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Thread: Recap 06/07/04 - Jojo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling

  1. #11
    Mikey's biggest fan Wenders's Avatar
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    Thanks Wayner! The recap is definitely more entertaining than Brian McFayden.

    And yes, he has been saying, "What will they do when they find out it's a prank?" ALL SEASON LONG.

    Is anyone else annoyed that this show only has about 20 minutes of substance, and the rest is recaps or precaps?
    ugh. I don't get time to watch TV anymore, much less hang out at the FORT.

    But don't you worry, I'll be back in full force on or about November 3rd.

  2. #12
    I have a new love now JunkieGirl's Avatar
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    OMFG!! That was a most hilarious recap, Wayner. Thank you for the laughs, and it was a giggler all the way through. Hope to see you around to continue feeding your recap addiction!

    Sheldon Cooper: Woman, you're playing with forces beyond your ken

    Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

  3. #13
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    I've not seen the show, however your recap made me want to see it. I love the hilarity and sober passages! Thanks!

  4. #14
    eny
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    My ears are still bleeding . Great recap Wayner. I think I could have only managed a AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, and nothing else would have come to mind. Wonderful focus.

  5. #15
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    Wayner. Excellent job! We'll postpone that intervention.

    Some favorite bits:

    “I’m going to have dancers! I already feel like B.S.” No, wait, that’s from my notes.

    From all accounts, hearing Jojo sing is painful enough on its own; the added discomfort associating with passing a large, flying, plastic disk just seems redundant.

    Yes, a certain flare called “sex appeal.” Much like rocks give the Rocky Mountains a certain rockiness.

    The Ferrari dealer tells Rosa that since she doesn’t know how to drive a car with manual transmission, she can get the car in an automatic. Heretic! Why not just tell her she can put ketchup on her lobster and be done with it?


    When he came on stage, I could have sworn it wasn’t Jojo, but Corkey St. Clair from “Waiting For Guffman.” It was eerie.
    I didn't see the show, but now have a perfect visual.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  6. #16
    Life is good KatieKat's Avatar
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    With quotes like these making me laugh....

    B.M. introduces Mario to the audience. Wait, notes again. That was supposed to read “Brian McFeyden.”


    ... you are SO going to get me fired, Wayner! Thanks for the hysterical recap!

  7. #17
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    I did sneak in for a brief moment while I was in Florida to read your recap, Wayner. Not because I was worried that you'd forget or not do a good job, but because I was excited to read something of yours again. You wrote the very first recap I ever read at FORT and I've been a Wayneraholic ever since. You are a giant among recappers, my dear. Thank you for doing such a fantastic job.

    Some of my favorite parts from a recap that had me laughing to the end:

    Quote Originally Posted by Wayner
    Not liking cruel jokes and taking the time to watch “Superstar” is like going to Starbucks when you hate coffee. It’s like being a vegetarian and going to an all you can eat buffet called “Meat, Meat, Meat.”

    So, consider yourselves warned. I don’t want any emails telling me what an insensitive bastard I am; I know I’m an insensitive bastard; it’s part of my charm.


    But, um, I like him, too. He’s def. And stuff. Yo.

    Thankfully, I’m not one of Jojo’s friends. From all accounts, hearing Jojo sing is painful enough on its own; the added discomfort associating with passing a large, flying, plastic disk just seems redundant.

    That Mario; what a pro.

    Probably by J-Lo, but she doesn’t say.

    Heretic! Why not just tell her she can put ketchup on her lobster and be done with it?
    Thanks again, Wayner! I knew we could count on you for a hilarious recap.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  8. #18
    FORT Newbie Okpik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcorkles

    ETA: by the way, I am not 100 per cent positive, but I swear I saw Marcellas from Big Brother 3 in the audience when JoJo was performing...did anyone else see him?
    Oh yes! That is indeed Marcellas! There is no mistaking him.



    p.s. Digging the avatar, mrcorkles.

  9. #19
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    For the first time, I caught part of the show. The singer was a blond girl who kind of reminded me of the thin Anna Nicole. She was bad (I laughed!) but, from the commerical, it seems as if the guy with dark hair is 10 times worse.

  10. #20
    FORT Fan PIKATSSO's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Wayner]

    Vitamin C: “That was a mind-boggling performance. You are remarkably consistent from show to show.” That’s the truth.

    Wayner, Wayner, WAAAAAYYYYYYNER…..please, please, PLEASE…you are obviously a very intelligent person and remarkably clever and glib when it comes to writing…please PLEASE tell me that you are not taking one SECOND of this show seriously…

    It is such a totally obvious, highly scripted parody of AI (have you seen even one episode of AI????)…from dubbing Jo Jo’s dance the “Jo Jo” (a la “Bo Bo” for Fantasia’s original fancy foot and booty work) to the geek (Mario) turned “super” geek (a la Clay Aiken) to the redundancy of B.M.’s dramatic audience baiting (and yes, he has been antagonizing the viewing audience since Show #1 at least a dozen times per episode with his query as to how the contestants will react to the astounding news that “we lied to you when we said you were good…”)

    Lest you yourself be doing a parody of someone writing a recap of a reality tv show, pleeeeease tell me you know that Jamie is indeed as lily-white and wholesome as our Ms. Spears…as evidenced by her school-marm manner of dress and what I like to call her “stripper crawl” during her rendition of [I should be] All By Myself…and that after tripping over her own two feet throughout the entire choreography segment, it was apparent that Rosa would think herself to now be a “QUADRUPLE THREAT!”

    Don’t get me wrong…I am not saying that Jamie warbling into her aerosol mousse container during her private hotel-room rehearsals is inconceivable (Heck! I’ve done that myself on numerous occasions…), and sure, cheerleaders-turned-dancers abound in Hollywood (maybe even someone like Paula Abdul?), but Rosa referring to Bette Midler as “he” two times in a row would have to be one heck of a Freudian slip!!

    Now before Eny gets me banned for defending my honor and the rest of the FORT nails me to one of Paul Varghese’s Daddy’s crosses, please understand that I think you are arguably the best writer I have read on the FORT, and though I am a Newbie to posting, I read all of your recaps (and many of your posts) of LCS1 last year and was duly impressed and amused. And I owe you big time for turning me on to Brian Regan, whose humor sent my endorphins into overdrive.

    Admittedly I read each word of your SuperStar recap, eager for the moment you would call the WB’s bluff and expose the whole shenanigan to the FORT world (a moment which, sadly, never came), yet I still found your recount of the show to be devilishly clever and found myself laughing out loud at regular intervals. But the way I see it, if the show is “on the level” by any stretch of the imagination and any of the remaining contestants are “legit,” (in other words, if any of them is not in on the act), then we would quite cruelly be laughing, not at a motley assortment of ingenuous William Hungs (or even Dat Phans), but at some seriously delusional, verifiable nut cases. I, for one, simply do not think this the case.

    P.S. Jamie's "Here we go's" were priceless!

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