Standing in the Shadows, Week 5
It was kind of uncomfortable having Rupert away for 3 days. We could have really used him in the reward challenge. He would have had the cahones to pitch Jon overboard. You see, Jon apparently has some water issues. He canít swim and his boating skills, well, Iíll just say he would have been more effective if stood aft punching holes in the boat with a jackhammer, (which is not to say that I think he could operate a jackhammer, he probably couldnít handle a hammer and chisel). Rupert just couldnít have gotten back fast enough for my liking. I was really anxious waiting for him so he could tell us everything that happened while he was with Morgan.
If someone pinned me to the ground and threatened to beat me senseless unless I said something good about Jon, I would have to say that he did actually have a good idea before the IC. He suggested, and Irongut Michelle agreed, that she should sandbag the food challenge so the other team would pick her to chug blenderfish if the need arose. I guess she just got caught up in the moment though, and she put her Irongut on the table for all to see. Itís no wonder Morgan picked me for the tiebreaking blenderfishfest; those bloody clams almost brought me to my knees during the first round. I felt terrible when I lost. Michelle secretly let the team down, and then I let the team down right out in the open. If I learned nothing from Burton though, I learned itís not wise to start pointing fingers at who should go. I thought I better not make a big stink about Michelleís display of blenderfish prowess. I kept apologizing and accepting all of the blame for our loss, knowing that would only make Michelle look worse for her mistake. The tribe seemed to genuinely accept my apology, but in a game like this you just never know. I didnít think they would rally the vote against me, but I played it gracious right until the end. I guess it worked. Michelle can now enjoy all the fishguts she wants from the comfort of losers lodge.
Jonny Fairplay is in da house. I am so lucky to be such a good game player. I admit that my plan to cut off the Morganís by steering our boat into their lane during the RC, may have failed, but the idea was right. I canít believe Shawn thought he needed to take over the steering duties from me. Always hogging the spotlight. No one understood the strategy, and they started to complain back at camp. Luckily I was able to get off the topic seamlessly by welcoming Rupe back into the fold. The IC was the easiest ever. I knew it would be the gross food challenge, but I didnít expect to see Jeff eating a Gyro when we got there. Must have been trying to whet our appetites. I wonder if theyíll show that on TV? Anyway, Michelle and Sandra blew it big time, and yeah, Jeff ribbed me some more about my Johnny Fairplay bit, but he still loves me. At tribal council no one noticed when I wiggled my fingers as though playing with an imaginary marionette. Everyone is so stupid. Michelleís gone, and of course it was my doing.
Now we are back on track. I knew that the power of believing in ourselves would pay dividends eventually, and the Morganís cornered the market this week. The momentum is going our way, and should carry us to the merge. We have shifted the paradigm in this game, and seized control of the power within ourselves. Now we just need to keep believing.
The other big news was having Rupert in camp. He told us amazing stories about the mystical cove at Drake where they can catch fish, and the tides donít wash away your shelter! We all stood in silent awe as Rupert wove his tale. Then he took it a step further and demonstrated how the stick worked to stab sea creatures. We all thought that was a fancy walking stick... go figure? Now, I know our tribe works harder than Drake, and I canít help but think the producers stuck us in the more difficult location because we have superstar Osten in our tribe. I just hope Rupert remembered how friendly I was with the camp pillage so that I can be his friend after the merge. With his raw strength, and my demonstrated motivational and leadership skills, we could take over Barter TownÖ erÖ this game.
Iím so glad Burton is gone. Constantly strutting around the island like the Alpha Male he thought he wasÖ it was all I could do to keep away from him. I know it seemed like weíre really close, but the most I tried to get away from him, the most heíd stay by my side. Seriously, it was like he was a lost puppy dog. Must be the phermones.
Anyway, with Rupert over at Morgan, I figured it was my chance to really come alive and step up as the lone male on Drake during the Reward Challenge. (Who, Jon? You are kidding, right?) It was my strategy to steer the boat towards Morganís course to mesmirize them with my devastating good looks. Rupert must have warned them since that strategy didnít work. I took over for Jon who was using the rudder as a paddle at this point. Brains, beauty, great work ethicÖ I am so cursed.
The Immunity Challenge was no better as Sandra couldnít beat Darrah, who is possibly the second hottest Survivor there. Off to Tribal Council we went where Rupert lectured us like a bunch of two year olds before. If my strategy of voting out the cutest players first wasnít so solid, Rupert would be next. But it IS working and working like a charm. With Michelle gone, soon it will be just me and the ugly people. If I'm the last hot Survivor standing, how can I lose??
Dude, I canít say enough about my main man Rupert. That guy RAWKS hardcore. He was all like ďMan, letís go get you guys some fishĒ and I was like ďRock on, brother!Ē Sure, I might have lost that first one, but dude! Those little bastards are slippery. Rupert, or Rupe-dawg as I like to call him, told me not to worry, that it was all sorts of copasetic. He kicks ass. Dude! Seriously man, I think this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Iím hoping when we get back to civilization we can hang together and rock out to a little ďMaster of PuppetsĒ while eating some Boo Berry and jamminí on Madden 2003. How wicked would that be? Dude, he mentors teens for a living. Iím like, already in with that guy. My interests are right up his alley.
Right, so anyway, now that Iím the Morgan master of all things icktheeÖichthyÖfish, I am SO positioned to whomp Andrewís slacking ass into submission. Even though I gotta give props to my dawg Ru-Ru for getting us that badass lead in the RC, I was all OVER sticking the rungs into the holes when we were back on the beach. I hope all you lovely ladies took note of my mad prowess there. Hint, hint. That shower came in handy. Yeah, baby. It came in reeeeeallll handy. Iím hoping Darrah will be the cleanest Survivor chick ever. You men out there noticed the way she was able to down those foul smoothies during the IC, didnít you? Yeah, so did I. Wink wink.
Ah jus' can nawt believe it. Ah won th' immoonity challenge for mah trahb. Crunchin' on that sardine was lahk chewin' on th' bawnes of rilly smawl corpses, nawt that ah'd ever think of doin' that! But thass whot ah'd imajun thar bawnes would be lahk. Jus' so y'all know, thass nawt sumthin' we'da learned at Holmes Commoonity Cludge of Funereal Servants. Ah thot ah'd cry to swallow that thang. But ah did it. When ah drank that smoothay, ah imajuned a choclit milkshayke. Ah was close to cryin', but imajunin' ah was chewin' on smurfs rilly helped mah compojure. Though ah was imajunin' so strawngly that one of th' smurfs asked me out. He said his naym was Fairplay Smurf. No way, smurf boy.
We Morguns were thrilled to have Rooport 'round to catch us some feeyush. We ate wayull, and we were as sad as Missis--er, how do y'all spell that?--as sad as Missisippippi lawng stawkings whot has our braids awl droopy...to see Rooport go. Anjer and Ostrich sawr how Rooport took Reno under his wang, and he tawt him how to feeyush, but Reno said that th' feeyush got awhy. Isn't that jus' th' why? Dang.
Rooport helped us wean th' raward challedge. After he left, we awl took turns baythun'. Ev'ryone was bein' pretty cool 'bout respectin' mah prawvicy, but ah know thar was one man with wandrin' eyes. He hid behind a camera and filmed my bare nekkid behind. Ah was lahk, get awf mah back! Literally. He was lahk, ah get paid tuh do this! Ah was lahk, save it fer yer pornos, cuz thass the only werk yer gonna get. He was lahk, yer raht--we reallaty teevee werkers aren' unionized. Ah was lahk, jus cuz ah'm from the south...that doesn' mayn ya have tuh make a cheap shot!
Cripes, did we ever screw up the reward. With Burton and Rupert gone, no-one was there to TELL me which way to paddle. It didnít help that stupid Jon didnít know what he was doing. When it was over, my skirt buddy Rupert came back and that was so great.
I had to go against Osten, the buzzed butt guy in the Immunity. I beat that n...ice guy real good. White folks rule, at least in this tribe. Except I hate Panama Barbie, so she had to go. She didnít do what she was told, and Shawnjon are running things.. Oh and I hate Shawnjon. My hair is getting blonder though, and thatís a good thing.I sure miss home, clean clothes, and my Mom, oh and my dealer.
I'm seeing a few chinks in the armor of my alliance these past few days. Even though I...er, I mean we kicked Drake butt in the RC and IC, I was out-voted by my tribe, led by that hippie freak Rupert, to move my awesome second attempt at a shelter. Those guys just don't understand, if you put a few more logs up there, it'll last until the merge. Why move it to another spot, when this one is certified snake-free? Rupert's a Drake anyway, and you KNOW he loves snakes, seeing as how he brought his little pet Balboa to the challenge. He probably orchestrated this shelter-move to put us right smack in the middle of Snake Central. He knows that's the only way Drake will beat me, er, I mean us. At least Rupert taught Rhino how to use that spear thing. Now maybe I can get some protein in me, and work my way back up to the 4,000 calories a day I was getting before I left. Those Drakians think I'm a menace now, just wait!
Ever hear the old sayin' "Give a man a fish an' he'll eat for a day. Teach a man ta fish, an' he'll eat for a lifetime"? Well, Morgan sure hasn't. Notice how I caught all their fish? That friendly young Rhino feller tried, but he couldn't even catch a fish when I had it on their spear!
Another old sayin' that the Morgans weren't familiar with was "If ya build yer shelter below the high tide mark, yer a gol durned fool." Course, I made sure they got nice and acquainted with that little nugget.
I made the best o' me time with the Morgan crew though, had quite a bit o' fun, I did. That Andrew is so easy ta fool. When he asked how we caught fish over at Drake, I told 'im we just row the boat around our mystical cove and the fish just jump right in our boat. I was just foolin', but he actually believed me! No sense tellin' 'im about our speargun, what with the lootin' they were goin ta do.
Speakin' o' the lootin', I'll bet you're a wee bit curious about how I convinced that lubber ta just take a few days o' rice, arent ya? Yo ho, this one'll give ya a chuckle. I told 'im that back at the fishin' village, I'd bought a cow. And on the way back ta the rest o' the crew, I came accross this feller that sold me three grains of magic rice for the cow. Yep, he actually thinks he looted magic rice! Hahahahaha! Ahem. Ah, good times, these are!
A shame we had ta say "shove off" to Michelle. She was a pretty little thing, and she burps more like a pirate than most o' the others in the crew. But it had ta be done. I would of rathered we'd voted out Jon, but another member of the crew pointed out that in another week or two, Balboa will be big enough ta eat 'im. So I'm bidin' me time. Heh, heh, heh.
I could not believe that Shawn was trashing Burton. Come on! They were buddies for thirteen days. Rupert has been hangin' with the enemy. I hope he did not shell out too much Drake information. At the Reward challenge I was excited about winning the shower and all the cleaning scrubbies. Unfortunately, Morgan won that challange. I thought it was sweet of Rupert to join Drake again instead of bathing first. Too bad he does not smell so sweet as a result. Our immunity challenge was the worst yet. They blended up all kinds of seafood yuckies and we had to gulp them. I almost fell out of my chair when Michelle chugged her sludge instead of playing it squeamish as planned. Goodbye Michelle.
Having Rupert for our tribe was a godsend. It was such a pleasure to actually eat protein instead of rice. It was so wonderful winning the reward challenge too. I believe the guys set the portable shower in the open on purpose. Yea, they act all gentlemanly and say they would never look, but their clothes are very thin and their bodies say otherwise. It was also great to pillage from Drake this time, although I donít believe a couple bowls of rice worried them all that much. We should have taken the tarp, or the mattress, or cloth for new clothes, or more pots! Not three bowls of rice! Iím going next time instead of our sally of a leader, Andrew. But anyway, Iím glad we won the immunity challenge because our group cannot afford to lose any more members, and Iím determined to eventually figure out what the heck Darrah is saying.
After tribal council when we got back to camp, Shawn said he'd voted for Burton too. I can't believe that...how could he betray Burton and I? I guess he was just bitter that he never got to play "the game" with us.....
I was supposed to sandbag the immunity challenge...why didn't I? That stuff really was nasty...I didn't *want* to drink twice. Besides, I'm a horrible actress. I bet the Morgan's would have seen right through me. And most important, cutie that I am, drinking twice would have seriously set me back on the "sweet, feminine" scale.
Sandra lost the tie-breaker and we went to tribal council. I was hoping that Shawn would go, but I wasn't surprised that it was me. At least I will be with Burton in Loser Lodge. That has to be better than this. *Skips off singing "Show me your coconuts..."
Standing in the Shadows" is a weekly collaborative effort. Thanks to: AmandaG, Bill_in_PDX, Bumpkin, Cali, Eny, Feifer, Greenie, John, KylieGrant, Lobeck, Miss Filangi, Paulie, Shayla, Wayner, and Zhora!