Welcome back to hell. I’m sure out there somewhere, someone is enjoying watching the same tribe get crushed week after week, but it ain’t me, babe. I watch a competition show for, you know, competition. Not steamrollering. I almost wish they’d just go ahead and send all of Ravu home, and I could go back to watching The Office on Thursday nights. Or – and this would be much better – replace Ravu with characters from The Office. It would be a hell of a lot more entertaining. I’d give Michael about one day before he got voted off.
Ah, fantasy is nice, but reality is our business here. Last week Moto won. Shocking. Gary left, due to his medical problems, and Moto was given a choice between immunity and their luxury camp. They chose to keep their camp, and voted out Liliana. I personally couldn’t tell you one damn thing about Liliana, including what she looks like, so I don’t consider it much of a loss.
Hot Diggity Dog
We join the action, such as it is, at Ravu, on night 11, where Yau Man is cooking. He says the clues say the immunity idol is in their camp, but that he can’t get a chance to look for it because everyone’s always around. It’s frustrating. Earl is the only other person who’s been to Exile Island to get the clues, so Yau Man and Earl have a chat. They seem to sort of talk around the issue, noting that they don’t have a shovel and the ground is hard six inches down. Yau Man says they both know that the other one sort of knows where the idol is, so maybe they’ll join forces in some way. Earl offers to help Yau Man, to get everyone out of camp for a while so he can dig. “He has all the clues, and I only have a couple, but he’s going to need my help,” Earl says. He likes Yau Man and wants to build trust. “Me helping him get the idol, is just a good move.”
They put this half-voiced plan into action the next day. While everyone sits around, Earl suggests they go look for crab. So everyone hikes off, leaving Yau Man behind to dig. He’s very excited, and starts stabbing the machete into the ground. He doesn’t know how long he’ll have to dig, nor how deep he needs to go.
Amazingly, no one else seems to notice – or at least mention it – that Yau Man isn’t with them. Earl says he hopes Yau Man goes with what Earl has tried to do, and Earl and Anthony hike up to the top of the mountain on the island, where they find a gorgeous 360-degree view. “We so rarely get a chance to just take it in,” Anthony says, adding that it gives him drive to keep going. “In a battle of wills, which this game is, you need every ounce of energy you can get.”
Back at camp, Yau Man still hasn’t found the idol, although he has discovered that the machete is a particularly difficult tool with which to dig.
At Moto, they’re relaxing, of course. Then tree-mail brings them a clue to the reward challenge – a book of pictures of rewards, and instructions to pick two. The rewards are things like toiletries, cake, fishing gear, etc.
Ravu got the same book, and Rocky wants them to pick one thing they need and one thing they want. Earl, I think, wants them to get two things they need. “We’re not on Fantasy Island, I don’t want wine and cheese,” Earl says.
Apparently Anger Alone Does Not a Sumo Match Win
At the challenge, Boo comes in chewing on mango. Rocky is irked, and says there’s fire coming out of his eyes right now. Too bad he doesn’t mean that literally. That’d be cool to see.
The challenge is simple: they’ll each square off on a platform, armed with padded bags, to knock their opponent off into the mud. First team to seven points wins, and wins all four of the rewards chosen. Ravu chose fishing gear and potatoes. Moto chose more luxury – coffee and toiletries.
Moto laughs at the idea of winning yet more fishing gear – they already have two sets.. Rocky gets mad, tells them to bring it now. He and Dre leap down to square off, and even though he’s angrier, Rocky loses. In quick succession, Cassandra beats Rita, Edgardo beats Anthony, Lisi beats Michelle, Earl loses to Boo, someone else from Moto wins and just like that, Moto is ahead by six points. Then little skinny Yau Man comes up against Stacy, and I think it’s about to be over, when miracle of miracles, he wins! He seems to feel bad about beating a girl. But then Cassandra and Rita face off again, and Cassandra just rushes her and easily knocks Rita off. I have no idea why Rita just stood there. Anyway, Moto wins, they send Earl to Exile, and walk off with all the rewards.
I Guess They’re REALLY Not Here to Make Friends
At camp, Moto revels in their coffee and soap. Alex is delighted to smell something clean. But there’s a problem at camp, and I missed last week’s episode so this is the first time I’m seeing this. Stacy and Lisi refuse to even talk to Dreamz. Stacy says he and Cassandra have no allies, that it’s those two against an alliance of the other five, and that it’s not her problem. This is Survivor, they’re all adults, etc. Dreamz attempts to use their new coffee maker, but doesn’t know how it works, and Stacy and Lisi refuse an outright request from Alex that they help him.
They’re “downright rude,” Alex says privately, adding that it “nauseates me” to see someone treated so badly. I agree. I know Dreamz is irritating, but it’s just utterly immature to ignore him the way Lisi and Stacy seem to be doing. What is this, the junior high lunchroom? The movie Heathers? Being a bitch as a grownup isn’t quite as cute as they might have thought it was in school. I officially want those two women brought DOWN.
Alex says it’s frustratingly short-sighted on the women’s part. He can’t see why they wouldn’t treat someone like a human being, and why they can’t see how that could screw them in the future. “This game to me is almost about immediate karma,” Alex says.
Edgardo agrees. He says the women are on a power trip, and they’re in his alliance but if they continue to behave this way, he’ll make sure they’re eliminated. And the coffee Dreamz makes sucks, apparently.
Meanwhile, Earl is getting nothing out of being on Exile island, since he knows where the idol is and the clue just confirms it. He says they just don’t have the right tools, and he doubts Yau Man will get the idol before Earl gets back.
Oh My God, I, Like, Totally Wear Eyeshadow Too!
At Ravu, Rita says she’s she’s sorry for not having the sumo technique down, that it’s not her forte. She’s laughing. She and Michelle talk about how it’s so cool they’re both into fashion. “My daily makeup routine is lipgloss,” Rita says. They go on, and on, and on, about trite makeup girlie crap. The men roll their eyes.
“It makes me want to take my t-shirt and hang myself from a palm tree,” Rocky fumes. He says it’s like they’re all living in a one-room apartment, and people should leave to talk about stupid stuff like that.
Back to Moto, Alex takes Lisi aside and tries to talk to her about strategy. He points out that if they merge with 7 in Moto and 3 in Ravu, Dreamz and Cassandra could easily switch sides, making it 5 to 5 and eliminating Moto’s advantage. Lisi doesn’t seem to see the problem with this. Frustrated, Alex also tries to talk to Stacy. Stacy says they just shouldn’t include Dreamz and Cassandra in anything. Oh, good lord. Is she not going to invite them to her slumber party? How freakin’ stupid. Alex, also, tells her that’s stupid. He makes a third try with Boo, but he doesn’t get it either. Then again, Boo is just dumb, so maybe he’s not as mean as the women.
Finally Alex hits gold with Edgardo, who understands how irrational it is. They agree that Boo is so stupid he follows the girls, and that they need to plan further ahead.
Alex does seem to have won some concessions from the bitches, though, because Dreamz comes back into their camp and finds that suddenly they’re talking about how they have to stay seven strong. He says just because people are suddenly being nice, it doesn’t change his plan – which is that he and Cassandra will change sides after the merge.
It’s time for the immunity challenge. Jeff explains there are 30 boards with a number or a word on them, and teams must try to match the two matching numbers/words, flipping over the boards. There are also dummy boards with no match. First team to seven wins, no coaching allowed after a person leaves the platform to go make matches.
There isn’t much to say about the beginning of this, except that at one point, Lisi falls flat on her face, and I laugh the laugh of someone who believes in karma. Eventually, though, both teams have six points. They’re tied. And it’s Ravu’s turn. They could win it. Except their lack of food seems to be affecting their memories. Michelle blows the chance. Luckily, so does a Moto member. Rocky has another chance – and blows it too. Moto wins. Like we couldn’t have guessed it.
Flip a Coin, They’re Both Irritating
Back at camp, Rocky approaches the rest of his tribe, saying he’ll take the majority of the blame for dropping the ball at the end. He says he had a breakdown and couldn’t remember anything. But, he says, they have to stop this mass confusion, with everyone chiming in with advice. Ironically, while he’s saying this, Rita is chiming in trying to agree. She says everyone needs to know when to step back. Apparently she doesn’t realize she’s a big part of the problem. Rocky says that when they were so close to winning it was the best he felt in the past 14 days.
Anthony says getting rid of Rocky would get rid of a lot of friction in the tribe, and that it’s stupid to go offering people a reason to boot you, like Rocky did. Rocky wants Rita gone, he says all she does is run her mouth. Anthony knows he was on the chopping block and is keeping his ears open. Mookie and Yau Man talk, and Yau Man says he’d like to get rid of Anthony and Rita both, that neither loss would make much impact on the way the tribe operates.
Michelle asks what they’re going to do. Mookie wants someone else to say what they want. So she says Anthony, they agree, and decide it’s the majority. But then Rocky, though, draws Mookie away and says that mouth of Rita’s drives him crazy. Anthony’s getting better. Rocky says Rita’s got to go. “I need you on my side,” he tells Mookie.
Mookie says everyone seems to be working their own angles now, and he has to watch his back.
Rita Gets the Shaft
At tribal council, Jeff starts quizzing people. Yau Man says it was very frustrating and embarrassing to not be able to remember something he saw 30 seconds ago. Jeff asks if they got beat at the challenge or gave it away? Mookie doesn’t really answer that, but says it wasn’t just Rocky’s fault. Rocky says if they’d won, “that whole island would have exploded,” they would have been so excited.
Jeff, who clearly watches camp footage before these things, asks Rita what they talk about at camp when they’re not bemoaning their losses. Rita says she tells stories – the men roll their eyes – to try to keep everyone entertained.
Earl says the reasons for boots are starting to change. Now that people are getting to know one another, it’s about the chemistry.
Asked if he trusts his tribe, Yau Man says his credo is “Love many. Trust few. Do wrong to none.” And asked how uncomfortable he is that he might be the one going tonight, Anthony says he’s very worried. He knows his personality clashes with some other people and he just tries to be as open as he can.
As Yau Man never found the hidden immunity idol, the vote goes as thus: two for Anthony and four for Rita. She’s gone, and blows them a kiss goodbye. She later says that she was surprised, and trusted her alliance, so maybe she was too nice to play the game.
Jeff says the good news is they still have the will to win. Sure they have the will. They just don’t seem to have the ability.
Finally, there is hope for this show! Some sort of switch-up seems to be in the offing, as Jeff tells everyone to drop their buffs, and says the biggest rivalry is now together, as Dreamz and Rocky hug. But there are still two tribes, because there’s a question about which tribe gets which camp. I dearly hope Lisi and Stacy have to go live in the poor cave. Maybe I’ll catch The Office on reruns.