Standing in the Shadows, Week 1
Welcome to the first edition of the ďStanding in the ShadowsĒ for the Pearl Islands! For those of you unfamiliar with it, each of our writers and mods gets to ďstand in the shadowĒ of a Survivor for the season, until their torch is snuffed, and give you their innermost thoughts. And without further adoÖ
Quite an impressive beginning. Sure, we lost an immunity challenge and all, but the important thing is that the tribe has accepted me as the leader, as they should. Who else would be a good leader? Scary Mary afraid of little creatures Osten? I think not. Skinny Ryan? No way. Only I am capable of this difficult responsibility.
After that tough loss, I gave a great motivational speech. I almost cried myself, but I need to be strong for these folks. I think we will kick ass in the next competition. If not, I am sure I will think of someone to boot, as it is clear the tribe waits for my guidance on such decisions. Just look at the last tribal council, I recommend either Skinny Ryan, Lil, or Nicole, probably a couple others too that are slipping my mind right now, but just as I expected, they all quickly agreed with my choice. Who got booted again?
OK, what was up with jumping overboard? I mean, here I was in nice clothes, and I had to jump into the ocean with them on? Well, at least I didn't have on an Armani suit like that guy Shawn. We got some pretty good stuff at the village, including a fishing spear. Being the Alpha Male that I am, I made sure I used the spear first and showed the tribe how invaluable I was by going out there and catching a fish right away. But, then that Hagrid wannabe had to go and show me up by catching even more fish! Who does he think he is? I wanted to be the provider! Man, I was pissed. I just hope the cameras didn't get a close-up of my face and see that I was angry or anything...
Well the first thing people noticed about me was, what people call my "dopey" voice. I hope Iím not voted out early just for that. When we got here, they expected us to just start working and everything. Boy I couldnít even catch a breath, I mean we have 39 days right? Rupert and I really bonded. I was into a few alternate psychotics in college, so a Dead Head big ole Hippie guy is so my type. I liked his tie-dye shirt so well on him, I cut the bottom half of my dress off to make him a dandy beach dress. I thought of a great idea for Survivor merchandise Ė Bobblehead dolls. I figure by bobbling my head all the time theyíll get the message at CBS marketing. When it came time for the challenge, man I took one look and figured out quickly it was all hard and strenuous and stuff. Since Jeff told us one person could carry the flag, thatís what I did. At the end when they got bogged down, I had to actually help. I mean Iím not stupid.
Just between you and me and the gatepost, I've got a plan. My expertise with caskets and dead bodies prepared me for this. If I act like the dead, then no one will see me. The embalmers in my business manage to make the corpses shine a sweet smile no matter what. It takes some fine stitching to hold the corners of their mouths high, but the mourning relatives are none the wiser. I plan to smile sweetly and be quiet as all get out. Little did y'all know, we had lots of wild parties at Holmes Community College of Funeral Services back home in Mississippi. None of that really prepared me for seeing three men push a cannon through the mud buck-naked and all.
After the initial shock at having to jump over board, I rebounded quickly. Rupert was pretty smart to steal the things from the other tribe, and I was happy to trade them to the natives.
The best part was that we got wine. It loosened me up enough to be funny as ever. I first realized I was funny in the 5th grade, and itís great to know that the same jokes I made back then still have people laughing. These people love me so much. To look around and see them laughing is so great. I couldnít decipher some of the looks and eye rolls the girls gave each other, and Rupert seemed a tad jealous at my popularity, but Iím going to do great!
On the boat ride to the islands, I began to wonder if I were underdressed. The kids were all fancied up and there I was in my scouting uniform. I felt foolish for a bit, but it all worked out for the best. At least Iím wearing a bra and sensible underwear.
Speaking of underwear, after we had to swim to shore, I tried to talk to the kids about their wet underwear, and the dangers of crotch rot, but only Osten Andrew and Ryan O. really listened to me.
The kids in Troop 617 are going to be so ashamed of me when this airs. Not only did I light our campfire with a candle, but they saw me with my shirt un-tucked.
Ryan S. is a good kid. I donít really fit in with the others. But Iíve worked with young children before. Iíll just have to be patient with them, like I was with Nicole.
Wow! On the boat on the way to take our publicity shots, I was really excited, even though we couldnít talk to each other yet. I was totally shocked when Jeff said that the game was starting already and we didnít get to take any clothes!! I was wearing one of the worst possible outfits, a thick jean skirt. Then we were divided into tribes; everyone on Drake seems nice. I was so relieved when Jeff gave us the money to go to the market, and Sandra was amazing there since she could speak Spanish. We got a TON of stuff and really worked well together. Once we got to our island and started building the shelter, we got so tired. Shawn opened a coconut and gave me some of the milk, which was great. I kind of felt bad that everyone didnít get some, but I figured that it was too early for me to start complaining. Christa was so nice, she cut her long dress and made a skirt for me and one for Rupert!! The next day, the Immunity Challenge was just thatóa HUGE challenge. We had to drag this bulky cannon through an obstacle course. One time I turned around and a couple of the guys from Morgan were naked! It was kind of embarrassing, I really felt like I shouldnít have been looking. At one point, we were sure that we were going to lose the challenge and Morgan had a good lead, but we worked together and pulled through and won. I was so relieved not to have to go to tribal council, and hopefully this is the first of many wins for Drake!!
If it had been any other time, I would've loved that I was getting all this attention for not wearing a bra, but we had to jump overboard with nothing but the clothes on our backs. I managed to keep my dress up and swim ashore without giving the guys the free peep show they were hoping for. Right away, I couldnít stand Tee-hua-nah. She annoyed me with her overly dramatic antics. Also, Osten had the nerve to tell some of us to flash our boobs to the local men in order to get free stuff. Is he insane? I donít show these babies to just anybody, much less to a jerk like him. Although, there was a crab that did get its cheap thrills when it went up my butt.
We did manage to lose the RC, so I saw this as a chance to get rid of that annoying Tee-whatever her name is. I presented my plan to Lillian, but, in order to save her own saggy skin, she ratted me out. Of course, I had to deny it when Little Miss Bossy came to confront me about it. It was no surprise when I was voted out. I knew my mouth would get me in trouble sooner or later. Serves me right for trusting an "honest" non-conniving scout master. Not the best way to play the game, but you live and learn.
Okay, so my plan to sneak CD's and whiskey didn't quite go as planned. But I sure made up for that by having the smarts to sell my clothes at the market! I mean, we're on an island in the middle of nowhere with hot chicks - clothes will just hold me back! If only we'd remembered to buy bug spray, it would have been pure genius. I'm a little uncomfortable with Ryan S's constant staring and drooling, but as long as he stays over there by Lill, I'm okay with it. I mean, who wouldn't want a guy this stacked? Speaking of staring, I thought running the challenge in the nude might stop Drake in their tracks. But let me tell you right now, running naked through the jungle carrying a cannon isn't as sexy as you'd think it would be.
I still can't believe how dumb those fools in the Drake crew are. I mean, we're pirates - look at me fer cryin' out loud. Do they need me to wear a patch and a pegleg to get it? Who looks at a guy like me and thinks "Yeah, we can trust him with our shoes?" Stupid scallywags. We pirates are a putrid lot. We're pudgy, scraggily bearded, and raspy voiced. No sir, nobody'll ever accuse me of looking like Johnny Depp. Who really thinks he's what a pirate is about, that poof with his eyeliner? Pirates are men. Men I tell you! Now, if you'll 'scuse me, these pants are chaffin' me a bit - time to go put on me skirt.
I don't know why my tribemates aren't recognizing my awesome wicked strong leadership abilities. Yeah, I blew it with the boat thing. But who knew that those wacky Panamanians would need a map? Next I had to sit back and watch as Osten took over the campground preparations. Then, to add insult to injury, the tribe elected Andrew as our designated leader. I'm really trying to be one of the cool kids - I got naked and everything! True, we ended up losing the challenge, but thankfully my name didn't come up as one of the choices to be voted out. I'll still have my day in the sun. And hey - at least I'm the better looking Ryan, right? Right?
Oh, boy, what kind of tribe did I wind up with here? Not even so much as a high-five when we finally arrived at our new home. Just lots of pointless jogging with Coach Osten. Come to think of it, that's how we tackled gathering supplies in the village, too. And then there was the Immunity Challenge. Where does Andrew get off telling me I didn't contribute 110%? As far as I could tell, I contributed even 10% more than that! As soon as those guys in the back got the cannon rolling, I'd take up the slack in my lead rope and walk on ahead. Now if that's not pitching in, I don't know what else they would want from me. I'm not Osten with those big huge rippling biceps. I did what I could. Well, at least I dodged the vote this week. And my alliance-mate, Lill, is still around. Like I told her, you're not out till they put out your torch. Jeff even backed me up on that at Tribal Council. I'm going to keep on fighting, but I might ratchet it down to about 115%. I don't want to burn out too soon.
I couldnít have asked for a better start to the game if I had planned it myself. Sure, I had that initial moment of ďOh S**tĒ just like everybody else, but it passed as soon as we hit land. My Spanish proved really useful in conjunction with my ability to shrewdly barter the best deals in town. I think it was really apparent to all The Drakes just what a valuable asset I am to the tribe. (Of course, I donít think Iíll actually tell anyone how close I came to selling Trish into slavery for a bottle of kerosene.) The boat ride to camp was like a big celebration as we feasted on grilled chicken that I traded my gold necklace for. Everyone was so excited by all our loot on that first night at camp that they decided to bust into the wine. Jon got all liquored up, and really found himself to be amusing. His loud mouth didnít amuse me though, and Iím sure Iím not the only one. Unlike Jon, I think I made a positive first impression on my tribe and I barely had to crack a smile, (thankfully).
Being the teamís torch-bearer at the IC, it felt like a personal victory for me when The Drakeís were first to cross the finish line. I just hope there isnít any symbolism in the fact that my torch went out before the race was won.
Despite ruining my Armani suit when we were thrown overboard, the experience got off to a great start! I quickly bonded with Burton - we have so much in common. It's been hard for both of us to relate to the others, but I'm sure that's just because we're so much younger and prettier than everyone else. Especially nasty Rupert. After Burton caught that fish, Rupert had to go out and catch 6 more. He'd make a good pet, though.
Meanwhile, we kicked Morgan's butt on the IC. Three of the guys got naked. Pretty stupid. I mean, their bodies aren't even as nice as ours are! Burton and I discussed the issue and we both agreed not to get naked until Jeff at LEAST offers us peanut butter.
I wasnít thrilled we had to jump overboard, but I knew my stunt cheerleading skills would help me with the swimming. I was also a little pissed when I found out Drake stole my cute heels, but at least I still had my pink shirt and short black skirt on that showed off my legs. We had a tough time getting some goods in the village, and the natives werenít very cooperative, but my negotiating skills helped us get the things we needed. By the looks of it, Iím probably the strongest girl on Morgan, and probably the best looking too. I know Osten thinks so. I mean he WAS naked during that challenge so it wasnít too hard to figure out how he felt.
Even after all the good I did for the tribe, Nicole still backstabbed me, though. She probably couldnít handle that I was stronger and prettier, so she decided she would try to get me tossed. Luckily I called her out on it and convinced the others to vote her out instead. Iím in this for the long haul; no one is going to outdo me.
I tried not to show too much of a reaction when Jeff told us we wouldn't be leaving with our luggage and would be jumping overboard. Honestly, the only thing I was concerned about was my skirt blowing up and my panties being exposed on national television. The horror!! In the village, our tribe did a great job of gathering goods. With the help of Sandra's speaking the language and my lovely eyes, we were able to befriend one of the female merchants and get a great deal! Sandra kept trying to encourage me to leave my new friend in the village, telling me she was a lesbi.... a lesbiaaa... a lesbiawhat? But I wouldn't go. I loved my new pal! When we finally arrived on the island, we all did a nice job of getting our camp set up and gathering wood, food and water. As an afterthought, I really shouldn't have been so concerned about my underwear being seen by all as it seems that that would have been trifling compared to the full monty going on in the Morgan tribe! However, winning the challenge was a great start to this adventure!