After C.C. Deville's ouster from The Surreal Lifein a cut-throat session of Go Fish! last week, it really does feel like much of the heart has gone out of this show. That's saying a lot. After all, this isn't exactly Extreme Makeover: Home Edition we're talking about here. The teams are now evened up, with four people on each team and while the B-Listers are basking in the glow of their variety show victory, the A-List is looking for revenge this week.
The morning after C.C. was sent packing, it’s clear that his absence is being felt. Rob gets up early and calls to C.C. to get up. At first I think Rob is just high or something, but then it becomes clear that he’s just missing C.C.. Rob then picks up his guitar and sings, or rather yells, a tribute to C.C.
Since everyone in the house pretty much thinks Rob is a sore loser after his performance the night before, he seems to have worked out a lame excuse to lay on his house mates. Manny’s the first person who gets to hear all about how Rob didn’t mean anything when he called for the B-Listers to be disqualified – he was only trying to stir the pot. He wasn’t serious. Tell that to Verne. Manny explains that he and the rest of the B-Listers are still ticked off, so Rob heads off to put his foot even further into his mouth. Do they accept his apology? Yeah, probably not.
My eyes! My eyes!
This morning’s message alert from Robin Leach comes in as most of the celebs are sitting around honing their Go Fish! skills. I say “most” of the celebs because Verne is still snoozing. He’s not the only one who’s still in bed. Robin greets the celebs from the luxury of his boudoir. He’s resplendent in sex-ay pajamas atop luxurious sheets. It’s horrifying. Robin informs the group that they will all be having lunch with a star who he calls a “very important man.”
Verne who is still mad at Rob, refuses to get out of bed. Because none of the team can go if Verne doesn’t go, he sucks it up and gets dressed. The A-List hops into the luxury limo/SUV, while the B-Listers crowd into the B-List Plumbing van. Their lunch destination today is Spago, which is now apparently a chain, much like the Olive Garden. The anticipation is practically killing everyone as they make their way to a private table. The curtain surrounding the dining area is pulled back to reveal (*drum roll*) ….Robin Leach. Woo. Hoo. I can only guess that the “very important man” bailed on this lame-o gig, thus forcing Robin to eat with these people.
What follows is the Ron Jeremy Show. Ron likes to talk about nothing more than himself and BOY can he talk. Robin – after chastising Ron for wiping his nose on his napkin (*snort*) - tries to start a discussion about fame, asking why anyone would seek fame. Ron launches into a marathon of name-droppery, which doesn’t stop even when Robin Leach
fleesexcuses himself to go.
Meanwhile, the B-Listers arrive at a hoffbrau where the host outfits them with gigantic hats. They all drink lots of beer and toast to the B-List. The band starts playing “The Chicken Dance” and everyone gets up to dance – even Verne. He admits that he doesn’t go out much, but it’s clear he’s having a great time.
Truth and, um, Truth
When everyone arrives back at the mansion, they find a note inviting them to a south of the border fiesta….on the back patio. Not like they were going to pay to send them to Cabo or anything, but really. The backyard? Outside, it’s clear the set designers have been hard at work turning the patio into a Mexican restaurant, complete with lots of cerveza, of course.
Just as the rubber chicken shots are starting to flow, out comes a basket containing roses and a note. Of course, this isn’t just a party, it’s an opportunity for manipulation (by the producers) and conflict. Around the stem of each rose is a question for each housemate. Everyone must take a rose and then ask the question attached to it. It’s like a do-it-yourself version of Dirty Laundry. Maybe Sally Jessie’s asking price went up. Let the lame justifications begin!
The first question is for Pepa: Who has been the leader of the A-List and to they deserve to remain the leader? Pepa immediately names Rob, who quickly disagrees, saying that he let everyone on the team have their say during the variety show challenge…didn’t he? “NO,” Pepa responds, he didn’t let anyone have any input. Rob is adamant that he is not the leader of the A-Listers, but we all know that’s b.s.
Traci asks Andrea the next question: Who of the housemates is the biggest thorn in your side? Without any hesitation, Andrea points the finger at Ron and his crude sex jokes. Ron, who has even less self-awareness than…..well, no one, is shocked. Manny says that Ron is constantly looking for approval from his cast mates and asks Ron if he thinks he’s gotten that approval. Ron admits that, after he went down in flames on stage last night that he probably isn’t getting any approval. Rob, who thought Ron’s jokes were pretty amusing before the variety show, orders Ron to lay off the jokes.
The next question is for Manny: Who is struggling to find their place on the B-List team. Manny, who is apparently looking into a career in politics, gives a lame non-answer about how everyone is trying to find their place.
Ron asks Rob the next question: Has your reaction to the B-List winning the last challenge changed your relationship with anyone in the house? Rob, who is vying with Ron for Least Self-Aware Human on the Planet responds with an emphatic “NO!” Verne speaks up, telling Rob that he’s been angry ever since Rob protested the B-Lister’s win. Verne’s had it with Rob and leaves the party. After that, no one feels much like partying and things break up pretty quicly.
”Ho” or “No?”
The next day, a message from Robin Leach tells the celebs that their next challenge will be at the ultimate Las Vegas hotspot, Ice. Everyone gets dressed up to go out. Ron seems to think a Hawaiian shirt is the height of formal wear. He must have like 8,000 of those things. Tonight’s team challenge will test the celebs’ skills at something very important for actual celebrities: distinguishing a prostitute from a hot girl at a bar.
The club is filled with fifty women, 19 of whom are prostitutes. According to Robin, prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas. However, it is legal about 55 miles outside the city. That’s just a little tip for you. The teams will have 30 minutes to scope out the field of ladies and choose 15 who they think are not prostitutes. The winning team will have the fewest number of hookers in their designated lounge area in the club.
Immediately, Rob flips out. Not that this is much different from his usual behavior, since he seems to lose it every hour on the hour. Rob is still upset that Pepa referred to him as the leader of the team and refuses to do anything. While he continues to freak out, Rob whines about how they’re going to lose this challenge. Ron, who has had lots of experience in this area, volunteers to do the choosing. I’m sure these ladies won’t think his jokes are any funnier than anyone else does.
While the A-List is trying to hold things together, Rob notes that the B-Listers look very cool and calm. Verne is working the crowd, inviting ladies into their. From the few conversations we actually get to see, we find that pretty much every girl is a waitress. Yeah, a waitress, that’s it. One girl claims to be an occupational therapist, which could just be a fancy term for hooker. You know: “I have sex with men who are stressed out about their jobs and then they pay me.” Ta-Dah! Occupational therapist!
As he watches the challenge from the sidelines, Rob is sure that Ron is the right guy for this challenge and Ron assures everyone that he can tell the liars from the non-liars. Traci, on the other hand wouldn’t know a ho from a hole in the wall (insert do-it-yourself joke here – I can’t come up with all of them, people). Manny seems the believe that, by dancing with the girls, he can tell which women get paid to have sex with men and which women just go home and have one night stands with men they meet at clubs. He’s sure that all the women are lying. Yes, because they were TOLD to lie! Traci takes a different tack, imploring the women in the B-List lounge to simply leave if they’re really prostitutes and some of them actually leave. They are so getting in trouble with the producers over that one. Over in the A-List lounge, Pepa sends out five of the girls that Ron chose, shouting after them, “Tramp! Tramp!”
Time is up and Robin Leach calls everyone together. The B-Listers look very confident. Uh-oh. The A-List, well Rob, is very agitated. Robin doesn’t help things by informing the A-Listers that hookers definitely made it into their lounge. Robin has all of the girls in the A-List lounge line up and then asks the ones who are prostitutes to raise their hands. Two girls raise their hands. Now it’s time for the B-List to see how good their lyin’ ho detection skills are. Apparently not as good as they thought: 4 girls raise their hands. With that, the A-List wins the challenge. Pepa pats herself on the back for her God-given ability to pick non-hookers. Rob, who did nothing to help his team win this challenge, celebrates his little tattooed heart out.
…and Starring Emmanuel Lewis as Iago
When the teams arrive back at the mansion, Verne decides to throw a pity party in the van and refuses to come out. He blames himself for the team’s loss, claiming that he picked all four of the women who turned out to be hookers. The others try to reassure him that it isn’t just his fault: they are a team and it’s everyone’s fault. This might be true, but Verne did give the okay to a woman who claimed she’d been a gymnast (not that all gymnasts become prostitutes or anything, I just thought it was, um, odd). Her answer to a question about whether she would ever become a prostitute: “Uh…..no.” Even I could have figured it out after that. Verne admits that it might be better for everyone if he left. Manny, who has begun to look at everyone as competition, tells Verne that if he wants to go home, he should.
In the B-List room of the mansion, the deliberations continue about which of them are going to play Back to Reality this week. Traci says she doesn’t want to volunteer because she isn’t ready to go home. Chyna Doll says she doesn’t mind playing and Verne volunteers as well. There’s a little Mexican standoff between Traci and Manny but he finally agrees to play the game.
Out on the patio, Rob and Manny talk about the competition. Manny tells Rob that Traci is terrified to leave, so he agreed to play this week. She’ll go up next week, Manny reveals. Rob says it’s a brave move on Manny’s part since he might be going home.
Later, Rob talks to Verne about Manny. He tells Verne that Manny is just playing him in an attempt to get further in the game. Rob then urges Verne not to throw the game. The A-Listers all talk about how Manny is manipulating Verne into throwing the game. They all really like Verne and don’t want him to leave. They all try to give Verne a pep talk so he’ll try to stay. The A-Lister all agree that Manny is a big threat because he’s so gung-ho about the competition. Andrea tells Verne about Manny coming into her bed at night. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about that part. Manny actually got into Andrea’s bed for some spooning action and you know what? She didn’t seem very upset about it. At all. Verne is shocked to learn that Manny might have been playing him. Verne thought they had a good connection and doesn’t want to believe that Manny would do wrong by him.
It’s time for the B-Listers to play Back to Reality. The team tells Robin that Verne, Chyna Doll and Manny will be playing tonight. Here comes Inga to introduce Robin Leach, who we just saw 10 seconds ago. This week he’s “The Man Who Makes the Neon Lights of Las Vegas Burn That Much Brighter”……because of his garish fashion sense? The name of the game tonight is The Real Bling. Faced with a pile of jewelry – both real and fake - the three contestants will have to pick the three pieces they think are the most expensive. The player with the cheapest jewelry will be going home. Forever. Immediately upon hearing the details of this week’s game, Traci begins kicking herself over not playing. Apparently, she has lots of fake jewelry, so she’d do well at this one.
One by one, Verne, Manny and Chyna Doll each survey the choices and pick their three pieces of jewelry. Rob laughs, saying that neither Manny nor Verne could throw this competition, even if they wanted to.
Chyna Doll is up first and although she did pick one fake, which Robin smashes with a hammer, her other two pieces are real and have a total value of $34,855. Manny goes next, followed by Verne and it’s no surprise that they both picked ALL fake jewelry. Chyna Doll is now safe and she sits down. In order to break the tie, Robin calls Inga forward to help. She must have gotten paid double for this episode since we’ve now seen her twice. Each of the guys must survey her rings – all of them real – and choose the one they think is the most expensive. She’s working those rings like Liberace, so it’s not like they only have three choices.
After Manny and Verne choice a ring, Robin gives them the results. Manny’s ring is worth $2,300, while Verne’s is worth $8,000. With that, Manny is out. Traci chooses this moment to have a fit of the guilts because she’s the only one who didn’t volunteer to play the game. Convenient timing now that she can’t do anything about it. Verne is clearly crushed. He tells Manny that the only reason he stuck around as long as he did was to get to know Manny better. Verne promises to win the show for Manny. I’m thinking he’s not going to be sharing the money.
Next week: The games is about who the celebs know, not what they know as they compete to see how many bonafide celebrities they can get to call them back. Andrea pitches a hissy fit (yay!) because she doesn’t know anyone famous and Rob threatens to show another side of himself…. in addition to the raging, nasty one?