Ever wonder what the Survivors had to say after the cameras stopped rolling? Welcome to Survivor China: Take-Out! Suncat and I have managed to sneak into camp and listen in on their private conversations, even being so bold as to drop fortune cookies to give them hints. Read on to see what they had to say:
Zhan Hu - Fighting Tiger
Sure I was sick the first day, but that doesn't mean I can't be strong. I'm a WRESTLER, I have FANS! Fans who want to see me wrestle. In China. In the mud.
Fortune Cookie: There is a chokehold in your future.
I can run and jump. I am small. And fast. Like a monkey.
Fortune Cookie: Size doesn't matter. Hahahahaha!
Look, I'm more than just a pretty face. Yeah, I used to model. Just look at my features. Or better yet, check out my myspace for my print work. These yahoos needed a leader, and by gosh, they're getting a pretty one, aren't they? I hope I don't chip a nail out here.
Fortune Cookie: Beauty is only skin deep, unlike that spare tire you're carrying.
Fortune Cookie: Without support, you may not go far.
Man, did you SEE Ashley? I can't believe she's a wrestler! I'd like to wrestle her big, enormous...I mean, I'd like to wrestle her, you know, just to see her moves.
Fortune Cookie: You cannot see the forest for the D's.
Look, why shouldn't I be the boss? We're in China and I'm Chinese! It's just so obvious I'm perfect. I'm serious! These idiots were dancing and we didn't even have a shelter. Waaah! I tried to tell them. Well now that I'm the LEADER, they'll listen. Right?
Fortune Cookie: Pride comes before the fall.
Hey, all I had on was that dress and heels, hell yeah I'm gonna run around in my bra and panties! And besides, maybe I can get me a "tasteful pictorial" or an endorsement deal, you know what I'm sayin'?
Fortune Cookie: An offer from Lane Bryant will soon come your way.
I cain't believe I wuz voted off first! Them lazy varmits made a big ol' mistake! First I wuz givin' 'em my opinons, but they didn't seem to take to 'em so good. After that, I tried to not make any waves, jest blend in and all. That pesky Peih-Gee, she was a bossy thing! I jest wanted to work hard 'n keep my head down, jest like I do at home. Ah-course at home that's a good idey because of the chicken poop everywheres. Dayum!
Fortune Cookie: Soon you will travel a far distance.
Fei Long - Flying Dragon
No way that little Todd guy is a flight attendant. So I called him out. I know he’s up to something, and I want him to KNOW that I know. Uh, yeah. You can’t fool me. I don’t know exactly what he’s up to, but it’s something. I know these things. I also know that I should have worn underwear! *itch*
Fortune Cookie: Man who play hand too soon not playing with full deck.
Dude, in New York, people just don’t act like this. All happiness and sunshine and freakin’ rainbows. *rolls eyes* These people suck. Can’t we get some Chinese take-out around here? What gives? In New York there’s, like, 5000 different Chinese restaurants near my place. And we have better monkeys in New York, too. These monkeys suck. And this rice? New York rice is sooo much better. This mud? Pff. New York mud rules.
Fortune Cookie: Sometimes the squeaky wheel doesn’t get greased, it gets replaced.
Who? (ed. note: there is a rumor going around that there is indeed a woman named Amanda on the island, but she has yet to be spotted. We’ll keep you updated.)
I see dead people. No, no, not Courtney….seriously, that’s what I do – I’m a gravedigger. And seein’ as how my "clients" don’t talk back, I just don’t know how to take all these folks around here. All this socializing and chit-chatting just isn’t my thing, but maybe I can still make ‘em love me with these *flexes arm*.
Fortune Cookie: You will bury your competition in the future.
I’m not a religious person, really. But J.C. and I have an understanding. You see, we….wow! Do you see that James over there, pushing down bamboo stalks with his bare hands? Those muscles are...heavenly. I must go get to know him better…
Fortune Cookie: Thou shalt not covet big biceps and ripped abs.
Can you believe that jerk John-Robert, trying to out me like that? Of course I'm a flight attendant. Why would I make that up? A gay, Mormon flight attendant. Deal with it! I'll do anything to stick around this island - anything. That's why I nominated Aaron to be our leader, so I can sit back in the shadows. And watch him walk around in those tight blue shorts.
Fortune Cookie: Let's get one thing straight - you're not.
They want me to be leader? Sure. This should be a snap - these people couldn't even row a damn boat to shore. Seriously, how hard is it to paddle a boat? I'll just bat my baby blues and keep these booty shorts on, and they'll be eating out of my hand.
Fortune Cookie: Boxers not best thing on earth, but next to it.
What am I doing here? I must have lost my mind!
Fortune Cookie: Mullet - It’s not just for dinner anymore.