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Thread: Survivor 20 Recap 5/13: "Unappreciative Little Bitches"

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    Survivor 20 Recap 5/13: "Unappreciative Little Bitches"

    May 13. Episode 13. Tears. Jeers. “Old Home Week.” Starring the awesome, incredible multi-talented Sprint Palm Pre 3 phone. After last night’s “product-placement” efforts—Jeff Probst mentioned the darn gizmo at least forty-eleven times—I worry that there may be deaths or injury from stampeding mobs in malls across America. Note to CBS: if I want to watch an infomercial, I’ll change the channel to QVC. And it didn’t work; I kept thinking about Shane pretending a piece of wood was a Blackberry and using it to make off-island calls.

    Last week, Russell got nervous about the power of the Parvati/Danielle alliance and used Jerri, along with Heroes Rupert and Colby to blindside Danielle at tribal council. Parvati was not pleased. Parvati is totally pragmatic—“Russell’s the biggest villain this game’s ever seen, but I still need to be nice to Russell because I need to get rid of Colby and Rupert. Rupert was thrilled, “It was a wonderful tribal council once again for me. My chances of winning this game get better and better.” Russell? He thinks he finally has Parvati where he wants her: “Parvati, she has nobody to lean her head on but me.”

    FAMILY REUNIONS

    It’s that time of the season—each of the surviving six will get to play a reward challenge with a family member who has been flown to the South Pacific specifically for the opportunity to have a water fight. Here they are: Parvati’s dad Michael, Jerri’s sister Jennifer (all the way from Germany), Colby’s brother Reid, Sandra’s uncle Fernando (her mom is dead and her husband’s in Afghanistan), Rupert’s wife of 12 years, Laura, and Russell’s wife Melanie.

    Almost everyone cries at seeing their loved one, but Rupert downright sobs, “I feel lucky to be trying for a million dollars and sharing it with the one I love.” We learn that Sandra loves Uncle Fernando because he used to let her ride on his bike and he stayed with her dying mother until the end.

    In the challenge, the Survivors run out into the ocean, scoop up a bucket of water, dash back and throw the water at their partner’s bucket who’ll pour it into a larger container. First one to fill up wins a plane trip to Savaii, where they’ll be able to get further drenched by the famous water-spouting blow-holes and have a picnic lunch. Oh, and spend more quality time with the Sprint Palm Pre 3.

    Is there some kind of disease where one is almost comatose for weeks, then suddenly wakes up and turns into a mean nasty monster? If there is, I’m pretty sure Colby has it. He’s barely moved a muscle all season; during this challenge he’s a screaming lunatic, cursing at his big brother every time a drop of water hits the ground.

    Props to the wives; they really wanted to win. Rupert’s wife Laura was squeezing every last drop of water out of her tee shirt and hair, and Russell’s wife Melanie even spit into the bucket to try to raise the liquid level.

    Jerri and her sister barely beat Russell and his wife. As is customary on such occasions, Jeff allows Jerri to choose another couple to join them on the reward. She picks Parvati and her dad, then turns to Jeff and asks, “Can I have one more?” He says yes, and Sandra and Uncle Fernando get to tag along. I’m not sure how Jerri’s strategic thinking was working; no way would I have allowed those three guys to be at camp together for an afternoon. I’ll give her this: she was a brave woman for not picking Russell. If there’s one person who’s lightning quick to be offended and never ever forgives, it’s His Highness, RH.

    While Rupert and his wife kiss passionately on the beach, Russell spends his last familial moments ranting about Jerri: “Big Mistake. She’s in trouble now. She screwed up.” I’m guessing that this is a side of Russell his wife may have seen before.

    The winners head off for an afternoon of fun throwing coconuts into blow-holes and watching them tossed high into the air. Jerri can’t totally enjoy the outing, “I’m really really afraid Russell’s going to be really really mad.” Sandra and Parvati assure her that she’s in no danger.

    MY BEST VILLAIN

    The guys, dispirited, trudge back to camp. Russell cannot believe Jerri has been so stupid, “I fully expected Jerri to take me. I saved Parvati’s ass; I saved Jerri’s ass. These girls are unappreciative little bitches. I hope those hamburgers taste like a million dollars, because that’s what it’s gonna cost ‘em.”

    Still furious at the girls, Russell decides to punish them. He tells Rupert and Colby “it’s time to regroup” and promises that the guys are the new Final Three. Colby wants assurances that Russell has enough control of Jerri to take out Parvati. Russell is completely confident of his influence over Jerri. “If Parvati doesn’t win immunity, she’s gone.”

    Colby and Rupert shake hands with Russell to seal the deal. Rupert is excited about the new alliance, “Russell’s a Villain, but he’s my best Villain.”

    LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS

    The girls don’t get back to camp until after dark. Jerri is hoping to smoke a peace-pipe with Russell but he and Colby are already asleep. Soon everyone but Rupert is under the blankets and trying to get some rest. Their slumber is short-lived. Rupert is thrashing about the camp, loudly sawing logs, snapping twigs and smashing coconuts to the ground! (For the record, this is not the first time he’s engaged in midnight madness. Earlier Survivors voted off have complained in their exit interviews of his nocturnal wood-chopping.) Jerri has had it. She wants Rupert out pronto: “Rupert is loud, obnoxious, selfish and totally inconsiderate. I don’t know whether it’s incredible cockiness or incredible stupidity. I’m leaning toward stupidity. I want him gone more than anything.”

    Since no one can sleep, Jerri has her talk with Russell, assuring him she’s still his Girl Friday and that she only took the girls along on the reward “to keep them happy.” Much to my amazement, Russell is immediately conciliatory. He tells Jerri he that he “wasn’t mad;” he’d just hoped to spend time with his wife. And Russell has a bigger fish to fry: he wants Parvati gone more than he wants Jerri gone. Not that he shares that with Jerri: “I’m not gonna tell Jerri anything about voting Parvati out. We go to Immunity; hopefully one of the guys wins and then I’ll tell Jerri how to vote right before tribal council.”

    GET YOUR HANDS UP!

    The immunity challenge is one of the tough ones. Each contestant must balance a lightweight pole on each hand. Across the top of the poles is a plank. The trick is to keep enough pressure on the plank to keep the poles from slipping out and falling. Jeff helpfully points out that absolute concentration is the secret to keeping the poles in the air.

    Colby lasts all of fifteen seconds. He was probably still exhausted from all that yelling at his brother. Sandra manages to stay in for almost a minute. If Sandra were ever to win a challenge, I think the Survivor universe might collapse on the spot. Rupert is quivering, but hanging in. Russell is soon out of it. Jeff has hardly finished praising Jerri for her steadiness when she falters. Seventeen minutes have gone by. Parvati and Russell are gritting it out. Each has one pole in a precarious spot, but Parvati lasts longer and wins immunity.

    Oh, well, Rupert observes, “Parvati saved herself one hundred percent today. Plan B: Sandra.” Obviously Rupert isn’t seeing what we see—Parvati and Sandra laughing as they each mock wiping tears from their eyes.

    THIS CAMP HAS TURNED INTO CRAZY-TOWN

    Since Parvati won immunity, Russell’s plan to take her out is kaput. He’s back to his original alliance. He informs Parvati that Rupert is going.

    Sandra tries to throw a life-line to her old friend Rupert. She suggests an attack on Russell, “I hate Russell so bad I can taste it.”

    Rupert has apparently been so naďve as to believe Russell’s promise to side with the guys. He scurries off to tattle-tale on Sandra, telling Russell, “Sandra is trying really hard to push you out.” Russell must have immediately reported this to Parvati, because she asks Sandra, “Did you say something to Rupert about getting rid of Russell?”

    Russell comes tearing back into camp, mad as the proverbial hatter. Sandra and Parvati are lounging in the shelter. Russell accosts Sandra, “Are you with me or against me?” Sandra laughs, “Oh, I’m against you, Russell.” I’m afraid the top of his head is about to blow off. He makes the same demand of Parvati, and she tries to soothe him, “don’t worry, you’re all good.”

    Sandra can’t stop herself. She tells Rupert, “Loose lips sink ships.” Rupert, embarrassed, answers, “Yes they do.” Sandra: “They do and they just did.”

    Sandra and Parvati continue to banter. Parvati taunts, “Who invited Boston Rob back to the party? Are you with me or against me?”

    Russell is on edge. He asks the girls what’s gotten into them, “You drinkin’? You on somethin’?”

    Jerri begins to panic; she can’t believe the girls are taking jabs at Russell. It’s like poking a stick at a rattlesnake. “This camp has turned into crazy town. We had to listen to Rupert all night and now Sandra and Parvati are pushing Russell’s buttons.”

    A bit later, Rupert, Russell and Jerri have a confab. Sandra is eavesdropping. Russell remarks, “I wouldn’t mind getting rid of Sandra.” Sandra concerned, talks to Parvati, who assures her that neither she nor Jerri will vote for Sandra.

    Sandra, you remember, found the hidden immunity idol and has had the wisdom to keep that secret from everyone else. She ponders whether she needs to play it, “It’s Day 36, the last day for me to use the idol. I might bring it with me, but I’d rather not use it. That’s how confident I am I’m not going home.” What, she wants to take it back to North Carolina and wear it to the next dance at the Officer’s Club? You got it, you play it. Its like the AFLAC duck says, you don’t need it ‘til you need it. But you don’t have it and not use it. Not if you want the million bucks.

    I’D HATE TO GO HOME WITH THE IDOL IN MY BRA

    Night falls and with it comes tribal council. The jury, for now, is evenly divided between Heroes (JT, Amanda, Candice) and Villains (Coach, Courtney, Danielle). As they file in, Parvati observes that Danielle looks “hot.”

    The first thing Jeff wants to know about is “the fight.” Sandra doesn’t hesitate to share, “Rupert tried to stir something up; he ran to Russell, then Russell ran to me.” Russell blusters, “Rupert told me Sandra’s trying to throw me under the bus.” He thinks it might be true; after all, “She wrote my name down twice at tribal council.” Sandra doesn’t seem scared. For the benefit of Jeff and the jury, she reenacts Russell’s “Are you with me or are you against me?” tantrum.

    Jeff asks Parvati if the Heroes vs. Villains rivalry is unmovable. “No,” she replies, “there’s definitely room for switching it up. But when it gets down to the Final 3, it needs to be all Villains and not have a Hero squeeze in there. They’ve got lots of friends on the jury.”

    It is at this point in the discussion that Rupert Boneham makes the boneheaded move. He argues that “You need to be able to show you’re the top villain or the top hero.” He’s trying to make the case for betraying one’s alliance to establish personal supremacy.

    At that, Parvati’s head swivels around to stare at Russell. Jeff doesn’t miss her reaction, “That was almost the exorcist, the way you spun around.” But back to business, “Who are you talking about Rupert?” Turns out Rupert is trying to point his stubby finger at Parvati, “You don’t think you’re the top villain?” Pavati is quite calm, “No, I don’t. I’m a Hero on the inside.”

    Jeff initiates the voting. As Rupert walks by the jury, Danielle makes a gagging motion. Rupert votes for Sandra. Sandra happily returns the favor, “I’ll write your name down again and if I’m in the final three, you’ll still give me the million dollars.”

    Before Jeff reads the votes, he announces that this is the last opportunity for a hidden immunity idol to be played. He has hardly opened his mouth to say, “If anybody has..” before Sandra jumps from her seat. She asks Jeff, “Should I wait for you to finish?” Jeff is almost laughing, “No need.” Sandra reaches into her shirt and pulls out the jade necklace, “I wasn’t going to play the idol, but…I got mixed feelings here at tribal. I’d hate to go home with the idol in my bra.”

    The faces around the campfire reveal their astonishment. Russell whispers to Parvati, “Did you know she had it?” Parvati shakes her head, “No.” Russell admits with grudging admiration, “She’s bad.”

    The votes go Rupert, Sandra, Rupert, Sandra, Rupert. Rupert looks absolutely shocked and devastated. He gathers his belongings and takes his torch to be snuffed. Then he turns and for what seems a very very long time, gives Russell a look that could only be described as “the evil eye.”

    (Rupert and Colby voted for Sandra. All the Villains stuck by their alliance to take out one of the two remaining Heroes.)

    Rupert is tearful in his exit, “Maybe I am not destined to win.”

    It’s almost over! Sunday night there’ll be a two-hour finale, where, Jeff promises, “The war between the Heroes and Villains finally comes to an end.” Afterward, there’ll also be a reunion show—somebody’s going to have some explaining to do.
    Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. --Dorothy Parker

  2. #2
    FORT Fan ActMax's Avatar
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    Re: Survivor 20 Recap 5/13: "Unappreciative Little Bitches"

    You forgot to mention that the Sprint Palm 3 phone has many functions, it can yada yada and blah blah...

    Yeah I hate that too, but that is becoming more and more common, product placement in shows.

    Love the Sun Tzu reference to Sandra, she could probably write an addendum to it. She is alot smarter than most people think. She plays very well. As I posted in another thread, I think Sandra has this in the bag. Good re-cap.

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    FORT Fan ActMax's Avatar
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    Re: Survivor 20 Recap 5/13: "Unappreciative Little Bitches"

    OMG! Check out Ponderosa, Candice looks like a living Barbie doll in makeup, she quite possibly could be the hottest thing on the planet.

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