, if the pace of medical/psychological evacuations keeps up, Jeff will have to award the million dollars to one of the production crew. Now, you’re probably saying, “Psychological? What? Jonathan hurt his knee, Lucy. His KNEE. Sure, he cried. But if you think a stabby festering puncture wound is in his head, you need to lay off the wine.” And you might be right about the wine. But there is a mental breakdown ahead that will surprise …. Well, no one. Still, I’m saving it for later. So there.
Last week, as just mentioned, Jonathan had to leave his show due to a threat of death by knee-wound, and pathetic Chet wimped out and asked to leave.
We pick back up the next morning at Malakal, where the chickens have not yet laid their daily eggs and Tracy wants to punish them by DEATH. She sees no point in maintaining fowl that don’t keep up their end of the deal, particularly when said birds would be particularly delicious in a stew. However, Ozzy vetoes this. He points out that eggs are a “renewable resource”; apparently the chickens are laying an egg apiece a day, usually, and I’m wondering if anyone on this island has any prior chicken experience, as that’s about what you can expect from an average chicken. It’s not like they shoot eggs out of their butts all damn day long.
Tracy suggests that Ozzy is just saving the chickens to eat when there are fewer tribe members left to eat them. He denies it, telling us that Tracy just wants to stir up people’s insecurities. (And chickens’ insecurities too, I guess.). Tracy tells us that Ozzy runs the show there, that he’s in control, and that he dictates everything, down to when and what they eat. “He’s like a kingpin,” she says. And if they don’t stop him, he’ll win.
Over at chicken-less Airai, the mood is even more somber. It’s been rainy, so they’re all huddled in the cave, being “attacked by skeeters,” says someone, and the misery is taking hold. James seems cheerful, pointing out that at least they’re dry in the cave, and he wishes the women would relax. And by “women” he must mean “Kathy,” because she’s having none of this “look on the bright side” stuff. No, she says this is the stupidest thing she’s done in her life (I have my doubts) and that this is a “crap day.” She’s thinking of home and her washer/dryer and food and her daughter and husband, in that apparent order.
Ozzy and Erik, Skimming Up a Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Back at Malakal, Ozzy is doing his monkey routine and climbing a coconut tree to shake out some coconuts. Erik is just agog. He says Ozzy is amazing, and he wants to learn from him and grow. My god, they’ll be on The Bachelor next.
Cirie can’t help but notice the worshipful way Erik sees Ozzy, comparing it to the Lion King, where the father lion teaches the cub stuff. “Whenever he says Ozzy’s name, like stardust comes out of his mouth,” she says. Cirie and Amanda have a laugh over this. “If Ozzy was to propose marriage to Erik right now, done deal,” Cirie says.
At some point, Ozzy decides they should move the boat … somewhere else. I’m not clear on this, but he wants it on another beach, and he asks Cirie to help. Now, apparently Cirie is not a strong swimmer, and she’s not a fan of being far offshore. But once in the boat, Ozzy wants to go fish off a reef he frequents, and it’s much further out than Cirie is comfortable with. She stays in the boat as the others fish, telling us she will remember that this fishing trip was “at my expense.”
Fuzzy Blob Goes To The Spa
Apparently she doesn’t drown, as everyone turns up at the reward challenge. There are absolutely no looks of surprise when they’re told Chet was voted out. Jeff then explains the challenge. It will involve rolling a large Micronesian “money stone”, while blindfolded, around a clearing, attempting to roll it over some boards and crack them to gain access to smaller, “more like money you could carry in your hand” stones, which they’ll then have to set into a puzzle to win. The reward is a spa getaway, heavily subsidized by Herbal Essences.
Cirie and Eliza are the ones chosen to shout directions at the blindfolded folks. Cirie gets mad when her crew refuses to go the way she wants, despite Ami pointing out that Cirie told them left when she meant right. Despite this, Malakal draws ahead, and eventually wins.
They choose to send Jason to Exile, and Ozzy asks Tracy to “take one for the team” and go too. She’ll miss the reward. Real nice guy he is.
At the reward “spa”, Erik is bubbling over with enthusiasm. I think it’s his first Survivor reward, AND it has cookies, so there you go. Ozzy says he’s like a wide-eyed kid in a candy store and that it’s nice to watch.
Amanda, Ami and Ozzy go to shower – with Ami making orgasm/shampoo noises like an actual Herbal Essences shampoo; did they pay her to do that? Or is the shampoo really that good? Then somehow both women have removed their bathing suit tops, the better to wash, I guess. Cirie, watching from the distance, is a bit shocked at seeing “a couple pair of boobs and Ozzy’s head.” She judgmentally says she wouldn’t judge them, but she wouldn’t do that. I wonder if it’s occurred to her that Amanda probably doesn’t have anything Ozzy hasn’t already seen, and Ami’s not likely to care about seeing more boobies, so who’s being hurt here? No one but Cirie. Erik doesn’t seem to notice a thing.
Back at Airai, it’s still raining. Kathy says that when you watch Survivor on TV, it shows rain for like 30 seconds, not for five or six hours. Yes, Kathy, but when people are soaked and cold on TV, you tend to ASSUME it’s not from a 30-second spat of rain. Right? No?
Huddled in the cave and unable to cook, they gnaw on raw clam with their hands. This just sends Kathy over the edge. She says it’s like they’re animals. “It’s just savagery, it’s like you’re cavemen. Never in a million years would I do this twice,” she says. Uh, was she not a Survivor “fan” back when one tribe was eating rats?
They push further into the cave to stay dry that night, with “rats and bats and crawlie things.” One of the women is divebombed by a bat at one point. Happiness does not abound.
But no one’s taking it as bad as Kathy. The next morning proves to be dry, but Kathy has already gone around the bend. She says she was trying to send “vibes” to her daughter, but she “can’t feel my family” and starts crying. The other women gather around her, either out of concern or out of curiosity to see a real-live breakdown in progress. She tells them she can’t take another minute out there, and they look stunned. They try to tell her they all feel bad, but nooooo, no one feels as bad as Kathy. She sobs that she wants someone to bring a boat and take her away.
Handily, Jeff arrives, as someone apparently sent him a message for a psych transport. He tells her she’s made it 19 days, and she’s weathered a lot, but that he’s not there to talk her out of leaving if she wants to. Kathy says she’s never leaving her family again. She says she’s there for everyone else, and that her sister wants to live vicariously through her, and that she doesn’t want to let down the tribe, but that leaving is the first decision she’s made for herself. Well, now, that’s interesting about people-pleaser Kathy. I suspect that whole thing isn’t going to go over well at home. Kathy doesn’t want people to think she’s quitting, but, um, hello? She is. She gets her stuff, dispenses hugs, and gets in the boat. James says she’s lost her motivation so they might as well let her go. Alexis points out that life at camp goes on. I don’t think Kathy’s going to be much missed.
At Malakal, Cirie tells Amanda that they got a dose of how Ozzy is. Apparently she’s referring to his choice to fish off that boat even though he knew Cirie wasn’t comfortable. Amanda agrees that he is “arrogant,” and Cirie thinks Amanda needed to see that for herself. They also discuss Erik’s Ozzy worship, and how they don’t think Ozzy will vote off his acolyte. But they’re gunning for Erik at the moment.
Strong Man, or Strong Women?
At the immunity challenge, Jeff waits for Jason and Tracy to rejoin them from Exile – of which we saw nothing – to explain Kathy’s departure. People seem quite surprised. Then he explains the challenge: they’ll race across a floating bridge with a rope, hook it to a big puzzle piece, and be dragged back to shore with it. Once they get all the pieces, they put the puzzle together to win.
Ozzy goes out first for Malakal, of course, and Airai falls behind because Eliza just sits on her puzzle piece instead of helping move it into the water. Then Ozzy goes out again. He lets his boy Erik go next, but Erik struggles. Ozzy does most of the fetching of pieces for Malakal and they have a lead going into the puzzle building.
But Amanda and Cirie, building the puzzle, slow down, allowing Airai to overtake them and finally win. I was wondering if they did that on purpose. If so, they were just subtle enough that no one calls them on it.
At camp, Amanda apologizes to Ozzy, and he suggests – predictably – that they keep Erik and boot Tracy.
Ami, however, would rather work with Tracy, and not be left the fourth wheel in the remaining favorites group. She tells Tracy what Ozzy wants, and says they need to get Cirie and Amanda on their side, and have them vote out Erik. But secretly, Ami says, she wants her and Tracy and Erik to vote out Ozzy.
Tracy goes and tells Erik she’s going to vote for Ozzy. He wants Cirie to vote with them. The women talk, and Ami says she’ll vote for Erik if Amanda and Cirie will. Amanda and Cirie then consult, and of course the whole thing falls apart. They’re nervous that it won’t work, and Amanda is naturally having second thoughts about turning on her breadwinner and boytoy Ozzy. If she does, she says, she can “kiss that relationship goodbye.” (Aside: isn’t this similar to her inability to turn on Todd last time? And look where it got her. Back in the jungle, with no million bucks). We head toward tribal council with no resolution, only Ami ambiguously saying her vote is a big decision that could change the game.
Pay No Attention To The Leader Behind the Curtain
At tribal council, Jeff tells them the tribe is in trouble, and keeps losing. Tracy says, at Jeff’s prodding, that Ozzy is leading the tribe and dictates every move it makes. “It’s ridiculous” Ozzy responds. He claims he’s not the leader.
Not so fast, says Cirie. She’s trying to be diplomatic, but says she can see where Tracy is coming from. Ninety percent of what they do, she says, they check with Ozzy first.
To Erik, this is just fine. “He’s doing so much for this tribe,” Erik gushes. He says they’d be worse off without Ozzy. Gee, wonder how his vote is going?
Ami says you always have to watch for threats, playing your cards when it makes the most sense, etc. I’m sure this is in response to some probing from Jeff, I just don’t remember what he asked. However, it makes Ozzy nervous, apparently. He says he knows some people want him out of the game. But he’s loyal to his friends, he says.
Tracy, making a last play, says she’s a better person to keep around than Ozzy because he’ll demolish them one by one after the merge. She’s not a threat.
It doesn’t matter. Despite some confident looks from Tracy, Ozzy gets one vote to her four, and she’s out. One more Fan down. In her final confessional, she says Ozzy is a good, manipulative player and that the rest of the tribe has to get rid of him for their own good.
Jeff, playing Captain Obvious, sends everyone else back to camp with the admonishment that they must start winning. Ya think?
Ami and Cirie chase some sort of animal around, possibly a chicken. Erik is added to the injured list – but badly enough to leave? Dunno. And Parvati seems to make a new alliance.