If I ever go on Survivor (as if!), I know not to do two things. One, don't even try to take charge. Let some other sucker do it and sit back and smile at them. Two, don't eat more than anyone else, because that seems to be a cardinal sin on this show. Burning clothes, tossing shoes in the water, being an ass, no problem - but don't you dare eat one more chicken wing than the others, or your behind will be sent packing.
Oh Look, A Twist
This week's show opens with Espada yet again trudging back to camp after sending one of their own packing. Yve, Jill and Holly are bemoaning the loss of Jimmy T. and confusing me in the process. Wasn't everyone tired of his nonsense? Or was that just me? Holly, who's apparently so far out of the loop she needs a GPS just to find the loop, is flabbergasted and shocked that he was voted out. Poor, clueless Holly. Marty, however, is one happy camper now that his alpha male rival is gone. Marty declares himself large and in charge as useless Dan latches onto him. Dan spouts off about how the women "signed their death warrants" by daring to vote to get rid of him last time. Ooo, scary, Dan. This from the guy who can't lift a bucket of water. Whatever. Side note: does anyone else think Marty was looking like Beetlejuice's little brother this week at the tribe switch? Gawd, that hair. Some guys get hotter as the season progresses, and some...well, some don't.
Over at La Flor, NaOnka is just as full of smugness, thinking she and her "strong five" (what a lame alliance name, by the way) rule the roost. Just as Marty was boasting that it would take something crazy to mess up his plans, Jeff drops the crazy bomb: toss those smelly old buffs, because old versus young is done. New captains are picked by the old "pick a rock out of a bag" routine. Brenda and Holly are the lucky pickers. It ends up being Jane, Jill, and Marty joining the La Flor tribe while Alina, Benry, NaOnka and Chase go to Espada, the poor things. Cue the reward challenge - not tied in with the immunity challenge this week, thank goodness - tribes sling a ball up one side of a triangle, and they fall down the other side, hitting pegs on the way down to send them every which way. Sort of like Plinko in the Price is Right, except they have to catch the balls instead of letting them plop into a prize cup. Anyhoo, Espada pulls one out and actually wins something for a change, taking home a cage full of chickens: two hens and a rooster. I immediately think of Shambo and her chickens run amok.
I wonder if this early switcheroo was planned, or are they trying to save what's left of the craptastic Espada tribe? Things that make you go hmm...
Respect Mah Authoritah!
Back at the new Marty-free Espada camp, Tyrone takes the opportunity to be lead dog, rattling off a list of rules and regulations about how things worked around camp with the old-timers. The ex-La Florians look at him like he's speaking in tongues - they were pretty rule free where they came from, and don't much care for Tyrone's attitude. Ditzy Holly, on the other hand, is enjoying having some young blood in camp. Namely, NaOnka and Alina, who seem to have put their dislike for each other on the back burner. For now. Over at the new La Flor tribe, Jud is happy (is he ever not happy?) and Jane is really happy to have left behind Espada and its anal-retentive task scheduling. Though it sounds like she could have done without Marty and Jill coming along, Jane likes the relaxed vibe at La Flor. Marty, seeing the lack of leadership, thinks this is his "in" and proudly presents his immunity idol to one and all, hanging it in a nearby tree like a freaky Christmas ornament. Brenda thinks Marty is a raving dumbass for doing so, and doesn't like how he's acting like the king of La Florville.
New people or not, Espada's camp still sucks out loud. It faces the wind, the roof is set too high, and NaOnka is miserable as the rain howls through camp. She sits bundled up in blankets and clothes, whining and sniveling about the cold to a bikini-clad Alina next to her. (Did anyone else think that was funny?) Alina shrugs off the weather, seemingly not bothered a bit. When NaOnka makes some noise about quitting - oh, please, please do - Alina and Chase try to comfort her. Chase tells a sweet story about his deceased dad and rainbows, while in her confessional, Alina compares NaOnka to a high school girl on her period. Heh. Try as you might, you won't make me like NaOnka, editors.
Immunity challenge! I love this one. It consists of a big spinning wheel, partially submerged in water, with three teammates strapped to it. Others spin the wheel while the three take turns gulping a mouthful of water and spitting it into a bowl, which drains down to a tube containing a ball. Fill the tube with water, ball rises, they use the ball to break five tiles. First done wins. Cool points to whomever came up with this one, even though the spinning would make me ill. It's fairly close, but at the end, Jud nails the last tile and sends Espada to another Tribal Council. Did you expect anything different? They could probably find the place blindfolded by now.
Finger Lickin' Gone
So, poor old Espada takes another walk of shame back to camp, and they start eyeballing the chickens for dinner. Yeah, they're losers, but why not be well-fed losers? Tyrone is the lone standout in the tribe - they all want to off a chicken, but he wants to hang on to them for the eggs. Common sense would dictate that they snuff the rooster, but no - they choose one of the hens. The egg-laying hens. The delicious breakfast providing hens. Chase grabs one and does the deed while the girls cringe, and faster than you can say finger licking good, they have it cleaned, plucked and roasting away. I've read in one of Tyrone's interviews that some tribe members thought keeping the rooster around would cause the remaining hen to lay more - that has not been my experience, but there you go. I still think it was stupid. Before everyone chows down, Tyrone warns that everyone should take only their share and look out for their "neighbor." It doesn't take long for Tyrone to forget his own chastisement, as the others glare at him while he smacks down what they think was way more than his fair share, oblivious to the dirty looks being cast his way.
Tribal council, and it's rather uneventful. Alina and Tyrone butt heads slightly over his rules and regulations speech, and NaOnka compares her crappy night in the rain to her previous divorce (wait - someone married her?!). Oh, and Benry knocked over stuff on the voting table while he was casting his vote, the doofus. When all is said and done, Tyrone took the graveyard stroll back to Loser's Lodge. Hope that chicken was worth it.
Next week: It's useless Dan's turn to talk about quitting, and Marty proclaims that he's a grand master at chess. And - another mysterious twist, or so Jiffy promises. See you then!