Edit Analysis 2.0

[Shelby101]

Absolutely not saying that! You have to consider both the "adults" in the picture. Both must be very mature and neither can be selfish or self centered or the children will suffer. JMO based on years and years and years of life experience. I thank God that there are man and women out there IRL that are willing to take on the giant responsibility of loving and raising someone else's children! I think that a child who has never known their father or mother through death would be easier to have a "step" come into their lives and be the father or mother they have never had than even a child of divorce, whether they still are part of the natural mother or fathers lives or not. But experience tells me that it is very difficult to find a genuine person to step into that roll! From what the edit has shown Emily does seem to be an exceptional mother, but who knows IRL. Brad, as shown in the edit, seems to be very good with his nieces etc. and it appeared he was very good with Ricki. Once again we do not know these people IRL and can only base our opinions on our own experiences and what TPTB are showing us on the TV screen.

exactly.

It is easy even in real life to look different that what a person is really in reality behind the doors of their house. The people we meet at work are most of the time very different at home. How different the people we see on our screen tv can be in real life.

YOu give an ordinary person the oportunity to become a rich person, coach this person all day long what to say or not say and the public will be convinced that this person is a rich celebrity.

Welcome to hollywood!

[grneyedgirl]

[But are you saying that people with children should never marry or date again because the kids shouldn't have to make the adjustments necessary for that to happen? Are you saying that single people without kids should only date other single people without kids?

[edit]. Just saying it should take a long and slow path to engagement and many months of getting to know each other and the whole "family" dynamic before any kind of permanent or semi permanent arrangement is made and if the rumors and spoilers and blogs and media and BF comments are true Brad is in love and presumably engaged and I think if there is a woman and child - that is too fast! JMO

Ahhh...I see!! I think that adding a child to the mix definitely adds another layer of complexity. If they get engaged at the FRC I, too, hope that they take their time in getting to know each other, discover true daily life, etc.

FWIW, I think that it is too fast for anyone to get engaged at the end of this show--child or not.

[JordieGirl]

I can so relate to everything you have said. My story is so very similiar to yours. Two granddaughters. Their dad is in prison. Their mom, my daughter is now 38. The girls, 18 and 16 have lived with us for the past 4 years because they hated their moms life style and boyfriends or step dads that have come and gone. We, their grandfather and I, have been their only stable home and family. Do not get me wrong, the girls love their mom and make excuses for her when they are not hurt or angry with her. She is in their lives and very much a part of theirs - but only on her terms - when she is not selfishly doing something for herself. I love her but I do not understand how we went so wrong or what is wrong with her that she has not and cannot put her children first.

I hope Brad does and has chosen Chantal because they can start a life fresh with no children involved and if they choose then they can have children of their own. I know kids do adjust - but they should not have to!

Your granddaughters are so very fortunate to have you and your husband in their lives. Based on what we have learned, Ricki is similarly fortunate to have two sets of loving grandparents in her life. I must say though that this is where the similarities in the two situations end.

Emily has not had a string of men in and out of her life. In fact, Emily stated that she has not allowed any one she dated to meet Ricki. Her father was tragically killed in an plane crash before her birth, not sitting in prison. Emily has not made selfish decisions to the detriment of her child as regrettably your daughter has done. Children do suffer for the mistakes their parents make and it is awful that your granddaughters have paid the price for their mother's decisions.

Children can and do adjust to changes in their lives. Whether it is a positive or negative change, it prepares them to adapt to the multitude of changes they will experience throughout their lives. I can't imagine that anyone would think that Ricki shouldn't have the love of a step-father in her life because she would have to adjust. When Emily makes the decision to marry, I am sure she will do so at a pace that Ricki is comfortable with.

[Alexxxx]

If Emily accepts a marriage proposal at the end of 10 weeks or so of meeting someone, then I don't see Emily as couragious and strong but rather as desperate. She says she likes to take things slow, she says she has been rejected by "billions" of guys (her words), she says her daughter would have to approve of Brad for her to seek a relationship with him (how she can assume that in a few hours is beyond me), yet she accepts a marriage proposal and is most likely ready to uproot her daughter to another state (Brad says whomever he chooses has to do the moving), leaving behind the only family that child knows.

I have a daughter much like Emily. My daughter is beautiful, kind, compassionate, funny, a professional, and very sociable. People who meet her seem to see all the above very soon after meeting her. She is in her late 20s and has never been married. She has two children who are the light of her life, and she would never think of them as baggage (neither would I), but that is what she thinks that most of the men she meets see, that she has too much "baggage." She too does not like being alone at night, so she settles. Not as quickly as Emily would be doing if she was accepting a proposal now, but to my way of thinking, she still settles much too quickly. They move in together and the children become vested in those relationships. These relationships usually break up, as neither party has taken the time to know the other person and what is involved in bringing up someone else's children. The children are deeply affected with the breakups, mostly never for the good. They miss the people and often the pets that they have become so attached to and have to leave behind. My grandchildren try to keep an upbeat attitude for their mom because they love her so much, but there is a sadness in their eyes, their smiles have dulled, and their attitude often becomes an "I don't care attidude" for quite a while after the end of the relationship. My daughter wants to believe that they are not greatly affected (because to think otherwise would mean she has to admit that she is thinking more of herself than her children), but deep down she sees the I don't care attitude as well as I do. I love my daughter unconditionally and although I don't always support her decisions, I am always there for her soft place to fall. My grandchildren mean the world to me, so of course they know they can always tell me anything and it will go no further, which they often do and it makes me realize how deeply they are affected and hurt by these relationships. PLEASE PUT YOUR CHILDREN FIRST IN EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE THAT WILL AFFECT THEM ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. YOU CHOSE TO HAVE CHILDREN, HONOR THEM, THE TIME TO BE SELFISH WILL COME WHEN YOUR CHILDREN ARE GROWN. IMO, Emily has so much more thinking to do before she leaves for Texas.

Chantal to me is the strong and courageous one. What you see is what you get with her. I think finding out that her biological father had died before she had a chance to reconnect with him, made her who she is today. She is not afraid to tell people she loves them, no matter what comes back at her. We saw that with Brad (not knowing if her feelings were reciprocated but still willing to put herself out there just in case there was no tomorrow), and we certainly see that with her family, seeming to never miss an opportunity to tell them she loves them. It takes courage to put your emotions out there not knowing how they will be received, but for her there is no alternative, she will not wait until it is too late ever again.

I saw Brad disconnect with Chantal on her HTD. The body language was so different. I wanted to believe it was the edit, but in reality I knew he was not as connected as we had previously seen. At this point, I think this is a win/win situation for Chantal, she knows she can fall in love again and she escaped a relationship that really had nowhere to go (Brad has still not come to terms with his relationship with Laurel). Brad is, IMO, superficial. For him to even entertain the idea of falling in love with a 24-year-old girl (14 years younger than he is) with a child, having her uproot her life, knowing that she is struggling to overcome losing the only real love she knew, says that he is shallow. Neither Emily nor Brad are thinking about the child, it is all about their hormones.

If a move is made to Texas by Emily, I feel certain that little Ricki will most probably be back with her grandparents soon enough, as there is very little chance that this relationship will work out. When there is not much thought given to the commitment of a relationship, there is not much thought given to breaking the committment. Easy come, easy go for the adults, the children are caught in the middle.

Just had to vent on behalf of all the grandchildren in this world.

Oh, inhopes, I this post! Once children enter the picture, their needs come first. I don't have grandchildren, but as a child of the 70's, the attitude that children are resilient, you (the adults) have to be happy first was rampant. They raised a generation of pretty messed up adults, and therapy is a booming business.

I want Brad to be happy with whomever he chose, but if Emily is F1, the fact is that he chose the very most difficult path, with the least probability of success.

[JordieGirl]

To return to the subject of this thread, the edit of Emily shows her to be a great mom first and foremost. We've seen the loving relationship she has with her "mini-me" and have been reminded throughout this show that Ricki comes first. TPTB have left in several references to Emily being Mother Teresa, have not shown her involved in the house drama and have shown her moving slowly & cautiously ahead in her relationship with Brad. Many have complained that they don't see any sparks flying in her physical relationship with Brad.

If the intention is to create a favorable Bachelorette-to-be character, Emily would not be edited this way. If the intention is to show the wife/mother of his children that Brad says he wants, this is the perfect edit of Emily.

[IDLEMESS]

To return to the subject of this thread, the edit of Emily shows her to be a great mom first and foremost. We've seen the loving relationship she has with her "mini-me" and have been reminded throughout this show that Ricki comes first. TPTB have left in several references to Emily being Mother Teresa, have not shown her involved in the house drama and have shown her moving slowly & cautiously ahead in her relationship with Brad. Many have complained that they don't see any sparks flying in her physical relationship with Brad.

If the intention is to create a favorable Bachelorette-to-be character, Emily would not be edited this way. If the intention is to show the wife/mother of his children that Brad says he wants, this is the perfect edit of Emily.

I totally agree. Makes sense.

[Bronwyn]

Sorry but I disagree. Bevins was the alpha of physical edits. Andy did not let up on the physical with Beven till just prior to the FRC. And yes including telling her he loved her . Ugh !

Brad has already started shutting down with Chantal, he is not the same with her as he was earlier.
Plus, most (not all) of their physical interactions are initiated by Chantal and she is the one (again mostly) that is clinging to Brad not the other way around. Again mostly not all. He does have some .
But with Andy, they were both making the moves it was not 1 sided and it was not edited (with voice overs etc.).
I know I'm in the minority on this board but I just could not stand Andy (found him smarmy and icky) but his treatment of Bevin was way behond any lead has treaded their F2/F3. Sorry but ick.

I don't recall Andy ever letting up on the physical with Bevin. Even at the ATFR, he was still rubbing all over her. It was weird, to say the least.

[nd4reality]

I don't recall Andy ever letting up on the physical with Bevin. Even at the ATFR, he was still rubbing all over her. It was weird, to say the least.

Ok I stand corrected . That makes him even more creepy to me.

[jesme]

To return to the subject of this thread, the edit of Emily shows her to be a great mom first and foremost. We've seen the loving relationship she has with her "mini-me" and have been reminded throughout this show that Ricki comes first. TPTB have left in several references to Emily being Mother Teresa, have not shown her involved in the house drama and have shown her moving slowly & cautiously ahead in her relationship with Brad. Many have complained that they don't see any sparks flying in her physical relationship with Brad.

If the intention is to create a favorable Bachelorette-to-be character, Emily would not be edited this way. If the intention is to show the wife/mother of his children that Brad says he wants, this is the perfect edit of Emily.

I was thinking the exact same thing the other day. Em IMO has been edited to be everything that Brad has said he wanted all along. Again, JMO

[inhopes]

First off, your grandchildren are so very, very lucky to have you and your husband in their lives.

But are you saying that people with children should never marry or date again because the kids shouldn't have to make the adjustments necessary for that to happen? Are you saying that single people without kids should only date other single people without kids?

I am absolutely not saying that people with children should never marry or date again. I encourage my daughter to find the love of her life, and someone who will treat her and my grandchildren like "gold." I certainly would not want her without a partner until her children go off to college, but I DO WANT HER TO MAKE HER CHILDREN THE UTMOST PRIORITY IN SELECTING AND FORMING THAT RELATIONSHIP. That is not done in a few months. If the love is there, the relationship will survive living apart until EVERYONE is comfortable in moving forward. The adults really should have a watch and wait attitude and see how the action/reaction is between the children and the new mother/father figure in their lives. The adult who has the children should really know his/her partner's views on discipline, his/her concept on religion, how he/she resolves disagreements, how he/she reacts when the patience has worn thin, etc. and that takes time. Living apart and forming a bond that will withstand the test of time can only strenghten a relationship in all its aspects. If the love is real, the relationship will survive.

My children and my grandchildren have lost a lot of their sparkle because of relationships that have not worked out in their lives. My children are adopted so they have had to let go of people in their lives as well. My daughter was 3 when we adopted her, and you might think that a 3-year-old child is resilient enough that she can forget her past and move on as if she was never a part of that past, but that is not so. Every negative influence in a child's life changes who he/she is and every positive influence will only add to his/her emotional stability and self esteem. With that being said, isn't it worth taking the time to ensure that we bring quality relationships into our children's lives. It was certainly hard for my daughter to trust that our relationship was real and she would not be moving again. My son was an infant, so it didn't affect him like it did my daughter. I believe that is why she is so eager to cling to any relationship now, she still doesn't trust that it will be there forever and believes that she has to keep it in her sight to make it stay. This is not the example that my husband and I portrayed in her life from the age of 3 on, but that is what she was taught as a very young child, and that was a strong message that stayed with her. She never takes the time to build that strong foundation in her relationships and figuring out what she and her children really need and want, so the walls so often crumble.

Like Dr. Phil says, it takes a thousand "atta girl/boy" to reverse one bad judgement call. IMO, being careless about making such monumentous decisions as becoming engaged or moving in with someone you barely know when children are involved is just too big a risk to take in regards to your child's physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.

Brad and Emily are still young and have plenty of time and energy to let a real relationship develop before making any changes in little Ricki's life that could change who she was meant to be. Apparently Emily has had numerous relationships in the real world that, given time, have not worked out, so why not put this one through the test of time before uprooting her daughter.

Again, I don't mean to be "preaching" here, I am just a strong advocate for children. So often we think that because children are very young they don't "hurt" as much when things don't work out for their parents. I think that not only do they hurt as much, the hurt is deeper, and they have no outlet to get rid of the pain. I firmly believe that NO CHILD should be subjected to a reality show and its outcomes until he/she is of age and can decide this for themselves. Adults should be free to do whatever they choose to do, as long as they don't bring their children into it.