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Thread: Football - Southern Style

  1. #1
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Football - Southern Style

    I got this from a friend of mine and it had me .

    SOUTHERN FOOTBALL

    Another reason why the South is great! Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different from up North. For those who are planning a football trip in the South, here are some helpful hints:

    Women's Accessories:

    NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

    SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

    Attendence:

    NORTH: College football 20,000 people.

    SOUTH: High school football 20,000 people.

    Campus Decor:

    NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

    SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

    Homecoming Queen:

    NORTH: Also a physics major.

    SOUTH: Also Miss America.

    Heroes:

    NORTH: Rudy Guliani

    SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning

    Getting Tickets:

    NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.

    SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.

    Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

    NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.

    SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

    Parking:

    NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

    SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

    Game Day:

    NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

    SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

    Tailgating:

    NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

    SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

    Getting to the Stadium:

    NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

    SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

    Concessions:

    NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

    SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

    When National Anthem is Played:

    NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.

    SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

    The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

    NORTH: Nothing changes.

    SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

    Commentary (Male):

    NORTH: "Nice play."

    SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

    Commentary (Female):

    NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

    SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

    Announcers:

    NORTH: Neutral and paid.

    SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

    After the Game:

    NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

    SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.

  2. #2
    Im just not that into you AmandaFabulous's Avatar
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    I've seen that before and it's totally true.
    Especially about the RV's - they're all over the place by Wednesday for a Saturday game.
    Look, I love me most...If I could run across the beach into my own arms, I would.

  3. #3
    Staying Afloat speedbump's Avatar
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    North Football:

    tailgating at Penn State

    cool autumn football

    ripping down the goalposts when PITT beats Miami (FL)

    packed house in Michigan



    South Football:

    Miami, Florida St., Tennessee, Georgia, LSU, Alabama



    Just kidding southern football fans. *except for the part about Miami*

    ETA: I did go to a Crimson Tide game and yeah, they were fanatical!
    Last edited by speedbump; 09-27-2004 at 04:29 PM.
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

  4. #4
    C'mon Without Cmon Within QuinntheEskimo's Avatar
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    Roll Tide Roll... Alabama grad here... uh wait we lost this weekend- another year or two for us to recover from sanctions... then the NCAA (Nuckleheads Conspiring Against Alabama) can find another reason to put the good ole boy down!

    and they still ahvent stopped whining down here in Florida about the refs screwing the gators in the tennessee game... as a football official- that was really horrible- but oh well i hate the gators- karma... hear that Alachua County Police- what comes around goes around!!
    did i say that aloud as well?

  5. #5
    FORT Fanatic leeinsmyrna's Avatar
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    Dayum UNK...you got us southerners pegged! "you sumbitch..tackle him and break his legs!" says this southern belle! "Throw another slab of ribs on the smoker!"
    kitty-cats rule!

  6. #6
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by leeinsmyrna
    Dayum UNK...you got us southerners pegged!
    I was born and raised in Tennessee you know.

  7. #7
    FORT Fogey
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    I love it UNK! "Dammit, you slow sumbitch...."

    PS--Go Gators!

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