Welcome to the 12th edition of “Standing in the Shadows” for Guatemala: The Maya Empire! For those readers unfamiliar with it, each season our writers and mods “stand in the shadow” of a Survivor until their torch is snuffed. You get to read what we believe is really going on in the mind of each player. Without further ado. . .
Oh, so who went home tooni-ight? Hmmm, refwesh my memory. Could it beee…Judd? You din’t need my vote when I asked you, oh no. *shakes head* Poah you, you thought your jersey girl Stephie was gonna take you all the way, but she dropped you flattah than a pancake *shuffles feet in lose approximation of the pancake dance* I’ma laugh at you, boy. You thought you din’t need LI-DEE-A – now you pay the price. *mumble mumble* It’s been two years since I’ve seen my brother. TWO YEARS! I want to talk to him sooo bad, but you picked yoah smelly buddy Stephenie -oow, she stinky!- so she could dry hump her boyfriend in the Guatemalan jungle. She had to tell him I’m over heah, Honey, because he keep confusing her with the howler monkey that been hanging around camp. Yeah, but I’ma hide my tears. I’m strong, and I’ll prove it – I’ma make it to F2 by riding on anybody’s coattails that’ll take me. Ahh, Judd, ha-ha-ha, too bad it wasn’t you!
*Giggle* These guys are all so convinced that this good, gay, Mormon kid from Utah is a total mama’s boy. I am sooo not! I mean, just because I like to make crafts and games, and fawn over Stephenie as if she were a queen, doesn’t mean I’m a mama’s boy. Is that Mom? Ohmygawdthisissorandom! It’s Mommy!! Mommy! *Sniffling* I want my Mommy!! Ohhh damn that Judd. I knew I couldn’t trust him. I am so ready to get rid of him. His cartwheels are better than mine, and I know he can’t wait to stab me in the back for that million. I like Danni better anyway now that her body has morphed into that of a young boy just like mine. Did I say that out loud? It’s a big thing to oust the Juddster. I have to be careful. I better clear it with the queen first….Psst…Hey Steph, C’mere. You agree? That was easy. Sorry Judd. We’ll see you in the jury!
I am so refreshed and alive! It paid to have Judd as an ally. Heck, I knew there was going to be some kind of “family” oriented challenge sooner or later. Now I’m just waiting to win that car. It was cool to have Cindy and Judd’s family there as well. We showed them what it was like to play Survivor. I even showed my boyfriend how to hide the immunity idol *wink*. But in all honesty, this was a interesting last three days to say the least. Judd’s time was coming to and end as I’ve said all along. In all honesty, I think my best shot would be to align with Danni and Rafe and then taking Danni to the final two. Rafe is too good of a player to beat. I wasn’t too pissed that she stole my IC but I am a competitor and there’s no need to remind everyone that I am the greatest player in the history of this game. I have nothing against Cindy except for the fact that she is so freakin gorgeous and there can be only one of us in the jungle. A few weeks ago, the guys commented on how she was like the Survivor version of Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island. Oh we can’t have any of that. My tanned and taught body is like kryptonite to the other players. I really need to set my sights on Lydia. Granted she played a tactical game (at least for her) this past day or so, but I couldn’t respect myself if I allowed her to make it to the final TC. Waaay to under the radar for my liking. One thing is for sure. I’m safe from one more Tribal Council and then it’s game time!
Wowza! I had chocolate chip cookies annnnnd got to see my sister Mindy, sweet! We had so much fun together playing "wilderness people" together after everyone else went to sleep. I had given my money to Judd in the hopes that he would win reward and get everyone really ticked off at him...looks like it worked! The fact that I got to hang with my sister was a bonus. Wonder twin powers, activate! Sure, I thought the others would fill me in on the decision so I could write his name down too, but who cares, now that he is gone? Thank goodness the howler monkeys keep tabs on everyone and let me know what's going down...
It was do or die time, so I pulled the old triple reverse half back pass play out of my lucky hat. My brother and I used to run it in the backyard against the Smith twins right before we knew Mom was going to call us in for dinner. I warmed up for the play and the auction by showing off my gymnastics skillz in a little competition. It was a tad unfair to the others though because my negative body fat percentage makes me extremely aerodynamic. You know, I love my brother and all, but I can wait a few days to see him. Now if one of my dogs had come around that corner, I might have regretted buying that jerky and splitting a Philly cheese steak with my bestest Guatemalan girlfriend, Rafe. I couldn’t believe no one outbid me on the immunity advantage. Like my old coach used to say, “Cocky is as cocky does.” I didn’t spend a dime on the sweetest thing I got from that auction: a chance to spend a night strategizing with Rafe and Lydia. While we were hanging at Ye Olde Yaxha, I diagramed the play for them. Did you see the look on Steph’s face when I played my card at the immunity challenge? Was she pissed or what? Given that the alliance was about ready to go all Henry VIII on me, all I cared about was that butt ugly necklace. It looks kind of good with my Chiefs’ hat, no? I got almost as choked up over the necklace as I did when Hank Stram was inducted into the Chiefs’ Hall of Fame. Once I strolled back into camp with my bling, I called the play. I’d seen Lydia in action so I was a little nervous that she’d false start and we’d end up losing the game but the little fishmonger came through with a perfect chop block on Judd while I juked Steph out of her shoes. I knew those drama lessons would come in handy some day. I’m hoping to cry for a third time when I win the million dollar playoff bonus.
Those @#$%@ scumbags, man. What the ^#%$?! thought we were tight, man. I thought we were final four, tight alliance. I even told my wife, man. And to then go and backstab me like that? That's just wrong, man. It's SO wrong to try to take out a strong player when you're all gunning for a million dollars. It's totally different from the way in which I would have taken out other players while gunning for a million dollars. I'd have been right, but these scumbags, they're wrong. I mean, sure, Danni I can understand. She's not my peep. And Lydia, who cares? But that weak, crying Rafe, and monkey-loving Cindy, and especially, especially that lying, conniving, lost-Survivor-once-so-had-to-get-a-second-chance Stephenie? ScumBAGS. Steph, be warned now -- Jersey ain't big enough for the both of us. I am so looking forward to jury time, man. They're going to see they messed with the wrong doorman.
We would like to thank the following writers for contributing to this article: Bill, Burntcrow, Dinahann, Lucy, Mantenna, Mariner, mrdobolina, oneTVslave, Roseskid, Shazzer, Speedbump, Suncat7, Totoro and Wolf.