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Go to your local bookstore and you will find many secrets on how to become successful. The advice in those books will, quite naturally, vary. Tune in to So You Think You Can Dance, however, and it seems there's a new one: screaming! In between judge Mary Murphy and the solos this week, one could say there's a new trend at work here. But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
It's top ten time, so it's time to shake up the rulebook a bit. Our dancers will draw new partners every week, and they'll have to do a solo in addition to their partner dance on Wednesday night as well. Also, the voting will now be just for individuals – and our judges will be little more than paid pundits.
The solo this week comes from Wade Robson. It's about war, peace, or some other that. Wonderful sentiments all, really, but we're not quite sure how this will go down on the dance floor. We also have to ask just what inspired Wade to come out with the theme. Perhaps the judging last week had something to do with it? Did Mary scream loud enough to make him duck for cover? Just asking questions here.
Anyway, our first couple up is Lauren and Pasha. And they'll be doing hip-hop courtesy of Shane Sparks. She's enthusiastic about it because he hasn't done hip-hop yet, and he's worried about letting her down. Awwww. Shane, meanwhile, is a little unsure about our resident Russian. (Oh, and did we mention how much shorter the pre-dance clips are? Fantastic!)
As for the routine, it turns out pretty well. Pasha's no hip-hop master, but he does reasonably well. It all seems a little too frantic for our taste, but Lauren turning Pasha into her own personal means of carriage is pretty interesting. And the Transformer-inspired moves aren't too bad, either. Nice way to start things off.
Nigel says Pasha has handled the transition pretty well, saying he's probably the “best Russian hip-hop dancer” around. Not that that means much. He thinks Lauren was excellent. As for Mary, she thinks it's a great partnership, and she wants to see more. And she's pretty loud so early too – so much so that Cat has to tell her to pace herself. (Thank you, Cat Deeley, for warning all of us watching at home.) Our third judge, Mia Michaels, makes it unanimous praise.
Time for our first solo. It's the same routine, done ten times, so it'll get old after a while. That you can bet on. Jamie's up, and it's not so inspiring. The routine is uninspired. Peace in our time this is not. One more thing: please don't let Cat and Jamie stand side by side. Ever. Again.
Before we get any more couple dances, it's time for one more solo – courtesy of Dominic. Our opinion of the routine does not improve with more viewings. The scream seems even more out of place with the dance and song. What was Wade on when he came up with this crap?
Dom's ex-partner, Sabra drew Kameron out of the magic hat. (No, not that kind of magic, Harry Potter fans! We're talking about the kind that come courtesy of TV producers.) This may be the pair with the most unusual hair in all of professional dancing. They draw contemporary, with Tyce Diorio as choreographer. Two contemporary dancers, doing their own style. No excuse to mess up this time, eh?
They come out to Amazing Grace, which seems to us a rather strange choice. It's what one would expect from a contemporary number – nice smooth moves, lots of leaps and arm movements, the usual sort. Oh, and do we really have to see Sabra's undies that much? Sabra stands out for most of it, which means Kameron is still a prop.
Nigel says it was well-danced, but says Kameron didn't convey the emotion of the dance. Or something along the lines. Is this a dancing show or a psychology class? It's almost like we should have a couch handy. Mary agrees, saying the magic wasn't quite there. She also says Kameron's extensions aren't quite there, but Sabra is “perfection”. As for Mia, she says he was “exposed” and “immature”. Ouch! She goes as far as saying he was hard to watch. Mia says Sabra will go far in her career.
Sara does her solo next, and the routine still sucks, but at least she brings a little more energy into it. Which means it's not quite a giant stink bomb. Just a miniature one. It's only the third solo, and we already want to strangle John Mayer. Not good.
Pasha returns for his solo, and it's not any good. Not entirely his fault, but we won't be going out to Youtube and watching it anytime soon. He turns in what must be the loudest scream of the night so far – has he been taking lessons from Mary?
Finally, time for some relief from solos. Lacey drew Danny, and they'll be doing the samba. Who's doing the choreography? Why, none other than Dmitry, from last year. Hmm. The dance community must be a lot smaller than we think. Anyway, it's supposed to be a hot dance. Of course, it's a samba, so it's expected.
The intro isn't much of a samba, at least to untrained eyes like ours, but it's still pretty entertaining. Dmitry does a fairly good job of incorporating some of Danny's strengths here, and Lacey is... Lacey. Enough said. And was it hot? Yep.
Nigel hands out some props to Dmitry, before handing out some praise. He liked it – in particular, he says what Danny lacked in technique he made up for in performance. Mary isn't quite a fan – she nitpicks more about Danny's technique, but she is the ballroom expert after all. She goes as far as saying Lacey is heading for the finale. Mia, meanwhile, uses the word “hot” like she''s Paris Hilton.
Yet another solo, and it's possibly the best of the night. Of course, that's not a tall mountain to climb, so it's not saying much. Anyway, Lauren succeeds in not making us cringe too much. For what that's worth.
Coming back from the break, it's time for another solo. Really, know, with these routines so bad and on both sides of the commercial breaks, consider it an excellent opportunity to take an extended break! Oh, the dance? Just okay, we guess. Neil wasn't quite as awful as some of the others, but not too sharp either. It's all molding together in our heads, really.
Sabra does hers next. More of the same. Yawn. She does pretty well, though, and Cat comments on her loud scream. Well, at least she was good. We think. Oh, and we cut to yet another commercial break without so much as another couple dancing. Ouch. Did we piss someone off to get this much crap?
Coming back from our very extended break (we highly recommend the fast-forward button for people on Tivos), we get another solo. This one is from Kameron. It's closer to the lower end of the group, which is really saying something, although we're probably beating up on him just because we've seen this bit too many times already.
Finally, a couple is dancing next! Or not. It's Jamie and Dominic, doing... the Viennese Waltz. Oh. God. Please. No. We can see nothing good resulting from this. Toni Redpath informs us that the Viennese Waltz comes from the ballrooms of Vienna (thank you, Captain Obvious!). However, they'll be doing it with a Spanish twist! Has Toni lost her mind?
Appropriately, they come out to the Man of La Mancha. Toni must have been tilting at some windmills when she came up with this. It does not feel like a waltz at all. The whole routine feels over-the-top and not even particularly well-danced. It stinked, no ifs and buts about it.
The judges are not impressed. Nigel points out the obvious – they're adding a Spanish style to an Austrian dance. He says Dominic didn't work for him at any level, to the point that he was even being a ham. So much so, in fact, that he could barely concentrate on Jamie. Mary continues this line of thought, saying it was “cartoonish” and not believable. That's putting it lightly. She's not a fan of their technique, either. Mia says some of the technique from Dom was “atrocious”. As for Jamie, Mia says she has to be careful of her mouth. She opens it too much, we're told. Uh-huh.
Two more solos left – from Lacey and Danny. Really, we don't want to waste any more valuable space on this nonsense. Almost all of these solos are pretty interchangeable. Not a good thing. Lacey seems to be okay, and Danny manages to turn in a good effort. After all, he's had a little too much experience with solos of late.
Last pair up is Sara and Neil. They're doing the disco. Their guide through this dance era best left forgotten? Doriana Sanchez. According to her, the dance will be “challenging” and with “technical elements”. And lifts. Fortunately, Dominic is nowhere to be found. Sara says they're both fun-loving people should work well.
Neil gets things off to a good start with a flip right as the dance starts, and it achieves something that's been rare tonight: it entertained us. There's a healthy amount of cheese, but hey: it's disco. Lots of energy, entertaining as heck – it's a good way to rinse out the load of cow manure that's been foisted on us so far.
Nigel likes it – saying if it's done like that, he loves disco. Mary likes it too, singling out Neil for some of his technique. She says they had fun, and we viewers had fun watching it. We agree. Mia calls them dorks – in a good way! Yep, ourThree StoogesTerrible Trio had fun with it as well.
We get a recap of all the pair dances, but before we go it's time to critique the solos. Let's just do it as a list, shall we? If it were up to us, this is what it would look like:
Everyone – Various Degrees of Craptitude
But that's not how the judges feel. Of course, they're all being paid pretty well, so they have to say something to justify those, don't they?
Jamie – Nigel says she only has one emotion. Mary disagrees. Mia says she's hit a plateau, and agrees with Nigel.
Dominic – Nigel says he was a little tight, and lacked in technique. Mary agrees. Mia says to everyone that they all did it essentially the same way.
Sara – she's short, and Nigel says her dancing has to be “bigger” in her dancing. Didn't grab him. Mary says she grabbed her. Mia agrees with Mary.
Pasha – Nigel says he was out of his league, and didn't show much emotion. Mary agrees with the out of his league part. Mia says it was awkward.
Lauren – Nigel says she was spot-on with the music, and liked it. Ditto for Mia and Mary. Not a bad word to be found here.
Neil – Nigel warns him on some technique; not enough emotion from him. Same from the rest of the panel.
Sabra – she's also small, but dances large, says Nigel. “Brilliant”, he says. Mary says she only has one thing to say. This makes our remaining panelists cover their ears. Surprisingly, she only executes a bow. Much to everyone's relief. Mia out and out declares Sabra as her favorite.
Kameron – Nigel thinks he was terrific. He connected with Mary, and Mia says she applied her earlier critiques to his solo.
Lacey – our Brit says she's good at everything. Mary says she has it all. Mia says she's “killing it” so far.
Danny – Nigel says he was good at putting his own twist on it, but lost the music sometimes. More emotion, he adds. Mary says she felt his emotion. Mia says if he breaks down those “boundaries”, she could be beyond multiple times.
And so ends two hours of pain and suffering – what else can this show throw at us? Tune back next week if you like pain. Or even if you don't. Maybe.
Isn't cruel and unusual punishment illegal? Please PM us your legal opinions.
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Originally Posted by Leo;2492344; 
These shows are corrupting you. 
