The Surreal Life 10/2 Recap - The Professor, A Crack Whore and Sweaty Armpits

[speedbump]

Ahoy and Oy Vey! I’d say that about sums up this ship wreck. The weird thing is that this show has everything that makes me laugh: taught little tummies, lots of booze and mouth’s of a trucker. Yet oddly when I match said items listed to their counterpart, I find myself fantasizing of dry shaving my private parts and swimming in rubbing alcohol. Seeing as how leather and bullwhips aren’t my bag, I think my sub-consciousness is trying to tell me I should go to confession once this season ends. Never the less, this ride is almost coming to a complete stop so lets get our hands in the air for one last loopty-loop.

We last left the Dirty Laundry room watching Sally Jessie Raphael (SJR) dissecting each Lifer to determine whether they were being themselves on the show or not. The blazing speed in which she dissected each Lifer only meant that a) all the Lifer’s were being themselves except for b) Omarosa was going to get her own show. And tada! That’s where we are right now.

It’s only fitting that O gets her own first half of the show. As much as people want to box her waxed eyebrows off, she always wins. Case in point: everyone obsessing over her persona- real or fake.

Sally gives us some footage of O praising Janice and Pepa. O’s eyes light up and convincingly says how excited she was to be sharing a house with these two fabulous gals- much like your daddy used to say “Yes, Tommy…there really is a Santa!”

When we cut back to real time, O goes on to say that most of what we saw was her faking it. Apparently Omarosa is a “professor” of reality television, she says. This is her new career and her fans want to see her be naughty. You’ve come such a long way, baby. From White House whatever-her-title-was to Professor of Reality TV- look out America, she’s gonna make it after all.

Then SJR drops a real bombshell on us. Seems those wild and crazy producers kept a little bonus footage of O dissing the assistant producer and her fellow Lifer’s. When we see Omarosa tell the assistant that she doesn’t like her interviewing skills, Sally goes ballistic. Save your breath, Sally. You could see Omarosa’s head swelling just from the boo’s of the audience.

I would love to go into painstaking detail of the argument that arose between O and Janice but seeing as how your probably one of five people reading this, I’ll give you the synopsis:

Omarosa accuses Janice of being a crackhead. Janice calls Omarosa a “fake bitch.” O says that she is using drugs and that Sally could ask any of the other Lifer’s if it’s true or not. Sally goes down the line. Suddenly no one recalls seeing Janice hit the pipe. Jose came close by saying Janice acted awkward at times, but in reality, nobody was going to touch that topic with a ten foot toilet brush.

In the end, it’s Caprice who is the most upset at the events that had just transpired. Caprice really wanted O to be real. Yeah, and I really want a date with Caprice. Sorry honey. Some things in life aren’t fair.

Over cocktails and snacks, Omarosa tells Caprice that when she travels to Europe, they can chill and Caprice can see who the real Omarosa is. Why does this thought scare me so much? Why do I have this feeling that Omarosa pees standing up?

Finished with hearing broken promises (and the need for more airtime), Caprice runs off to another part of the mansion. This bodes well for Bronson- the ever faithful lapdog and house “creepy hugger”. Bronson chases after her and brings her a blankie and some more hugs. I’m sure Caprice loved the feeling of his sweaty pits wringing themselves on her thousand dollar Prada.

And we’re left with another cliff hanger. As Bronson leans in for a long sultry kiss, the camera fades away leaving us wondering how much Caprice is going to pay to have that segment burnt.

Feeling this show has lasted an eternity? Join me in therapy at: speedbump@fansofrealitytv.com

[Brandy]

Over cocktails and snacks, Omarosa tells Caprice that when she travels to Europe, they can chill and Caprice can see who the real Omarosa is. Why does this thought scare me so much?

For real. Caprice is 'too nice' to see who this really is, and doubtless made the invitation to the cast open-ended, prior to things getting really heated in the house...

Right about now, she's changing her address...

Couldn't help but wish they'd played the 'theme to Psycho' under Oma's threat er, promise to show up on "Cappy's" doorstep.

In related news, Bronson is still creepy!

Great recap!!!!!

[SnowflakeGirl]

I'm one of five people...who are laughing their asses off at your stellar comic talents!

Hilarious recap of a God-awful show. Bless your heart, Speedy, for seeing this season through.

It's a piece of poo, this show, yet you give it your all. This intro's a classic:

Ahoy and Oy Vey! I’d say that about sums up this ship wreck. The weird thing is that this show has everything that makes me laugh: taught little tummies, lots of booze and mouth’s of a trucker. Yet oddly when I match said items listed to their counterpart, I find myself fantasizing of dry shaving my private parts and swimming in rubbing alcohol. Seeing as how leather and bullwhips aren’t my bag, I think my sub-consciousness is trying to tell me I should go to confession once this season ends. Never the less, this ride is almost coming to a complete stop so lets get our hands in the air for one last loopty-loop.

[Laurie]

I'm two of five people who read your recap. Since I missed the show I was hoping you would have given more information on Omarossa's dirty laundry. I'm sure you just couldn't bring yourself to do it, but thanks for the recap.

Laurie

[Brandy]

Oh, it's what we'd all expect, Laurie: She says in the show that she was acting all along, that this is her 'profession' to be a 'reality show villain', then she downgraded all the castmates' professions like "Carey can always go back to doing backflips in the dirt, Pepa can sit back and collect royalty checks, Caprice can model in her underwear..." etc. But "This is my only profession" or something like that.

Then the show ran clips of Oma asking for her "line" when she was supposedly at the one on one camera. And clips of D'oh-ma telling the producer off camera that she (the producer) didn't know what she was doing and she wanted someone else, and that she was giving them half an hour to finish up this interview, etc., etc.

The crowd booed Duhmuh, and seemed to be with Janice, although the castmates did not defend Janice outright. They kept silent. Uma-Oma maintained that Janice is a crackhead, and Sally said did you see her do that? Oma: No. Sally: Did anyone see her? Oma: I don't know. Sally asked each cast member: Did you ever see Janice doing drugs? Everyone said no, although reluctantly (What's up w/that?).

After the show, Caprice ran off crying, Janice went to bed early and everyone seemed drained and a little sick. Except Oma who looked like 'this is just another day'.

Any questions?

[LG.]

great recap Speedy. Loved this part:

Apparently Omarosa is a “professor” of reality television, she says. This is her new career and her fans want to see her be naughty. You’ve come such a long way, baby. From White House whatever-her-title-was to Professor of Reality TV- look out America, she’s gonna make it after all.

If anyone is a professor of reality tv, it should be you, mi amigo, as you've earned it. Or at least the Skipper of Reality TV.

[GerardsMine]

Janice has got to go and shove O's ass right out the reality door with her! Love Caprice she's so damn pretty, Bronson, little scary.... Jose, me no likey. Pepa giirrrlll, love you! PEACE! Cary Hart grrrrrr.... Sexy beast you!