This is getting harder and harder. I went one on one with that buzzed butt guy again in the challenge. I held out longer than he did. His muscles must be for show or something. What a wuss. Of course, everyone was a wuss in our tribe as I was last one standing. Do I have to do everything? I mean I started out with everyone telling me what to do, but Iím wondering whether that was such a hot idea. My lily-white complexion Iím so proud of, is taking a beating with all those bug bites.I told the others they were freckles , but they didn't believe me. Iím glad there arenít any mirrors around. Things are going really well now that we got rid of that beotch Trish. She tried to do in my skirt buddy, and Iím not having it. Oh well merge next week, even though that Probst guy was saying something about our past haunting us. Must be because this thing is airing near Halloweíen.
Ostrich is lahk the bigges' wuss ah evah sawr. Ah think he'da want tuh kill that plankton, cuz it looked too much lahk hem. Fer one, they both have a beak on 'em the size of mah Aunt Bobbie Jolayne's Buick. (Ah wuz gonna say 'er rear end, but ah gotta be propuh, cuz ah'm raycordin' this fer posterior.) Fer two, awls someone has tuh do is run aftah thaym, an' they'da both flah awhy. Ostrich wuz more fraytened of that plankton thun it wuz of hem. He wuz lahk a little baby girl. "Oh, no, some mayn paypole tuhk mah lollipawp. Ah thank ah'll run scraymin' intuh th' naht." An' aftuh th' mayn paypole tuhk his canday, they upped an' died, cuz they were chokin' tuh death.
Anywhy, Rhiner is mah hayro, cuz he wuz so swayt with th' plankton. He naymed hem Payt, an they have a bawnd thass so kind an' moral. Ah want to marry Rhiner somedye an' dress awl up in waht taffitta, an' ah'll ayven let 'im cawl may Payt. He could protect th' aminals, an' we could have a bird stationary. When the birds die, ah could injayk 'em with imbalming comicals an' bury 'em in th' yard.
Jonny Smurfboy visited awr camp, y'know. An' he tol' us 'bout how th' Drapes lost a challedge awn purpose. Anjool an us knew we weren' gonna be played lahk that, not bah a little puffbawl whot has no raisin tuh live--'cept maybe fer one thang. When Rhiner an' me have awr bird refuse, we'll rack up Smurfboy in th' yard tuh frayten awhy th' crows.
Honestly, I should have traded Trish for kerosene when I had a chance. My strategy has been to lay low, do poorly in any challenge I canít sit out, and not be perceived as a threat to anyone. After all, Jon and Shawn were duking it out over the shelter. Rupert has set himself up as a target just by being Rupert, leaving the girls to skate through to the merge, but no. She was just as oblivious to the vote tonight as she was to the fact that the village lady that wanted more from her than her eyes.
Did you see that freaking pelican? It was eyeing me, I swear it. You see, what you don't know is that when I was only 5, my parents took us to Ft. Lauderdale on vacation, and my brother was left wheelchair-bound in an awful seagull-bread-feeding incident. Ever since then, I can see the evil glint in seafaring birds' eyes, and I've never been able to trust them. Sure, those pelicans look friendly enough sleeping on their pier posts, but you can just see their little brains trying to figure out how to kill you when you turn your back.
Andrew tried to show me up this week, by holding 160 pounds of stones up longer than me. The jerk. I've had it with this tribe. They can't understand that I don't go around just holding up heavy rocks all day. These muscles are strictly for show, ya hear? They get me the ladies, and the guys are too intimidated to complain. Well worth the gym membership, if you ask me. If they'd have put me against anyone but that Freakzilla, Rupert, I'd have kicked their butts. If they don't stop giving me crap about it, I'm really gonna quit.
What a tremendous week. The tribes are now both at five members each and we have pulled together to form an effective achievement motivated group. There were some rough spots though. I tried to talk to that darn cannon twice, and I really thought I connected with it on an intellectual level. I tried to get it to visualize what success would look like, and how the other cannons would all look up to him, and of course, all the hot cannon babes it could meet, but still, it would not execute on the strategy and hit the goal. Yup, the cannon was afraid of success.
Then, that idiot Jon from the Drakes came over to loot us. It was clear he was trying to play head games with our confidence (probably not the first kind of head games he has played), and yes, we could have used the surf and turf reward much more than they did. Obviously, Ryano would have had to spend the day convincing Osten that the lobsters would not bite him, but it would have been worth it. When Jon said they threw the checker wrestling challenge, I didnít believe him. Clearly they were not ready to accept that my superior strategy was the reason we won. However, between that, my poor showing at reward, and Osten, our star getting stuck with what must have been double secret extra weights (because there is no way he would bail out so soon. He held up worse than BugfaceÖ erÖ Christa did), I knew I had to come through. I summoned up all of my positive thoughts, and somehow made it to the end. Hmmm. Maybe we donít need to rely so much on Osten after allÖ
One of the ways I prepared for Survivor was by taking time off from my rigorous Grand Theft Auto regimen, and replacing it with watching a crapload of Animal Planet. I know you guys have all seen the documentaries that portray the relationship between crocodiles and those tiny birds that clean their teeth, right? Well, I felt the need to bring nature's most underrated symbiotic partnership to light this week. Yeah, you guessed it: pelicans and rhinos. Man, that little dude was so money! Pelican Pete and I were forging a wicked bond, until Mr. Master of Disaster Osten had to go and machete up. I didn't think I'd be saying this about one of my O.G. homies, but that guy sucks. I think even Andrew is starting to see it, and between you, me and the jungle canopy, Andrew isn't exactly quick on the ol' uptake sometimes. I have to hand it to him, though. After that love child of Christopher Atkins and Shirley Temple spilled the beans about throwing the I.C., Savage was pumped. Nothing was going to take him out of the zone, not even remembrances of Armani suits past.
As for me? I haven't given up on my coup plot. Not by a long shot, dudes. I just had to tweak my strategy a bit. Let them keep underestimating me. Let them keep thinking Osten is jacked. Yeah, let them keep thinking that up until the time I'm endorsing my million-dollar check, and me and Pelican Pete are riding off into the sunset together. Just you wait.
We had Pelican Pete visit us today and boy was Osten scared. I almost understand why. Have you seen that boyís mighty fine butt? I myself have been tempted many a time to pinch it, and I think Pelican Pete was also finding the temptation to be too much. Sadly Rhino had to shoo him away because Osten was going to decapitate poor Pete. Sadly we also lost another reward challenge. It would have been so good to eat all that food instead of more bland rice. Those Drakes are going to turn into gluttons. Maybe their gluttonous masses will start slowing them down in competitions. Iím also so thankful I didnít have to hold those weights in the immunity challenge. Usually I would say that making the decisions was an easier task, but making them with Darrah was like trying to understand a two year old. Luckily with Andrewís amazing efforts and our good placement of weights, Morgan came out on top this week. I feel this tribe is really getting stronger.
While it was good ta win the reward challenge, it was a huge mistake to send that annoyin' sand flea Jon to raid Morgan. He just had to tell them that we'd thrown the Immunity Challenge. I know he was hopin' ta break their spirit, but all he did was wound their pride. I guess he never heard the sayin' "Let sleeping dogs lie, else they might whup yer skeevy butt in the Immunity Challenge." 'Course, that's probably 'cause I just made it up. But that's no excuse! As far as I'm concerned Johnny Pain-in-the-Ass is to blame for our loss in the Immunity Challenge; he riled up that Savage fella something wicked.
I'll tell ya what though - if I had a glass, I'd raise it to Andrew and Christa; both of them showed their mettle in that challenge. Not that Osten fella though; he looks as stout as a Spanish Galleon on the outside, but on the inside he's all poop deck, if ya get my meanin'.
I survived the first attempted mutiny of me crew. Johnny Fairplay thought he had the votes he needed to get rid of his beloved captain - that'd be me if ye haven't been payin' attention - but he was sorely mistaken, he was. If we lose another Immunity Challenge, he knows he'll be Johnny Walkin'-the-plank. But even with him out of the way, I won't trust Shawn any further than Osten could throw a hermit crab.
I'm getting more than a little sick of these people. They are more annoying than the bugs. Always going on about working and wanting to work and how if we raise the bamboo by a few inches it might cut down on the bugs. I felt that everyone was making a big deal out of nothing and expending a great deal of energy raising the shelter. I decided to prepare a 10 minute monologue regarding the cons of raising this shelter, rather waste my energy on something so worthless, and made sure that everyone heard it at least 3 times so they could make an informed decision. Raggedy Jonny especially didn't take too kindly to it and had one of his patented fits again. Freak.
After our Surf & Turf Reward, we didn't think we'd have too much trouble going into the Immunity Challenge. Rupert and I were selected to lift the weight; it's a natural for someone like me and a caveman like Rupert. I had to explain the concept of weightlifting to him as he's only used to slinging things over his shoulder... I've seen how The Flintstones live and that is just NOT GOOD for the back!! Since Morgan had 3 guys and Drake only had 2 we were already at an disadvantage. Christa volunteered to take the third position and I reluctantly okayed it. I don't understand this concept of 'team-playing' she has. They targeted Rupert first and weighed him down until he couldn't take it anymore. The lazy strong guy from Morgan was soon out and it was up to me to carry my team to victory. I knew I could beat Andrew and the quiet guy. Except I was getting dirty and bitten and it's just a nightmare for my skin so I bowed out. Surivor is just a month, skin is FOREVER! I still think I made the right decision. Who knew Christa wasn't a strong as those other two guys?
I figured I was in trouble with my tribemates since they are still so jealous of me, but Rupert approached me and told me that they were trying to boot RUPERT instead of ME! I've never been so insulted in my life... I'm the real threat! Anyway, both sides were lobbying for my vote. I was torn which way to vote until I remembered my strategy poem..
It's time to vote and you're torn in two.
You must decide and not sure what to do?
Reach for this note kept tucked in your shoe
And boot the one almost as pretty as you!
I think a couple of the strings broke. Either that or the good fairy has come to give life to a couple of my marionettes. Either way, it was a sucky few days. It all started out great. I was setting the stage to have everyone hate Shawn. I caught him slacking for a second and went off. Of course when everyone turns they see that Shawn isnít working, therefore I look like the good guy calling him out on his slackerness. Even Sandra thought I was cool with that. Things were still going well at the reward challenge. Sure I missed the target, but my tribe mates had an advantage as they saw where my cannon landed. Of course we won, and got to eat the lobster and steaks. The best part was I got to loot. I also thought it would be a great idea to stomp on their morale a little more. Savage struck me as the kind of guy who would fold when I told them about throwing the IC they won. I think this is where things started a small downhill. I guess I read savage wrong because at the IC he stood long and hard, unlike wimpy Mr. Osten. Luckily I didnít have to actually bear weight in the challenge so they couldnít blame me for the loss. Things started looking up again when Trish of all people brought up the possibility of getting rid of Rupe. Everyone agreed. I know they did. Sandra was even there agreeing with us. Well, actually I guess I never actually looked at her or talked to her, but of course sheíd agree. Somehow Rupe found out (Iíll figure that one out sooner or later). I donít know how he got to Shawn, who had already agreed to vote my way. I have no idea what happened, but I have a few strings to repair. Iíll be fine, after all I am Johnny Fairplay.
Things were still going really well for me back at camp. Jon and Shawn were constantly bickering, and Sandra was complaining about all of the bickering, which allowed me to fly under the radar for a while longer. We went to the reward challenge and easily won the feast of surf and turf. Then came the immunity challenge, which sadly we lost. But this is when I came up with my big plan.
Now Jon may think he's the puppet master, and Rupert may be the captain, but actually, I am the mastermind! While sitting around waiting to go to tribal council, I interjected that though we were considering voting out that annoying Shawn, that we should really consider voting out the one person that holds all of the power over both tribes: Rupert.
Yes, I know Rupert is the only person that catches food for us, and I know that I am aligned with Rupert, Christa, Sandra and Jon. But the time has come for people to remember that this game is about winning a million dollars and not about eating! So, I got the backing of Jon, Christa and Sandra. Rupert's gone.
Except for one thing - at TC, Sandra started talking about how tonight a backstabber would be voted out. Now, I know we all agreed to vote out Rupert, but calling him a backstabber like that was just rude. Oh wait... she meant me. I guess I didn't have the backing of Christa and Sandra after all. Well, the group should have voted with me because now they are stuck trying to beat Rupert, which will be impossible.
"Standing in the Shadows" is a weekly collaborative effort. Thanks to: AmandaG, Bill_in_PDX, Bumpkin, Cali, Eny, Feifer, Greenie, John, KylieGrant, Lobeck, Miss Filangi, Paulie, Shayla, Wayner, and Zhora!