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Now that the D-list “Stars” are done with their version of dancing, it’s time to get down to business and watch some real dancing: season four of So You Think You Can Dance! Woo! But of course, fans of the show know we must first suffer through a few nights of auditions before we get to the good stuff. Mia, crazy Mary, and Nigel are back as our audition judges this night along with perennial host Cat Deeley, and the first stop is Los Angeles. You know the routine by now: each person gets only one minute to impress the judges (or not). If the judges are pleased, they give out a ticket straight to Vegas. If they’re not sure, the contestant gets another chance to show their stuff in a choreography round. Now, if you go up there and make an idiot of yourself in front of the judges, well...it’s usually not pretty. And tonight, we’ll have plenty of that.
Stupid is as stupid does
Starting us off tonight is Devin Oshiro. The music starts up, and she....stands there. With her back to the judges. Doing nothing. Nigel snarkily says he’d like to see a little more dancing. Seems that they cued the wrong music for Devin, but once they get the right track going, she performs a decent contemporary routine that the judges loved. Nigel says it was spectacular, Mia says it was “stupid”. Stupid being a good thing in Mia-speak. Whatever happened to “sick”? Meh. I must be behind in my slang.
Up next is Jonathan Anzalone, a young man who thinks quite highly of himself, flirting it up with Cat and taking his clothes off in front of the camera. Our little Casanova claims to have been a professional dancer in Italy. Let me translate for you: professional dancer in Italian = stripper in English. Yeah, he’s cute, but the Italian Stallion shtick gets a little old. He’s got the attitude, but he’s got no moves, unless you want to count his Chippendale’s-reject pelvic thrusts as dance moves. Nigel is unimpressed, asking Mia how successful Jonathan would be in America. “Not very sex-ful,” she Freudian slips. This sends Mary into fits of shrieking laughter as Mia crawls under the table in embarrassment. Somehow, the judges see fit to send him to the choreography round.
Oh, Lord. Sex is back, and it’s anything but sexy. Yes, the delusional dude with the talent of a fencepost is back, with mommy in tow. This makes the third year in a row he’s polluted television screens across the country with his nonsense (including tryouts on American Idol and Make me a Supermodel). Same greasy hair, same scraggly beard, same utter lack oftalent. It’s not even fun to laugh at him any more, it’s just...pathetic. In fact, I refuse to call him Sex. His name is David Soller, and his mother needs a kick in the ass for encouraging him to do this. He gives his usual craptastic performance, saying that he has had “many many years” of training. Nigel trashes him and claims that he just enjoys watching himself on television. Here’s an idea to make it stop, Nigel: don’t show his idiocy on tv anymore!
Next: Laura Garcia, who has a degenerative eye condition called retinitis pigmentosa which has left her visually impaired. Laura gives a decent, if unrefined, contemporary performance. Nigel tells her it’s hard to critique her, but says her technique isn’t good enough. Mary echoes him. Mia bursts into tears, calling her inspirational. Laura doesn’t make it any further.
Another repeat auditioner is Twitch, aka Stephen Boss. He was beat out in Vegas by Hok last year. Twitch says he’s been trying to get more serious, leaving the jokey stuff out. Nigel tells him if he doesn’t make it through Vegas this year, he’s going to kick his ass. Nigel’s a feisty one this season, isn’t he? Anyhow, the judges enjoy his popping routine. Nigel calls him magic, and Mia gives him her official “stankface.” This is also a good thing, just like being called “stupid.” So, if you can make Mia look like she’s about to vomit, you’re good to go. Yep. Twitch gets his ticket to Vegas, and I hope he’s not a one trick pony and can show some diversity later on.
Back to the talentless with Hamilton Moreno, a chubby young man who flounders about the stage like he’s shaking bugs off himself. The judges question his stance that he doesn’t want to lose weight because being overweight is his “niche.” They tell the out of breath, wheezing guy to get healthy and lose the “nonsense,” as Mia puts it. His audition turns into a public health announcement on weight loss, and he is sent home.
*sigh* I’m starting to lose hope that we’ll see more than one or two amazing auditions in Los Angeles this time. Up next is Russian soon-to-be-divorcée Irina Korenkov-Eller, a nice enough lady with questionable dancing ability. After flashing the judges with an ill-advised leg kick in her red satin dress and knee-high black boots, they send her on her way without a ticket to Vegas.
Phillip Chbeeb is another repeat performer, having been cut in Vegas last season. He gives the clapping judges an awesome popping routine - his arms must be made of rubber - but Nigel asks what he’s done to improve himself since last time. Phillip says he took their advice to move his legs and feet more. Mia calls him one of the best of his genre, and hopes that he can do other styles just as well. Three thumbs up, and he’s sent to the choreography round.
Gypsy guy/world-traveler William Wingfield is next, performing a contemporary-style routine to a spoken word track. It was...different. But good. Not quite enough dance moves for Nigel, who says there was too much “clever stuff.” Mia and Mary echo his sentiments, and send him to choreography to give him a chance to show them something of substance.
Sex must have a brother in the form of one Rijiy Ames, who felt the need to strip down to his tighty whities to dance for the judges. He leaps about the stage in his drawers with a look of pain on his face, bringing giggles from Mary and Mia. And me. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you if he was any good or not, the wedgie he had was too distracting. Nigel tells him the same thing, and underwear boy is sent home.
Too sexy for this dance
Day two, and the choreography round. Taught by cutie Travis from season two, one of my favorites to come from this show. Yay! It doesn’t take long before Italian stripper boy is sent home, the judges taking quick notice of how he ignored his partner. “Replace some of that arrogance with talent,” snips Nigel. “I’m too beautiful for this competition,” claims Jonathan. Oh, brother. I hope his big head will make it through the exit door. Phillip, William, and sixteen others that we didn’t get to see make it Vegas. On to the second round of auditions!
Scratchy-voiced Erika Gee is back for her third audition, trying to tie Sex for a record, perhaps. Except that she actually has some talent.The judges are glad that she wasn’t as “scattered” as she was last year, sending her straight to Vegas.
Finally, some ballroom dancers show up in the form of real-life couple Leonidas Proskurov and Aliona Vetrenko. They smoke up the stage with their routine, earning a trademark “woooo!” from Mary and a pass for both of them straight to Vegas. I do believe they made Nigel blush with one move, but it’s hard to tell under all that tanner. There were a couple of unbelievably bad street dancers who auditioned after these two, but I’ll spare you the details. It’s not worth the bandwidth.
One who is worth talking abut is Victor Kim, a B-boy who impressed the judges with his moves and sense of humor. They send him to choreography. Not so lucky is some doofy white guy with a mask on who calls himself Gold Inferno, performing (and I use that term loosely) something he calls “jumpstyle.” He jumps around in circles as the judges cackle and mimic him, and is thankfully sent home, complete with sad music as he walks off the stage.
Another ballroom couple, Ricky Sun and Asuka Kondoh, perform. Asuka is sick, but manages to suck it up and give a super performance. The judges think they have a great chemistry, great movement - and send them both to choreography, wanting to split them up to see how they do apart. Asuka feels even worse after performing, poor thing.
The requisite perky blonde girl for this evening is Kherington Payne, who gives the judges a not-too-shabby contemporary number. Nigel points out that her face just beams when she dances, commenting on the boys in the balcony who were enthralled with her cuteness and high energy. The judges say she has the “It factor,” sending her straight to Vegas.
What audition show would be complete without a montage of bitter losers, who claim everything from “the judges weren’t watching me” to “they’re racist against tall people.” Uh, yeah. Next!
They saved the best for last in Robert Muriane, a street performer/popper with über talent. Seriously, I rewound and watched him about five times (search his name on YouTube to see it). He was that good. The judges were wowed, with Nigel declaring Robert his favorite dancer of 2008 and saying that even if his talent doesn’t carry over in the choreography round, he hopes that Robert gets enough exposure to be in movies and videos. Mia and Mary were equally amazed, and he gets his Vegas ticket. Robert does a crazy slow motion routine to get his ticket from Nigel, and Nigel gamely plays along, handing it off in slo-mo and cracking up the audience. You won’t see Simon do anything like that!
Next week: auditions in Salt Lake City and Dallas. See you then!
I am so starting a petition to ban Sex from all talent shows from now on...want to sign it? waywyrd@FORT
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Awesome recap, Way! 
Originally Posted by waywyrd;3020281; 
