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Thread: Ray Rice

  1. #31
    FORT Fogey Photobabe's Avatar
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    Re: Ray Rice

    Quote Originally Posted by AcookerTV View Post
    I heard a woman on CBS news who really nailed this concern. She said she does not like when women who stay with an abuser are criticized, because among other reasons in questions a woman's intelligence, strength, and other qualities that are exploited by the abuser to get her to stay. Instead, she suggested more focus should be put on questioning why on earth the man stays with someone who makes him so mad he's led to violence.
    I have to comment on the bolded. Men who abuse their domestic partner will often abuse any domestic partner. It's not that one particular woman makes him uncontrollably angry. It's that he needs to control his partner and the only way he knows how to do this is through abuse. Most men who abuse their partner were either abused themselves or witnessed abuse of their mother by their father. The flip side to this is that many of the women who stay with abusers came from a background of abuse either having been abused themselves or witnessing abuse in the home where they grew up. Please note that I have used qualifying words like "most" and "usually" Not all abusers come from abusive homes. Not all victims of domestic abuse were abused or witness abuse as children. But, a very large percentage did.

    Ray Rice and the NFL Players Assn. are planning on appealing the Ray Rice ban.
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  2. #32
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    Re: Ray Rice

    The woman in the interview (who works with survivors of abuse as a profession) I referred to understands all that you pointed out, and I think that was part of her point. There is an absurdity in almost attacking women for staying with an abusive man, for the reasons she laid out. It's ignoring the problem -- somewhat like saying "Well just don't get mad and hit" is oversimplifying and therefore ignoring the problem in abusers.
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  3. #33
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    Re: Ray Rice

    Quote Originally Posted by ClosetRTWatcher View Post
    Having seen the video, I honestly wonder how likely it is that he has never done anything like this in the past? Could it be a case of him "not knowing his own strength" and really not getting what the result would be when he lost his temper and lashed out? I guess it's just hard for me to take that a person would go from "great guy with a stellar background" to "guy who knocks a girl out cold and then drags her out of an elevator"...

    I think the thing that really struck me is that he didn't appear to have a reaction in the video. If he didn't intend to hurt her, then wouldn't you expect him to AT LEAST kneel down to make sure she was still breathing!?
    That is the part that really gets me.... its bad enough that he hit her, but to treat her like a sack of trash tells me just what he feels about her and women in general.
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  4. #34
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    Re: Ray Rice

    Quote Originally Posted by libgirl2 View Post
    That is the part that really gets me.... its bad enough that he hit her, but to treat her like a sack of trash tells me just what he feels about her and women in general.
    When I watched the video I was like wow he just treated her like a total nothing. No regret, no care given to her just chucking her around like a dead body he wanted to get rid of!
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  5. #35
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    Re: Ray Rice

    Quote Originally Posted by MsDiva2007 View Post
    When I watched the video I was like wow he just treated her like a total nothing. No regret, no care given to her just chucking her around like a dead body he wanted to get rid of!
    she is his possession to with what he wants. She isn't a person but an object.
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  6. #36
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    Re: Ray Rice

    Quote Originally Posted by libgirl2 View Post
    she is his possession to with what he wants. She isn't a person but an object.
    In his mind what he did wasn't wrong, it was provoked & deserved. SHE was the wrong one, after all she made him do it by not being perfect or obedient or subservient enough. How dare she?
    He felt that he was teaching her a lesson in how to behave & that if "taught" enough, she might "improve" herself & be more what he wants her to be. He was just trying to "fix" her.

    I've been down that road. The jerk actually had me believing that if I didn't MAKE him mad, then everything would be fine. After all, when he wasn't being a jerk, he was a good guy. He was a good guy with his friends. He was a good guy with his relatives.

    The problem for him was that he never completely broke me or convinced me. I knew better.
    I didn't grow up in an abusive family or upbringing. I grew up in a Norman Rockwell postcard. In a 1960's sitcom, where everyone loves & respects, each other, doesn't smoke, drink to excess, or use foul language. And any problems are minor & work themselves out happily by the end of the episode. I thought every family was just like this too, except of course Mafia, gun molls, etc. If my friends' families weren't just like mine, then they did a fine job of covering up, because I never saw anything else.
    Imagine the shock of finding out all husbands don't respect & treat their wives like my Dad did my Mom, & vice versa.

    I kept thinking that my husband would see what he was doing & realize it was wrong, feel genuinely sorry & change. WRONG!
    These guys don't change. They just learn to do it more discretely so as not to get seen or caught. That way if the wife says anything she's "lying".
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  7. #37
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    Re: Ray Rice

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Scarlet View Post
    In his mind what he did wasn't wrong, it was provoked & deserved. SHE was the wrong one, after all she made him do it by not being perfect or obedient or subservient enough. How dare she?
    He felt that he was teaching her a lesson in how to behave & that if "taught" enough, she might "improve" herself & be more what he wants her to be. He was just trying to "fix" her.

    I've been down that road. The jerk actually had me believing that if I didn't MAKE him mad, then everything would be fine. After all, when he wasn't being a jerk, he was a good guy. He was a good guy with his friends. He was a good guy with his relatives.

    The problem for him was that he never completely broke me or convinced me. I knew better.
    I didn't grow up in an abusive family or upbringing. I grew up in a Norman Rockwell postcard. In a 1960's sitcom, where everyone loves & respects, each other, doesn't smoke, drink to excess, or use foul language. And any problems are minor & work themselves out happily by the end of the episode. I thought every family was just like this too, except of course Mafia, gun molls, etc. If my friends' families weren't just like mine, then they did a fine job of covering up, because I never saw anything else.
    Imagine the shock of finding out all husbands don't respect & treat their wives like my Dad did my Mom, & vice versa.

    I kept thinking that my husband would see what he was doing & realize it was wrong, feel genuinely sorry & change. WRONG!
    These guys don't change. They just learn to do it more discretely so as not to get seen or caught. That way if the wife says anything she's "lying".
    True, I have heard the "she made me do it" argument. I have been blessed that even my jerky first husband was not abusive to me, just immature and that my now husband is so good to me. My cousin however was in an abusive marriage, he beat her in the hospital after she gave birth. She left him and thank the Lord, he passed on shortly after that for the sake of his kids. Their two sons are doing well. One is a minister and the other is the first Dominican professional skate boarder in the world. Both are gentle people who treat their mother so well.
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  8. #38
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    Re: Ray Rice

    Quote Originally Posted by MsDiva2007 View Post
    When I watched the video I was like wow he just treated her like a total nothing. No regret, no care given to her just chucking her around like a dead body he wanted to get rid of!
    When I first saw it, I turned to my husband and said, that wasn't the first time he has done that. It was all way too casual.
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  9. #39
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    Re: Ray Rice

    This is an old thread, but the topic should always be in the forefront. I'm killing time before dinner is ready, reading old threads and had to comment on the Ray Rice knock out punch in the elevator.

    I haven't seen it in a while, BUT.. if you watch it closely..Ray swung at her (Ali style) and missed. That's why her hair went flying.. he THEN re-positions himself and delivers the KO of all KO's.
    He's done it before. There is no man or woman (who does not abuse) who reloads the fist to make sure it connects.

    I'm sure that whatever goes on between them now, they're making damn sure it stays in the home...'specially since his suspension has been revoked.
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