Previously on Survivor; Troupe-Ulong continued their death-spiral and, in an unprecedented display of unity, chopped-off their least functional appendage (figuratively speaking). After banishing Kim into the warm waiting embrace of her previously dispatched snuggle-bunny Jeff (who has been waiting patiently for her for two days in the loser-lounge, at the loser-resort, on loser-island), the remaining members skulked off in the night, returning to the rotting, leaking, smelly, poorly built shelter they call home.
[Sickening Giggly Voice=On] Giggle, ooo, giggle, oh, giggle, what's that, giggle, don't put that there, giggle. [Sickening Giggly Voice=Off]
"Jennifer and Gregg have definitely paired-off. She even had her hand on his stomach, I so want it to be my hand on his stomach".
"James and Bobby-Jon's had this stupid idea, it's pitch black but they wanted to head off into the jungle and try to make it to the cave before it starts to rain. I thought it was such a stupid idea that I went with them just so that I could say 'I told you so'.
I told you so!!!".
"It's really bad".
"My pit-monkeys, that's the third camera guy to vomit today".
"We must be on the trail, someone has passed by here very recently, very very recently".
"That would be me, you moron".
"Oh, [Fake Old-Lady Voice=On] never mind [Fake Old-Lady Voice=Off]".
"OK, that's it we have no idea where we are, we're going to die out here and it's all your fault. Forget this, I'm going back to camp".
"We're lost, how are you going to find your way back to camp?"
"That's easy, we just have to follow camera-guy's extension cord".
"I'm not a loser, why do you keep calling me a loser?"
"This place is disgusting, it's filthy, smelly and there are insects all over the place. It's starting to remind me of my apartment".
In an unexpected development, Koror's trained shark (Bruce) consumes the fish Ulong was planning to catch as today's main course.
"I'd say it was a tough night. We weren't wet, we weren't cold, we didn't get lost in the forest, fall down in the mud or anything like that but there are nine of us and they only left eight mints on our pillows".
Willard -- Binky. Freaky coincidence or supernatural insemination? Hmmm...
"Are you guys ready to get to today's challenge?"
"Well let's see, we didn't get any sleep last night because of the rain, we're exhausted because we spent half the night stumbling through the forest, that damn shark eat our breakfast and we've voted out or lost due to injury every competent player we had. So wouldn't this be easier if we just forfeited now?"
"The first tribe to finish six bottles of Sake will be really drunk".
"Ooo, look! Fishes".
"Angie up, Gregg up. We're dead even, except for the lead Ulong has".
"First tribe to six is going to be eaten tonight".
Did he mean to say "eating", or did I really misunderstand the rules of this game?
We all know white men can't jump, apparently black men can't swim.
He's got it! Why is he trying to untie it? What was he doing when everyone else was being told that all you have to do is grab it and pull?
"Koror catching up as Ian forgets about the challenge and dives the wreck".
It's The Machine! You're welcome ladies.
"Koror, you will go to tribal council first where you will vote out one of the people who sat-out the event".
"Can I make a suggestion? When we're eating in front of Ulong can we not rub it in?"
"Are you kidding me? Rubbing it in will be half the fun, it's only a shame they don't have to cook it then feed it to us by hand".
"But I don't want them to hate me, I'm going to have to make an alliance with them after the merge to have any chance at winning".
Day to day, out on the beach
Not today, won't be clammin'
They made the stew, that we're going to eat
For the tribe with the drive to survive
Ah! So that's where Ulong was trying to get to last night...
"We lost 'cause of Ibrehem. He shoulda gived up quicker, I can respect a man who gives up 'fore really tryin'".
"No one will talk to me, they keep having huddled conversations without me, they point at me and snicker and three of them have given me going away presents. If they keep this up I might start to worry that it will be my head on the chopping block tonight".
Jennifer really needs to shave her legs...
"People are just looking at Jen and I as this cute couple and not as a super-strong two person alliance".
Who knew that mild mannered Gregg was really Self Delusional Man!
"So this is what Tribal Council looks like. Has it always smelled like Ulong?"
"Tom, before the show did you plan to be such a strong player?"
"No, my plan was to walk around asking everybody 'Who's your daddy'?"
"We had to turn it on 110%".
"You sure turn me on 110%, Tom".
Tom must be way more intelligent than I am, I have absolutely no idea what the square-root of Willard is.
"For dinner tonight we have Banded Sea Snake stew, coconut biscuits and bottled water. Enjoy".
"Bobby Jon, why did you bring your whole camp with you?"
"Even though we were told what was going to happen we've been clinging to the minuscule hope that there will be some kind of merge tonight".
"Koror, you can vote to block Ulong from shooting themselves in the foot by voting out Ibrehem or you can vote intelligently".