Survivor: 10/13: Golden Boy Was Merely Faux-Gold Finished
Survivor: 10/13: Golden Boy Was Merely Faux-Gold Finished
Last time on Survivor, tribal members were shocked to discover that yes, there really are hungry crocodiles in the water. Maybe dangling your toes off the side of the dock isn’t such a good idea. Tribal alliances fell when the tribes were scrambled, leaving Danni, Brandon, Bobby Jon and Blake to join the Yaxha tribe with members Brian, Gary and Amy. Former Yaxha members Jamie, Lydia, Rafe and Stephenie became part of the Nakum tribe with remaining members Judd, Margaret and Brooke. Judd spun like a top and cast the deciding vote to oust Brooke. Margaret can’t believe Judd went against a former tribe member. It’s good to be King Judd, well, according to Judd, that is.
Getting to know you, getting to know all about you:
Nakum
While apes roar in the jungle, the new and improved Nakum tribe gathers to discuss tribal council. Rather, Judd tries to explain his rationale for voting off Brooke (he’s just playing the game) and Margaret agrees with him, but privately calls him a traitor and his attitude a mistake. Judd says he’s not here to win friends. He can’t wait for Margaret to go home, too.
Yaxha
Blake thinks his chances are pretty good. With Bobby Jon, Brandon and Danni following him to the Yaxha tribe, the numbers are on his side. After all, he and Bobby Jon did perform the ceremonial pissing ritual, a sure sign of male bonding.
City girl Amy perpetuates the female stereotype by frantically running in circles to avoid a flying beetle. She can bust crack heads all day long, but don’t threaten her with a buzzing insect. Brandon marvels at Amy’s lack of outdoor experience. He’s used to rednecks, hicks and farmers. He and Bobby Jon explain the process of farming, nasal twang and southern slur intermingling while Amy scratches absently. It’s Tobacco Road versus Stephanie Plum, with the rednecks taking the lead.
Brian doesn’t dislike anyone, but he wouldn’t hang out with them outside the show. He’s very blue state, while they thank Jesus for before every meal, challenge and endeavor. Wisely, he doesn’t object because he knows he would become an immediate target. I spit on your Jesus would buy him a quick ticket home, so he keeps his eye rolls to himself.
The Reward Challenge Bust
Nakum and Yaxha gather for today’s challenge. Jeff pretends to be surprised about crocodile sightings, but it’s just a lame segue into the reward challenge. The winning tribe will receive a predator-proof floating swim cage, complete with decking and longue chairs and a margarita party. The challenge involves cutting through ropes and a log to release handles. The handles will be inserted into a turnstile to crank a cart up a platform. After six of the tribe members pile into the cart, the seventh member will machete through a rope to release the cart, which will then swoosh down a track. First team to the finish line wins the challenge. Don’t try this in your backyard without adult supervision, kids. Howler moneys don’t count, it must be a parent.
Jamie and Brandon represent their tribes to begin the challenge. Brandon quickly chops through the first two ropes like buttah while Jamie ineffectually dabs at his. Stephenie, hands on hips, barks encouragement to Jamie as Judd shakes his head. Bobby Jon takes over from Brandon, decimating the log to release the second set of handles. Yaxha members surge forward to gather the handles and rush up the platform. Inserting the handles into the turnstile, they crank frantically to pull the cart toward the platform. Jamie can’t seem to get anywhere with the ropes. He finally manages to saw through one but is still working on the second when Yaxha completes the challenge. Jamie doesn’t want to give up but his team members are disgusted. Judd gives him a hug and the others assure him he did his best while secretly drawing a huge bulls-eye target on his back. Jeff calls the competition an absolute blowout. Stupid dummy-head Jamie.
Pool Pah-ty at Yaxha’s House, Bitch Pah-ty At Nakum
The Yaxha tribe can’t believe their good fortune. As they scarf guacamole and margaritas Brandon is hailed as the tribal hero. He believes his own PR, saying he won it all for the tribe. His teammates loll in the pool, cooling off and getting tipsy in the afternoon heat.
Meanwhile, back at Nakum, Jamie continues to grovel even after the other members tell him he did his best. Judd doesn’t really blame Jamie – they’re a team and they need to stick together. When Cindy says she knew the technique for Brandon’s quick rope cutting, Judd calls her on it: if she knew how to do it, why didn’t she step up and offer her assistance? Cindy quickly backpedals, saying she didn’t have the upper body strength to do the task. Judd tells her that anytime she or Margaret want to step up to the plate to help the team, just go for it and shine like the star she thinks she is. How many tribal members will you alienate today, Judd?
Stephenie watches the exchange open-mouthed but wisely remains silent. On the way back to camp, she carps about Bobby Jon’s winning reaction. He cheers like a girl - it’s so-o gay. Fortunately for Stephenie, Rafe isn’t within hearing distance.
Steph is on a roll. Privately she mocks Jamie for being beaten by a 22 year old farm boy. She’s sick of always being on the losing team. *cue dramatic music* Her heart is breaking but she’ll never let her fellow tribe see her cry. She squeezes out a few tears for the camera. It’s like I’m in a really bad dream. Yeah, Steph, you’re in my nightmares, too. *cue rain* It’s Palau all over again, complete with totally sucky losers. I’ll just sit here and whine about how crappy everyone else and maybe no one will think about the fact that maybe the reason I’m always on the losing team is *gasp* me!
Let The Blake Bashing Begin!
The Yaxha tribe stands under a huge umbrella watching the rain pour. Well, all but Blake and Brian, who are sleeping peacefully under the sheltered leaves. Brandon and Gary look on enviously as Danni grumbles that it’s not fair. Amy calls Blake Golden Boy because he always comes out smelling like a rose. Brandon says Blake thinks he’s Captain America, always talking himself up. To hear Blake tell it, he’s a red hot luvah boy. Gorgeous girlfriend, and he messes around with older women, which gets him in trouble. Are you listening, Girlfriend? How do you like watching BF getting his back scratched by the lovely Danni while he describes your ginormous Double D boobs that became even bigger when you got on the pill? Blake prattles on, oblivious to Brandon’s headshakes and Bobby Jon’s blank stare.
Brian has even invented a new game – bait Blake. The object of the game is to ask Blake a question about himself and sit back, letting Blake garner the derision of his fellow members as he expounds on his women/athletic prowess/fabulous drunken parties. Brian makes faces behind his back like a jealous two-year-old, but Blake never notices. The Golden Boy is tarnishing before our very eyes! Huzzah!
Day 14 And Stephenie’s Luck Finally Changes
Stephenie and Lydia find tree mail waiting. Stephenie reads the missive aloud and privately does more bitching about being on the losing team. Lydia decides to boost team morale by doing an impromptu munchkin cheer as the others look on. After a lame juggling attempt she breaks into dance, passing “the pancake” off to Rafe. Soon the Nakum tribe is laughing along with her. Jamie finally cracks a smile after telling her she looks like she’s having a seizure. Lydia labels herself the Queen of Rock and Roll. She’s more like the mascot, but at least she’s no whiner.
The tribes gather for the immunity challenge. Yaxha is happy but the Nakum members look like they are hot, tired and stinky. Whoops, they are! Jamie says they won’t smile until they win a challenge. Jeff tells them they’ll have to work together as a team to win this one. Each tribe must gather into two groups of three members apiece. Each group will have a net. One team member from each tribe will work a catapult to launch a ball into the air. Any group may try to catch the balls as they come down. The first tribe to catch five balls wins. Brian will launch for Yaxha, Lydia for Nakum.
Brian launches the first ball toward Bobby Jon, Gary and Danni, who catch it handily. Score one for Yaxha.
Lydia takes her first shot. It falls to the ground as Stephenie lectures Rafe and Judd on the finer points of how to catch the ball. Judd just shakes his head. Steph isn’t winning many friends these days.
Brian’s turn again. Stephanie, Rafe and Judd manage to catch the ball this time, tying the score one and one.
Lydia shoots the ball and it’s a miss again. Ditto for Brian. The two tribes are colliding with each other, and Stephenie seems to take particular relish in crashing into Bobby Jon. There’s only room for one Survivor has-been in this game.
Lydia’s next ball falls straight into Stephenie, Rafe and Judd’s net. Nakum leads, two to one.
Brian lobs the ball straight to Yaxha, tying the tribes two and two.
Lydia catapults her ball to Nakum, and now it’s three to two, with Nakum in the lead.
Brian tries to launch his ball toward the Yaxha tribe, but Jamie’s team intercepts the ball. Nakum four, Yaxha two.
Lydia sends the ball flying, and Judd, Stephenie and Rafe catch it. Final score: Nakum five, Yaxha two. Nakum wins immunity! Jamie screams “Who’s smiling now” and grabs Lydia, bouncing her in his arms. Even Steph manages a small smile. What, no cartwheels? Nakum members dance happily off to camp as Yaxha contemplates voting out a member of their tribe.
How Do I Stab Thee In The Back, Let Me Count The Ways…
Back at camp, Bobby Jon immediately grouses about Jamie’s winning scream, having forgotten that he screamed like a girl when Yaxha won the reward challenge.
Brian explains the math: He, Gary and Amy are the old Yaxha tribe members, with Bobby Jon, Brandon, Blake and Danni the newcomers. He pow-wows with Gary, who says the new tribal members haven’t said anything to him about who they want to vote for. They quickly agree to campaign against the boastful Blake. They figure Bobby Jon, Brandon and Danni are fairly tight, so Blake seems the obvious one to go.
Gary sidles up to Bobby Jon and says he just wants to see someone that really deserves the win to make it through. Bobby Jon agrees, and says he’ll probably vote for Brian. He has told Blake he wouldn’t vote for him, and he doesn’t want to go back on his word. Privately he says that he respects Gary because he’s smart and knows a lot about team unity (and you still think you haven’t been outed, Gary?), but he can’t vote against Blake right now.
Gary and Amy try double-teaming Danni, who agrees with them. She scampers off to Brandon, who nixes the plan immediately. He’ll vote for Amy or Brian. Danni likes Blake, but he seals his fate with one to many frat boy stories. Was it the one about how he lost his virginity? Buh-bye, Blake.
Tribal Council
It’s evening time, and the Yaxha gather for the tribal council. Jeff wears his deceptive we’re all friends here attitude, and settles in to quiz the tribal members. He asks Gary how bad the storm was last night. Not bad enough to keep two of the tribe from sleeping right through it, apparently. Brian speaks up quickly and says he took the night shift. Blake says he just figured the rest of the tribe wanted to stand around the fire. Amy trills out Golden Bo-o-y as Brian rolls his eyes. Blake acknowledges his nickname with a laugh. Jeff reminds Blake that he was gasping for air during the first few days. Blake says he’s gotten his second wind and is ready to ride it out until the end.
Jeff asks Brandon about the social aspect of the game. Brandon replies that he’s starting to know his team members, and to like some more than others.
Jeff turns to Gary again. He asks how Gary felt about the tribal scramble earlier in the week. Gary opines that the first few moments were scary as Brian nods his head. It was like trying to get to know everybody all over again.
Jeff asks Amy if she feels that they are one tribe, or two groups of people living together. Amy says that Nakum is her tribe now. She thinks she may be at a disadvantage, but she does the best she can. Blake agrees that they are one tribe, but says he did form bonds with Danni and Brandon and Bobby Jon before the mix-up, and that may continue to influence him. Danni and Bobby Jon look guilty, while Brandon just looks uncomfortable.
Brian says it’s too bad if the new tribal members want to pick off the old members before getting to know them. “We’re good people” he says. Bobby Jon says tribal council is always hard for him.
The Vote
Bobby Jon goes first; his vote is hidden.
Brian goes next, showing his vote for Blake. “You may be the Golden boy, but I’m platinum” he says.
Brandon votes for Brian – no surprise there.
Amy’s vote is hidden, but there’s little doubt she voted for Blake.
Gary votes for Blake.
Blake votes for Brian: “Of the three people left on the old Yaxha tribe, I think you’re the weakest.”
Danni’s vote is also hidden.
Jeff tallies the votes:
First vote: Blake
Second vote: Brian
Third vote: Brian
Fourth vote: Blake
Fifth vote: Blake
Sixth vote: Blake
Blake is the fifth person to be voted out of Survivor: Guatemala. His family moment consists of mom, dad and younger brother at home. Mom can’t wait to see Blake and feed him a pork sandwich. Greasy? Served in a dirty ashtray? Mmmm, my favorite. Blake says he was blindsided. He didn’t see his exile coming at all. Even Blake’s bathroom buddy Bobby Jon and teammate Danni voted against him, leaving only Brandon to catch his back.
Next time – Judd and Margaret continue to snipe, Amy is injured when a huge rock rolls over her, and Jamie and Bobby Jon imitate their primate neighbors by squaring off and beating their chests against each other. My money’s on Bobby Jon… we’ll see.
I want a Howler Monkey. Please, Please, Please, Please, Please. Dinahann@fansofrealitytv.com
