Welcome to the 13th edition of “Standing in the Shadows” for Guatemala: The Maya Empire! Yep, it's unlucky episode 13 for one player. For those of you unfamiliar with the shadows, each season our writers and mods “stand in the shadow” of a Survivor until their torch is snuffed. You get to read what we believe is really going on in the mind of each player. Without further ado. . .
All I have to say to Judd is “Pfft. Scumbag, huh?” I hope you are enjoying hanging with the guys and smarting over being outplayed by this chick. I’ve got my game face on now that we are in the fourth quarter. There’s a crack in the alliance, and I’m planning to run through the hole I created right into the end zone. There is almost as much down time during Survivor as there is in your average pageant so I got to show off my eye crossing skillz I perfected backstage. I’m working on my cross-eyed round off for the final three. When Rafe and I went and fetched the car key before the reward challenge, I was all excited. Not. No need to let the others know I won three cars back in the day. I almost made it a fourth. Too bad I only managed to nick that tile. Then, I couldn’t believe Cindy didn’t just give me a car. Geesh, it was a no brainer. Give up a car to get further in the game and make four happy potential jurors. Oh well, it worked out better in the end. While Cindy and Steph were off stuffing their faces and sleeping in comfort, I got some more precious time to work on Rafe without the Queen to mess up my plans. I could hardly keep from cracking a smile while Rafe was going on about how he would have given up the car if he’d been Cindy and then while Cindy kept prattling about her precious Pontiac. How sweet was that? All I had to do was keep my mouth shut and grind corn while Cindy gushed her way into getting the boot. I would have preferred to get rid of Steph, but she went and won immunity. Oh well, there’s always next time. I’m counting on Rafe to come through for me and get me to the final three. Then I’ll really turn it on. As soon as I get home, I’m going to pile the dogs in my Lexus and the three of us will look through the sunroof and think about what we can do with a million dollars.
Can this game be any easier? I thought I was a goner just before the final merge but nope, Jamie and Judd step in and save my ass. Their antics deflected any ill-will towards me and now I have created an entirely different alliance. I’m laughing all the way to the final two. The question is: who will I take? I like Danni a lot. Lydia is a good choice as well. Gawd, how did she even make it this far? So many choices, so few days left. Regarding Cindy, my vote was pure survival of the fittest…and innocent. I like her but she has that innocent feel about her and damn it, I want that title. I want to be the only one who has that overly dramatic look of surprise on their face when someone reveals something of importance. I don’t blame her for taking the car either. Heck yeah I would have as well. Nothing is guaranteed and while she may have gotten a free pass this time around for giving us all cars, she would’ve been gone at the next TC. Rafe is my only concern. I need him for one more TC (for alliance purposes) and then he’s gone. I’ll stubbornly admit that he would probably beat me at the final TC and for that I give him two snaps and around the world. But I’m going to outplay him and for that I do hope I get his vote.
Some people thought I would never make it this far. I din’t win any challenges at all. No Reward challenge, no Immunity challenge. I just sat on my big ol’ worthless butt, except no. No? I had a plannnn all along, peoples. I just scoot along under the radar while everyone else fall down. Now Cindy paint a target on her back. Who want to hear about yoah new car when you could give us all one. Oh well, you out now, Cindy. Haha. And I made final foah! It’s just me and the girls, and I will be victorious over all you peoples. If I in final two with Stephenie I will win because she like a small dog – all whine and no bite. If I with Danni I will win because she like a stick, she got no meat on her bones and she too weak to compete now. If I with Rafe I win because he confused – is he a girl? Is he a man? Haha, he a girly – man. Face it. Lydia stump you and now she take home one million dollars to start her own fish business. I see it now: Lydia House O’ Fish and Survivor Souvenirs. You come see me and buy my crap.
This is so great! Judd’s pissed, but whatever! The girl alliance is holding strong! Just us girls left…er, I mean, just me and the girls left. I have such a strong bond with all of these women. They’re all thinking about how to get rid of each other, but keep me. They love me! And what’s not to love? We do arts and crafts, style each others hair, practice cartwheels, and make goofy cross-eyed faces at each other. If only I had my Mommy here, I’d be in heaven. Cindy had a nice win at the reward challenge. She won the car, so we all know she’s out--if not next, then soon. Wait a second…she could have given up her car so the rest of us could have one, and break the “car curse”? She’s crazy for not doing that! I so would have given that up to get into the good graces of everyone else and have 3 happy campers in the jury that would send their final votes my way. Oh well, I am solidly in control here now that Cindy—my main immunity competition—is gone. I’ve got Steph looking like the evil mastermind to the jury, plus she’s been on the show before, so she won’t be getting any votes from anyone. Well, Bobby Jon, maybe, but I can probably woo him with my feminine wiles at the final TC. Wooo! Go me!
Soooo, no one bothered to tell me we were voting out Judd, and they expect me to be happy about being left in the dark? So giddy with happiness, in fact, that I would stupidly give away my sweet, sweet, brand-spankin'-new car with leather seats and fancy wheels and shiny paint and sparkly chrome so that they could all have an extra good laugh after they vote me out. I don't think so. Cindy don't play that way. Curse, shmurse. They shouldn't call it the "car curse", they should call it the "kickass curse". People don't like getting beaten by a badass mamma jamma like myself and so they act like the sore losers they are and send me packin'. Hey, I can live with that. Two of those suckers will be walking away empty-handed. Ha! Did I mention I got a new car? It sure is shiny. I loooooooovvvvvveee it. In fact, I just want to kiss it and hug it and call it George. Wanna ride in it? It's mine. My car. Mine mine mine mine mine. Not yours. Nope. Well, I'd give you a ride except for the fact that I don't have room for you. This delightful new ride of mine holds fifteen howler monkeys and we are all packed up and ready to go. The game of Survivor may be over for me , but I'm taking home my share of souvenirs. See ya, suckers!
We would like to thank the following writers for contributing to this article: Burntcrow, Dinahann, Mariner, mrdobolina, oneTVslave, Speedbump, Suncat7 and Totoro.