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Thread: Survivor 9/29 Recap: The Coach Gets Sacked

  1. #1
    runs with scissors waywyrd's Avatar
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    Survivor 9/29 Recap: The Coach Gets Sacked

    After one of the weirder Tribal Councils to date last week where Shannon managed to insult New York, Sash, and the gay community in one fell swoop, he and his nipples were evicted, much to my delight. Who will carry the jackass torch in La Flor now that Shannon is gone? Ah, don’t worry - America’s Sweetheart NaOnka is leading that charge. In fact, she’s starting to make ol’ Russell look like an angel. A short, chubby one with a gut and a scraggly beard, but an angel nonetheless.

    A surprised La Flor staggers back to camp after all the Tribal drama. Alina thinks it a good thing that the air was cleared to some degree, and the others agree: everyone makes nice talk about uniting and working together as a team, doing everything short of joining hands around the fire and singing kumbaya. Except NayOnka, of course. She’s not buying all the shiny happy people crap, as she makes a show of rolling her eyes and waggling her head, declaring them all faker than faux fur. She reminds us that Alina, Kelly B and Jud were on Shannon’s side, and they’re all still on her hit list. I'm still waiting for some random jungle beast to leap out and carry this sorry excuse for a woman off...

    Later: a hungry Espada tribe hears a pack of howler monkeys in the distance and thinks that if they track them down, they’ll find the monkeys’ food source. Howler monkeys eat a good bit of leaves, so I don’t know if this was the tastiest diet to try and mimic. Anyway. The oldsters do find the monkeys, and delight in listening to their howling up above. Jimmy J lets his silly side loose by howling back at the critters - and they seem to “talk” back. Everyone laughs at this save Marty, who still has his panties in a bunch over all the attention that Jimmy J gets. “Why do we get stuck with a celebrity on our team?” he pouts. Later, the Espada women go fishing with Jimmy J (catching a few little ones) while Marty glowers. He pulls Jill aside and begins his ranting about how JJ needs to go. Jill smartly warns him that now isn’t the time to shake things up and that they need to keep a strong tribe. She talks Marty into presenting the immunity idol they found to the tribe as a show of trust. He does, and it’s very well received as everyone worships at the Altar of Marty for being so sharing. Except for Tyrone, who still thinks Marty is a bit shady.

    Over at La Flor’s camp, Jud (aka Fabio) is somehow getting high from blowing on the fire and breathing in some of the smoke. He clowns while everyone laughs. Except - you guessed it - NaOinka. She hates, hates, hates the goofy Jud and doesn’t find his behavior one bit entertaining. Much as I don’t find her one bit entertaining. Jud, for his part, worries that his tribe only sees him as a silly guy. He wants to be kept around for his good spirit, his mojo. As do I - we need something to counteract the foulness emanating from NaHonka.

    Also worried that his tribe sees him as a weak link is Dan, he of the $1600 alligator shoes that are now sleeping with the fishes. Dan has a bum knee and can barely tote a water bucket, but he declares himself stronger than any of the women. Okay then.

    The La Florians are busy plotting: Chase, Brenda, purple Kelly, Sash and NuhUnka are giving the collective stinkeye to Kelly B and Alina, who fears that she’s not long for this game after seeing the “strong five” talking on the beach. “Tribal council drew a line in the sand and I ended up on the wrong side,” stresses Alina. NaOrca agrees with some more head bobbing and trash talk. “We got to get Alina out of here, we’ll send a shockwave to Kelly B. That’s what you get, bitches!”

    Charming, no?

    This week’s challenge is a combo reward and immunity (don’t really care for this idea, either). Tribes have to run around and roll ten barrels into place, then toss a sandbag onto each barrel. First to do this gets not only immunity, but a nifty little herb garden to spice up their nonexistent food with, along with sauces and a basket of fruit. La Flor decides not to use their Medallion O’ Power, confident that they can whoop Espada without the advantage.

    And they do. Espada fell behind at first, but Tyrone went on a tossing streak and nailed 7 bags. Alas, he then got tired and started missing, letting Benry redeem himself to La Flor after last week’s embarrassing performance with the ball toss. As soon as Tyrone started falling apart, Jimmy T began begging for a shot. “Put me in, Coach!” he pleads to Jimmy J. After much whining, he gets his chance, but it’s too late: La Flor walks off with immunity and herbs. Though not the kind Jud would appreciate, I think.

    As NeighOnka and Kelly B tote the basket of fruit back to camp, they both spy a piece of paper nestled amongst the bananas. It’s a clue! Miss Personality immediately begins plotting how to get the paper away from Kelly B, and her brilliant plan is to wrestle Kelly for it. No sooner do they get to camp then the two women are on the ground, grabbing for the clue. Overpowering Kelly B, HeyOnca hops away victorious, clutching the clue in her grubby little hand. “Don’t think that I’m going to be nice to you because you have one leg,” she crows. The others are flabbergasted at her viciousness. And upset that she managed to squash half the fruit in her quest to grab the clue, which her feeble little mind cannot decipher. So she goes to Brenda for help. Brenda is glad to get ahold of the clue, and plans on staying on Crazy Woman’s good side.

    More drama back at Espada as Jimmy T is still wailing about his wasted talents. He thinks he could have helped them win if only he had been put in the game sooner. Tyrone is insulted, and explains that he wasn’t trying to be the sole hero, he was trying to win for the team. Jimmy J does what he does best and tries to smooth over the ruffled feathers, but Jimmy T is still miffed, thinking he’s a natural leader and the others are just haters. Marty stands by and watches all this with satisfaction - he’s got the turmoil he wanted so badly. “I hate to say it, but I’m looking forward to Tribal. We’re finally going to get this tribe to play the game.” Psst, Marty. You’re not playing very well if you’re going to Tribal Council again. Just sayin’.

    So of course, Marty goes campaigning to get Jimmy J out, making the rounds. He hits up Jill, but she’s not buying what he’s selling and would prefer Dan be voted out. Dan and Jimmy T are both foaming at the mouth to get Jimmy J out, no shocker there. The women all seem to be on Jimmy J’s side, however. Marty thinks they’re just starstruck and are being stupid. Tyrone also blows Marty off, saying that he has other people in mind.

    Tribal council! And Jimmy T makes an ass of himself with some more banging on his highchair about how his myriad talents are just being wasted, and actually makes me laugh out loud when he ponders that perhaps he’s a “threat to his (Jimmy J’s) leadership role because I am a leader where I come from.” Oh, brother. Yeah, a man as accomplished as Jimmy J is so threatened by you, buddy. I’m in awe of the egos some of these people possess. And wondering where the wisdom the older tribe supposedly possesses has gone.

    Unfortunately, something must have happened behind the scenes, as Mr. Johnson is voted out unanimously. Not one of his girls voted for him, nor did Tyrone. Jimmy J takes the trip through the goofy Halloween graveyard, probably wondering why he wanted to be on this crazy show so badly. Good luck to you, Jimmy. You deserved a better tribe.

    Next week: more of NeeOnka’s nonsense, as she threatens to throw Kelly B’s leg into a fire if she gets too close. Yep, Russell isn’t looking so bad to me right now. Have fun with this one next week, BritLit!

    FORTers: do you think Marty is playing too hard, too soon? And does NaOnka have any redeeming qualities that you can see? Help me out here, because I'm not seeing any.
    Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted - John Lennon

  2. #2
    8/2/64 until forever! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: Survivor 9/29 Recap: The Coach Gets Sacked

    Loved all the variations of What's Her Name's name. How about "NoMorka"?
    Warning . . . I have a black belt in Facebook, and I'm not afraid to use it!

  3. #3
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Re: Survivor 9/29 Recap: The Coach Gets Sacked

    Great recap Way! These people are horrible. Loved the bit about Jimmy T banging on his high chair. That about sums it up.

  4. #4
    FORT Fanatic Oceansands's Avatar
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    Re: Survivor 9/29 Recap: The Coach Gets Sacked

    Geeez, this tribe of older men (with the exception of Tyrone) all want to be the boss. Hope all the women, with the help of Tyrone, throw all of them out on their butts.

  5. #5
    FORT Fanatic Oceansands's Avatar
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    Re: Survivor 9/29 Recap: The Coach Gets Sacked

    Next week: more of NeeOnka’s nonsense, as she threatens to throw Kelly B’s leg into a fire if she gets too close. Yep, Russell isn’t looking so bad to me right now. Have fun with this one next week, BritLit!


    Great recap

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