Welcome to the 14th edition of “Standing in the Shadows” for Guatemala. For those of you unfamiliar with the shadows, each season our writers and mods “stand in the shadow” of a Survivor until their torch is snuffed. You get to read what we believe is really going on in the mind of each player. Without further ado. . .
I knew I had my chance when Stephenie ask me to translate for the Mayan Priest. She want me to ask if we can eat the chicken, but instead I ask him why have chicken when you can have cow? Bigger sacrifice. I point to Steph but he say Nooo. She too big, Gods do not like for stuff themselves so much. Pah. I try to help myself. I say to others I've not win anything, I've no threat for you. Stephenie tell me she will take me to final 3 but they vote Li-dee-aa out, and they din't even tell me they was gonna do it! I would have voted for me too, uni.. unan.. same vote! *sigh* No million dollar money, no Lydia House O'Fish and Survivor Crap, no new car. Why am I here? No one understand my language, my vision. I ask Steph why she not take me to final three and she say I no competition. I still vote for her but Judd, he say we all vote for Danni, so I do it, and I'm glad. Stephenie look like a hooker with her big hair and big eyebrows and big boots. Hahaha you no win girl and what you do now? At first I sad, but then I get a letter and guess what? Someone else say they need my vote and now I'm happy, so I say okay now, and I will vote for you! Hilary Clinton! But first I ask Stephenie if it's okay.
Woooooooo!!! And whew!!! I made it to the final four!! I can’t believe it! I’ve played a pretty clean game, putting ideas in people’s heads, and letting them make the moves. Steph keeps saying how we’ve played the game exactly the same—it’s more like I’ve told her what to do or what move to make, and she’s done it. Yeah, just don’t go there girlfriend! I know, I should be at peace now that some local Maya showed up and blessed us and the land and the water and then choked a chicken in a sacrifice to the gods for us. Those silly girls just had to go messing with sacrifices and all that. I may be a Mormon, but even this silly boy from Utah knows you don’t mess with that stuff. You just don’t. So, why, you may ask, am I sittin’ on the bench with the jury? Yeah, I’da figured Steph would be here instead of me with Danni’s freakishly long legs winning her the final immunity, and what with eating the sacrificed chicken and all. But nooooo, I had to go and open my stupid mouth in a moment of emotion, and told Danni she could forget our deal to go to the final 2 together. Yeah, even Danni could figure out that everyone wins against Steph. Remember how Steph’s been doing everything I told her to? Yeah, she’s been under my spell for quite some time. I’ve been grooming her for that number two spot. She’s stabbed more boys from behind than, well…let’s just say more than I’ll ever hope to. I’ll still vote for Steph, though I know it’ll be a pity vote. She did everything I told her to, so she must have played a good game. I’ll give it up for Danni, too. She beat me, although I’ll just keep sayin’ that I beat myself!
Riddle me this: everyone on the Tribal Council at one point or another confessed that they would lie, cheat and take candy from a baby in order to win the game. Yet suddenly the game is about who morals?! Oh yeah, Mr. Judd himself. Suddenly the pinnacle of morality. Give me a break. They are sore losers. Nothing against Danni, but I backed stabbed half of those freakin players just to get to the final two. Now does that take balls or what? They had their chance to get rid of me for 39 days but I’m like dry skin- I keep coming back no matter how much lotion you apply. And while I’m on a rant, I should admit that I faked the whole crying act at the final immunity challenge. Pretty sneaky, huh? It worked and Mr. Guilty Conscience felt pity for me. Danni secretly had the hots for me so it worked as smooth as softened butter on a roll. No worries, however. I’ll make my millions the easy way…Playboy.
Rock Chalk Jayhawk! THIS is the way a final four appearance should turn out. I knew all that parade training would come in handy again some day. I can’t decide whether to go with the traditional, yet classy, elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist wave or the slightly more out there wash the window for my hometown parade. Decisions, decisions. It’s almost as difficult as it would have been to choose whether to go back on my promise to Rafe and take Steph to the finals instead. Bless that boy for making it easy for me to stay the nice All-American girl I strive to be. I was a little worried Rafe and Steph would be smart enough to boot my almost non-existent ass when Rafe won immunity. I figured it was time to play him again and managed to keep a straight face when I told Rafe I couldn’t win the final immunity. I thought about batting my eyelashes but decided that might be a little bit much. How sweet was it when we all end up with our backs propped against the poles? Having long legs isn’t only a blessing when wearing a mini-skirt. The Mayas may have sacrificed a chicken, but I made a bigger sacrifice. My Chiefs’ hat looks like a lineman sat on it. Oh well, it was for a good cause. The hardest part of that challenge once I got propped against the pole was deciding whether to paint my nails a deep red or a light pink for the reunion show. Well, that and deciding whether to get collagen injections in my lips first. I did briefly think about what my seven brothers would do to me if I took Rafe to the final two but quickly went back to chillin’. I felt so bad for Steph when she finally slid to the ground. Not THAT bad though. That final tribal council was brutal. I had pageant brain. When the first question wasn’t “if you could have one wish, what would it be?” I completely lost it. I must have managed to let the jurors know that I was a stealth bomber who took off my cloaking device at just the right moment while Steph was a B-52 bomber with the brain of a Cessna though. When Jeffy revealed the third vote for me, I knew I had it in the bag. I really should get the jurors and Steph something for Christmas. I wonder if Steph would prefer a gift certificate from Popeye’s Chicken or one from KFC?
So- just who were those wacky, zany and hilarious writers who brought your favorite Survivor to life every week? It is time to pull back the curtain and reveal. We hope you enjoyed and we'll see you all again real soon...
Gary- Bill/ Burntcrow
Rafe- Suncat7/ mrdobolina
Bobby Jon- mrdobolina