Last week, stuff happened... this week:
"Tonight at Tribal Council my Jeffy-poo went home. I miss my little snuggy-wuggy-bear. Hmmm, Ibrehem is cute".
"Koror is such a bunch of wimps".
"Except for Tom".
"Don't forget Greg and Janu".
"Jennifer and Caryn are both pretty tough".
"Coby's gay but take my word for it, that boy can hold his own".
"OK Fine! Except for Tom, Ian, Gregg, Janu, Jennifer, Caryn and Coby they're a bunch of wimps. They must have some secret advantage we don't know about, we just have to figure out what it is".
"Maybe they're using intelligence and team-work".
"Nah, that's not it".
"We don't seem to be coming together as a team. We decided in the beginning that we weren't going to have a leader and we'd all just go our own way and do our own thing. I thought that would bring us together more".
"Everyone's self esteem is low because we're all such losers. We need to get our act together and work as a team but I don't think we're that smart".
"Hmmm, if I spoke now someone might notice me".
"Everyone's voting for Ian and I'm not going to fight it. I am going to whine incessantly about it though".
"We know you will [pats Coby on head]".
"When picking a leader it was so obvious that even I was able to figure out that Caryn, Jennifer, Gregg, Tom and Ian are banding together. So I guess it's going to come down to the classic division of the useful against the useless".
"We need to pick a leader and we picked you".
"Hey, you can't just pick me. We're either picking out of a hat or we're drawing straws. So, first we need to take a vote on whether to draw straws or pick out of a hat".
"Wait a minute, you just decided that we're going to vote on it? Who got eliminated and made you tribal chiefette?"
"OK fine, so how should we decide on whether we should vote on whether we should... What are we trying to decide?"
"I don't know, I forgot. Let's just drop it".
"Kim, how do you feel about being the leader?"
"I'm down with it as long as it doesn't involve getting up".
"Let's go Kim".
"Do I have to do anything?"
"You just have to sit in the boat and pretend to paddle".
"OK, fine. Ibrehem, James, Bobby Jon? Can one of you carry me down to the boat".
I'll be damned if Home Depot, the world's largest home improvement retailer, operating more than 1500 stores across North America <http://www.homedepot.com/>, is going to get a free product placement from me!.
The Jack Planes are sitting on their faces... I want to hit somebody! [Pant, pant pant] OK, they would have retracted the blades [deep breath in... hold it, breath out]. I'm OK now.
"If you win, Jesse is coming back out here and building you a shelter the likes of which the world has never seen. Personally I don't think kittens will make a good building material but Jesse says he knows what he's doing".
"You speared Nemo! If we're going to eat cute cartoon characters couldn't you catch something bigger?"
"Ulong, come on in".
"We're trying, we still can't get the hang of steering this damn thing".
"Who's your representative?"
"We haven't picked one yet".
"You can't even pick a representative? No wonder you keep losing the immunity challenges".
"We discussed it, but then we saw something shiny and got distracted".
"This is just like my tool chest back home, 'cept nothin's broke or lost".
"You built your own house, right?"
"You betcha. And when it fell down I rebuilded it".
"Let's pretend it's the first of the month, bath day, and I'm takin' me a shower. Now I'll need some elbow room 'cause I like flappin' my arms and makin' chicken noises in the shower".
"We made James the team leader but it's annoying because he thinks that means he can tell us what to do".
"James annoys me when he offers to help me. I don't need a man to help me. Unless there's a spider, I hate spiders".
"I'm really weak".
"We know that".
"Weak from hunger".
"We're all hungry".
"Your needs aren't important to me. Someone has to go get me some food".
"Don't freak out! That's why construction jobs don't get done on time. It has nothin' to do with poor plannin', unrealistic time estimates, materials not showin' up or the wrong materials showin' up, trouble schedulin' 'spectors or that type of thing. It's all about the freakin' out".
It's a good thing they got rid of Wanda or someone would been getting a detention for that sign.
"I'll take you over to the latrine first. We built the latrine and shower in separate locations for the obvious reasons".
"I'll tell you about some of the design features, we hooked up some pipes over to the stream so that it flushes. The seat is heated, we used pices of giant clam shell to tile the floor and we even figured out how to hook up this light bulb we scavenged from an old fighter plane to a generator we built out of coconuts.
"Hey Martha I think it's safe, the guys with the machete and the shark fetish are gone".
"So tell us about your setup".
"First of all, we built the shower and latrine in the same place 'cause it's less work. We built it right beside our camp so you don't have to walk too far when yah gotta go".
"What about the smell?"
"That ain't gonna be no problem, we built it upwind. And we've got a nice view of the ocean so you gots somethin' to look at while you're goin', 'cause we don't have no magazines to look at".
"No no, don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to".
"If Jesse has completely lost his mind and decides that your bathroom is the better, we will be back sometime between 2 and 8pm".
"2 to 8 pm? What are you, the phone company?"
"Good job keeping a straight face".
"Yah, you too".
"I think we won. I have no way of knowin' what Koror did but it ain't gonna be better than this. Just look at it, it ain't even fallin' down yet".
"The Koror construction crew did a fantastic job on this challenge but you never know what rabbit Ulong is going to pull out of their hat".
That's not where Ulong has been pulling stuff from...
"It's a boat! We're saved! We're saved!"
"Damn! It's just the crew boat. Never mind".
"Eat your heart out Kim".
"I don't know if it was the alcohol, all the hard work or the lack of food but Tom's beginning to look really attractive to me".
"Caryn? You're having fun! Are you OK, do you have a fever?"
"I don't get it, how'd we lose?"
"Jeff probably fixed it 'cause Koror haven't won a challenge yet".
"They've won every immunity challenge".
"I'm talkin' about reward challenges".
"They won the first reward challenge".
"With the immunity challenge just ahead of you, you must ask yourself. 'Am I truly worthy of Binky's love?'"
"Ibrehem with the big reach advantage. Ibrehem cheating. Keep both hands on the bag Ibrehem".
"Ewww, pit hair! Get away! Get away!"
"I have to lift this? But it's so heavy. Can't I just give up and jump in now?"
"Woo! I won and I got to fondle a red-neck!"
"It's feels terrible to have my butt whoopped by a homo-sexual".
I'm not even gonna touch that one...
"I don't know what to do. Everyone thinks we should vote you off the island but if we do that it will leave us with three guys and two girls. I hate that I may have to keep your sorry ass around to protect my ass".
"Hey you're right. This is a much more dangerous way to get coconuts. I haven't had this much fun since we got the machete stuck up in the tree".
"Hey, what about throwing the log at the machete?"
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Kim, you are dead to us".
"Buh-bye. Now, take me to my little Jeffy-kins".