It’s all about Magilla!
Having won immunity, the Chuay Gahns are sitting around the cave feeling quite proud of themselves. They have vanquished their foes to tribal council and will now be the dominant tribe. They sit around and ponder whom the Sook Jai voted off.
Clay: I bet it Shirlene
Ted: No I think they voted out Sharon
Brian: I know, I bet they got rid of Sheila
Jan: That’s funny, I thought they would get rid of Cheryl.
Helen keeps hoping the producers will finally give her the gun she so desperately needs to put these people out of her misery.
Its Shii Ann you morons, Shii Ann.
Everyone knew that Shii Ann had sold out Sook Jai. Everyone knew that she would be gone. But everyone sits around pretending they are oblivious to the obvious. The air is so thick you can cut it with a knife.
But wait, Helen has a wonderful idea. She starts reciting recipes for yummy deserts that you can cut up and put in the kid’s lunches. …then add chocolate chips, raisins, walnuts, and more brown sugar…. Note to Helen: starving people are by definition – hungry, and may not want to hear about your Pillsbury bake off entries.
The next morning, Penny decides to work her charms.
Ted is meditating on the beach and having an imaginary conversation with his family, when Penny asks if she can work out with him later. I almost expected her to do a back flip, land in the splits, and say “Give me a T, give me an E, give me a D, what’s that spell, TED, goooooooo TED.
Then she saunters off to Clay to play nice nice with him. Clay might have the best line of the night. "Penny is a cute, sweet little girl. She thinks her looks and her talent can get her whatever she wants out of men. I am 46 and she ain't getting nothing from me."
Um Clay – she is just trying to keep you from voting her off. I think if she was trying to “get something”, she would be making googly eyes at beefcake Ken or the pornstar Brian.
Later Penny tries to clean a little speck of dry skin off of Jan’s face. Now Jan has not seen soap or a mirror for 22 days. Besides – grooming and hygiene are the least of her problems. Jan is a few tacos short of a combination plate.
Next – Penny shares a wonderful recipe for Apple Brown Betty with Helen that practically guarantees her a spot in the final four.
Note to Penny: If you really want to impress them, go catch a pig, or a fish, or something they can roast over an open flame. That will make them cheer.
Finally Penny has sufficiently brown nosed each of the Chuay Gahns and we can get on with the show.
Ken now has a problem with the Chuay Gahn men. It seems that they are – um – you know - urinating too close to the cave. All righty then. Pretty soon Ken will be lecturing them on how they should put the bamboo toilet seat down, and improve their aim.
Meanwhile Helen shares a recipe for lemon squares.
Immunity Challenge: (no reward challenge for some reason)
Sook Jai is outnumbered 5-4, and is in a must win situation.
There are 4 bamboo snorkels tied to a pole. Each member must submerge and breathe through the snorkel for as long as possible. The team with the total time for all 4 members wins tribal immunity.
Since Chuay Gahn has five people, one must sit out. They sit out Helen. What – Helen, the Navy Seal swimming instructor? Are you nuts? Are you trying to tell Sook Jai that you can beat them with one hand tied behind your back? My money is on Clay being the weak link in this challenge.
Anyway – they are off. Penny comes up after 9 seconds. 9 seconds? How lame is that. Are you competing for one million dollars or what? She could not hold her breath for one stinking minute for a million dollars. Erin comes up after 15 seconds. Clay lasts about 20, Ted about 25. Ken is still fuming about the cave/urine thing, and only lasts 30 seconds. Jan makes it to about 35. It’s all down to Jake & Brian. Jake comes up after a minute, Brian stays under. Chuay Gahn wins immunity again.
Pick your favorite Brian joke here, or insert one of your own.
1. Brian has an unfair advantage, and is able to go down longer than anyone else.
2. Brian has a surprising ability to service the snorkel.
3. Ken decides to get to know Brian better after his performance in the snorkel challenge.
4. Penny decides right then and there to eliminate Erin so she can make a play for Brian.
Everyone arrives back at camp to find that Magilla – the Chuay Gahn rally monkey, has brought his whole family and stolen much of their food. Helen is especially pissed because she was just about to bake banana bread, so she recites the recipe to anyone who will listen.
The dejected Sook Jai’s go off to mull their fate. Penny has a great idea. “Maybe we should all sleep together”. All righty then - now were talking family entertainment. Jake responds “that this sounds almost erotic”. Instead they decide to eat “Lucky”, the last remaining chicken.
Jake has a ceremony for (un)lucky the chicken. “He was a good chicken”; “He ate the grain so that we could gain nourishment from his body”. Somehow Jan ends up holding the body of the poor bird. During the touching tribute to Lucky, Jan’s expression goes from all smiles to deep sadness as she remembers the tragic parting of Baby Bayut just a few days ago. Always the sensitive man, Clay later complained, "I have never seen such a ceremony in my life. It's not that big of a deal."
Jake chokes the chicken.
Jan’s face turns to horror as the chicken’s body tries to run away.
Clay starts setting the table.
Helen starts reciting recipes for; boiled chicken, chicken soup, chicken & noodles, chicken fritter, chicken gumbo, and chicken & monkey stew.
Without Shii Ann, I wonder if anyone ate the giblets.
After dinner, Jan takes the head & feet of Baby Chickeyun to her makeshift pet cemetery for a proper burial next to Baby Bayut.
Time for Tribal Council
The easy money is on Penny the brown noser – simply because she is such and easy target, or Ken – because he is standing in the way of everyone winning the million dollars.
Erin is voted out 3-1.
I feel cheated. I could have taken easy shots at Erin’s enormous breast implants, or her boyish figure, or her “man hands” or the possibility that she has an adams apple, but I have been saving them for later due to her lack of screen time. This girls has not said 10 words to the camera before tonight and she is gone. I will never get those lost jokes back.